Andrew
@andrewmell.bsky.social
He/Him, Gaymer 🏳️🌈 Horticulturist 🌱 Software Engineer 💻 Funny on the weekends!
Reposted by Andrew
Birds have significantly better eyesight than us which is why I get nice and sexy to go birdwatching
May 23, 2025 at 12:52 PM
Birds have significantly better eyesight than us which is why I get nice and sexy to go birdwatching
Shouting “Agh! This infernal contraption!” each time the bluetooth speaker doesn’t connect
December 18, 2024 at 11:43 PM
Shouting “Agh! This infernal contraption!” each time the bluetooth speaker doesn’t connect
I have not even seen my new upstairs neighbor since she moved in, like 3 months ago, but I did catch her on the stairs today. Here’s how that conversation went:
Me: (excitedly) oh, hi!
Her: (flatly) Hi.
This might be a character flaw, but I took her tone personally
Me: (excitedly) oh, hi!
Her: (flatly) Hi.
This might be a character flaw, but I took her tone personally
December 17, 2024 at 12:48 AM
I have not even seen my new upstairs neighbor since she moved in, like 3 months ago, but I did catch her on the stairs today. Here’s how that conversation went:
Me: (excitedly) oh, hi!
Her: (flatly) Hi.
This might be a character flaw, but I took her tone personally
Me: (excitedly) oh, hi!
Her: (flatly) Hi.
This might be a character flaw, but I took her tone personally
I have a lot of guy friends who allege that they’re straight, but would vacuum-seal Henry Cavil if given the chance. And I think that’s beautiful
December 15, 2024 at 1:26 PM
I have a lot of guy friends who allege that they’re straight, but would vacuum-seal Henry Cavil if given the chance. And I think that’s beautiful
Reposted by Andrew
Oh hey, I didn’t see you there. I was just holding my cuff in a tiny way. Call this move The Pinchy
December 8, 2024 at 12:15 AM
Oh hey, I didn’t see you there. I was just holding my cuff in a tiny way. Call this move The Pinchy
Reposted by Andrew
stardew valley puts a wizard in your rural farming town and he sometimes does magic but his main thing is he had a messy divorce
December 1, 2024 at 4:20 PM
stardew valley puts a wizard in your rural farming town and he sometimes does magic but his main thing is he had a messy divorce
Reposted by Andrew
I can't dwell on past egrets, I need to focus on the heron now.
October 24, 2024 at 10:20 PM
I can't dwell on past egrets, I need to focus on the heron now.
Reposted by Andrew
Muhammed Ali: float like a butterfly -
Sting: like a bee ?
Muhammed Ali: what
Sting: like a bee ?
Muhammed Ali: what
December 1, 2024 at 5:06 PM
Muhammed Ali: float like a butterfly -
Sting: like a bee ?
Muhammed Ali: what
Sting: like a bee ?
Muhammed Ali: what
Reposted by Andrew
I know I should quit eating Thanksgiving leftovers…
But I can't quit cold turkey.
But I can't quit cold turkey.
November 30, 2024 at 10:00 PM
I know I should quit eating Thanksgiving leftovers…
But I can't quit cold turkey.
But I can't quit cold turkey.
Reposted by Andrew
Just my luck
As soon as I swear to never again eat restructured pork patties the McRib comes back
As soon as I swear to never again eat restructured pork patties the McRib comes back
November 30, 2024 at 4:33 AM
Just my luck
As soon as I swear to never again eat restructured pork patties the McRib comes back
As soon as I swear to never again eat restructured pork patties the McRib comes back
STADIUM SECURITY: sorry, clear bags only
ME: ah. Crap. Well I’m not missing Beyonce for this stupid bag. I’ll throw it away
BACKPACK FROM DORA: n-now lets think about this
ME: ah. Crap. Well I’m not missing Beyonce for this stupid bag. I’ll throw it away
BACKPACK FROM DORA: n-now lets think about this
December 1, 2024 at 1:29 PM
STADIUM SECURITY: sorry, clear bags only
ME: ah. Crap. Well I’m not missing Beyonce for this stupid bag. I’ll throw it away
BACKPACK FROM DORA: n-now lets think about this
ME: ah. Crap. Well I’m not missing Beyonce for this stupid bag. I’ll throw it away
BACKPACK FROM DORA: n-now lets think about this
Obsessed with the lesser-known colloquial pizza compositions. St. Louis style pizza? Wax cheese on crackers. Insane.
