david tveite
@tveite.bsky.social
for some reason it's pronounced "twighty." i do standup and i go to the grocery store and that's basically it.
www.davidtveite.com
www.davidtveite.com
when the organization for the prohibition of chemical weapons tried to give me their 2013 nobel peace prize because they like my standup i turned it down but i guess that's why i'm not the president.
January 16, 2026 at 6:28 PM
when the organization for the prohibition of chemical weapons tried to give me their 2013 nobel peace prize because they like my standup i turned it down but i guess that's why i'm not the president.
painting a tunnel on a wall so ice crash into the wall, luring ice to the end of a cliff and then cutting it off with a handsaw, tricking ice into lighting their asses on fire instead of a dynamite fuse,
DHS spokesperson Tricia McLaughlin on "acts of violence" against ICE agents in Minnesota: "Pouring water on the ground so that it would freeze the ground in front of our federal law enforcement vehicles so that they would potentially slide, crash, and potentially kill them"
January 16, 2026 at 2:37 AM
painting a tunnel on a wall so ice crash into the wall, luring ice to the end of a cliff and then cutting it off with a handsaw, tricking ice into lighting their asses on fire instead of a dynamite fuse,
a reality competition show where like a dozen aspiring actors move into a house together and compete for a chance to join the skarsgård family
January 15, 2026 at 10:39 PM
a reality competition show where like a dozen aspiring actors move into a house together and compete for a chance to join the skarsgård family
2016 was the year i took two iconic photos in my friend's kitchen in dc and then i moved to new york city to pursue my dream of looking like total shit
January 15, 2026 at 7:09 PM
2016 was the year i took two iconic photos in my friend's kitchen in dc and then i moved to new york city to pursue my dream of looking like total shit
Reposted by david tveite
Aware that he only had a few months left to live the great Mike Davis gave one of his final interviews to the Guardian in 202.
"You’ve been organizing for social change your whole life. How do you deal with a future that feels so bleak?" Lois Beckett asked.
"You’ve been organizing for social change your whole life. How do you deal with a future that feels so bleak?" Lois Beckett asked.
January 15, 2026 at 6:15 PM
Aware that he only had a few months left to live the great Mike Davis gave one of his final interviews to the Guardian in 202.
"You’ve been organizing for social change your whole life. How do you deal with a future that feels so bleak?" Lois Beckett asked.
"You’ve been organizing for social change your whole life. How do you deal with a future that feels so bleak?" Lois Beckett asked.
picturing him doing the second part in the homer simpson stage whisper
January 15, 2026 at 5:32 PM
picturing him doing the second part in the homer simpson stage whisper
Reposted by david tveite
I am obsessed with the Eminem AI posts now. It’s crazy
January 14, 2026 at 9:43 PM
I am obsessed with the Eminem AI posts now. It’s crazy
don't know why but a stray thought i had during marty supreme is that one of the safdies should work with tobey maguire on something
January 14, 2026 at 9:45 PM
don't know why but a stray thought i had during marty supreme is that one of the safdies should work with tobey maguire on something
lmao this is such a @yourkickstartersucks.com -assed idea
I am introducing the Quick Recognition (QR) Act, which requires ICE and CBP officers to wear uniforms featuring QR codes. When scanned, the code would generate a digital ID displaying the officer’s name, badge number, and law enforcement agency.
ICE should be unmasked both physically and digitally.
ICE should be unmasked both physically and digitally.
January 14, 2026 at 5:24 PM
lmao this is such a @yourkickstartersucks.com -assed idea
i am introducing a bill that requires all members of ice to remove their masks and wear full joker facepaint instead
January 14, 2026 at 5:22 PM
i am introducing a bill that requires all members of ice to remove their masks and wear full joker facepaint instead
Reposted by david tveite
Alas, I have become what I most feared: ten draculas.
January 14, 2026 at 3:36 PM
Alas, I have become what I most feared: ten draculas.
this might seem stupid but there is a precedent for this — younger people might not remember back in the '90s when they used to do "dan rather's heroin corner"
New: CBS News seems to be preparing a new segment called "Whiskey Fridays with Tony Dokoupil," per sources.
Some staff were only first made aware of it as they encountered CBS testing out set designs of a faux-stocked bar in the newsroom, featuring a large sponsor banner for Jack Daniels.
Some staff were only first made aware of it as they encountered CBS testing out set designs of a faux-stocked bar in the newsroom, featuring a large sponsor banner for Jack Daniels.
