Fondue Forks
@throckey.bsky.social
Aspiring failure, grandfather, and fondue fan.
It's the ICE capades!
Most Anticipated Movie of 2026 Just 90 Straight Minutes of ICE Slipping on Ice: tinyurl.com/3btmv2aw
January 13, 2026 at 5:18 PM
It's the ICE capades!
I own a couple of these and they are very, very manly, but slightly inconvenient as it is nearly impossible to stop bench pressing oneself while wearing this super awesome garment.
"The Foreskin Tactical Hoodie is perfect for outdoorsmen and army-man dress-up parties. It is not for doing stuff women normally do, like yoga, crying, or watching 'Heated Rivalry.'"
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/sor...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/sor...
Sorry Ladies, the Foreskin Tactical Hoodie Is Only for Men
The Foreskin Tactical Hoodie is the antithesis of all things feminine and female. It comes in black, brown, and olive green. It does not come in fu...
www.mcsweeneys.net
January 13, 2026 at 6:47 AM
I own a couple of these and they are very, very manly, but slightly inconvenient as it is nearly impossible to stop bench pressing oneself while wearing this super awesome garment.
This is a pretty good thread about resilience and writing your own story, rather than just reading it based on the cards you are dealt.
My own journey from despair and doom is similar. Yeah, it's hard when everything you get looks like shit, but you gotta figure out how you're going to play it.
My own journey from despair and doom is similar. Yeah, it's hard when everything you get looks like shit, but you gotta figure out how you're going to play it.
Watching doc about resilience that reaffirms many changes I made last few years to my mental outlook (I read a LOT of brain books). Brains are hallucination engines. If the story is the world is shit, everything is fucked, brain reframes every interaction this way. It impacts behavior; shuts us down
January 11, 2026 at 9:23 PM
This is a pretty good thread about resilience and writing your own story, rather than just reading it based on the cards you are dealt.
My own journey from despair and doom is similar. Yeah, it's hard when everything you get looks like shit, but you gotta figure out how you're going to play it.
My own journey from despair and doom is similar. Yeah, it's hard when everything you get looks like shit, but you gotta figure out how you're going to play it.
Okay, this is really funny, especially if you've been exposed to a lot of math.
Jay-Z’s Limited Problem Set:
Let x = the set including Jay’s total number of possible tribulations (maximum = 100).
GIVEN: One of the set ≠ “a bitch.” How many other potential quandaries might Jay-Z face?
Let x = the set including Jay’s total number of possible tribulations (maximum = 100).
GIVEN: One of the set ≠ “a bitch.” How many other potential quandaries might Jay-Z face?
Pop Song Math Quiz
Answer all questions in the form of a song title. 1. The Rob Base Postulate Given that a number greater than 1(x) is required to make a thing go ri...
buff.ly
January 11, 2026 at 7:44 PM
Okay, this is really funny, especially if you've been exposed to a lot of math.
Bismuth Zeppelin
Slightly diminish a band.
Muttering Trees
Muttering Trees
Slightly diminish a band.
blink-181
blink-181
January 10, 2026 at 7:54 PM
Bismuth Zeppelin
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
they've got Raffi calling for regime change. something has shifted.
January 9, 2026 at 10:13 PM
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
I dunno, maybe we show up to protest in caskets so as not to alarm them with our flagrant aliving?
Federal Agents Shoot 2 People in Portland Who Threatened to Exist: tinyurl.com/mjrsh7d2
January 9, 2026 at 6:08 AM
I dunno, maybe we show up to protest in caskets so as not to alarm them with our flagrant aliving?
Hey, we've all watched Narcos and we know how savage those cartel guys can be, but have you ever asked a single mother to turn her SUV around?
Today a local conservative and ICE agent who cried bloody murder when asked to wear a mask during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic clarified he’s actually totally fine with wearing masks as long as it’s to ruin lives, not save them: tinyurl.com/3pabcukx
January 8, 2026 at 6:08 AM
Hey, we've all watched Narcos and we know how savage those cartel guys can be, but have you ever asked a single mother to turn her SUV around?
Hey, we'd best get after Texas as well.
“Lots of oil up there LOTS and we’re going to free it from the corrupt dictatorship that controls it now,” said President Trump.
Trump Announces Plans to Acquire Alaska: tinyurl.com/3s4k8dfn
January 6, 2026 at 5:30 AM
Hey, we'd best get after Texas as well.
How is this news? The Raiders fire their coach every year.
January 5, 2026 at 4:52 PM
How is this news? The Raiders fire their coach every year.
Once again, the sportball team from my geographic region has defeated the sportball team from that inferior geographic region, demonstrating that we alone occupy the lucid dreams of the ancient gods.
I guess I should buy a T-shirt.
I guess I should buy a T-shirt.
January 4, 2026 at 5:40 AM
Once again, the sportball team from my geographic region has defeated the sportball team from that inferior geographic region, demonstrating that we alone occupy the lucid dreams of the ancient gods.
I guess I should buy a T-shirt.
I guess I should buy a T-shirt.
Hey man, don't bogart the whole chalice of NIMBY blood. The rest of us would like a hit off of that...
Furious Mayor Wilson Pounds Fist On Table Demanding Chalice Of NIMBY Blood: tinyurl.com/mr7kpkrk
January 4, 2026 at 5:34 AM
Hey man, don't bogart the whole chalice of NIMBY blood. The rest of us would like a hit off of that...
I, for one, welcome out new Canadian overlords, and look forward to more poutine on the menus of area restaurants.
