Irrationally Calm
@direbeard.bsky.social
Calmer than I ought to be
Avi by @theunderfold.bsky.social
My thingies: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bbnbcpkor3wj3v57err7gziw/feed/aaaiyxmgyspti
Best thingies: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bbnbcpkor3wj3v57err7gziw/feed/aaagxe7btouua
Avi by @theunderfold.bsky.social
My thingies: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bbnbcpkor3wj3v57err7gziw/feed/aaaiyxmgyspti
Best thingies: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bbnbcpkor3wj3v57err7gziw/feed/aaagxe7btouua
Pinned
Werner! Werner, it’s Marvin. Your cousin, Marvin Herzog. You know that new sound you’re looking for? Well listen to this!
*holds phone up to flies buzzing around a decomposing corpse*
*holds phone up to flies buzzing around a decomposing corpse*
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
i have over 20 yrs experience in the field with feedback ranging from “ohmyfuckinggod” to nonsensical moans, as well as a completion rate of 95% (+/- 3)
- updating my blowjob resume
- updating my blowjob resume
October 6, 2025 at 2:23 PM
i have over 20 yrs experience in the field with feedback ranging from “ohmyfuckinggod” to nonsensical moans, as well as a completion rate of 95% (+/- 3)
- updating my blowjob resume
- updating my blowjob resume
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
babydoll i recognize
you’re a hideous thing inside
you’re a hideous thing inside
October 6, 2025 at 7:12 PM
babydoll i recognize
you’re a hideous thing inside
you’re a hideous thing inside
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
drinking coffee after noon is a disaster it is like daring your brain to do nothing but play the tambourine off-beat all night long when you’re trying to sleep
October 7, 2025 at 2:22 PM
drinking coffee after noon is a disaster it is like daring your brain to do nothing but play the tambourine off-beat all night long when you’re trying to sleep
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
i will carry your night skies and the shushing whispers of your early morning rainstorms
i will harmonize with your lonesome cries as you tattoo the rhythms of your favorite songs over my skin
and when the sun wakes again this side of our world, i will stand beside you fingers curled through yours
i will harmonize with your lonesome cries as you tattoo the rhythms of your favorite songs over my skin
and when the sun wakes again this side of our world, i will stand beside you fingers curled through yours
October 7, 2025 at 6:25 PM
i will carry your night skies and the shushing whispers of your early morning rainstorms
i will harmonize with your lonesome cries as you tattoo the rhythms of your favorite songs over my skin
and when the sun wakes again this side of our world, i will stand beside you fingers curled through yours
i will harmonize with your lonesome cries as you tattoo the rhythms of your favorite songs over my skin
and when the sun wakes again this side of our world, i will stand beside you fingers curled through yours
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
my dream self made a context appropriate reference to “waiting for godot” while conversing with another dream character and the first thing i said when i awoke was “fucken nerd”
October 8, 2025 at 1:27 PM
my dream self made a context appropriate reference to “waiting for godot” while conversing with another dream character and the first thing i said when i awoke was “fucken nerd”
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
they should make doctor’s appointments that i am excited about
October 9, 2025 at 1:16 PM
they should make doctor’s appointments that i am excited about
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
upon my death i request to be placed in a clawfoot tub filled with marshmallows and suspended over a fire so people can make s’mores out of me
October 10, 2025 at 12:42 AM
upon my death i request to be placed in a clawfoot tub filled with marshmallows and suspended over a fire so people can make s’mores out of me
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
THEM: whatcha doin
ME: [filling a plate with slugs and flatworms] making creepypasta
THEM: that’s not what…
ME: [whistles tarantella while tossing in duck penis and a disarticulated teddy ruxpin]
ME: [filling a plate with slugs and flatworms] making creepypasta
THEM: that’s not what…
ME: [whistles tarantella while tossing in duck penis and a disarticulated teddy ruxpin]
September 28, 2025 at 5:45 PM
THEM: whatcha doin
ME: [filling a plate with slugs and flatworms] making creepypasta
THEM: that’s not what…
ME: [whistles tarantella while tossing in duck penis and a disarticulated teddy ruxpin]
ME: [filling a plate with slugs and flatworms] making creepypasta
THEM: that’s not what…
ME: [whistles tarantella while tossing in duck penis and a disarticulated teddy ruxpin]
[First date]
Me: You’re in for a real treat later. My anus looks like a group of Michael Chiklis impersonators gathered around an open grave.
Me: You’re in for a real treat later. My anus looks like a group of Michael Chiklis impersonators gathered around an open grave.
July 10, 2025 at 1:22 AM
[First date]
Me: You’re in for a real treat later. My anus looks like a group of Michael Chiklis impersonators gathered around an open grave.
Me: You’re in for a real treat later. My anus looks like a group of Michael Chiklis impersonators gathered around an open grave.
