Reposted by VonTraphaus
New research confirms that overexposure to political skeets gives you the heebie-jeebies.
The antidote is shitposting.
The antidote is shitposting.
November 10, 2025 at 3:44 PM
New research confirms that overexposure to political skeets gives you the heebie-jeebies.
The antidote is shitposting.
The antidote is shitposting.
Reposted by VonTraphaus
Reposted by VonTraphaus
That upstream service is living in an uptown world again.
November 11, 2025 at 7:44 PM
That upstream service is living in an uptown world again.
Reposted by VonTraphaus
In our arrogance at having overcome the odds, like Tantalus we fed our children to the gods.
August 5, 2023 at 1:11 PM
In our arrogance at having overcome the odds, like Tantalus we fed our children to the gods.
Reposted by VonTraphaus
I strive to be the sort of man who would not have a boa constrictor as a pet
October 24, 2025 at 9:51 PM
I strive to be the sort of man who would not have a boa constrictor as a pet
Reposted by VonTraphaus
[in line at airport security]
...anyway all I'm saying is, if you're gonna pee in the shower, do it first thing
...anyway all I'm saying is, if you're gonna pee in the shower, do it first thing
November 8, 2025 at 2:59 AM
[in line at airport security]
...anyway all I'm saying is, if you're gonna pee in the shower, do it first thing
...anyway all I'm saying is, if you're gonna pee in the shower, do it first thing
Reposted by VonTraphaus
There's always some asshole
October 21, 2025 at 3:15 PM
There's always some asshole
Effective immediately New York comes under Shania law. First order of business: if you’re not in it for love, you’re outta here
November 12, 2025 at 3:43 AM
Effective immediately New York comes under Shania law. First order of business: if you’re not in it for love, you’re outta here
If I was a monk and I didn’t feel like doing prayer or whatever I’d probably call in horny to work
November 11, 2025 at 3:39 AM
If I was a monk and I didn’t feel like doing prayer or whatever I’d probably call in horny to work
I’ve decided to become an Instagram butt model
November 11, 2025 at 3:35 AM
I’ve decided to become an Instagram butt model
The scene in seven samurai where the veterans teach the unskilled villagers how to defend themselves from bandits, but it’s me showing Gen Z to make teams show as permanently online, and the best way to sneak into work late without the execs noticing
November 11, 2025 at 12:39 AM
The scene in seven samurai where the veterans teach the unskilled villagers how to defend themselves from bandits, but it’s me showing Gen Z to make teams show as permanently online, and the best way to sneak into work late without the execs noticing
The lion does not concern himself with Apple Care
November 10, 2025 at 9:36 PM
The lion does not concern himself with Apple Care
Reposted by VonTraphaus
If I’d stolen those jewels I’d just sit at home wearing them.
November 4, 2025 at 7:39 AM
If I’d stolen those jewels I’d just sit at home wearing them.
No mentally healthy person has printed out their own tweets
November 4, 2025 at 9:30 AM
No mentally healthy person has printed out their own tweets
Reposted by VonTraphaus
Somehow got negative 8 hours of sleep
August 23, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Somehow got negative 8 hours of sleep
Me: I can’t explain why, but I feel my pee at the urinals doesn’t reach maximum effectiveness unless I take my whole cock out including the balls
Priest: ok, for the second time: that isn’t a sin and we aren’t in confessional right now
Priest: ok, for the second time: that isn’t a sin and we aren’t in confessional right now
October 28, 2025 at 1:16 AM
Me: I can’t explain why, but I feel my pee at the urinals doesn’t reach maximum effectiveness unless I take my whole cock out including the balls
Priest: ok, for the second time: that isn’t a sin and we aren’t in confessional right now
Priest: ok, for the second time: that isn’t a sin and we aren’t in confessional right now
In lieu of improved workplace conditions, HR has enrolled you in mandatory psychological health trainings you most complete every month or face disciplinary action for being non compliant
October 26, 2025 at 11:16 PM
In lieu of improved workplace conditions, HR has enrolled you in mandatory psychological health trainings you most complete every month or face disciplinary action for being non compliant
Baby, we’ve been together for a while now, and I think it’s time we take this to the next level
*gets down on one knee, takes a ring out of my pocket*
Will you carry this cool ring in your purse for me?
*gets down on one knee, takes a ring out of my pocket*
Will you carry this cool ring in your purse for me?
October 24, 2025 at 8:44 AM
Baby, we’ve been together for a while now, and I think it’s time we take this to the next level
*gets down on one knee, takes a ring out of my pocket*
Will you carry this cool ring in your purse for me?
*gets down on one knee, takes a ring out of my pocket*
Will you carry this cool ring in your purse for me?
Guided meditation podcast: breathe in. Breathe out. Feel the stress leave your body and sleep welcome you like a warming embrace—
Spotify ad: THIS PODCAST IS BROUGHT TO BY GAS STATION DICKPILLS. LEVEL UP YOUR DICK GAME WITH GAS STATION DICK PILLS
Spotify ad: THIS PODCAST IS BROUGHT TO BY GAS STATION DICKPILLS. LEVEL UP YOUR DICK GAME WITH GAS STATION DICK PILLS
October 24, 2025 at 6:00 AM
Guided meditation podcast: breathe in. Breathe out. Feel the stress leave your body and sleep welcome you like a warming embrace—
Spotify ad: THIS PODCAST IS BROUGHT TO BY GAS STATION DICKPILLS. LEVEL UP YOUR DICK GAME WITH GAS STATION DICK PILLS
Spotify ad: THIS PODCAST IS BROUGHT TO BY GAS STATION DICKPILLS. LEVEL UP YOUR DICK GAME WITH GAS STATION DICK PILLS
Ten things getting caught engaging in erotic roleplay with the company AI tool taught me about resiliency, cyber security, and forensic analysis of bodily fluids
October 24, 2025 at 4:38 AM
Ten things getting caught engaging in erotic roleplay with the company AI tool taught me about resiliency, cyber security, and forensic analysis of bodily fluids
The lion does not concern himself with the empty coffee cups and receipts littering the interior of his Subaru outback
October 22, 2025 at 10:35 AM
The lion does not concern himself with the empty coffee cups and receipts littering the interior of his Subaru outback
I just want to let the SCOUNDRELS who did a heist on the louvre in broad daylight while it was open and got away Scot free: I WILL find you. I WILL track you down. And you better believe I WILL beg you to let me join your badass crew
October 21, 2025 at 1:33 AM
I just want to let the SCOUNDRELS who did a heist on the louvre in broad daylight while it was open and got away Scot free: I WILL find you. I WILL track you down. And you better believe I WILL beg you to let me join your badass crew
Training myself to walk, talk, and react like a generation 1 Sora clip, so if footage ever surfaces of me eating a fun sized Halloween bag of candy in one sitting people will attribute it to AI
October 20, 2025 at 4:43 AM
Training myself to walk, talk, and react like a generation 1 Sora clip, so if footage ever surfaces of me eating a fun sized Halloween bag of candy in one sitting people will attribute it to AI
How come executives keep making excuses for AI, but if i hallucinate during work hours JUST ONCE, HR implement mandatory drug testing
October 20, 2025 at 2:41 AM
How come executives keep making excuses for AI, but if i hallucinate during work hours JUST ONCE, HR implement mandatory drug testing
Reposted by VonTraphaus
I’m tired of people expecting me to do something just because I know how to do it and they’re paying me
April 26, 2025 at 5:32 PM
I’m tired of people expecting me to do something just because I know how to do it and they’re paying me