Cole Wagoner
@colewagoner.bsky.social
Cooking, comedy, and college football. Oh, and airplanes. Go Ducks.
PDX/SF roots, currently in the Rocket City. He/Him. Love your people and find joy. Bozo did the dub.
PDX/SF roots, currently in the Rocket City. He/Him. Love your people and find joy. Bozo did the dub.
Pinned
This went over the head of the cashier at Home Depot so hard. This might be my favorite off the cuff joke I’ve ever made.
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
Two people shot, reportedly alive in Portland. Posted a couple of minutes ago that they killed them, but that was straight up wrong. I'm very sorry about that, and sorry if I led to confusion there.
Looks like Customs and Border Protection shot two people in Portland. Reportedly still alive. More details should be coming soon.
US Border agents shoot two people in Portland, city officials say
U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents shot two people in Portland on Thursday afternoon, according to Portland city councilors.The shooting occurred near Ea
katu.com
January 8, 2026 at 11:59 PM
Two people shot, reportedly alive in Portland. Posted a couple of minutes ago that they killed them, but that was straight up wrong. I'm very sorry about that, and sorry if I led to confusion there.
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
We are working to update this story as soon as possible, but here is the info we have:
https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2026/01/portland-police-responding-to-report-of-shooting-by-federal-immigration-agent.html
https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2026/01/portland-police-responding-to-report-of-shooting-by-federal-immigration-agent.html
Portland police responding to report of shooting by federal immigration agent
The report prompted Portland City Council to pause a public meeting.
www.oregonlive.com
January 8, 2026 at 11:43 PM
We are working to update this story as soon as possible, but here is the info we have:
https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2026/01/portland-police-responding-to-report-of-shooting-by-federal-immigration-agent.html
https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2026/01/portland-police-responding-to-report-of-shooting-by-federal-immigration-agent.html
Yes the corporations will save us!
removal from app store + google play probably fatally wounds the entire global right wing movement and significantly hinders musk’s own ability to get involved with elections both here and abroad
Honestly think that if you pulled twitter from the App Store and shut it down it would fuck up the entire right wing ecosystem at that point. Like the entire media apparatus would fall apart.
January 8, 2026 at 9:25 PM
Yes the corporations will save us!
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
his name is Jonathan Ross and he shouldn't get a good night's sleep for the rest of his life www.startribune.com/ice-agent-wh...
Star Tribune identifies ICE agent who fatally shot woman in Minneapolis
Jonathan Ross was dragged in a separate incident last year by a fleeing driver, according to court records.
www.startribune.com
January 8, 2026 at 7:09 PM
his name is Jonathan Ross and he shouldn't get a good night's sleep for the rest of his life www.startribune.com/ice-agent-wh...
And a massive asshole
Alton Brown is HIM.
A chef.
A food scientist.
A COOK.
A chef.
A food scientist.
A COOK.
You could watch OG Food Network and genuinely learn how to cook just through osmosis. Three people taught me how to cook more than anyone else:
My dad, Emeril, and Alton Brown.
My dad, Emeril, and Alton Brown.
January 8, 2026 at 7:54 PM
And a massive asshole
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
it's crazy when you buy an airline ticket and they are like "hey, remember 9/11?"
January 8, 2026 at 2:57 AM
it's crazy when you buy an airline ticket and they are like "hey, remember 9/11?"
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
genuinely pathetic to see people still trying to justify staying on Twitter in 2026. embarrassing! degrading!
you are publicly advertising that you are a sad little piglet who lives for being ritually degraded by Nazi pedophiles!
you are publicly advertising that you are a sad little piglet who lives for being ritually degraded by Nazi pedophiles!