January 13, 2026 at 10:12 PM
this might seem stupid but there is a precedent for this — younger people might not remember back in the '90s when they used to do "dan rather's heroin corner"
it's a beautiful day here in portland oregon
January 13, 2026 at 7:53 PM
it's a beautiful day here in portland oregon
dilbert shouldve hooped instead of tryna kill ppl cause he tall as hell
January 13, 2026 at 6:52 PM
dilbert shouldve hooped instead of tryna kill ppl cause he tall as hell
big day for my semi-legal side business where i make funerary urns shaped like dilbert's head
January 13, 2026 at 5:19 PM
big day for my semi-legal side business where i make funerary urns shaped like dilbert's head
if he weren't actually evil i think eric adams would be my favorite guy
Apparently Eric Adams already rug-pulled his own memecoin www.reddit.com/r/CryptoCurr...
From the CryptoCurrency community on Reddit: Former NYC Mayor Eric Adams rugs his own memecoin just 30 minutes after launch and pockets over $2.5M
Explore this post and more from the CryptoCurrency community
www.reddit.com
January 13, 2026 at 2:54 AM
if he weren't actually evil i think eric adams would be my favorite guy
Reposted by david tveite
the democrats are right we should focus on kitchen table issues. for example there is a guy at my kitchen table who wants to shoot me in the face with a gun
January 13, 2026 at 12:01 AM
the democrats are right we should focus on kitchen table issues. for example there is a guy at my kitchen table who wants to shoot me in the face with a gun
imagine being robert loggia. you're a guy from staten island but you have the voice of some of kind of mythological lava monster.
January 12, 2026 at 9:09 PM
imagine being robert loggia. you're a guy from staten island but you have the voice of some of kind of mythological lava monster.
christ, 26 years old. he was 20 when schlagenheim came out. we lost a huge talent far too soon. rip.
Black Midi's founding guitarist Matt Kwasniewski-Kelvin has died at 26
Black Midi Guitarist Matt Kwasniewski-Kelvin Has Died
Matt Kwasniewski-Kelvin, founding guitarist of the experimental London post-punk band Black Midi, has died. Rough Trade, the band’s label, announced his passing on Instagram this morning, writing that...
stereogum.com
January 12, 2026 at 5:46 PM
christ, 26 years old. he was 20 when schlagenheim came out. we lost a huge talent far too soon. rip.
that is not the point of the department of homeland security. do you think i'm fucking stupid.
@petebuttigieg.bsky.social: "We have an ICE agent who should have been trained not to be in front of a vehicle and never to shoot into a moving vehicle, and yet this happened on [Kristi Noem's] watch. The whole POINT of Homeland Security is to make this country more stable and safe."
January 9, 2026 at 7:56 PM
that is not the point of the department of homeland security. do you think i'm fucking stupid.
i don't know about you guys but the main thing that i'm worried about right now is tren de aragua the venezuelan gang that i have never heard of in any context except when the government is lying about someone whose rights they violated
January 9, 2026 at 7:29 PM
i don't know about you guys but the main thing that i'm worried about right now is tren de aragua the venezuelan gang that i have never heard of in any context except when the government is lying about someone whose rights they violated
ok folks let's hear it: i wanna know your favorite type of paint to drink
January 9, 2026 at 2:17 AM
ok folks let's hear it: i wanna know your favorite type of paint to drink
slowing down the footage and being like "oh see look his feet are planted in front of the car here" like you're debating a charging call in an nba game
January 8, 2026 at 6:02 PM
slowing down the footage and being like "oh see look his feet are planted in front of the car here" like you're debating a charging call in an nba game
she turned her car into a weapon. that's why the brave officer tactically murdered that lady. he saw the little "weapon mode" light come on. i don't know why honda pilots even have that feature tbh.
January 8, 2026 at 5:26 PM
she turned her car into a weapon. that's why the brave officer tactically murdered that lady. he saw the little "weapon mode" light come on. i don't know why honda pilots even have that feature tbh.
Reposted by david tveite
there is no reason for ICE to exist. immigrants aren’t doing anything wrong by trying to live and work and provide for their loved ones. I don’t care how people got here. if they want to be here that’s good. leave them alone.
January 8, 2026 at 1:22 AM
there is no reason for ICE to exist. immigrants aren’t doing anything wrong by trying to live and work and provide for their loved ones. I don’t care how people got here. if they want to be here that’s good. leave them alone.