Trump Cutbacks Force FAA To Unplug Giant Magnet That Keeps Planes In Air
theonion.com/trump-c...

Hour one without tiktok. I went outside and built a fire from leaves and sticks. I foraged for my dinner and died from listeria

Now that my body is falling apart I have to find someone who loves me for my personality, so I guess I’m dying alone now

I am paying attention. Don’t you worry I am observing and prepared to take action if that is needed. Or screaming

i am watching clips from the hegseth hearings and it is a goddamn insult
to this country that this chucklefuck was even nominated

They cant get my data if i am Fully Dissolved in a bath tub full of sodium hydroxide

So it goes.

Rudolph gets all the love so let’s talk about the names of Santa’s other reindeer.

dasher | noun | one that dashes
dancer | noun | one that dances
prancer | noun | one that walks or moves in a spirited manner

Ok, those three are easy to understand.

I’m going to say something bold here and publicly state that “murder is not the way to solve national problems” but suffering from chronic debilitating pain seems to be a much more logical reason for someone to go apeshit than women being in Star Wars

« The chameleon had gotten quite good »

someBODY
once told me
luigi mangione

Sorry I put aviator sunglasses on the baby Jesus in your nativity scene and started singing “Highway to the manger zone.”

Air used to be free at the gas station, now it's $1.50.

You know why?

Inflation.

Yes, yes, and yes!

Me watching a film.

1. Start watching.

2. Wonder what I’ve seen one of the actors in before.

3. Google actor.

4. Go to IMDb/their Wikipedia page.

5. Find out every single detail of their entire life.

6. Realise I’ve completely missed the plot of the film and now have no idea what’s going on.

gonna have an entire chorus for a new version of "we didn't start the fire" by the end of this month

I'm just glad I was alive at the right time and age for the release of the Lord of the Rings films. 🙏

the greatest christmas story ever told uses the threat of dying alone and unmourned to scare a wealthy man straight and i think that’s just really nice