THE Burger King
@aburgeraday.bsky.social
Semi-talented mimic. That cargo space guy.
Pinned
THE Burger King
@aburgeraday.bsky.social
· Nov 24
Reposted by THE Burger King
i refuse to do anything for the time being—the time being is already far too powerful
May 4, 2024 at 1:39 AM
i refuse to do anything for the time being—the time being is already far too powerful
They're not in drafts; they're in timeout.
February 9, 2026 at 11:15 PM
They're not in drafts; they're in timeout.
Fanatics now has a sports book and all I can think is, what can you bet on? Next year's new color schemes?
February 9, 2026 at 6:04 PM
Fanatics now has a sports book and all I can think is, what can you bet on? Next year's new color schemes?
The best thing about last night's Super Bowl was the chili I made to eat while watching it.
February 9, 2026 at 5:57 PM
The best thing about last night's Super Bowl was the chili I made to eat while watching it.
I may talk a big game, but there's nothing Super Bowl about me.
February 8, 2026 at 8:56 PM
I may talk a big game, but there's nothing Super Bowl about me.
Reposted by THE Burger King
if you think you’re excited about this job opening just imagine how the inside candidate must be feeling
February 8, 2026 at 5:02 AM
if you think you’re excited about this job opening just imagine how the inside candidate must be feeling
Reposted by THE Burger King
Boss: What are we doing out here?
Me: I'm showing you where I buried the led.
Boss: It's "lede". You bury the lede. Do you hear muffled screaming?
Me (digging): Yeah, it's Robert Plant.
Me: I'm showing you where I buried the led.
Boss: It's "lede". You bury the lede. Do you hear muffled screaming?
Me (digging): Yeah, it's Robert Plant.
February 5, 2025 at 1:26 PM
Boss: What are we doing out here?
Me: I'm showing you where I buried the led.
Boss: It's "lede". You bury the lede. Do you hear muffled screaming?
Me (digging): Yeah, it's Robert Plant.
Me: I'm showing you where I buried the led.
Boss: It's "lede". You bury the lede. Do you hear muffled screaming?
Me (digging): Yeah, it's Robert Plant.
Reposted by THE Burger King
A phnom de plume is a Cambodian penh name.
February 3, 2025 at 1:49 PM
A phnom de plume is a Cambodian penh name.
Reposted by THE Burger King
[wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird
[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
February 3, 2026 at 9:29 PM
[wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird
[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
Closing 2 years for renovations is the new "YOU CAN'T QUIT, YOU'RE FIRED!"
February 2, 2026 at 4:39 PM
Closing 2 years for renovations is the new "YOU CAN'T QUIT, YOU'RE FIRED!"
Reposted by THE Burger King
My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu
February 2, 2025 at 5:32 PM
My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu
Reposted by THE Burger King
Why do we call them loan sharks and not persons of interest?
February 2, 2025 at 3:59 PM
Why do we call them loan sharks and not persons of interest?
Reposted by THE Burger King
Me: Sometimes I'll call my calf muscles my mooscles lol
Personal trainer: *crying* I will literally pay you to find somebody else to do this
Personal trainer: *crying* I will literally pay you to find somebody else to do this
January 31, 2026 at 7:21 PM
Me: Sometimes I'll call my calf muscles my mooscles lol
Personal trainer: *crying* I will literally pay you to find somebody else to do this
Personal trainer: *crying* I will literally pay you to find somebody else to do this
When you finish the coffee.
a man in a blue suit talks on a cell phone
Alt: Will Ferrell as The Anchorman in a phone both dropping the phone and screaming.
media.tenor.com
January 29, 2026 at 7:37 PM
When you finish the coffee.
Reposted by THE Burger King
just got off the phone with the irs they said file whatever you want this year nobody’s checking
January 26, 2026 at 4:33 AM
just got off the phone with the irs they said file whatever you want this year nobody’s checking
If it doesn't kill you, it's probably a placebo.
January 26, 2026 at 4:55 AM
If it doesn't kill you, it's probably a placebo.
Reposted by THE Burger King
[dating a rodeo clown]
*every time i go in for a kiss she dodges me and then hams it up for the crowd*
*every time i go in for a kiss she dodges me and then hams it up for the crowd*
January 22, 2026 at 9:59 PM
[dating a rodeo clown]
*every time i go in for a kiss she dodges me and then hams it up for the crowd*
*every time i go in for a kiss she dodges me and then hams it up for the crowd*
Reposted by THE Burger King
Guy at work farted in the office so bad that we all cleared out and when we had a meeting about how people need to go outside to fart from here on, absolutely nobody laughed or even smiled. It was a fart so bad it made the entire concept of farts unfunny for all of us
January 20, 2026 at 9:54 PM
Guy at work farted in the office so bad that we all cleared out and when we had a meeting about how people need to go outside to fart from here on, absolutely nobody laughed or even smiled. It was a fart so bad it made the entire concept of farts unfunny for all of us
Reposted by THE Burger King
every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
January 7, 2026 at 2:08 AM
every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
Reposted by THE Burger King
Kinda sucks that the first thing everyone wants to know when you're born is how much you weigh
January 17, 2026 at 5:37 PM
Kinda sucks that the first thing everyone wants to know when you're born is how much you weigh
Reposted by THE Burger King
[Hogwarts Culinary School]
Hermione: How did you do that?
Harry: I just said, "Garnish my steak."
Ron: Blimey, Harry, you're a Parsleymouth!
Hermione: How did you do that?
Harry: I just said, "Garnish my steak."
Ron: Blimey, Harry, you're a Parsleymouth!
January 16, 2025 at 7:57 PM
[Hogwarts Culinary School]
Hermione: How did you do that?
Harry: I just said, "Garnish my steak."
Ron: Blimey, Harry, you're a Parsleymouth!
Hermione: How did you do that?
Harry: I just said, "Garnish my steak."
Ron: Blimey, Harry, you're a Parsleymouth!
If it weren't for all the facial hair at the Golden Globes, I never would have known about Januhairy.
January 13, 2026 at 3:20 AM
If it weren't for all the facial hair at the Golden Globes, I never would have known about Januhairy.
What she says: "I washed three loads of our laundry."
What she means: "I washed three loads of my laundry and a pair of your boxers."
What she means: "I washed three loads of my laundry and a pair of your boxers."
January 12, 2026 at 5:40 PM
What she says: "I washed three loads of our laundry."
What she means: "I washed three loads of my laundry and a pair of your boxers."
What she means: "I washed three loads of my laundry and a pair of your boxers."
I put the horrific in honorific.
January 8, 2026 at 1:57 AM
I put the horrific in honorific.
Reposted by THE Burger King
em dashes have long been a common punctuation mark and no more an indication of AI than anything else
January 8, 2026 at 12:22 AM
em dashes have long been a common punctuation mark and no more an indication of AI than anything else