Stilldan
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stilldan.bsky.social
Stilldan
@stilldan.bsky.social
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My bologna has a first name, my sliced cheese has a law degree and the bread ran away with the spoon. Everything is nonsense, please pass the mustard.
Reposted by Stilldan
Knocked a couple pieces of maple together while bringing in firewood and before I knew it a family of bigfoots had brought a casserole. “We’re going to need that dish back,” they said, "it's vintage CorningWare."
November 12, 2025 at 3:20 PM
Saying farewell to the last wisdom teeth of my loins by cheffing up some SpaghettiOs with sliced hot dogs like it’s 1987.
November 8, 2025 at 8:25 PM
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Introducing two spammers to each other.
November 6, 2025 at 9:20 PM
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Bringing out a minuscule meal in the break room to appear larger and more intimidating to my coworkers
November 5, 2025 at 9:43 PM
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If You Give a Mouse a Sorting Project
November 6, 2025 at 7:57 PM
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I'm only clever now if I have a minute and internet access.
October 5, 2025 at 2:43 AM
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Yawn and stretch adorably out for some attention from passersby, cuddling your own claws up in each hand to show that this is no trick, just a little love request. I get muted a lot too but I'm an opossum
November 5, 2025 at 5:43 AM
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Horror films with the plants. They haven't exactly strangled with tendrils the psyche of the modern trellis goer but I won't stop thinking of them like was I even raised on growing? "No more coffee for the both of us" laughs flytrap
November 6, 2025 at 5:40 AM
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Look, I compost and recycle and try to avoid eating piping plovers but I draw the line when it comes to the aerosolized assurance that only my Aqua Net hairspray can provide
November 6, 2025 at 2:05 PM
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i’m gonna dance while doing the dishes about it
November 5, 2025 at 10:50 PM
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One time I called whale sounds 'Depth Metal' and now I'm banned from every meditation group in my town.
November 6, 2025 at 10:44 PM
Twenty years ago, I ordered T-shirts for my high school’s alumni hockey game. I gave away about 70 of the 100 on game day to the players and fans. Years later, my kids found the leftovers and gave away all but three, so now I wander New England playing a version of Where’s Waldo of my own design.
November 7, 2025 at 5:10 AM
Let them not feel the hunger to eat cake.
November 6, 2025 at 7:30 PM
I may finally put my hat in the ring to run on the Fuck Ticks platform.
November 6, 2025 at 5:21 AM
It’s almost one o’clock again.
November 2, 2025 at 5:55 AM
Just booked a fishing charter for me and the boys in the eastern Pacific because I found an unbeatable deal through this company called Bad Idea Jeans.
November 2, 2025 at 6:29 AM
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A short marble doric column rises a foot from a pile of gold coins. Upon it rest two chains. One very thin delicate gold, and the other very delicate sliver.

At the edge of the stone reads some old words in a forgotten language. "You may only choose one."

Anklet of glimmering.
Anklet of shadow.
November 2, 2025 at 3:08 AM
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hold on my old dog is stuck in a corner again
October 23, 2025 at 7:38 PM
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Where were you when you first lost the plot to Pirates of the Caribbean? I was standing at the counter watching the concessionaire pump chemical butter into my big bucket of buttered popcorn. “Don’t stop,” I remember telling him, a look of disbelief on his face.
October 29, 2025 at 3:10 PM
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I love a cranky bakery owner. Your cupcakes are so sweet and your demeanor so sour
October 23, 2025 at 2:56 PM
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Look, I don't know the actual real-name of it. It would be helpful if I did! But serious, how many hat-styles could you list by their proper name on sight?

But I'm tellin' ya, if you walked up with a black, flat-brimmed Zorro hat, I'd pay very close attention to what you might be up to
November 1, 2025 at 4:11 AM
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-Excuse me,do you have this on large?
-Sir, this is a yard sale
March 14, 2025 at 10:03 AM
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Tried building a mystery but all the materials were solutions and they can't de-solve themselves
October 29, 2025 at 8:25 PM
No eggers tonight, guess I’ll just climb down the tree stand to put mine back in the fridge and maybe make some french toast tomorrow.
November 1, 2025 at 4:34 AM
When you’re from Boston and you voice to text a post right before bed without double checking it, words mysteriously drop their ahs.
October 31, 2025 at 3:28 PM