December 1, 2024 at 12:07 AM
Obsessed with the lesser-known colloquial pizza compositions. St. Louis style pizza? Wax cheese on crackers. Insane.
Reposted by Andrew
him: are you saying you could drive this time machine better than me
me: look this isn’t the time or the place
me: look this isn’t the time or the place
November 26, 2024 at 2:33 PM
him: are you saying you could drive this time machine better than me
me: look this isn’t the time or the place
me: look this isn’t the time or the place
The :3 emoticon has made a thunderous return to my texting repertoire, and its just really whimsical and fun and silly :3
November 27, 2024 at 4:23 PM
The :3 emoticon has made a thunderous return to my texting repertoire, and its just really whimsical and fun and silly :3
Reposted by Andrew
i think Drake’s only option at this point is try to appeal to Liz Cheney
November 26, 2024 at 2:37 AM
i think Drake’s only option at this point is try to appeal to Liz Cheney
Reposted by Andrew
me: remember when I rubbed you out?
genie: don’t say it like that
genie: don’t say it like that
November 26, 2024 at 3:27 AM
me: remember when I rubbed you out?
genie: don’t say it like that
genie: don’t say it like that
So you’re telling me theres no religion that requires you to float down a lazy river at least once a week?
Really need an answer here guys. My boss is asking questions
Really need an answer here guys. My boss is asking questions
November 26, 2024 at 8:49 PM
So you’re telling me theres no religion that requires you to float down a lazy river at least once a week?
Really need an answer here guys. My boss is asking questions
Really need an answer here guys. My boss is asking questions
Reposted by Andrew
Goths just call Black Friday, "Friday."
November 26, 2024 at 4:05 PM
Goths just call Black Friday, "Friday."
Reposted by Andrew
still my favourite scene from alien
November 25, 2024 at 12:32 PM
still my favourite scene from alien
Reposted by Andrew
tsa agent: sorry, you can only board with 3.4 oz of liquid or less.
me: ok, just toss it out then.
Kool Aid Man: *dressed in tommy bahama* babe what
me: ok, just toss it out then.
Kool Aid Man: *dressed in tommy bahama* babe what
November 25, 2024 at 3:28 PM
tsa agent: sorry, you can only board with 3.4 oz of liquid or less.
me: ok, just toss it out then.
Kool Aid Man: *dressed in tommy bahama* babe what
me: ok, just toss it out then.
Kool Aid Man: *dressed in tommy bahama* babe what
Reposted by Andrew
art teacher: Is that a bird or a plane?
young clark kent: *crumples self portrait*
young clark kent: *crumples self portrait*
November 23, 2024 at 1:55 PM
art teacher: Is that a bird or a plane?
young clark kent: *crumples self portrait*
young clark kent: *crumples self portrait*
Introduce yourself with your worst feedback from school.
Hi I’m Andrew, and there’s no conceivable way that I’m graduating highschool.
(I did, and graduated cum laude from MSU)
Hi I’m Andrew, and there’s no conceivable way that I’m graduating highschool.
(I did, and graduated cum laude from MSU)
Introduce yourself with your worst feedback from school.
Hi I’m Idle and I’m one fucked up kid, you know that?
*slaps cheek
Hi I’m Idle and I’m one fucked up kid, you know that?
*slaps cheek
Introduce yourself with your worst feedback from school.
Hi, I’m Radium, and I only follow rules when they suit me.
Hi, I’m Radium, and I only follow rules when they suit me.
November 22, 2024 at 9:14 PM
Introduce yourself with your worst feedback from school.
Hi I’m Andrew, and there’s no conceivable way that I’m graduating highschool.
(I did, and graduated cum laude from MSU)
Hi I’m Andrew, and there’s no conceivable way that I’m graduating highschool.
(I did, and graduated cum laude from MSU)
Sorry I fell asleep at your recital. I took a bath earlier and grabbed the “soothe and sleep” epsom salts instead of “relax and rejuvenate”, and it fucked up my entire day.
Also can you drive me home?
Also can you drive me home?
November 22, 2024 at 9:08 PM
Sorry I fell asleep at your recital. I took a bath earlier and grabbed the “soothe and sleep” epsom salts instead of “relax and rejuvenate”, and it fucked up my entire day.
Also can you drive me home?
Also can you drive me home?