Kaiona Zen ✨️
@kaionazen.bsky.social
He/they/all ✨️ Kaizen for short 🐨
Creative, poly, pan, enby af 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
Koala? I barely know ya 💋
Creative, poly, pan, enby af 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
Koala? I barely know ya 💋
Pinned
Kaiona Zen ✨️
@kaionazen.bsky.social
· Dec 1
Back in my day, we only had one day.
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
This holiday season we should back romance, being devoted to another person with your every breath, writing them poetry, whispering sweet nothings, where every glance is a promise and every touch feels like the first
December 1, 2024 at 2:23 PM
This holiday season we should back romance, being devoted to another person with your every breath, writing them poetry, whispering sweet nothings, where every glance is a promise and every touch feels like the first
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
the o in “hole” is really just there as an example
December 5, 2024 at 8:33 PM
the o in “hole” is really just there as an example
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
what kind of asshole rides a horse through an entire desert and doesn't give it a name
December 5, 2024 at 8:31 PM
what kind of asshole rides a horse through an entire desert and doesn't give it a name
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
I was helping my son with his homework and I told him that a female gazelle was called a madamazelle so now I have another meeting with his teacher.
December 5, 2024 at 8:29 PM
I was helping my son with his homework and I told him that a female gazelle was called a madamazelle so now I have another meeting with his teacher.
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
[at the vet with my cat]
cat: meow
me: i know, that's why i brought you here
cat: meow
me: i know, that's why i brought you here
July 13, 2023 at 2:30 AM
[at the vet with my cat]
cat: meow
me: i know, that's why i brought you here
cat: meow
me: i know, that's why i brought you here
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
karate instructor: hiyah
me: hello
me: hello
August 13, 2023 at 6:58 PM
karate instructor: hiyah
me: hello
me: hello
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
[slides tie into glory hole] can you do a windsor knot
October 18, 2023 at 11:23 PM
[slides tie into glory hole] can you do a windsor knot
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
therapist interrupts me: are you saying off-pudding
May 8, 2024 at 9:04 PM
therapist interrupts me: are you saying off-pudding
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
date: [pulls away from kissing] let's move this to your bed
me: [sitting on a futon] you're not gonna believe this
me: [sitting on a futon] you're not gonna believe this
October 3, 2024 at 1:35 AM
date: [pulls away from kissing] let's move this to your bed
me: [sitting on a futon] you're not gonna believe this
me: [sitting on a futon] you're not gonna believe this
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
can i get a... [forgets the word for burrito] a girthy taco
November 29, 2024 at 8:36 PM
can i get a... [forgets the word for burrito] a girthy taco
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
spelling bee judge: your word is respect
me: can you use it in...a song
spelling bee judge: nice try
me: can you use it in...a song
spelling bee judge: nice try
November 30, 2024 at 11:59 PM
spelling bee judge: your word is respect
me: can you use it in...a song
spelling bee judge: nice try
me: can you use it in...a song
spelling bee judge: nice try
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
tattoo artist: [halfway through garfield tattoo] so do you like lasagna too ha ha
me: [huge fan of 20th president] what?
me: [huge fan of 20th president] what?
December 7, 2024 at 8:04 PM
tattoo artist: [halfway through garfield tattoo] so do you like lasagna too ha ha
me: [huge fan of 20th president] what?
me: [huge fan of 20th president] what?
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
[sommelier interrupts me] stop saying notes of ass
July 31, 2024 at 3:28 AM
[sommelier interrupts me] stop saying notes of ass
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
doctor: your blood glucose is over 800
cookie monster: is that bad
doctor: sir it's deadly
Cookie Monster: (softly) me want cookie
cookie monster: is that bad
doctor: sir it's deadly
Cookie Monster: (softly) me want cookie
December 6, 2024 at 12:01 PM
doctor: your blood glucose is over 800
cookie monster: is that bad
doctor: sir it's deadly
Cookie Monster: (softly) me want cookie
cookie monster: is that bad
doctor: sir it's deadly
Cookie Monster: (softly) me want cookie
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
genie: what are your three wishes
me: make me a waffle
[suddenly I am a waffle]
me: no, like a waffle to eat
[in a flash waffle me is on a plate]
me: no! for me to eat
[a much larger me sits down in front of the plate]
me: make me a waffle
[suddenly I am a waffle]
me: no, like a waffle to eat
[in a flash waffle me is on a plate]
me: no! for me to eat
[a much larger me sits down in front of the plate]
December 6, 2024 at 6:43 PM
genie: what are your three wishes
me: make me a waffle
[suddenly I am a waffle]
me: no, like a waffle to eat
[in a flash waffle me is on a plate]
me: no! for me to eat
[a much larger me sits down in front of the plate]
me: make me a waffle
[suddenly I am a waffle]
me: no, like a waffle to eat
[in a flash waffle me is on a plate]
me: no! for me to eat
[a much larger me sits down in front of the plate]
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
Me *orders our food fluently in Italian to impress my date*
McDonalds drive-thru employee: what
McDonalds drive-thru employee: what
December 5, 2024 at 6:04 PM
Me *orders our food fluently in Italian to impress my date*
McDonalds drive-thru employee: what
McDonalds drive-thru employee: what
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
hello, 911? yes, there are a bunch of people here and they are absolutely DEMANDING some figgy pudding
December 7, 2024 at 12:16 AM
hello, 911? yes, there are a bunch of people here and they are absolutely DEMANDING some figgy pudding
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
them: did you just say merry grimace
me: is that not the saying
me: is that not the saying
December 7, 2024 at 1:05 PM
them: did you just say merry grimace
me: is that not the saying
me: is that not the saying
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
ME: *keeps stealing little glances at my date from over top of my menu*
HER: you don't know what antipasto means do you?
ME: why would anyone be against pasta?
HER: you don't know what antipasto means do you?
ME: why would anyone be against pasta?
December 7, 2024 at 12:46 AM
ME: *keeps stealing little glances at my date from over top of my menu*
HER: you don't know what antipasto means do you?
ME: why would anyone be against pasta?
HER: you don't know what antipasto means do you?
ME: why would anyone be against pasta?
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 - do you understand?
MARIO:
JUDGE: it’s a fine
MARIO [sadly]: no itsa not
MARIO:
JUDGE: it’s a fine
MARIO [sadly]: no itsa not
June 23, 2023 at 1:48 PM
JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 - do you understand?
MARIO:
JUDGE: it’s a fine
MARIO [sadly]: no itsa not
MARIO:
JUDGE: it’s a fine
MARIO [sadly]: no itsa not
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
Cop: you're going to prison for forgery
Me *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now
Me *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now
December 6, 2024 at 7:19 PM
Cop: you're going to prison for forgery
Me *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now
Me *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now
Reposted by Kaiona Zen ✨️
It was with Santa’s balls jingling against my chin and the cloying scent of peppermint at the back of my throat that I realized I’ve become just like my mother
December 1, 2024 at 5:48 PM
It was with Santa’s balls jingling against my chin and the cloying scent of peppermint at the back of my throat that I realized I’ve become just like my mother