I can’t join ICE because I can have a traffic dispute with a woman without drawing a firearm
I can't join ICE because my masculinity isn't fragile.
I can’t join ICE because I’m not white-trash anymore
January 10, 2026 at 3:12 AM
I can’t join ICE because I can have a traffic dispute with a woman without drawing a firearm
Reposted by VonTraphaus
Smokin the strain of weed that inspired the commodore 64
January 9, 2026 at 3:15 PM
Smokin the strain of weed that inspired the commodore 64
I name my children after the places they were conceived. I’d like you to meet: Sydney, Paris, Cairo, Tunguska, Skokie, Wendy’s dumpster, and the newest addition to our little clan: rehab
January 9, 2026 at 9:49 PM
I name my children after the places they were conceived. I’d like you to meet: Sydney, Paris, Cairo, Tunguska, Skokie, Wendy’s dumpster, and the newest addition to our little clan: rehab
Reposted by VonTraphaus
Walking into the ocean sounds so relaxing right now
January 4, 2026 at 4:34 PM
Walking into the ocean sounds so relaxing right now
Reposted by VonTraphaus
Who up eating Gilbert Grape?
January 7, 2026 at 7:35 AM
Who up eating Gilbert Grape?
The trump administration has announced it has successfully extracted princess peach to stand trial for her crimes and will hand the day to day running of the mushroom kingdom over to bowser
January 5, 2026 at 5:59 AM
The trump administration has announced it has successfully extracted princess peach to stand trial for her crimes and will hand the day to day running of the mushroom kingdom over to bowser
Been hustling, working weekends and evenings, studying fulltime in lieu of having a social life. I’ve had three promotions in five years, which saved me from defaulting on my home loan, but my purchasing power is demonstrably worse off than it was five years ago
January 4, 2026 at 10:30 PM
Been hustling, working weekends and evenings, studying fulltime in lieu of having a social life. I’ve had three promotions in five years, which saved me from defaulting on my home loan, but my purchasing power is demonstrably worse off than it was five years ago
So it turns out all those “let’s circle back in the new year” meetings have been lying in wait for me, like vultures circling over a dying wildebeest
January 4, 2026 at 9:16 PM
So it turns out all those “let’s circle back in the new year” meetings have been lying in wait for me, like vultures circling over a dying wildebeest
I was cursed by a witch to roam the earth shitposting endlessly until the Time of Judgement arrives
January 1, 2026 at 7:06 AM
I was cursed by a witch to roam the earth shitposting endlessly until the Time of Judgement arrives
2026 will be the year I wear prosthetic fingers when I’m out in public, so if incriminating video of me ever surfaces I can claim it’s AI
January 1, 2026 at 7:05 AM
2026 will be the year I wear prosthetic fingers when I’m out in public, so if incriminating video of me ever surfaces I can claim it’s AI
Wasted so much time this year working, studying, exercising, and spending quality time with loved ones and none of it brought me any closer to my dream of being fired out of a cannon into the sun
January 1, 2026 at 1:15 AM
Wasted so much time this year working, studying, exercising, and spending quality time with loved ones and none of it brought me any closer to my dream of being fired out of a cannon into the sun
Reposted by VonTraphaus
Die Hard was actually appropriated from pagans
December 26, 2025 at 1:59 AM
Die Hard was actually appropriated from pagans
Over Christmas I got together with a woman from the big city, and even convinced her to leave her fiancé and her high paying job so she can work in my Christmas themed store. I suppose today I should tell her it’s financed the other 11 months of the year by trafficking Angel dust
December 26, 2025 at 2:28 AM
Over Christmas I got together with a woman from the big city, and even convinced her to leave her fiancé and her high paying job so she can work in my Christmas themed store. I suppose today I should tell her it’s financed the other 11 months of the year by trafficking Angel dust
Last Christmas, I gave you the clap
December 24, 2025 at 6:06 AM
Last Christmas, I gave you the clap
The attendant manning the boba pearl station at the frozen yoghurt store: I think you’ve had enough, mister
Me: I’ll TELL YOU when I’ve had enough
Me: I’ll TELL YOU when I’ve had enough
December 24, 2025 at 6:04 AM
The attendant manning the boba pearl station at the frozen yoghurt store: I think you’ve had enough, mister
Me: I’ll TELL YOU when I’ve had enough
Me: I’ll TELL YOU when I’ve had enough
Pepé le pew named in the Epstein files
December 23, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Pepé le pew named in the Epstein files
Reposted by VonTraphaus
🎵deck my halls into pieces/this is my last noel🎵
December 21, 2025 at 2:10 AM
🎵deck my halls into pieces/this is my last noel🎵
You can undo all the negative effects of smoking with true love’s first kiss
December 21, 2025 at 3:03 AM
You can undo all the negative effects of smoking with true love’s first kiss
Reposted by VonTraphaus
With one last great tug, she managed to pull her jeans up over her hips
December 19, 2025 at 6:58 AM
With one last great tug, she managed to pull her jeans up over her hips
Your lust means nothing, I’ve seen what makes you horny
December 16, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Your lust means nothing, I’ve seen what makes you horny
The Virgin Mary, several years after her divorce and after spending several years enjoying Jerusalem nightlife: Just Mary is fine, thanks
December 15, 2025 at 4:25 AM
The Virgin Mary, several years after her divorce and after spending several years enjoying Jerusalem nightlife: Just Mary is fine, thanks
Reposted by VonTraphaus
It's that time of year
November 22, 2025 at 11:54 AM
It's that time of year
Reposted by VonTraphaus
Fabergé was just a bit ahead of his time on egg prices.
January 27, 2025 at 11:53 AM
Fabergé was just a bit ahead of his time on egg prices.