Emi the Sweary Cook🌵
@undercoveremi.bsky.social
Freelance writer, Full-time fan trash, good cook. She/her
Pinned
I’m picking up some new friends from the latest Twitter exodus, so I should reintroduce myself.
I’m Emi! I live in Houston, TX. I write sometimes but mostly I cook, swear, and hang out with my awesome husband and my two ridiculous cats. I also talk about movies and tv a lot. Y’all means all.
I’m Emi! I live in Houston, TX. I write sometimes but mostly I cook, swear, and hang out with my awesome husband and my two ridiculous cats. I also talk about movies and tv a lot. Y’all means all.
I’m looking for advice on baking bread in the Houston climate. I get nothing but bakery ads. ::Giant Sigh::
Remember when google worked? That was nice.
February 16, 2026 at 5:27 AM
I’m looking for advice on baking bread in the Houston climate. I get nothing but bakery ads. ::Giant Sigh::
HBO tried to play me the fucking dub of Like Water for Chocolate. Sir. Did you not check the zip code? I’m getting mad we ever separated from Mexico right now!
February 16, 2026 at 4:18 AM
HBO tried to play me the fucking dub of Like Water for Chocolate. Sir. Did you not check the zip code? I’m getting mad we ever separated from Mexico right now!
Welp. That was perfect. I can’t wait to watch the entire season again next Sunday before the finale! I love my Dunk the lunk so fiercely.
February 16, 2026 at 3:47 AM
Welp. That was perfect. I can’t wait to watch the entire season again next Sunday before the finale! I love my Dunk the lunk so fiercely.
I also have never gotten a satisfactory answer to this question, but based on personal experience with men, I’m going with most.
As with so many things, and an entire life experience, I always have one question: what percentage of men are monsters, or help the monsters thrive.
February 16, 2026 at 2:52 AM
I also have never gotten a satisfactory answer to this question, but based on personal experience with men, I’m going with most.
DUNK! DUNK!! DUNK!!! DUNK THE LUNK!!!!
(I will be doing this on repeat for the next 11 minutes, let your imagination fill it in)
(I will be doing this on repeat for the next 11 minutes, let your imagination fill it in)
February 16, 2026 at 2:49 AM
DUNK! DUNK!! DUNK!!! DUNK THE LUNK!!!!
(I will be doing this on repeat for the next 11 minutes, let your imagination fill it in)
(I will be doing this on repeat for the next 11 minutes, let your imagination fill it in)
Ok. Bread made, dinner made and consumed, dishes in progress. My body is ready for a mother fucking Trial of Seven. LETS FUCKING GO!!!! (In 35 minutes).
February 16, 2026 at 2:26 AM
Ok. Bread made, dinner made and consumed, dishes in progress. My body is ready for a mother fucking Trial of Seven. LETS FUCKING GO!!!! (In 35 minutes).
Dinner! There’s some cod under all that sauce I swear. I really liked this one, but the husband feels like the sauce color makes promises the flavor doesn’t deliver. I doubled the paprika and garlic cause I am me, but alas. 🍜🍽️
February 16, 2026 at 2:16 AM
Dinner! There’s some cod under all that sauce I swear. I really liked this one, but the husband feels like the sauce color makes promises the flavor doesn’t deliver. I doubled the paprika and garlic cause I am me, but alas. 🍜🍽️
Reposted by Emi the Sweary Cook🌵
The herb bread is on its first rise. Hopefully the shorter rise will help the texture. The other loaves I’ve made have been fine. Totally edible, good flavor, but just denser than I want. I want more air pockets to form and there are like 5 factors to consider!
February 15, 2026 at 10:37 PM
The herb bread is on its first rise. Hopefully the shorter rise will help the texture. The other loaves I’ve made have been fine. Totally edible, good flavor, but just denser than I want. I want more air pockets to form and there are like 5 factors to consider!
Reposted by Emi the Sweary Cook🌵
Man we watched Sinners again last night and that shit is so good. Coogler didn't pull punches and trusted the audience and came away with a huge box office tally and all those nominations. Execs need to see that moviegoers are looking for new stories, original ideas. And paying for tickets!
February 15, 2026 at 10:21 PM
Man we watched Sinners again last night and that shit is so good. Coogler didn't pull punches and trusted the audience and came away with a huge box office tally and all those nominations. Execs need to see that moviegoers are looking for new stories, original ideas. And paying for tickets!
There’s hockey on my tv, but they haven’t taken a single fuck break. Seems odd.
February 15, 2026 at 10:25 PM
There’s hockey on my tv, but they haven’t taken a single fuck break. Seems odd.
