a xmas song that tells everyone to shut
the fuck up

what if johnny depp was the tooth fairy

(me on stage, gently strumming and tuning my acoustic guitar)

"Anyway, here's Ghostbusters."

Okay I’ll come out for a drink but I’m not going to sing-a about the moon-a and the June-a and the spring-a

Me three drinks in:

this mf would have loved klarna

ORSON WELLES: key LIME kettle CORN.... chocolate COATED gummy bears.... guacaSALSA.... the identity of this Joseph and the demons he trades with I can only guess

TRADER JOES CASHIER: so... do you want me to put them back or wh

ORSON WELLES: *merrily* NOT on your life my good man, NOT on your LIFE!

It's deadly simple to open a can of biscuits. How are these things not just constantly exploding in transit? It must be like driving the truck from Sorcerer with that stuff on board

put a slice of havarti in the CD player. thought i’d give the mates a laugh. played the most beautiful song i’d ever heard

acab includes sting but not andy summers and steward copeland

What light through yonder window breaks? It is the boys, and they are back in town

people will make fun of ancient civilization for consulting oracles and cutting up livers to tell the future and then type “what is the meaning of life?” into ChatGPT

guess who has three hands and just got fired from the morgue

Inventing a new, more powerful AI that will boost productivity by monitoring for any dialog box that says 'Check out our new AI features!' and closing it immediately.

Wish I were one of Elon's kids so I'd never see him again

him (a man of wealth and taste): please allow me to introduce myself.

me (puzzled by the nature of his game): woo woo