Pete Lynch
@pjtlynch.bsky.social
Co-founder of Long John Silver's and other budget fishtaurants. Humor in McSweeney's, New Yorker, Points in Case, Slackjaw, etc
Reposted by Pete Lynch
Shall I compare thee to a fucking jerk
January 30, 2026 at 4:26 AM
Shall I compare thee to a fucking jerk
Reposted by Pete Lynch
I can't put into words the feeling of watching our government, a hive of evil antisocial filth, the absolute worst humanity has to offer, colliding with the best. Ordinary people trying to help each other, risking everything to stand up for what's plainly, unambiguously fair and right. It's unreal
January 25, 2026 at 1:34 AM
I can't put into words the feeling of watching our government, a hive of evil antisocial filth, the absolute worst humanity has to offer, colliding with the best. Ordinary people trying to help each other, risking everything to stand up for what's plainly, unambiguously fair and right. It's unreal
On top of the greatest QB play I've ever seen the week before (vs GB). Caleb has GOAT potential
Even though the Bears lost this game, I hope we can find a way to not memoryhole that Caleb Williams play because it legitimately might be the best play by a QB I've ever seen.
January 19, 2026 at 3:51 AM
On top of the greatest QB play I've ever seen the week before (vs GB). Caleb has GOAT potential
Do not put another dime in the Jukebox Baby. The Jukebox Baby is an abomination
January 17, 2026 at 3:08 PM
Do not put another dime in the Jukebox Baby. The Jukebox Baby is an abomination
Reposted by Pete Lynch
[Xmas morning]
Santa: I'm back!
Mrs C: Did you see the whore?
S: [sigh] Kids lose teeth on Dec 24th. I'm gonna run into her. You know this
Santa: I'm back!
Mrs C: Did you see the whore?
S: [sigh] Kids lose teeth on Dec 24th. I'm gonna run into her. You know this
December 25, 2025 at 12:24 AM
[Xmas morning]
Santa: I'm back!
Mrs C: Did you see the whore?
S: [sigh] Kids lose teeth on Dec 24th. I'm gonna run into her. You know this
Santa: I'm back!
Mrs C: Did you see the whore?
S: [sigh] Kids lose teeth on Dec 24th. I'm gonna run into her. You know this
Reposted by Pete Lynch
Hey Now
You're a Boxcar
Full of Children
Solve Crimes
You're a Boxcar
Full of Children
Solve Crimes
December 24, 2025 at 6:10 PM
Hey Now
You're a Boxcar
Full of Children
Solve Crimes
You're a Boxcar
Full of Children
Solve Crimes
Almost hit Christmas without remembering to reshare my alt version of Baby It's Cold Outside. Enjoy
December 23, 2025 at 11:29 PM
Almost hit Christmas without remembering to reshare my alt version of Baby It's Cold Outside. Enjoy
There are two types of Christmas songs:
1) This sure is a lovely time of year
2) I want to fuck the Santa
1) This sure is a lovely time of year
2) I want to fuck the Santa
December 21, 2025 at 9:11 PM
There are two types of Christmas songs:
1) This sure is a lovely time of year
2) I want to fuck the Santa
1) This sure is a lovely time of year
2) I want to fuck the Santa
Reposted by Pete Lynch
Reposted by Pete Lynch
🚑 🎶 "I Saw Mommy Charged Five Grand for Gauze"🎶🚑
💰🎶"Halve Your Wealth to Repair Your Meniscus"🎶💰
🫤🎶"God Rest Ye Weary New Mother (For 24 Hours, Then Please Vacate the Maternity Ward)" 🎶🫤
💰🎶"Halve Your Wealth to Repair Your Meniscus"🎶💰
🫤🎶"God Rest Ye Weary New Mother (For 24 Hours, Then Please Vacate the Maternity Ward)" 🎶🫤
Holidays Songs for Life Under the US Health Care System
“I’m Dreaming of a Light Sickness” “All I Want for Christmas Is You… to Acknowledge Receipt of the Referral I’ve Sent in Fourteen Damn Times Now” “...
buff.ly
December 19, 2025 at 6:30 PM
🚑 🎶 "I Saw Mommy Charged Five Grand for Gauze"🎶🚑
💰🎶"Halve Your Wealth to Repair Your Meniscus"🎶💰
🫤🎶"God Rest Ye Weary New Mother (For 24 Hours, Then Please Vacate the Maternity Ward)" 🎶🫤
💰🎶"Halve Your Wealth to Repair Your Meniscus"🎶💰
🫤🎶"God Rest Ye Weary New Mother (For 24 Hours, Then Please Vacate the Maternity Ward)" 🎶🫤
Checking in with all the kings and queens who had multiple opportunities this Thanksgiving to reference Tim Robinson quotes and did so but managed to hold back on pulling up Netflix to make them watch the referenced sketch and endure the awkward silence
November 28, 2025 at 8:06 AM
Checking in with all the kings and queens who had multiple opportunities this Thanksgiving to reference Tim Robinson quotes and did so but managed to hold back on pulling up Netflix to make them watch the referenced sketch and endure the awkward silence
Reposted by Pete Lynch
It’s been a year to the day we bought (and then didn’t, for reasons we still don’t fully know) InfoWars. We’re still trying. In the year since, we built The Onion into one of the biggest newspapers in the United States. I’m so proud of this place. I’m proud we do hard stuff. Thank you for caring.
