Connor
@edgarallanlo.bsky.social
My paleolithic ancestors watching with pride as I nibble a tortilla chip into the perfect shape to scoop the last of the salsa from the jar without getting any on my fingers.
September 1, 2025 at 6:52 PM
My paleolithic ancestors watching with pride as I nibble a tortilla chip into the perfect shape to scoop the last of the salsa from the jar without getting any on my fingers.
Reposted by Connor
(Leading him to the Sphinx) Yeah, it’s like a trivia night
April 26, 2024 at 7:31 PM
(Leading him to the Sphinx) Yeah, it’s like a trivia night
The paternity test came back and it turns out I do have a dad.
August 19, 2025 at 12:17 AM
The paternity test came back and it turns out I do have a dad.
Before I learned about maracas and rain sticks, I thought songs that used them were incredibly irresponsible because they must have had to really aggregate a rattlesnake in the studio.
August 17, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Before I learned about maracas and rain sticks, I thought songs that used them were incredibly irresponsible because they must have had to really aggregate a rattlesnake in the studio.
I'm going to start stopping every cyclist I see riding on the sidewalk and explain that the ped in pedestrian comes from the word for foot and isn't short for pedals.
August 17, 2025 at 4:34 PM
I'm going to start stopping every cyclist I see riding on the sidewalk and explain that the ped in pedestrian comes from the word for foot and isn't short for pedals.
Reposted by Connor
LORD OF THE RINGS: YOUNG SMAUG (2028): young smaug just fucking smaugin around getting all that gold and shit no diaglogue just fire breathing pillage, also he's weirdly sexualized for a dragon
August 8, 2025 at 12:12 AM
LORD OF THE RINGS: YOUNG SMAUG (2028): young smaug just fucking smaugin around getting all that gold and shit no diaglogue just fire breathing pillage, also he's weirdly sexualized for a dragon
Reposted by Connor
Me: They did a Vampire: The Masquerade TV show 30 years ago and there is a scene where someone does a drive by with a Gatling gun that fires stakes and it has never left my brain.
Doctor: I meant about the diagnosis, but that sounds pretty cool.
Me: It was sick as hell.
Doctor: As are you.
Doctor: I meant about the diagnosis, but that sounds pretty cool.
Me: It was sick as hell.
Doctor: As are you.
August 6, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Me: They did a Vampire: The Masquerade TV show 30 years ago and there is a scene where someone does a drive by with a Gatling gun that fires stakes and it has never left my brain.
Doctor: I meant about the diagnosis, but that sounds pretty cool.
Me: It was sick as hell.
Doctor: As are you.
Doctor: I meant about the diagnosis, but that sounds pretty cool.
Me: It was sick as hell.
Doctor: As are you.
How excited do spiders get for the split second between when I've stepped into their web and I continue walking straight through it?
July 24, 2025 at 9:48 PM
How excited do spiders get for the split second between when I've stepped into their web and I continue walking straight through it?
I was getting real tired of opening and closing the prison door for all these cops and lawyers every day, so I installed an automatic door and oh no
July 19, 2025 at 2:53 AM
I was getting real tired of opening and closing the prison door for all these cops and lawyers every day, so I installed an automatic door and oh no
Of course I'm qualified to be an accountant. I've tried a hard sudoku before, so I've got plenty of experience being mad at numbers.
June 24, 2025 at 1:07 AM
Of course I'm qualified to be an accountant. I've tried a hard sudoku before, so I've got plenty of experience being mad at numbers.
I know my phone is low, battery saver mode, but the cord's right there. Couldn't you just plug it in instead of disabling all my fun phone stuff?
June 24, 2025 at 1:04 AM
I know my phone is low, battery saver mode, but the cord's right there. Couldn't you just plug it in instead of disabling all my fun phone stuff?
Reposted by Connor
The three strike you're out rule implemented outside of baseball has always tickled me. It's really just for baseball! "We're going to have to ask you to leave the food court. A huge guy tackled you too many times. That's a turnover on downs."
June 16, 2025 at 5:47 PM
The three strike you're out rule implemented outside of baseball has always tickled me. It's really just for baseball! "We're going to have to ask you to leave the food court. A huge guy tackled you too many times. That's a turnover on downs."
I designed my house so the shower is directly next to the front door. That way I can save money with a combination shower/welcome mat.
June 7, 2025 at 6:42 PM
I designed my house so the shower is directly next to the front door. That way I can save money with a combination shower/welcome mat.
Trying to make friends by identifying their enemies and becoming enemies of them as well.
June 6, 2025 at 12:56 AM
Trying to make friends by identifying their enemies and becoming enemies of them as well.
Reposted by Connor
can I make this peanut butter cookie recipe without the peanut butter? I don’t eat peanut butter. also can you make this a twelve step program for people who don’t have any problems. I don’t have any problems.
May 31, 2025 at 5:15 AM
can I make this peanut butter cookie recipe without the peanut butter? I don’t eat peanut butter. also can you make this a twelve step program for people who don’t have any problems. I don’t have any problems.
Those are preserves so technically it's more of a PB and P.
May 6, 2025 at 3:14 AM
Those are preserves so technically it's more of a PB and P.
How many rocks do you think the first person who was told about potatoes tried to eat before giving up?
May 6, 2025 at 3:11 AM
How many rocks do you think the first person who was told about potatoes tried to eat before giving up?
Reposted by Connor
me: I'm going to build a time machine
him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for
me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs
him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for
me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs
April 6, 2025 at 11:03 PM
me: I'm going to build a time machine
him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for
me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs
him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for
me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs
Reposted by Connor
KID: hey mister can i pet your dog?
ME: sure kid
KID: what kind is he?
ME: that there's a pure beef vienna son careful don't get mustard on your shirt
ME: sure kid
KID: what kind is he?
ME: that there's a pure beef vienna son careful don't get mustard on your shirt
March 20, 2025 at 4:58 PM
KID: hey mister can i pet your dog?
ME: sure kid
KID: what kind is he?
ME: that there's a pure beef vienna son careful don't get mustard on your shirt
ME: sure kid
KID: what kind is he?
ME: that there's a pure beef vienna son careful don't get mustard on your shirt
Reposted by Connor
"Your honor, this was a victimless crime," I begin at the hearing for me driving a motorcycle through the mall and bashing all the mannequins I could find with a tire iron I bought through wire fraud.
March 23, 2025 at 4:20 AM
"Your honor, this was a victimless crime," I begin at the hearing for me driving a motorcycle through the mall and bashing all the mannequins I could find with a tire iron I bought through wire fraud.
Reposted by Connor
It must be a glitch with microsoft teams or something. Im fully clothed not sure why youre seeing me completely naked. Better put in an IT ticket
March 3, 2025 at 6:50 PM
It must be a glitch with microsoft teams or something. Im fully clothed not sure why youre seeing me completely naked. Better put in an IT ticket
Reposted by Connor
Reposted by Connor
The best way to increase the efficiency of government agencies is competition, not budget cuts. The Center for Disease Control should have to compete with a Center For Making Diseases Worse
February 9, 2025 at 4:19 AM
The best way to increase the efficiency of government agencies is competition, not budget cuts. The Center for Disease Control should have to compete with a Center For Making Diseases Worse
Got a job that needs a little extra oomph? I'll get right in there. No one's got greasier elbows than me. Straight soaking through my sleeves.
January 25, 2025 at 6:40 AM
Got a job that needs a little extra oomph? I'll get right in there. No one's got greasier elbows than me. Straight soaking through my sleeves.