THE Burger King
@aburgeraday.bsky.social
Semi-talented mimic. That cargo space guy.
Pinned
THE Burger King
@aburgeraday.bsky.social
· Nov 24
Reposted by THE Burger King
me: the constitution says I have the right to assemble
Ikea clerk: no, you have to buy it first
Ikea clerk: no, you have to buy it first
January 9, 2025 at 12:21 AM
me: the constitution says I have the right to assemble
Ikea clerk: no, you have to buy it first
Ikea clerk: no, you have to buy it first
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Listen, we didn't ask for a hot and sensitive Frankenstein monster but we certainly deserved one.
November 9, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Listen, we didn't ask for a hot and sensitive Frankenstein monster but we certainly deserved one.
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Oil is the most Lovecraftian thing that actually exists.
You're telling me that there's a black ichor under the earth made from the ancient dead, whose burning can realize all the dreams of man, but only at the price of slowly returning the earth to its primordial state?
You're telling me that there's a black ichor under the earth made from the ancient dead, whose burning can realize all the dreams of man, but only at the price of slowly returning the earth to its primordial state?
November 6, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Oil is the most Lovecraftian thing that actually exists.
You're telling me that there's a black ichor under the earth made from the ancient dead, whose burning can realize all the dreams of man, but only at the price of slowly returning the earth to its primordial state?
You're telling me that there's a black ichor under the earth made from the ancient dead, whose burning can realize all the dreams of man, but only at the price of slowly returning the earth to its primordial state?
Reposted by THE Burger King
Courtney Love never played with her idols, Ann & Nancy Wilson. now there’s a Hole where her Heart used to be . folks,,
November 9, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Courtney Love never played with her idols, Ann & Nancy Wilson. now there’s a Hole where her Heart used to be . folks,,
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Persecuting Satan worshippers is a Hades crime.
November 5, 2023 at 2:45 PM
Persecuting Satan worshippers is a Hades crime.
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Murderer: *searching frantically for a knife*
Me: They're all in the sink.
Me: They're all in the sink.
January 25, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Murderer: *searching frantically for a knife*
Me: They're all in the sink.
Me: They're all in the sink.
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A bowel movement so intense you need a doula and an episiotomy.
September 27, 2025 at 9:35 PM
A bowel movement so intense you need a doula and an episiotomy.
When you order the Godzilla burger, it comes with kaijulienne fries.
November 3, 2025 at 11:21 PM
When you order the Godzilla burger, it comes with kaijulienne fries.
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[first day as a homicide detective]
*pulling knife out of kitchen drawer* WELL WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE
*pulling knife out of kitchen drawer* WELL WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE
November 1, 2025 at 12:16 AM
[first day as a homicide detective]
*pulling knife out of kitchen drawer* WELL WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE
*pulling knife out of kitchen drawer* WELL WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE
Reposted by THE Burger King
Plethora would be a beautiful name for quite a lot of things actually
October 31, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Plethora would be a beautiful name for quite a lot of things actually
Equifax: Helping you monitor your credit score by spamming your inbox with daily reminders to monitor your credit score.
November 3, 2025 at 11:13 PM
Equifax: Helping you monitor your credit score by spamming your inbox with daily reminders to monitor your credit score.
Reposted by THE Burger King
was it my way, it was my way wasn’t it
November 3, 2025 at 9:42 PM
was it my way, it was my way wasn’t it
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everyone automatically clacks these twice upon picking them up because deep down we all know we’re crabs
February 22, 2024 at 3:14 AM
everyone automatically clacks these twice upon picking them up because deep down we all know we’re crabs
@chuckwendig.bsky.social I figured Halloween night was the perfect time to start reading The Staircase in the Woods and boy was I ever rewarded. I ended up reading it cover to cover in one sitting. What an awesome, fun ride! Thank you, sir!
November 2, 2025 at 7:48 PM
@chuckwendig.bsky.social I figured Halloween night was the perfect time to start reading The Staircase in the Woods and boy was I ever rewarded. I ended up reading it cover to cover in one sitting. What an awesome, fun ride! Thank you, sir!
Reposted by THE Burger King
up early today and going to make a difference in someone’s life (jammed a potato into my neighbor’s car muffler)
October 26, 2025 at 10:12 AM
up early today and going to make a difference in someone’s life (jammed a potato into my neighbor’s car muffler)
Reposted by THE Burger King
if the clocks change during the World Series they reset to the 1st inning
November 2, 2025 at 4:04 AM
if the clocks change during the World Series they reset to the 1st inning
Reposted by THE Burger King
This horror film about the dead rising from their graves is full of plot holes.
September 18, 2024 at 12:30 PM
This horror film about the dead rising from their graves is full of plot holes.
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ME: ugh why does my back hurt all the time
ALSO ME:
ALSO ME:
October 13, 2025 at 8:25 PM
ME: ugh why does my back hurt all the time
ALSO ME:
ALSO ME:
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One-eyed zombies have no death perception.
October 29, 2023 at 12:41 AM
One-eyed zombies have no death perception.
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ME: So you see dead people?
GHOST THERAPIST: Those with insurance, yes.
GHOST THERAPIST: Those with insurance, yes.
October 27, 2025 at 7:14 PM
ME: So you see dead people?
GHOST THERAPIST: Those with insurance, yes.
GHOST THERAPIST: Those with insurance, yes.
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not to brag but i can generate slop with natural intelligence
October 28, 2025 at 4:15 PM
not to brag but i can generate slop with natural intelligence
Reposted by THE Burger King
Shakespeare didn't always write iambic pentameter on-beat. In fact, he spent much of his youth beating off.
October 27, 2023 at 9:23 PM
Shakespeare didn't always write iambic pentameter on-beat. In fact, he spent much of his youth beating off.
Have you ever tried stretching out your legs on a footstool? No?
Well, you ottoman!
Well, you ottoman!
October 26, 2025 at 2:04 PM
Have you ever tried stretching out your legs on a footstool? No?
Well, you ottoman!
Well, you ottoman!
Reposted by THE Burger King
"More like WHERE wolf," I joke as the full moon appears from the clouds and Waldo starts to change. Unlike him, my body is never found.
October 26, 2023 at 2:30 PM
"More like WHERE wolf," I joke as the full moon appears from the clouds and Waldo starts to change. Unlike him, my body is never found.
Reposted by THE Burger King
If you're wondering which designer jeans of the '80s were the most stylish, your GUESS is as good as mine.
May 7, 2025 at 5:41 PM
If you're wondering which designer jeans of the '80s were the most stylish, your GUESS is as good as mine.