david tveite
@tveite.bsky.social
for some reason it's pronounced "twighty." i do standup and i go to the grocery store and that's basically it.
www.davidtveite.com
www.davidtveite.com
having a hard time affording a home huh well that's because joe biden let all these refugees from guatemala and el salvador financialize the housing market
November 13, 2025 at 11:05 PM
having a hard time affording a home huh well that's because joe biden let all these refugees from guatemala and el salvador financialize the housing market
donald trump and kash patel just pulled me into the situation room and told me to quit doing comedy??
November 13, 2025 at 10:44 PM
donald trump and kash patel just pulled me into the situation room and told me to quit doing comedy??
Reposted by david tveite
*witch cocks gun*
"double double, motherfucker"
"double double, motherfucker"
November 13, 2025 at 9:56 PM
*witch cocks gun*
"double double, motherfucker"
"double double, motherfucker"
one of my favorite horror movie tropes is when characters get punished for not respecting the norms of halloween. this literal demon from hell gets sooo mad if you take more than one candy out of the unattended bowl!
November 13, 2025 at 8:41 PM
one of my favorite horror movie tropes is when characters get punished for not respecting the norms of halloween. this literal demon from hell gets sooo mad if you take more than one candy out of the unattended bowl!
Reposted by david tveite
second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard
November 9, 2025 at 3:10 PM
second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard
pretty crazy to be guilty of numerous sex crimes and then spend your whole life trying to make sure that everybody has to think about you all the time
November 13, 2025 at 1:55 AM
pretty crazy to be guilty of numerous sex crimes and then spend your whole life trying to make sure that everybody has to think about you all the time
got some "blackberry cucumber" la croix from the store earlier. hope it works out!
November 13, 2025 at 1:39 AM
got some "blackberry cucumber" la croix from the store earlier. hope it works out!
guys we gotta stop saying "it's giving" we are 37 years old
November 13, 2025 at 1:37 AM
guys we gotta stop saying "it's giving" we are 37 years old
Reposted by david tveite
if your ideology is based on the idea that it is justifiable to prey on the weak there isn't going to be a meaningful boundary you can draw between looting from the poor and sexually exploiting kids. i don't think every conservative is a pervert but that is the logical conclusion of their beliefs
November 12, 2025 at 5:02 PM
if your ideology is based on the idea that it is justifiable to prey on the weak there isn't going to be a meaningful boundary you can draw between looting from the poor and sexually exploiting kids. i don't think every conservative is a pervert but that is the logical conclusion of their beliefs
how many years away are we from the first 80 yard field goal
November 11, 2025 at 2:26 AM
how many years away are we from the first 80 yard field goal
Reposted by david tveite
this is literally never not accurate
November 10, 2025 at 6:32 PM
this is literally never not accurate
in response to joyce carol oates saying he doesn't enjoy art elon has hung a boondock saints poster behind him so it's visible in zoom meetings
November 10, 2025 at 9:23 PM
in response to joyce carol oates saying he doesn't enjoy art elon has hung a boondock saints poster behind him so it's visible in zoom meetings
in all the years i was drinking the weirdest decision i made was making yuengling my go-to when i lived in dc. awful beer. tasted terrible. made me feel like shit. for four years i was like i'll keep drinking that garbage.
November 9, 2025 at 12:27 AM
in all the years i was drinking the weirdest decision i made was making yuengling my go-to when i lived in dc. awful beer. tasted terrible. made me feel like shit. for four years i was like i'll keep drinking that garbage.
once king kong was on top of the empire state building i don't think he had any idea how to get down. if they just let him chill up there for a bit they could have reset the situation and approached things more constructively. hindsight's always 20/20 but sending the airplanes was a bad call imo.
November 7, 2025 at 5:08 PM
once king kong was on top of the empire state building i don't think he had any idea how to get down. if they just let him chill up there for a bit they could have reset the situation and approached things more constructively. hindsight's always 20/20 but sending the airplanes was a bad call imo.
Reposted by david tveite
i am way too politics brained lately, gonna have to lock myself in a room until i've written 10 jokes about carrots or something
November 5, 2025 at 11:59 PM
i am way too politics brained lately, gonna have to lock myself in a room until i've written 10 jokes about carrots or something
i'm not thrilled that my flight home for christmas has been canceled but i'm happy to make the sacrifice in order to protect the folks who are named in the epstein files
November 5, 2025 at 9:57 PM
i'm not thrilled that my flight home for christmas has been canceled but i'm happy to make the sacrifice in order to protect the folks who are named in the epstein files
*tune of "kiss me" by sixpence none the richer*
piss, pee
piss, pee
November 5, 2025 at 8:46 PM
*tune of "kiss me" by sixpence none the richer*
piss, pee
piss, pee
hard to know how to approach this book. pynchon can be difficult enough to follow when you're sober but to get the full effect here i think you have to read it stoned.
November 5, 2025 at 6:08 PM
hard to know how to approach this book. pynchon can be difficult enough to follow when you're sober but to get the full effect here i think you have to read it stoned.
Reposted by david tveite
Cuomo gave a fairly graceless concession speech, and Mamdani rips his skin off:
"My friends, we have toppled a political dynasty. I wish Andrew Cuomo the best in private life. But let tonight be the last time I mention his name."
"My friends, we have toppled a political dynasty. I wish Andrew Cuomo the best in private life. But let tonight be the last time I mention his name."
November 5, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Cuomo gave a fairly graceless concession speech, and Mamdani rips his skin off:
"My friends, we have toppled a political dynasty. I wish Andrew Cuomo the best in private life. But let tonight be the last time I mention his name."
"My friends, we have toppled a political dynasty. I wish Andrew Cuomo the best in private life. But let tonight be the last time I mention his name."
nobody is better than burneko for stuff like this
a send-off: defector.com/dick-cheney-...
Dick Cheney Departs The World He Made | Defector
At its heart, American conservatism is a fantasy. It’s a vision of a world too evil to be saved or cared about, and fearsome enough to justify any and every impulse toward cruelty and violence that a ...
defector.com
November 4, 2025 at 7:12 PM
nobody is better than burneko for stuff like this
thinkin about all those happy thriving people in the alternate universe where dick cheney got trapped in a walk-in freezer and died of hypothermia in 1972
November 4, 2025 at 5:03 PM
thinkin about all those happy thriving people in the alternate universe where dick cheney got trapped in a walk-in freezer and died of hypothermia in 1972
rip mister richard cheney thank you sir for all the cruelty stupidity and misery you brought into our world
November 4, 2025 at 2:07 PM
rip mister richard cheney thank you sir for all the cruelty stupidity and misery you brought into our world