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brianbilston.bsky.social
Brian Bilston
@brianbilston.bsky.social
25K followers 510 following 2K posts
I write poems.
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brianbilston.bsky.social
To mark Valentine’s Day, here is what is believed to be the world’s oldest surviving love poem, written 1.5 million years ago by one of our earliest ancestors, homo unrequitus.
The Caveman’s Lament   me think about her when sun rises me think about her when sun sets me say to her how much me love her she tell me love invent not yet   me make cave all warm and cosy me lie bearskin on cave floor me play song of love on bone flute she choose cave of Tim next door   me no more go out hunt mammoth me throw spear too short or long me sit in cave me paint her picture  she say me got perspective wrong   me cook meal to show me love her — diplodocus with fried beans — she say food anachronistic me not know what this means   stone age mighty hard for lovers yet rub two flints look what you get small sparks lead to big inferno but she say love invent not yet homo unrequitus
February 14, 2026 at 8:55 AM
brianbilston.bsky.social
And here’s my 2026 festival list so far.

14 Feb: Stage4Beverley
12 Mar: Words on the Water, Keswick
28 Apr: Guernsey Lit Fest
30 Apr: Wrexham Carnival of Words
1 May: Tunbridge Wells Lit Fest
2 May: Dorchester-on-Thames Fest
9 May: Filey Lit Fest
3 Jun: Leek Arts Fest

brianbilston.com/events/
Events
Here’s a page dedicated to forthcoming events where I’ll be out and about, reading poems, signing books and generally inflicting myself on an unsuspecting or unreceptive public: 2026 Fe…
brianbilston.com
February 13, 2026 at 9:59 AM
brianbilston.bsky.social
I’m delighted to be appearing at the Tunbridge Wells Literary Festival on 1st May.

Tickets have just gone on sale and are available here:
twlf.ssboxoffice.com/events/brian...
A pic advertising my Tunbridge Wells show on 1st May. It’s at the Trinity Theatre and starts at 7.30pm.
February 13, 2026 at 9:52 AM
brianbilston.bsky.social
Happy Radio Day to all those who celebrate.
Tuning the Dial We’re lost in music, caught …………… at second slip, low down, by the outstretched hand of ……………….. the US vice president, JD Vance, who was spotted ... …………..….…. working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when …………………. Shostakovich’s Symphony No. 7 was premiered in the …………………..… Forties. South or southwest 5 to 7, occasionally gale ………..………… from Croydon is on the line, who wants to talk to us about ……………………….… why Aviva life insurance is right for you and …………………………………... offers me protection, a lot of love and affection whether I’m right or ………….…….….. left wing but there’s nobody in the centre and the ball gets cleared to ………..…….. ….......….…..... Oscar Wilde, who famously announced ‘I have nothing to declare except …………….…………… .……….….. I can boogie, boogie woogie all night long. Brian Bilston
February 13, 2026 at 9:07 AM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
coldwarsteve.bsky.social
February 12, 2026 at 4:31 PM
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salenagodden.bsky.social
And I look forward to returning to Hackney Empire to join Hollie McNish, glorious venue @hackneyempire.bsky.social with the brilliant @holliemcnish.bsky.social come along on March 21st xx www.hackneyempire.co.uk/events/holli...
Hollie McNish Brand-New Book Tour | Hackney Empire
After a run of sold-out shows, Hollie is back with a brand-new book tour. Expect adult content ribbon wrapped in chat and poetry. The title is still under-
www.hackneyempire.co.uk
February 12, 2026 at 12:16 PM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
salenagodden.bsky.social
Gigs: March 2026

📚March 2: Barnsley Book Festival @livewirepoetry.org @mattabbottpoet.com & Toria Garbutt

