Surprised Face Guy
@surprisedface.bsky.social
You could be one of my first 10,000 followers. Time is not running out.
Ranked one of the Top 10 Surprised Face Guys on Bluesky, 2023.
Sorry in advance: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaly5qgvbn52
Ranked one of the Top 10 Surprised Face Guys on Bluesky, 2023.
Sorry in advance: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaly5qgvbn52
Pinned
Wife: "Love, what exactly is discharge?"
Me: "Uh... Okay... Well, you should know, but when a woman is ovulating, her cervix makes a mucus that..."
Wife: [showing me her phone] "no, what exactly is THIS CHARGE"
Me: "Oh. I bought a hat for my penis from penis hat dot com."
Me: "Uh... Okay... Well, you should know, but when a woman is ovulating, her cervix makes a mucus that..."
Wife: [showing me her phone] "no, what exactly is THIS CHARGE"
Me: "Oh. I bought a hat for my penis from penis hat dot com."
Goodnight, sweet blintz.
November 11, 2025 at 10:20 AM
Goodnight, sweet blintz.
There is no law that says you cannot Trick or Treat the other 364 days a year.
November 11, 2025 at 9:33 AM
There is no law that says you cannot Trick or Treat the other 364 days a year.
I am going to live as long as possible even if it kills me.
November 11, 2025 at 9:16 AM
I am going to live as long as possible even if it kills me.
Imagine sex with me. Wrong. More garlic powder.
November 11, 2025 at 8:31 AM
Imagine sex with me. Wrong. More garlic powder.
Those that lack object permanence are doomed to repeat it
November 11, 2025 at 3:47 AM
Those that lack object permanence are doomed to repeat it
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Humans should buzz and their nose should light up like the game Operation when you touch their erogenous zones.
February 18, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Humans should buzz and their nose should light up like the game Operation when you touch their erogenous zones.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
in the future, braided nose hairs will be a sign of nobility! and also the first to be beheaded in the revolution.
May 15, 2024 at 7:48 PM
in the future, braided nose hairs will be a sign of nobility! and also the first to be beheaded in the revolution.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
"My opponent has no policy platform. He has no history in politics. He has never even voted! He has provided no compelling evidence that he warrants a single vote!"
Moderator: "Your response?"
Me: [pauses, looks at crowd, whispers into mic]
"nose piercings."
[Audience cheers so loud they vomit]
Moderator: "Your response?"
Me: [pauses, looks at crowd, whispers into mic]
"nose piercings."
[Audience cheers so loud they vomit]
January 3, 2024 at 2:47 AM
"My opponent has no policy platform. He has no history in politics. He has never even voted! He has provided no compelling evidence that he warrants a single vote!"
Moderator: "Your response?"
Me: [pauses, looks at crowd, whispers into mic]
"nose piercings."
[Audience cheers so loud they vomit]
Moderator: "Your response?"
Me: [pauses, looks at crowd, whispers into mic]
"nose piercings."
[Audience cheers so loud they vomit]
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
if I came face to face with a megalodon, i would just punch it in the nose, simple as. "oh i'm big shark" shut the fuck up.
December 3, 2024 at 7:23 PM
if I came face to face with a megalodon, i would just punch it in the nose, simple as. "oh i'm big shark" shut the fuck up.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
My secret to smooth, healthy skin?
8 hours of sleep, a diet of fruits and vegetables, and every few months I take the slimmest peek into the arc of the covenant.
8 hours of sleep, a diet of fruits and vegetables, and every few months I take the slimmest peek into the arc of the covenant.
August 26, 2024 at 5:41 PM
My secret to smooth, healthy skin?
8 hours of sleep, a diet of fruits and vegetables, and every few months I take the slimmest peek into the arc of the covenant.
8 hours of sleep, a diet of fruits and vegetables, and every few months I take the slimmest peek into the arc of the covenant.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
And don't get me started on Peek-a-boo! Like, we're just supposed to calmly accept the fact that there are honest-to-God sorcerers walking around among us, like it's no big deal?! The other day I was talking to this guy and he reached up and stole the nose right off my face. My freakin' *nose*!
We live in a land of people for whom every game of tic tac toe is a bewildering and unpredictable adventure.
This is such a bizarre talking point; I've thankfully never had to use most of the types of insurance that I have for me and my family
This is a good excuse to share my WSJ letter to the editor explaining that "not filing a claim doesn’t mean you didn’t need insurance" www.wsj.com/opinion/the-...
This is a good excuse to share my WSJ letter to the editor explaining that "not filing a claim doesn’t mean you didn’t need insurance" www.wsj.com/opinion/the-...
November 10, 2025 at 8:23 PM
And don't get me started on Peek-a-boo! Like, we're just supposed to calmly accept the fact that there are honest-to-God sorcerers walking around among us, like it's no big deal?! The other day I was talking to this guy and he reached up and stole the nose right off my face. My freakin' *nose*!
Inventing old fangled things
November 10, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Inventing old fangled things
The Itty Bitty Titty Committee stands with Gaza.
November 10, 2025 at 6:16 PM
The Itty Bitty Titty Committee stands with Gaza.
My inner child struggles with existential angst.
November 10, 2025 at 5:42 PM
My inner child struggles with existential angst.
When you go 10 hours without coffee, you completed a decaflon
November 10, 2025 at 9:53 AM
When you go 10 hours without coffee, you completed a decaflon
[trying to write a post from the toilet] “time to put on my thinking crap.”
November 10, 2025 at 7:01 AM
[trying to write a post from the toilet] “time to put on my thinking crap.”
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Hanging out in the bushes at the park and just kinda people watching y'know?
November 10, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Hanging out in the bushes at the park and just kinda people watching y'know?
We are living through the Crapture
November 9, 2025 at 9:32 AM
We are living through the Crapture
Another word for marriage is “baggage claim”
November 9, 2025 at 9:30 AM
Another word for marriage is “baggage claim”
When a wandering samurai is constipated it’s known as a rurouni cantshit
November 9, 2025 at 4:13 AM
When a wandering samurai is constipated it’s known as a rurouni cantshit
I’m going to make like a tree and stand outside in the rain.
November 9, 2025 at 2:36 AM
I’m going to make like a tree and stand outside in the rain.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
No Anglophone a dactyl poem writes
Whether pteri- or the dour Grecian kind
For English quantitative meter bites
And flying dinos chew on your behind...
Whether pteri- or the dour Grecian kind
For English quantitative meter bites
And flying dinos chew on your behind...
Iambic is easily in my top 5, maybe top 10 favorite pentameters
November 8, 2025 at 8:21 PM
No Anglophone a dactyl poem writes
Whether pteri- or the dour Grecian kind
For English quantitative meter bites
And flying dinos chew on your behind...
Whether pteri- or the dour Grecian kind
For English quantitative meter bites
And flying dinos chew on your behind...
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
[inventor of the bungee jump] no, you go first.
November 8, 2025 at 5:57 PM
[inventor of the bungee jump] no, you go first.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
This life crisis is mid
November 8, 2025 at 5:57 PM
This life crisis is mid
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Sick of the rat race man. These rats are fast as shit. Tired of losing.
November 8, 2025 at 3:31 PM
Sick of the rat race man. These rats are fast as shit. Tired of losing.