13 months into living in the house and I finally figured out how to set the oven clock. Please clap.
February 15, 2026 at 9:11 PM
13 months into living in the house and I finally figured out how to set the oven clock. Please clap.
Going to attempt another bread today. A simple herb loaf with only 2 rises so I can test more easily. My last two breads have had a tighter structure than I wanted and my hypothesis is that I over-proofed them cause I live in swamp humidity. This gets 2 1 hour rises. I’m going to try 45 minutes each
February 15, 2026 at 7:23 PM
Going to attempt another bread today. A simple herb loaf with only 2 rises so I can test more easily. My last two breads have had a tighter structure than I wanted and my hypothesis is that I over-proofed them cause I live in swamp humidity. This gets 2 1 hour rises. I’m going to try 45 minutes each
It’s basically Poseidon in Hades 2 yelling “Another one!” Or “From the sea!!” but instead of a pom it’s a once in a generation flood and you don’t have power for a week
But really: Is it a holiday in Houston without Zeus or Jupiter cursing you out and flooding your streets?
February 15, 2026 at 5:54 AM
It’s basically Poseidon in Hades 2 yelling “Another one!” Or “From the sea!!” but instead of a pom it’s a once in a generation flood and you don’t have power for a week
Hi! I was abused by a coworker of my father’s I’d never met before the assault. I would never have dreamed of reporting it if I thought the perpetrator would be killed as a result. This is not a smart solution.
As a child protection professional, I can tell you the death penalty is NOT an awesome solution to child sexual abuse. Most children are abused by family members; they will not report if their family members will die as a result.
February 15, 2026 at 5:01 AM
Hi! I was abused by a coworker of my father’s I’d never met before the assault. I would never have dreamed of reporting it if I thought the perpetrator would be killed as a result. This is not a smart solution.
Lmao in raised Calvinist
The Rubio speech really is appalling, and if you haven’t read it yet, you should.
www.state.gov/releases/off...
www.state.gov/releases/off...
February 15, 2026 at 3:59 AM
Lmao in raised Calvinist
Reposted by Emi the Sweary Cook🌵
Just got the most important delivery of my life
February 15, 2026 at 3:53 AM
Just got the most important delivery of my life
I opened the head chairs for the dining room and I almost fainted. They’re so much more beautiful in real life than they looked online. I’m so excited to get a table to put them with! Eeeeeeee!!
February 15, 2026 at 3:17 AM
I opened the head chairs for the dining room and I almost fainted. They’re so much more beautiful in real life than they looked online. I’m so excited to get a table to put them with! Eeeeeeee!!
Seriously, if you generally enjoy me and my bullshit, you’ll love my all time favorite show that I’m still convinced was made just for me at the exact moment I needed it. You’re the Worst, all eps on Hulu.
Y’all know.
February 15, 2026 at 2:21 AM
Seriously, if you generally enjoy me and my bullshit, you’ll love my all time favorite show that I’m still convinced was made just for me at the exact moment I needed it. You’re the Worst, all eps on Hulu.
Y’all know.
February 15, 2026 at 2:14 AM
Y’all know.
::extreme joint chiefs of staff voice:: The prep drawer has been organized.
February 15, 2026 at 1:39 AM
::extreme joint chiefs of staff voice:: The prep drawer has been organized.
Guys I got a pastry board!! No more rolling my dough on the counter and trying to measure everything with a bench scraper for me!
February 15, 2026 at 12:33 AM
Guys I got a pastry board!! No more rolling my dough on the counter and trying to measure everything with a bench scraper for me!
I regret to inform you that yet another place that used to have good queso has fallen to the scourge that is queso blanco. RIP good queso.
February 14, 2026 at 11:07 PM
I regret to inform you that yet another place that used to have good queso has fallen to the scourge that is queso blanco. RIP good queso.
Busy but exciting afternoon! I need to go pick up Container Store stuff, hit up Crate and Barrel for dishes, and generally mill around the block where all the furniture stores are for a couple hours until the Brazilian steakhouse opens at 4. Then we shall see how much beef causes cardiac arrest.
February 14, 2026 at 6:56 PM
Busy but exciting afternoon! I need to go pick up Container Store stuff, hit up Crate and Barrel for dishes, and generally mill around the block where all the furniture stores are for a couple hours until the Brazilian steakhouse opens at 4. Then we shall see how much beef causes cardiac arrest.
Reposted by Emi the Sweary Cook🌵
In case anyone is wondering, I will never, ever vote for Gavin Newsom.
February 13, 2026 at 11:58 PM
In case anyone is wondering, I will never, ever vote for Gavin Newsom.