In response to multiple threats by the United States to turn Canada into the 51st state, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney surprised Canadians and Washingtonians by declaring Washington Canada’s 11th Province: tinyurl.com/4w688ss6
January 2, 2026 at 12:06 AM
I, for one, welcome out new Canadian overlords, and look forward to more poutine on the menus of area restaurants.
Apparently I'm an LAPD detective, because I can read one of these books in a day.
Well, now I'm an English professor...
December 30, 2025 at 3:27 AM
Apparently I'm an LAPD detective, because I can read one of these books in a day.
Tears of rage.
ketchup isn’t available, what are you putting on your fries?
December 30, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Tears of rage.
Hey, it worked for me.
Report: Average American’s Retirement Plan Involves Richard Gere Falling For Them After Paying For Sex https://theonion.com/report-average-americans-retirement-plan-involves-richard-gere-falling-for-them-after-paying-for-sex/
December 29, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Hey, it worked for me.
Is there a way I can unseen this?
Commentary: Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! https://theonion.com/ho-ho-ho-im-regrowing-my-foreskin-2/
Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!
Seasons greetings from your old friend Santa! With Christmas just a few short days away, Santa is hard at work at the North Pole, making presents for all you good boys and girls. But this year, Santa ...
theonion.com
December 25, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Is there a way I can unseen this?
This smacks of toxic masculinity.
"Hey! I love this shit and I want to spawn."
"Hey! I love this shit and I want to spawn."
Tire Runoff Delicious, ‘But I Know It’s Bad For Me,’ Says Local Salmon: tinyurl.com/3znnjbp2
December 20, 2025 at 8:37 PM
This smacks of toxic masculinity.
"Hey! I love this shit and I want to spawn."
"Hey! I love this shit and I want to spawn."
This is just glorious fuckery. I can't tell where the satire ends and the reality begins, but, at the end of the day, the response to this flood is all of us being our best selves.
I'm super proud of all the people getting out there and doing the work.
I'm super proud of all the people getting out there and doing the work.
Emergency Declared After President Actually Declares Emergency When Blue State Asked: tinyurl.com/4jrsnjzc
December 14, 2025 at 11:06 PM
This is just glorious fuckery. I can't tell where the satire ends and the reality begins, but, at the end of the day, the response to this flood is all of us being our best selves.
I'm super proud of all the people getting out there and doing the work.
I'm super proud of all the people getting out there and doing the work.
Reposted by Fondue Forks
Emergency Declared After President Actually Declares Emergency When Blue State Asked: tinyurl.com/4jrsnjzc
December 13, 2025 at 7:23 AM
Emergency Declared After President Actually Declares Emergency When Blue State Asked: tinyurl.com/4jrsnjzc
Sing it people:
We are smi-ther-eens,
All my little Sacklers and me!
We are smi-ther-eens,
All my little Sacklers and me!
Venezuela Bombs American Drug Yacht, Wiping Out Entire Sackler Family Cartel: tinyurl.com/mr472vs5
December 2, 2025 at 6:44 AM
Sing it people:
We are smi-ther-eens,
All my little Sacklers and me!
We are smi-ther-eens,
All my little Sacklers and me!
Glorious. And I have read too much Cormac McCarthy.
"The mall had once been a bustling outpost of humanity. Now as the man led the boy over the threshold, he perceived how the crowds thinned and order gave way to the entropic pull of the wild."
Cormac McCarthy’s The Mall
If only there was not cause, thought the man, for the boy to accompany him here. To this place of commerce. But as the woman reminded him two hours...
buff.ly
December 2, 2025 at 12:22 AM
Glorious. And I have read too much Cormac McCarthy.
Introduce yourself with five animals you have seen in the wild:
-Orca whale (likely Biggs)
-Humpback whale
-Sea Otter (not a river otter)
-Coyote
-Blue Heron
-Orca whale (likely Biggs)
-Humpback whale
-Sea Otter (not a river otter)
-Coyote
-Blue Heron
November 29, 2025 at 5:01 AM
Introduce yourself with five animals you have seen in the wild:
-Orca whale (likely Biggs)
-Humpback whale
-Sea Otter (not a river otter)
-Coyote
-Blue Heron
-Orca whale (likely Biggs)
-Humpback whale
-Sea Otter (not a river otter)
-Coyote
-Blue Heron
I remember, at 12 or something, reading one of Heinlein's "full horndog prose" novel and being so embarrassed. Like Little-Rascals-when-Alfafa-sings embarrassed.
I mean, hashtag NotJustHeinlein, there were a lot of dude scifi authors who went full hornhog prose there in the 70s/80s, it was the era of Playboy and cocaine, I just don't have the ambition to go there, and if I have a horny swinger nudist phase I think we'll all be happy if I keep it to myself
Tbf, Heinlein was always a horny swinger nudist, he just lived long enough for publishers to start letting him put that stuff in his books.
November 26, 2025 at 12:13 AM
I remember, at 12 or something, reading one of Heinlein's "full horndog prose" novel and being so embarrassed. Like Little-Rascals-when-Alfafa-sings embarrassed.
This is kinda related to one of my favorite "Get to know you" questions: When they make a movie of your life, and it's the opening scene where you're walking through the airport, what will the background song be?
Mine is Jungle Boogie.
Mine is Jungle Boogie.
We need to bring back the 80s-90s thing where films start with the main character realizing they are late for work/school/curfew and bicycling/running through a scenic filming location while an easy-listening pop song plays and the intro credits flash by
November 26, 2025 at 12:05 AM
This is kinda related to one of my favorite "Get to know you" questions: When they make a movie of your life, and it's the opening scene where you're walking through the airport, what will the background song be?
Mine is Jungle Boogie.
Mine is Jungle Boogie.