🇯🇲March 12: Manchester, Sounds of Solidarity, fundraiser for Hurricane Melissa

🎤March 21: @hackneyempire.bsky.social with @holliemcnish.bsky.social

🎟️ www.salenagodden.co.uk/2026/02/gigs...
Gigs & Festivals & Fundraisers, March 2026
MARCH 2 -  BARNSLEY BOOK FESTIVAL  -  Performing with my old N&T family at LIVEWIRE in Yorkshire,  alongside gorgeous Toria Garbutt  and Ma...
www.salenagodden.co.uk
February 12, 2026 at 12:03 PM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
ditzkoff.bsky.social
RIP Bud Cort. How else would you even pay tribute to him.
February 11, 2026 at 8:51 PM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
foxlanebooks.bsky.social
💝This Sat 14 Feb we’ll be at the East Riding Theatre in Beverley for an evening with @brianbilston.bsky.social

As it’s Valentine’s Day, Brian will be performing from Alexa, what is there to know about love?

Be prepared for a new insight into 💕

www.eastridingtheatre.co.uk/brian-bilsto...
February 11, 2026 at 1:03 PM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
trouteyes.bsky.social
I'm an enigma, wrapped in a banana, covered in foil, and popped on barbecue
February 11, 2026 at 8:52 AM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
jacktindale.bsky.social
Wednesday.
February 11, 2026 at 7:46 AM
brianbilston.bsky.social
Here’s a poem called ‘Talking Down’.
Talking Down   After having listened to Richard for twenty-five minutes, Stifling her yawns as he Enlightened Her on the origins Of the term ‘mansplaining’, Lisa was finally able to get a word in Edgeways. Brian Bilston
February 11, 2026 at 9:32 AM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
slurmsmackenzie.bsky.social
A fake Guardian opinion page from Yogi Bear. The headline is "Ignore the smears: I was never going to steal that pic-a-nic basket and eat the delicious food Ranger Smith had made for lunch." the subheading is "Quite frankly it is insulting to suggest that Boo-Boo and I would do such a thing." A follow-on link goes to news stating "WhatsApp messages reveal that Yogi Bear messaged Boo-Boo to say "are you ready to steal the absolute fuck out of that pic-a-nic basket, Boo-Boo?"
February 10, 2026 at 12:43 PM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
atrupar.com
Crockett: "The US is falling apart, partially bc he's allowing for killings in the street, but also bc we have a 34 count convicted felon being shielded from any type of accountability as it relates to a child sex trafficking ring. I don't understand why we're pretending any of this is normal."
February 9, 2026 at 3:55 PM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
misterabk.bsky.social
An Important Information Film. Please share widely so that more people receive the information.

Tickets: www.mickperrin.com/tours/alasdair-beckett-king-king-of-crumbs
November 21, 2025 at 12:18 PM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
bertsbooks.bsky.social
If poetry is your thing, you'll be excited as I am to know there's a new Brian Bilston collection coming this April.

It's our 7th most popular pre-order at the moment, but you can push it up the list: bertsbooks.co.uk/product/how-...
How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside
February 8, 2026 at 1:36 PM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
ofalafel.bsky.social
In a bid to outfox the algorithms, I’m using a sink plunger stuck to my head to point at my new book (it’s out this Thursday you should definitely preorder a copy). Pretty sure this will work. Hit repost or like if you see this post. 🔁❤️
February 8, 2026 at 7:34 PM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
gailmyerscough.co.uk
Last posting dates for Valentine's cards 💌
Monday 9th Feb for 2nd class
Wednesday 11 Feb for 1st class
Get your orders in sharpish if you want them there on time!

www.gailmyerscough.co.uk/valentines-c...
Valentine’ Day cards. Four designs featuring an ice lolly, a space rocket, a turntable and the text “You’ll Do”.
February 8, 2026 at 9:27 AM
brianbilston.bsky.social
H r ‘ a o m all d ‘O t of hara t r’.
Out of Character   having noticed one day his keyboard was dirty, he reached for the soap spray and gave it a SQWERTY, before scrubbing away ‘til each letter was clean in ignorant bliss of having wrec ed his machine – for the  eys which once wor ed no  grad ally did not and the more that he ty ed the  orse it all got so that as the close of his  oem dre  near, as he  atched ever s mbol, e er sign disa  ear, he felt li e a  ostman at the end of hi  ro nd,  ith barel  a lette in hi  bag to b  fo nd. rian il ton
February 9, 2026 at 9:20 AM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
edgestreetlive.bsky.social
🎟 NEW DATE ALERT: @brianbilston.bsky.social'S 2026 TOUR IS COMING TO OXFORD 🎟

