assquack
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faeriemonarch.bsky.social
assquack
@faeriemonarch.bsky.social
Cat enthusiast, faerie fanatic, queer man, he/they
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kindness is free. for an ad-free kindness experience, upgrade to kindness+ starting at $15.99 a month
November 3, 2025 at 9:06 PM
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It's weird how nobody ever talks about the fact that we all hear incredibly loud discordant high-tempo circus music in our heads at all times
October 4, 2025 at 3:20 PM
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He stuffed himself with toasted gooseberry preserve scones, slices of orchard fruit cake, soft cheese and watercress sandwiches, a mushroom pasty with onion gravy, and a large tankard of nutbrown ale.
October 12, 2025 at 5:33 AM
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I can confidently say that around 75% of the people I’ve met in the shrunken head collecting community have mental problems
September 22, 2025 at 12:44 AM
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I saw your girl at the wishing well with a huge sack of coins
September 28, 2025 at 5:04 PM
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🎃
September 27, 2025 at 4:01 AM
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I love that it’s called “The Candy Crush Saga.” Like are Brynhildr or Fionn mac Cumhail gonna be there
September 28, 2025 at 12:46 AM
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Every song should have a spooky theremin part
September 27, 2025 at 4:31 PM
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It seems like every time i honk my clown nose, my wife "has a headache"
September 12, 2025 at 12:32 AM
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Asking someone i just met if that's a new shirt
September 15, 2025 at 3:09 PM
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The guy standing next to me in this shield wall just got his legs chopped off lol
August 21, 2025 at 4:01 PM
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Grocery staff are turning a blind eye to me using my grapple hook to nimbly clamber over the aisles to get my items as it gets me in and out of the store more quickly
August 16, 2025 at 1:43 PM
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I wish JK Rowling every success! I wish her every success in her quest to be warped and twisted beyond recognition by her own spite and hatred, so she can no longer look at herself in the mirror!!!
August 16, 2025 at 12:01 PM
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My evil assistant Igor is a witness for the defence at my medial ethics board trial today and he’s brought the human skin briefcase I gave him for Christmas last year
August 17, 2025 at 10:50 PM
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One actress that needs to be in more things is the lady who played the Evil Queen in “Once Upon a Time.”
August 16, 2025 at 2:50 PM
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August 13, 2025 at 3:20 AM
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(guy waking up in a saw trap) huh wha where am i

jigsaw: you lead a life of privilege, never noticing the little people who simply try to provide you with entertainment

guy: john? is that you, john?

jigsaw: uhhhh no

guy: john, i'm sorry i didn't react to the tiktoks you sent
August 5, 2025 at 5:38 PM
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August 12, 2025 at 4:04 PM
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heard your bitch was coming round the mountain
August 10, 2025 at 1:13 AM
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brand new spell
August 8, 2025 at 10:20 PM
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We may have our differences, but at the end of the day when we take off our pillow cases we all have upsettingly yellow pillows
August 9, 2025 at 3:24 AM
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If your goblin bf washes his loincloth that’s not your goblin bf it’s your elven prince
July 21, 2025 at 3:45 PM
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escaped the crevasse
July 22, 2025 at 1:37 PM