Matt 🇨🇦🍁
@jedistark.bsky.social
The world is chaos, be kind
Stand with 🇵🇸 , 🇺🇦 , 🇲🇽, 🏳️🌈, 🏳️⚧️ & NATO
lvl 53, cis male
Pluviophile
User # 502,024
My Skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pzsxocxkxe7jaxcmmjgsppm3/feed/aaaeckv4i7r5i
Stand with 🇵🇸 , 🇺🇦 , 🇲🇽, 🏳️🌈, 🏳️⚧️ & NATO
lvl 53, cis male
Pluviophile
User # 502,024
My Skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pzsxocxkxe7jaxcmmjgsppm3/feed/aaaeckv4i7r5i
Pinned
Matt 🇨🇦🍁
@jedistark.bsky.social
· Dec 7
There’s no new normal. There’s nothing normal anymore. There’s regular, weird, freaky and wtf
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
If youre asking me to fax something in the year of our lord 2025, im allowed to smoke in your office
November 17, 2025 at 5:42 PM
If youre asking me to fax something in the year of our lord 2025, im allowed to smoke in your office
You know, if @lalalyds.bsky.social wanted to come over and hash my corned beef, she could.
Happy birthday!! 🥳 🎉
Happy birthday!! 🥳 🎉
November 17, 2025 at 8:07 PM
You know, if @lalalyds.bsky.social wanted to come over and hash my corned beef, she could.
Happy birthday!! 🥳 🎉
Happy birthday!! 🥳 🎉
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
The best pounding I ever got was when I slept with a football player in high school. The sex was just okay but his girlfriend beat the living piss out of me when she found out.
November 17, 2025 at 4:17 PM
The best pounding I ever got was when I slept with a football player in high school. The sex was just okay but his girlfriend beat the living piss out of me when she found out.
GF: You’re so insensitive!
Me: I’ll have you know my dentist says I’m VERY sensitive
Me: I’ll have you know my dentist says I’m VERY sensitive
November 17, 2025 at 6:39 PM
GF: You’re so insensitive!
Me: I’ll have you know my dentist says I’m VERY sensitive
Me: I’ll have you know my dentist says I’m VERY sensitive
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Ronald McDonald: I just can't deal with his nonsense anymore
Therapist: anything you want to say about this?
Hamburglar: robble robble
Therapist: w- what
Ronald McDonald: you see this is the shit in talking about. He just makes that fuckin noise
Therapist: anything you want to say about this?
Hamburglar: robble robble
Therapist: w- what
Ronald McDonald: you see this is the shit in talking about. He just makes that fuckin noise
November 11, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Ronald McDonald: I just can't deal with his nonsense anymore
Therapist: anything you want to say about this?
Hamburglar: robble robble
Therapist: w- what
Ronald McDonald: you see this is the shit in talking about. He just makes that fuckin noise
Therapist: anything you want to say about this?
Hamburglar: robble robble
Therapist: w- what
Ronald McDonald: you see this is the shit in talking about. He just makes that fuckin noise
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
I'm so sick of all this shit. I'm tired of having to spend all day posting about pedophiles and AI tech freaks and various other ghouls destroying the world. I should be posting about mailboxes with teeth and airplanes that flap their wings and gollum's favorite songs. Jesus christ
November 13, 2025 at 7:01 PM
I'm so sick of all this shit. I'm tired of having to spend all day posting about pedophiles and AI tech freaks and various other ghouls destroying the world. I should be posting about mailboxes with teeth and airplanes that flap their wings and gollum's favorite songs. Jesus christ
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
HIM: [typing] Are you wet right now?
ME: [scrolling through Hulu menu] Oh yes baby so wet
HIM: [typing] Tell me what you’re doing
ME: [selecting the menopause episode of The Golden Girls] Just fucking myself so hard
ME: [scrolling through Hulu menu] Oh yes baby so wet
HIM: [typing] Tell me what you’re doing
ME: [selecting the menopause episode of The Golden Girls] Just fucking myself so hard
November 13, 2025 at 11:06 PM
HIM: [typing] Are you wet right now?
