Michael Procopio, depressive gigolo
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procopster.bsky.social
Michael Procopio, depressive gigolo
@procopster.bsky.social
Author of Spatchcock. Very fond of gin.

https://spatchcock.substack.com/
I'd like to punch every AI commercial I see in the dick.
November 13, 2025 at 11:45 PM
FREE SARAH KENDZIOR.
Well I can see Bluesky is handling a PR crisis in their normal competent manner
November 12, 2025 at 10:04 PM
This is absolutely savage.
Study Finds Most Americans Can't Find Where They Are Being Deported On Map
November 11, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Reposted by Michael Procopio, depressive gigolo
No, I screwed up. I cry your pardon.
Ceasar and Cleopatra, starring the very British Claude Rains and Miss Vivien Leigh, is airing on TCM at this very moment. Are you voluntarily choosing to watch Cleopatra, the bloated 1964 debacle starring Dame Elizabeth Taylor, via streaming instead? If so, you, sir, are a masochist! (No judgment.)
November 10, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Being someone else's obscure cultural reference is my idea of heaven. Thanks for this, @judgejohnhodgman.bsky.social !
November 6, 2025 at 7:45 PM
I remember cheering when this guy got his ass kicked by a stronger, smarter brown woman on Survivor.
November 5, 2025 at 9:43 PM
Reposted by Michael Procopio, depressive gigolo
November 5, 2025 at 2:41 AM
You Winsome, you Losesome.
Memo to Republicans

Demonising people who are trans is not only indecent, it is NOT a vote winner

Just ask Winsome Earle-Sears in Virginia, who campaigned heavily on being anti-trans and lost the election to Governor-elect Abigail Spanberger
November 5, 2025 at 2:02 AM
Reposted by Michael Procopio, depressive gigolo
“Whatever could be causing a loneliness epidemic?” you ask the internet, sitting in a driverless car wearing headphones that you never take off in public, as an anonymous shopper makes contactless delivery of your meal kits using the keypad entry of your condo atop empty ground floor retail space
November 4, 2025 at 3:58 PM
If you see this, post a vampire who isn't Dracula.
November 4, 2025 at 3:01 AM
Sometimes, your first drink is the worst drink. spatchcock.substack.com/p/the-fergie...
The Fergie Fizz
Or: The Saddest Drink in London
spatchcock.substack.com
November 3, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Somebody please remind me how things turned out for Jay Gatsby.
Trump is holding a Great Gatsby/Roaring 20s-themed party at his private club in Palm Beach tonight as he tries to withhold SNAP and health care subsidies from millions of Americans. (via Kellie Meyer)
November 1, 2025 at 5:15 AM
If you see this (and you feel up to it), post four female characters you love.
November 1, 2025 at 5:06 AM
Change one letter, ruin a candy:

Milf Duds
Twinx
Shittles
S&Ms
Scarburst
Change one letter, ruin a candy:

MayDay
Change one letter, ruin a candy:

S&Ms
October 29, 2025 at 10:56 PM
Au reservoir, Prunella.
October 29, 2025 at 3:05 PM
Reposted by Michael Procopio, depressive gigolo
managed to snag the olivia reingold video before she deleted
October 27, 2025 at 3:49 PM
I am an otter spotter.
October 27, 2025 at 6:20 PM
Tyler Perry's Gold Diggers of 1933.
Fritz Lang’s From Justin to Kelly
Stanley Kubrick‘s Freaky Friday
October 27, 2025 at 4:49 AM
I traveled 6k miles to vote, so I'm extra mad at the people who didn't bother.
What’s weird is if 5% of white people had voted differently,

or 5% of non voters got off their asses & voted, none of this would be happening.

We cannot deny that the children born now are going to pay the price for the folly of this experiment with full blown fascism.

And didn’t we owe the kids
October 19, 2025 at 11:38 PM
How do I have 2k followers when my posts are 99.9% invisible?
October 18, 2025 at 3:05 AM
Take two crackers and call me in the morning.
spatchcock.substack.com/p/grahams-cr...
Graham's Crackers
Or: Curb Your Enthusiasm
spatchcock.substack.com
October 17, 2025 at 8:48 PM
Current mood:
October 13, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Reposted by Michael Procopio, depressive gigolo
In which John Oliver methodically unpacks how thin it is to claim you’re all about “the truth” when you’re only running essays don’t get properly fact-checked — and don’t hold up to even basic reporting scrutiny www.youtube.com/watch?v=gieT...
Bari Weiss: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
YouTube video by LastWeekTonight
www.youtube.com
October 13, 2025 at 2:01 PM
On the Bridge of Sighs one year ago today.
October 8, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Reposted by Michael Procopio, depressive gigolo
I am just so fucking proud of her.
October 3, 2025 at 7:45 PM