The poet who’s made millions laugh, think, and fall in love with words is heading back on tour now with an added date at @thenorthwalloxford.bsky.social on 18th November! 📍
February 6, 2026 at 10:49 AM
brianbilston.bsky.social
Tickets for two autumn shows have gone on sale today:
Warwick Arts Centre, COVENTRY on 1st Oct: www.warwickartscentre.co.uk/whats-on/Un8...

And an EXTRA DATE for OXFORD on 18th Nov.
31st Oct show has now sold out:
thenorthwall.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth/...

End of Very Important Message
Brian Bilston: How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside - Warwick Arts Centre
Join the UK’s most popular poet, Brian Bilston, for a hilarious evening of poetry. Featuring work from his latest collection, How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside.
www.warwickartscentre.co.uk
February 6, 2026 at 3:37 PM
brianbilston.bsky.social
Here’s a poem called ‘An Attempt to Write an Abecedarian Poem in Praise of the Dictionary’.
An Attempt to Write an Abecedarian Poem   in Praise of the Dictionary    An unfaltering ability to  Bring clarity to the English language  Constitutes your   Defining quality.  Ever since the day we  First met and I  Giggled at the rude words   Hidden amongst your pages,  I adored you,   Jubilant in the  Knowledge that things were  Looking up. You offered me the  Meaning of life,  Not to mention the meaning of all those  Other words, too.  Perfect at settling Scrabble board  Quarrels, your judgement  Reigns supreme. I  Sift you daily, panning for words in  The hope of penning the   Ultimate – the greatest poem this   Vast world has ever seen, but  Whoa, here comes the  X, and oh, alphabet, how could you, I knew  You’d get the better of me  Zooner or later.  Brian Bilston
February 6, 2026 at 9:04 AM
brianbilston.bsky.social
Here’s a poem called ‘Message to the 14-Year-Old Me’.
Message to the 14-Year-Old Me   Believe in yourself. You can do anything you set your heart on – except A level physics, perhaps. Well, all the sciences really.   DIY is a bit of a no-no, too. See also: driving; skiing; map reading; cooking pasta in the right quantities; relationships; origami.   Don’t even think about running your own business. Or singing in tune. Best to steer clear of all activities which require good hand-eye coordination.   Forget ice-skating, tending house plants, dealing with spiders, the correct spelling of the word ‘enjambement’. I could go on. But do not despair – for given time   and with a little luck on your side – you can achieve a basic level of competence in a limited number of simple, unremarkable things, you just need to believe in yourself. Brian Bilston
February 5, 2026 at 11:10 AM
Reposted by Brian Bilston
davidpendleton.bsky.social
✨ Brian Bilston LIVE in Filey ✨

Known as the Banksy of poetry, Brian Bilston brings his witty, life-affirming poetry to the Evron Centre Concert Hall.

📅 Sat 9 May | ⏰ 7.30pm
🎟 £20 via WeGotTickets or Filey Post Office

A rare chance to hear the enigma himself! 📚🎤
Brian Bilston: You Took the Last Bus Home
Filey Literature Festival, Saturday 9 May
open.substack.com
February 1, 2026 at 10:55 AM
brianbilston.bsky.social
Quick, boring update about my autumn tour: Oxford in October has now sold out.

Bristol, Bury St Edmonds, Exeter, Colchester, Corsham, Helmsley, Deal and Stroud are being particularly perky.

The full list of where I’ll be - and when is here: brianbilston.com/events/
Events
Here’s a page dedicated to forthcoming events where I’ll be out and about, reading poems, signing books and generally inflicting myself on an unsuspecting or unreceptive public: 2026 Fe…
brianbilston.com
January 31, 2026 at 10:11 AM