ME: [scrolling through Hulu menu] Oh yes baby so wet
HIM: [typing] Tell me what you’re doing
ME: [selecting the menopause episode of The Golden Girls] Just fucking myself so hard
ME: [scrolling through Hulu menu] Oh yes baby so wet
HIM: [typing] Tell me what you’re doing
ME: [selecting the menopause episode of The Golden Girls] Just fucking myself so hard
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
my compulsion to keep a tidy feed means I don't just reskeet you, i meticulously place each of your skeets on display. ⭐️👌
November 14, 2025 at 1:18 AM
my compulsion to keep a tidy feed means I don't just reskeet you, i meticulously place each of your skeets on display. ⭐️👌
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
They should replace the body of Christ with Ritz crackers and Cheez Whiz.
November 16, 2025 at 1:59 PM
They should replace the body of Christ with Ritz crackers and Cheez Whiz.
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
I became famous in my high school when I gave a guy a blowjob in this random parking lot behind 7/11 and everyone heard about it. Then other guys kept taking me to that same spot, as if being there would magically cause me to suck dick. So fucking stupid. I mean it worked but
November 16, 2025 at 3:41 PM
I became famous in my high school when I gave a guy a blowjob in this random parking lot behind 7/11 and everyone heard about it. Then other guys kept taking me to that same spot, as if being there would magically cause me to suck dick. So fucking stupid. I mean it worked but
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
The world is stressful, get the expensive vibrator
July 9, 2025 at 3:36 AM
The world is stressful, get the expensive vibrator
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie]
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
November 10, 2025 at 2:37 AM
DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie]
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
YOU (a comedian): If it was the Neverending Story then how come the movie ended?
ME (traumatized, still seeing Artax drown in the swamp of sadness): It never did
ME (traumatized, still seeing Artax drown in the swamp of sadness): It never did
October 29, 2025 at 9:09 PM
YOU (a comedian): If it was the Neverending Story then how come the movie ended?
ME (traumatized, still seeing Artax drown in the swamp of sadness): It never did
ME (traumatized, still seeing Artax drown in the swamp of sadness): It never did
They cut SNAP because it would legally arm the public
BREAKING: JUSTICE DEPARTMENT EATS A LOSS IN 'SANDWICH GUY' CASE AS JURORS FIND DEFENDANT NOT GUILTY www.nbcnews.com/politics/jus...
Jury acquits D.C. 'sandwich guy' charged with chucking a sub at a federal agent
Sean Dunn faced single misdemeanor offense after federal grand jurors refused to indict him on the felony charge sought by prosecutors.
www.nbcnews.com
November 7, 2025 at 6:40 PM
They cut SNAP because it would legally arm the public
I’ve had enough of today. I’m going home, showering and then moisturizing
November 7, 2025 at 6:38 PM
I’ve had enough of today. I’m going home, showering and then moisturizing
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
It's almost the weekend
November 7, 2025 at 4:02 AM
It's almost the weekend
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
the best thing about a Fleshlight is it doesn't cut your dick up like a real flashlight
November 7, 2025 at 4:28 PM
the best thing about a Fleshlight is it doesn't cut your dick up like a real flashlight
I saved up all my Antifa money this year. Going to use it for Christmas gifts
November 7, 2025 at 1:37 PM
I saved up all my Antifa money this year. Going to use it for Christmas gifts
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Illustration by the amazing @kromeyart.bsky.social 🥰
October 13, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Illustration by the amazing @kromeyart.bsky.social 🥰
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Time for my favorite Father’s Day activity: scrolling through Facebook, finding Father’s Day posts by girls I went to high school with, and commenting “Tell him I say hi.”
October 23, 2025 at 7:27 PM
Time for my favorite Father’s Day activity: scrolling through Facebook, finding Father’s Day posts by girls I went to high school with, and commenting “Tell him I say hi.”
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Me: can I go jogging without a bra
You: sure, knock yourself out
You: sure, knock yourself out
October 31, 2025 at 12:15 PM
Me: can I go jogging without a bra
You: sure, knock yourself out
You: sure, knock yourself out
Bold of you to assume I took my Christmas tree down last year
November 3, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Bold of you to assume I took my Christmas tree down last year
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit
October 31, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Where you saw knee prints in the sand, that was where I sucked Jesus’ dick
July 18, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Where you saw knee prints in the sand, that was where I sucked Jesus’ dick
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
spark joy all over my face and tits
July 26, 2025 at 2:24 PM
spark joy all over my face and tits