November 15, 2025 at 12:12 AM
It’s been a year to the day we bought (and then didn’t, for reasons we still don’t fully know) InfoWars. We’re still trying. In the year since, we built The Onion into one of the biggest newspapers in the United States. I’m so proud of this place. I’m proud we do hard stuff. Thank you for caring.
The downfall of democracy started in 1995 when ya'll voted blue to replace tan in the M&Ms. They learned we can't be trusted
November 7, 2025 at 8:36 PM
The downfall of democracy started in 1995 when ya'll voted blue to replace tan in the M&Ms. They learned we can't be trusted
Reposted by Pete Lynch
reposting here bc it’s only on the other site but…
5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
November 7, 2025 at 5:26 PM
reposting here bc it’s only on the other site but…
5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
Update: The monkey has been elected governor
October 28, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Update: The monkey has been elected governor
Reposted by Pete Lynch
I have busted
the ghost
that was in
your hood
and which
you were probably
scared of
and screaming
Forgive me
busting
makes me
feel good
the ghost
that was in
your hood
and which
you were probably
scared of
and screaming
Forgive me
busting
makes me
feel good
October 11, 2025 at 11:36 PM
I have busted
the ghost
that was in
your hood
and which
you were probably
scared of
and screaming
Forgive me
busting
makes me
feel good
the ghost
that was in
your hood
and which
you were probably
scared of
and screaming
Forgive me
busting
makes me
feel good
Every golf tip video: "Here's an easy way to stop topping your 3 wood: Make sure 65% of your weight is on the lead foot. Hinge your wrists no less than 22 degrees but no more than 24 degrees. Keep the club head facing the North Star. Then just relax and swing easy!"
October 2, 2025 at 4:57 AM
Every golf tip video: "Here's an easy way to stop topping your 3 wood: Make sure 65% of your weight is on the lead foot. Hinge your wrists no less than 22 degrees but no more than 24 degrees. Keep the club head facing the North Star. Then just relax and swing easy!"
Happy National Sons Day to all sons who have joined their family business, allowing it to change its name to [Family Last Name] & Sons. You help keep this classic business naming convention going strong!
September 28, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Happy National Sons Day to all sons who have joined their family business, allowing it to change its name to [Family Last Name] & Sons. You help keep this classic business naming convention going strong!
Reposted by Pete Lynch
If you don't listen to North American Friends @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social :
Now is the time. You may think podcast gross. That's fair. But why not challenge the expectation?
Engage w content that supports diplomatic relations w Canada & America.
Help us expand the goodwill bc you like nice things.
Now is the time. You may think podcast gross. That's fair. But why not challenge the expectation?
Engage w content that supports diplomatic relations w Canada & America.
Help us expand the goodwill bc you like nice things.
September 14, 2025 at 2:43 AM
If you don't listen to North American Friends @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social :
Now is the time. You may think podcast gross. That's fair. But why not challenge the expectation?
Engage w content that supports diplomatic relations w Canada & America.
Help us expand the goodwill bc you like nice things.
Now is the time. You may think podcast gross. That's fair. But why not challenge the expectation?
Engage w content that supports diplomatic relations w Canada & America.
Help us expand the goodwill bc you like nice things.
Reposted by Pete Lynch
The “problem” with vaccines? They so effective at preventing deaths that they create generations of people that question whether disease was a problem in the first place because they have never experienced the horrors of a world without vaccines.
September 4, 2025 at 7:44 PM
The “problem” with vaccines? They so effective at preventing deaths that they create generations of people that question whether disease was a problem in the first place because they have never experienced the horrors of a world without vaccines.
@murrman5.bsky.social this is getting ridiculous
July 31, 2025 at 4:38 AM
@murrman5.bsky.social this is getting ridiculous
Me: I'm allergic to Skyrizi
My doctor: Then you probably shouldn't take-
Me [popping a Skyrizi]: Shouldn't take a what?
Dr: Um, a....
Me [in his face, downing Skyrizi]: Say it, you bastard, I dare you
My doctor: Then you probably shouldn't take-
Me [popping a Skyrizi]: Shouldn't take a what?
Dr: Um, a....
Me [in his face, downing Skyrizi]: Say it, you bastard, I dare you
July 23, 2025 at 4:58 AM
Me: I'm allergic to Skyrizi
My doctor: Then you probably shouldn't take-
Me [popping a Skyrizi]: Shouldn't take a what?
Dr: Um, a....
Me [in his face, downing Skyrizi]: Say it, you bastard, I dare you
My doctor: Then you probably shouldn't take-
Me [popping a Skyrizi]: Shouldn't take a what?
Dr: Um, a....
Me [in his face, downing Skyrizi]: Say it, you bastard, I dare you
Reposted by Pete Lynch
"It’s time to just accept that some people like having sex with kids and focus on the fantastic things we’re doing to win back the respect of the world." — Donald Trump theonion.com/trump-urges-...
July 15, 2025 at 2:37 PM
"It’s time to just accept that some people like having sex with kids and focus on the fantastic things we’re doing to win back the respect of the world." — Donald Trump theonion.com/trump-urges-...