January 8, 2026 at 4:45 PM
genuinely pathetic to see people still trying to justify staying on Twitter in 2026. embarrassing! degrading!
you are publicly advertising that you are a sad little piglet who lives for being ritually degraded by Nazi pedophiles!
you are publicly advertising that you are a sad little piglet who lives for being ritually degraded by Nazi pedophiles!
how does 0 out of 3 sound
Here’s some things that can be done by a party out of power
- file impeachment articles every day in the House
- withhold unanimous consent in the senate and filibuster every nominee
- be everywhere with comms saying this is lawless and impeachable
- file impeachment articles every day in the House
- withhold unanimous consent in the senate and filibuster every nominee
- be everywhere with comms saying this is lawless and impeachable
January 8, 2026 at 3:30 AM
how does 0 out of 3 sound
oh yea they're definitely gonna do that...
January 8, 2026 at 3:20 AM
oh yea they're definitely gonna do that...
it's crazy when you buy an airline ticket and they are like "hey, remember 9/11?"
January 8, 2026 at 2:57 AM
it's crazy when you buy an airline ticket and they are like "hey, remember 9/11?"
One of the most fun nights of my life tbh. Made gnocchi and broke bread with a bunch of random people from across the globe.
January 8, 2026 at 2:37 AM
One of the most fun nights of my life tbh. Made gnocchi and broke bread with a bunch of random people from across the globe.
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
The only thing that gives me hope is that I know a lot of people who are smarter, braver, and better than I am.
January 8, 2026 at 1:17 AM
The only thing that gives me hope is that I know a lot of people who are smarter, braver, and better than I am.
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
what's in 48 hours?
WHO IS READY TO PERCEIVE THE OREGON DUCKS?
WHO IS READY TO PERCEIVE THE OREGON DUCKS?
24 hours from now we'll be watching the Fiesta Bowl!
January 8, 2026 at 1:11 AM
what's in 48 hours?
WHO IS READY TO PERCEIVE THE OREGON DUCKS?
WHO IS READY TO PERCEIVE THE OREGON DUCKS?
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
it was always gonna take all of us
Sometimes all you can do is make the world 0.0000000000001% less awful by being a good person and it feels very meaningless but it’s also the only thing that really matters
January 7, 2026 at 9:33 PM
it was always gonna take all of us
Noem said he was trained to do as he did. To fire in the car when threatened. Which means if you so much as touch the accelerator within 5 feet of a cop, that is their justification to shoot. Because they have done it 9 times now.
This is the ninth shooting by ICE since September (I did not know that). All of them were into vehicles.
Deadly Minneapolis Encounter Is the 9th ICE Shooting Since September
www.nytimes.com
January 7, 2026 at 11:47 PM
Noem said he was trained to do as he did. To fire in the car when threatened. Which means if you so much as touch the accelerator within 5 feet of a cop, that is their justification to shoot. Because they have done it 9 times now.
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
Kinda sucks how one day you’ll post stuff like “does the Grinch use the toilet?” and then the next it has to be “I reject those who worship death”
January 7, 2026 at 10:55 PM
Kinda sucks how one day you’ll post stuff like “does the Grinch use the toilet?” and then the next it has to be “I reject those who worship death”
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
I want the media to understand just how close what happened today is to where George Floyd was murdered. 0.8 miles.
January 7, 2026 at 8:16 PM
I want the media to understand just how close what happened today is to where George Floyd was murdered. 0.8 miles.
Intense work anxiety 😭😭😭
January 7, 2026 at 6:02 PM
Intense work anxiety 😭😭😭
Reposted by Cole Wagoner
It was very good! Even had @tyrellcrosby.bsky.social swing by to meet me, which was very cool.
January 7, 2026 at 3:13 AM
It was very good! Even had @tyrellcrosby.bsky.social swing by to meet me, which was very cool.
I once made and baked sourdough bread on the floor at CES and it was so fucking terrifying try to showcase a product that will make or break your company lol
January 7, 2026 at 3:02 AM
I once made and baked sourdough bread on the floor at CES and it was so fucking terrifying try to showcase a product that will make or break your company lol