Siri has a poor sense of humor. I once did the under there/underwear joke to her and she sent a SWAT team to my house and spent my entire direct deposit on edible arrangements
June 21, 2025 at 9:37 PM
Siri has a poor sense of humor. I once did the under there/underwear joke to her and she sent a SWAT team to my house and spent my entire direct deposit on edible arrangements
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
HEY YOU 🫵 wanna follow some funny folks you may not have seen floating around The Sky yet? here are some of my favorite posters with under 10k followers
DM me if you want me to remove you 🥰
DM me if you want me to remove you 🥰
we're not an echo chamber don't put in the pa--
Join the conversation
go.bsky.app
June 20, 2025 at 12:13 AM
HEY YOU 🫵 wanna follow some funny folks you may not have seen floating around The Sky yet? here are some of my favorite posters with under 10k followers
DM me if you want me to remove you 🥰
DM me if you want me to remove you 🥰
Them: Can I tell you something?
Me: Probably? I mean you’ve demonstrated you can ask me something so it should really just be a matter of punctuation.
Me: Probably? I mean you’ve demonstrated you can ask me something so it should really just be a matter of punctuation.
June 10, 2025 at 12:18 PM
Them: Can I tell you something?
Me: Probably? I mean you’ve demonstrated you can ask me something so it should really just be a matter of punctuation.
Me: Probably? I mean you’ve demonstrated you can ask me something so it should really just be a matter of punctuation.
Sorry I cried “to the thicket!” before going down on you.
June 8, 2025 at 6:59 PM
Sorry I cried “to the thicket!” before going down on you.
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
Okay well if you don't want both of your thumbs shot off then don't be popping off at people with shit like "I declare a thumb war," some folk do not take such declarations lightly, now let's chalk this up to a misunderstanding and I'll take you to the hospital
June 5, 2025 at 6:28 AM
Okay well if you don't want both of your thumbs shot off then don't be popping off at people with shit like "I declare a thumb war," some folk do not take such declarations lightly, now let's chalk this up to a misunderstanding and I'll take you to the hospital
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
Don't mind him, that's just Impaled by Harpoons Jim, he's named that on account of the harpoons that keep impaling him. *Waves* hey Jim
Jim: *a harpoon suddenly flies out of nowhere and impales him* howdy
Jim: *a harpoon suddenly flies out of nowhere and impales him* howdy
June 5, 2025 at 7:00 AM
Don't mind him, that's just Impaled by Harpoons Jim, he's named that on account of the harpoons that keep impaling him. *Waves* hey Jim
Jim: *a harpoon suddenly flies out of nowhere and impales him* howdy
Jim: *a harpoon suddenly flies out of nowhere and impales him* howdy
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
Me: [forgetting your name for the 100th time]
Also me: "877-Cash Now!"
Also me: "877-Cash Now!"
June 5, 2025 at 7:56 AM
Me: [forgetting your name for the 100th time]
Also me: "877-Cash Now!"
Also me: "877-Cash Now!"
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
Welcome to adulthood. You now identify sounds by how expensive they’ll be.
June 4, 2025 at 6:57 PM
Welcome to adulthood. You now identify sounds by how expensive they’ll be.
How much ball cleavage…dickolletage if you’d prefer…is best for a white tie event?
June 4, 2025 at 6:59 PM
How much ball cleavage…dickolletage if you’d prefer…is best for a white tie event?
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
THE EAGLES: take it to the limit
CADY HERON: the limit does not exist
CADY HERON: the limit does not exist
June 3, 2025 at 11:04 PM
THE EAGLES: take it to the limit
CADY HERON: the limit does not exist
CADY HERON: the limit does not exist
I’m sorry it “ruins the mood” Sharon, but my mom taught me to always say “oopsie” whenever I make a mess.
June 4, 2025 at 4:18 PM
I’m sorry it “ruins the mood” Sharon, but my mom taught me to always say “oopsie” whenever I make a mess.
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
To my wheelchair using friends: looks like I need to get sort of a smaller/ narrower wheelchair for my mom. Cramped house, space etc. Any advice on brands, hings to avoid etc? Might also need an assisted lifting device for lifting her her in and out of bed etc. all input would be great.
June 4, 2025 at 12:57 AM
To my wheelchair using friends: looks like I need to get sort of a smaller/ narrower wheelchair for my mom. Cramped house, space etc. Any advice on brands, hings to avoid etc? Might also need an assisted lifting device for lifting her her in and out of bed etc. all input would be great.
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
I’m such a private person that it’s none of my business what I’m up to.
June 4, 2025 at 1:20 AM
I’m such a private person that it’s none of my business what I’m up to.
Reposted by Irrationally Calm
*being given a rorschach test* they’re all my posts
June 3, 2025 at 4:23 PM
*being given a rorschach test* they’re all my posts