Pete Lynch
@pjtlynch.bsky.social
Co-founder of Long John Silver's and other budget fishtaurants. Humor in McSweeney's, New Yorker, Points in Case, Slackjaw, etc
Reposted by Pete Lynch
It’s been a year to the day we bought (and then didn’t, for reasons we still don’t fully know) InfoWars. We’re still trying. In the year since, we built The Onion into one of the biggest newspapers in the United States. I’m so proud of this place. I’m proud we do hard stuff. Thank you for caring.
November 15, 2025 at 12:12 AM
It’s been a year to the day we bought (and then didn’t, for reasons we still don’t fully know) InfoWars. We’re still trying. In the year since, we built The Onion into one of the biggest newspapers in the United States. I’m so proud of this place. I’m proud we do hard stuff. Thank you for caring.
The downfall of democracy started in 1995 when ya'll voted blue to replace tan in the M&Ms. They learned we can't be trusted
November 7, 2025 at 8:36 PM
The downfall of democracy started in 1995 when ya'll voted blue to replace tan in the M&Ms. They learned we can't be trusted
Reposted by Pete Lynch
reposting here bc it’s only on the other site but…
5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
November 7, 2025 at 5:26 PM
reposting here bc it’s only on the other site but…
5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
Update: The monkey has been elected governor
October 28, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Update: The monkey has been elected governor
Reposted by Pete Lynch
I have busted
the ghost
that was in
your hood
and which
you were probably
scared of
and screaming
Forgive me
busting
makes me
feel good
the ghost
that was in
your hood
and which
you were probably
scared of
and screaming
Forgive me
busting
makes me
feel good
October 11, 2025 at 11:36 PM
I have busted
the ghost
that was in
your hood
and which
you were probably
scared of
and screaming
Forgive me
busting
makes me
feel good
the ghost
that was in
your hood
and which
you were probably
scared of
and screaming
Forgive me
busting
makes me
feel good
Every golf tip video: "Here's an easy way to stop topping your 3 wood: Make sure 65% of your weight is on the lead foot. Hinge your wrists no less than 22 degrees but no more than 24 degrees. Keep the club head facing the North Star. Then just relax and swing easy!"
October 2, 2025 at 4:57 AM
Every golf tip video: "Here's an easy way to stop topping your 3 wood: Make sure 65% of your weight is on the lead foot. Hinge your wrists no less than 22 degrees but no more than 24 degrees. Keep the club head facing the North Star. Then just relax and swing easy!"
Happy National Sons Day to all sons who have joined their family business, allowing it to change its name to [Family Last Name] & Sons. You help keep this classic business naming convention going strong!
September 28, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Happy National Sons Day to all sons who have joined their family business, allowing it to change its name to [Family Last Name] & Sons. You help keep this classic business naming convention going strong!
Reposted by Pete Lynch
If you don't listen to North American Friends @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social :
Now is the time. You may think podcast gross. That's fair. But why not challenge the expectation?
Engage w content that supports diplomatic relations w Canada & America.
Help us expand the goodwill bc you like nice things.
Now is the time. You may think podcast gross. That's fair. But why not challenge the expectation?
Engage w content that supports diplomatic relations w Canada & America.
Help us expand the goodwill bc you like nice things.
September 14, 2025 at 2:43 AM
If you don't listen to North American Friends @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social :
Now is the time. You may think podcast gross. That's fair. But why not challenge the expectation?
Engage w content that supports diplomatic relations w Canada & America.
Help us expand the goodwill bc you like nice things.
Now is the time. You may think podcast gross. That's fair. But why not challenge the expectation?
Engage w content that supports diplomatic relations w Canada & America.
Help us expand the goodwill bc you like nice things.
Reposted by Pete Lynch
The “problem” with vaccines? They so effective at preventing deaths that they create generations of people that question whether disease was a problem in the first place because they have never experienced the horrors of a world without vaccines.
September 4, 2025 at 7:44 PM
The “problem” with vaccines? They so effective at preventing deaths that they create generations of people that question whether disease was a problem in the first place because they have never experienced the horrors of a world without vaccines.
@murrman5.bsky.social this is getting ridiculous
July 31, 2025 at 4:38 AM
@murrman5.bsky.social this is getting ridiculous
Me: I'm allergic to Skyrizi
My doctor: Then you probably shouldn't take-
Me [popping a Skyrizi]: Shouldn't take a what?
Dr: Um, a....
Me [in his face, downing Skyrizi]: Say it, you bastard, I dare you
My doctor: Then you probably shouldn't take-
Me [popping a Skyrizi]: Shouldn't take a what?
Dr: Um, a....
Me [in his face, downing Skyrizi]: Say it, you bastard, I dare you
July 23, 2025 at 4:58 AM
Me: I'm allergic to Skyrizi
My doctor: Then you probably shouldn't take-
Me [popping a Skyrizi]: Shouldn't take a what?
Dr: Um, a....
Me [in his face, downing Skyrizi]: Say it, you bastard, I dare you
My doctor: Then you probably shouldn't take-
Me [popping a Skyrizi]: Shouldn't take a what?
Dr: Um, a....
Me [in his face, downing Skyrizi]: Say it, you bastard, I dare you
Reposted by Pete Lynch
"It’s time to just accept that some people like having sex with kids and focus on the fantastic things we’re doing to win back the respect of the world." — Donald Trump theonion.com/trump-urges-...
July 15, 2025 at 2:37 PM
"It’s time to just accept that some people like having sex with kids and focus on the fantastic things we’re doing to win back the respect of the world." — Donald Trump theonion.com/trump-urges-...
