Surprised Face Guy
@surprisedface.bsky.social
You could be one of my first 10,000 followers. Time is not running out.
Ranked one of the Top 10 Surprised Face Guys on Bluesky, 2023.
Sorry in advance: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaly5qgvbn52
Ranked one of the Top 10 Surprised Face Guys on Bluesky, 2023.
Sorry in advance: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaly5qgvbn52
Pinned
[going up to a pretty woman at the bar]
Me: “Hey, I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. He thinks you’re pretty cute. He’s Filthy Rich.”
Pretty Woman: “oh okay, I’ll meet him. Where is he?”
Richard [covered in goose shit]: “actually I go by Dick now”
Me: “Hey, I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. He thinks you’re pretty cute. He’s Filthy Rich.”
Pretty Woman: “oh okay, I’ll meet him. Where is he?”
Richard [covered in goose shit]: “actually I go by Dick now”
Trying to get the dead fairy to WAKE UP AND DO YOUR JOB
lying in bed clapping to make the lights turn off (i do not have a clapper)
February 10, 2026 at 6:44 AM
Trying to get the dead fairy to WAKE UP AND DO YOUR JOB
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
lying in bed clapping to make the lights turn off (i do not have a clapper)
February 10, 2026 at 5:33 AM
lying in bed clapping to make the lights turn off (i do not have a clapper)
My go-to for any celebration is “all I do is win” by DJ Khalid
what's the first song you're gonna blast when It Happens
February 10, 2026 at 5:06 AM
My go-to for any celebration is “all I do is win” by DJ Khalid
I have an ex in Canada I’m no longer pretending exists if you want to be introduced
February 10, 2026 at 5:05 AM
I have an ex in Canada I’m no longer pretending exists if you want to be introduced
[getting murdered] “sir, please allow me to lick your feet first”
Our DHS reform demands are exceedingly reasonable.
We're asking ICE to do nothing more than follow the standards that the vast majority of law enforcement agencies already follow.
Republicans, the ball is in your court. The clock is ticking.
We're asking ICE to do nothing more than follow the standards that the vast majority of law enforcement agencies already follow.
Republicans, the ball is in your court. The clock is ticking.
February 10, 2026 at 4:57 AM
[getting murdered] “sir, please allow me to lick your feet first”
With all due respect to pussies,
February 10, 2026 at 4:56 AM
With all due respect to pussies,
Gently pat your hemorrhoid and say “good job” and it will smile and retreat back into its shell.
Hemorrhoids are butthole outies.
February 10, 2026 at 4:55 AM
Gently pat your hemorrhoid and say “good job” and it will smile and retreat back into its shell.
Hemorrhoids are butthole outies.
February 10, 2026 at 4:53 AM
Hemorrhoids are butthole outies.
Call it a labotomy the way I’m scrambling her labia
February 10, 2026 at 4:52 AM
Call it a labotomy the way I’m scrambling her labia
CTRL-ALT-RESKEET
February 10, 2026 at 4:51 AM
CTRL-ALT-RESKEET
My goal of becoming a gazillionare has taken a back seat for a more achievable goal of buying France.
February 10, 2026 at 4:50 AM
My goal of becoming a gazillionare has taken a back seat for a more achievable goal of buying France.
Curling in front of the roomba
Curling but it’s my house after my kids eat cereal and chips.
full contact curling
February 10, 2026 at 4:08 AM
Curling in front of the roomba
Curling but it’s my house after my kids eat cereal and chips.
full contact curling
February 10, 2026 at 3:01 AM
Curling but it’s my house after my kids eat cereal and chips.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
full contact curling
February 8, 2026 at 2:12 PM
full contact curling
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
ME: it’s not delivery it’s digiorno
HOSPITAL NURSE: um ok let’s get your wife to the digiorno room
HOSPITAL NURSE: um ok let’s get your wife to the digiorno room
February 10, 2026 at 1:13 AM
ME: it’s not delivery it’s digiorno
HOSPITAL NURSE: um ok let’s get your wife to the digiorno room
HOSPITAL NURSE: um ok let’s get your wife to the digiorno room
Look, it is the fault of the host.
February 10, 2026 at 12:33 AM
Look, it is the fault of the host.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Don’t worry they’re on the way
Bring👏Back👏Boomerangs👏
February 9, 2026 at 11:55 PM
Don’t worry they’re on the way
Bring👏Back👏Boomerangs👏
February 9, 2026 at 11:43 PM
Bring👏Back👏Boomerangs👏
Whether you panican or you panican’t, you’re right.
February 9, 2026 at 11:13 PM
Whether you panican or you panican’t, you’re right.
They’re not worried about facing the Patriots in the Super Bowl again
February 9, 2026 at 11:11 PM
They’re not worried about facing the Patriots in the Super Bowl again
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
My drafts is just the moldy fold in my brain
February 9, 2026 at 10:09 PM
My drafts is just the moldy fold in my brain
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Us: we need to be able to save drafts!
Also us: "if I had two buttholes I would use one for pooping and keep the other one pristine and fresh for display purposes" aaaaaand post
Also us: "if I had two buttholes I would use one for pooping and keep the other one pristine and fresh for display purposes" aaaaaand post
September 9, 2025 at 10:08 PM
Us: we need to be able to save drafts!
Also us: "if I had two buttholes I would use one for pooping and keep the other one pristine and fresh for display purposes" aaaaaand post
Also us: "if I had two buttholes I would use one for pooping and keep the other one pristine and fresh for display purposes" aaaaaand post
You’re a de-light. When you walk into the room, it becomes enveloped in darkness.
February 9, 2026 at 10:02 PM
You’re a de-light. When you walk into the room, it becomes enveloped in darkness.