Crap, just realizing we forgot to Be Best
July 13, 2025 at 1:45 AM
Crap, just realizing we forgot to Be Best
"Daddy, tell your story again, the scary one"
Ha, ok. It was a clear black night, a clear white moon. Your daddy Pete was on the streets-
Ha, ok. It was a clear black night, a clear white moon. Your daddy Pete was on the streets-
July 4, 2025 at 4:25 PM
"Daddy, tell your story again, the scary one"
Ha, ok. It was a clear black night, a clear white moon. Your daddy Pete was on the streets-
Ha, ok. It was a clear black night, a clear white moon. Your daddy Pete was on the streets-
The inker to the artist on the first issue of Fantastic Four:
"Why'd you have to go and make Thing so complicated?"
"Why'd you have to go and make Thing so complicated?"
June 27, 2025 at 5:43 PM
The inker to the artist on the first issue of Fantastic Four:
"Why'd you have to go and make Thing so complicated?"
"Why'd you have to go and make Thing so complicated?"
On the next Dog Police:
Detective: Four bodies, maybe more
Chief: My god, this is brutal
[rookie cop vomits]
Detective: Dammit son, get it together!
[rookie cop nods, eats vomit]
Detective: Four bodies, maybe more
Chief: My god, this is brutal
[rookie cop vomits]
Detective: Dammit son, get it together!
[rookie cop nods, eats vomit]
June 26, 2025 at 3:17 PM
On the next Dog Police:
Detective: Four bodies, maybe more
Chief: My god, this is brutal
[rookie cop vomits]
Detective: Dammit son, get it together!
[rookie cop nods, eats vomit]
Detective: Four bodies, maybe more
Chief: My god, this is brutal
[rookie cop vomits]
Detective: Dammit son, get it together!
[rookie cop nods, eats vomit]
Reposted by Pete Lynch
i think, unfortunately, that this may be my masterpiece
June 26, 2025 at 2:28 AM
i think, unfortunately, that this may be my masterpiece
It's probably a good sign for democracy that on the rare occasion you see a political article that seems to have interesting facts, its behind a paywall
June 6, 2025 at 6:07 AM
It's probably a good sign for democracy that on the rare occasion you see a political article that seems to have interesting facts, its behind a paywall
Not sure how to feel about the fact that the most powerful man in the free world is currently fighting with the richest man on the planet using the same platform and maturity I used 10 years ago to complain that FuckJerry stole my friend's goat pun
June 6, 2025 at 3:26 AM
Not sure how to feel about the fact that the most powerful man in the free world is currently fighting with the richest man on the planet using the same platform and maturity I used 10 years ago to complain that FuckJerry stole my friend's goat pun
Son: Daddy, what was it like during the Dark Times?
Me: Oh boy... Well, as you know, back then we didn't have Skyrizi™️
Me: Oh boy... Well, as you know, back then we didn't have Skyrizi™️
June 6, 2025 at 3:06 AM
Son: Daddy, what was it like during the Dark Times?
Me: Oh boy... Well, as you know, back then we didn't have Skyrizi™️
Me: Oh boy... Well, as you know, back then we didn't have Skyrizi™️
Reposted by Pete Lynch
the New Pope says he's from Chicago but he's *actually* from Naperville
May 8, 2025 at 5:19 PM
the New Pope says he's from Chicago but he's *actually* from Naperville
Promised the wife I'd quit gambling but can't stop eyeing this "Warriors in 7 + 3 jets in the ocean" parlay
May 7, 2025 at 3:01 AM
Promised the wife I'd quit gambling but can't stop eyeing this "Warriors in 7 + 3 jets in the ocean" parlay
Thrilled to be back up in @pointsincase.com with a new piece today. Please review and I'll loop back later for your takeaways
www.pointsincase.com/articles/hey...
www.pointsincase.com/articles/hey...
Hey, It’s God, Just Checking In on That Vision I Sent You?
If you need some help, I can recommend a few biblical scholars who have worked on visions before, I don’t mind asking them (they’re fans).
www.pointsincase.com
May 5, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Thrilled to be back up in @pointsincase.com with a new piece today. Please review and I'll loop back later for your takeaways
www.pointsincase.com/articles/hey...
www.pointsincase.com/articles/hey...
Influencer [approaching me, a colorblind man]: Would you like to try these special glasses that let you see color?
Me [blushing]: Sure
Influencer: Here you go
Me soon after:
[sobbing because I can finally see colors, and they fucken suck, complete horseshit, waste of everyone's time]
Me [blushing]: Sure
Influencer: Here you go
Me soon after:
[sobbing because I can finally see colors, and they fucken suck, complete horseshit, waste of everyone's time]
April 27, 2025 at 4:04 AM
Influencer [approaching me, a colorblind man]: Would you like to try these special glasses that let you see color?
Me [blushing]: Sure
Influencer: Here you go
Me soon after:
[sobbing because I can finally see colors, and they fucken suck, complete horseshit, waste of everyone's time]
Me [blushing]: Sure
Influencer: Here you go
Me soon after:
[sobbing because I can finally see colors, and they fucken suck, complete horseshit, waste of everyone's time]
The Pentagon and the Vatican have the chance to do the funniest thing ever
BREAKING NEWS: The White House has begun the process of looking for a new secretary of defense, according to a U.S. official who was not authorized to speak publicly.
The White House has begun process of looking for new secretary of defense
The White House has begun the process of looking for a new secretary of defense, according to a U.S. official who was not authorized to speak publicly.
www.npr.org
April 21, 2025 at 5:46 PM
The Pentagon and the Vatican have the chance to do the funniest thing ever