Jennifer K.
@pdxjenni.bsky.social
Walks "like a 50s housewife on a mission to kill g-d." SATAN HAS ENOUGH ATTORNEYS, CHAD. She/her. Squad Mom/Aunt Aoife. Do not mistake my kindness for weakness. You may know me from elsewhere as GonzoPants.
Reposted by Jennifer K.
If your position is that regime change should be forced on countries where the president does not respect democratic norms and regularly kidnaps opponents using an officially sanctioned paramiliatary, have I got news for you about your position on the United States
January 3, 2026 at 1:45 PM
If your position is that regime change should be forced on countries where the president does not respect democratic norms and regularly kidnaps opponents using an officially sanctioned paramiliatary, have I got news for you about your position on the United States
Ever seen a man show up to court - as the attorney - wearing a hat that can best be described as "something Tom Waits has had in the goodwill bag in his trunk for the last six months?" Neither had I, until today, and I don't think I'm going to get over that any time soon.
January 3, 2026 at 7:26 AM
Ever seen a man show up to court - as the attorney - wearing a hat that can best be described as "something Tom Waits has had in the goodwill bag in his trunk for the last six months?" Neither had I, until today, and I don't think I'm going to get over that any time soon.
This is incorrect, as stated in the proposed rule & the commentary to the rule change itself, available in the Federal Register.
Postmarking at the dropoff location, unless at the retail counter, hasn't been standard practice in most places for nearly 50 years, and everywhere since the early 90s.
Postmarking at the dropoff location, unless at the retail counter, hasn't been standard practice in most places for nearly 50 years, and everywhere since the early 90s.
January 2, 2026 at 5:56 PM
This is incorrect, as stated in the proposed rule & the commentary to the rule change itself, available in the Federal Register.
Postmarking at the dropoff location, unless at the retail counter, hasn't been standard practice in most places for nearly 50 years, and everywhere since the early 90s.
Postmarking at the dropoff location, unless at the retail counter, hasn't been standard practice in most places for nearly 50 years, and everywhere since the early 90s.
Reposted by Jennifer K.
If 2025 didn't stop you nothing will
January 1, 2026 at 10:55 AM
If 2025 didn't stop you nothing will
Reposted by Jennifer K.
Did you know you can hate Trump and still be a racist antisemitic conspiracy-theory-riddled anti-science xenophobic piece of crap?
Anyway, Marjorie Taylor Greene
Anyway, Marjorie Taylor Greene
December 29, 2025 at 8:07 PM
Did you know you can hate Trump and still be a racist antisemitic conspiracy-theory-riddled anti-science xenophobic piece of crap?
Anyway, Marjorie Taylor Greene
Anyway, Marjorie Taylor Greene
Happy Monday, it's void week & Kevin brought us a gift, a thread, wherein he describes Rob Schneider's vibe with such brutal & creative precision that I'm forced to consider his posts are ghost-written by, or at least influenced by proximity to, a group of 7th graders.
2 words: Prescription. Pants.
2 words: Prescription. Pants.
Yeah, man, the only difference between your career and Mark Rufallo’s career is the political stuff.
December 30, 2025 at 4:42 AM
Happy Monday, it's void week & Kevin brought us a gift, a thread, wherein he describes Rob Schneider's vibe with such brutal & creative precision that I'm forced to consider his posts are ghost-written by, or at least influenced by proximity to, a group of 7th graders.
2 words: Prescription. Pants.
2 words: Prescription. Pants.
This is the most wholesome tribute I have ever seen. 18 minutes well spent.
In 2023 I became obsessed with videos of dads in cargo shortswaiting in parking lots during Taylor Swift's Eras Tour. So when she came to town, I grabbed a camera and headed down to talk to them. I thought it'd be funny. It turned out to be something else entirely.
youtu.be/R9XN1iOungs?...
youtu.be/R9XN1iOungs?...
I Talked To 50 Dads at the Taylor Swift Eras Tour
YouTube video by DARK WEB | Paul Scheer & Rob Huebel
youtu.be
December 25, 2025 at 8:42 PM
This is the most wholesome tribute I have ever seen. 18 minutes well spent.
Reposted by Jennifer K.
A holiday Mutual Aid thread.
If you're crowdfunding for necessities (health, food, utilities, housing, etc.), post your links here. If you aren't crowdfunding for necessities, please share and give if you're able.
Wishing everyone a safe and warm end of the year. 🌠
If you're crowdfunding for necessities (health, food, utilities, housing, etc.), post your links here. If you aren't crowdfunding for necessities, please share and give if you're able.
Wishing everyone a safe and warm end of the year. 🌠
December 24, 2025 at 11:22 PM
A holiday Mutual Aid thread.
If you're crowdfunding for necessities (health, food, utilities, housing, etc.), post your links here. If you aren't crowdfunding for necessities, please share and give if you're able.
Wishing everyone a safe and warm end of the year. 🌠
If you're crowdfunding for necessities (health, food, utilities, housing, etc.), post your links here. If you aren't crowdfunding for necessities, please share and give if you're able.
Wishing everyone a safe and warm end of the year. 🌠
I do not know who that man is using his hands to show that piece of shit racist fuckwit the face of god, but may his pillow always be cool, his coffee always the right temperature, and every traffic light green for the rest of his life, and the lives of all his descendants for the rest of time.
A streamer scared for his life while a guy wearing Polymarket trunks beats his ass is too perfect
December 20, 2025 at 6:06 PM
I do not know who that man is using his hands to show that piece of shit racist fuckwit the face of god, but may his pillow always be cool, his coffee always the right temperature, and every traffic light green for the rest of his life, and the lives of all his descendants for the rest of time.
If I find the motherfucker(s) who has been calling in threats of mass violence to my child's high school literally every day for the past two weeks, I am going to need a VERY good defense attorney.
December 19, 2025 at 6:48 PM
If I find the motherfucker(s) who has been calling in threats of mass violence to my child's high school literally every day for the past two weeks, I am going to need a VERY good defense attorney.
I know that the paragraphs about being the weird cousin are metaphorical, but given personal stuff lately, oof.
(also thanks to Catherynne for putting it on Patreon for free, as some of us will not read Substacks due to The Known Nazi Problem).
(also thanks to Catherynne for putting it on Patreon for free, as some of us will not read Substacks due to The Known Nazi Problem).
Since yesterday, many people have DM’d to say that they were strongly affected by my essay & wished they could share it.
So I've revised, expanded, & posted it for free on both Substack & Patreon.
Please feel free to share.
www.patreon.com/posts/this-i...
catvalente.substack.com/p/this-is-wh...
So I've revised, expanded, & posted it for free on both Substack & Patreon.
Please feel free to share.
www.patreon.com/posts/this-i...
catvalente.substack.com/p/this-is-wh...
December 19, 2025 at 5:45 PM
I know that the paragraphs about being the weird cousin are metaphorical, but given personal stuff lately, oof.
(also thanks to Catherynne for putting it on Patreon for free, as some of us will not read Substacks due to The Known Nazi Problem).
(also thanks to Catherynne for putting it on Patreon for free, as some of us will not read Substacks due to The Known Nazi Problem).
My dad's parents moved here from Norway in 1959 (they always said on a plane, cousin told me her grandmother/my aunt says it was a 2-week sailing). I never understood why. When Bestefar was dying, Norsk healthcare paid for his cancer treatment in the U.S. because he couldn't travel there for it.
December 15, 2025 at 5:49 PM
My dad's parents moved here from Norway in 1959 (they always said on a plane, cousin told me her grandmother/my aunt says it was a 2-week sailing). I never understood why. When Bestefar was dying, Norsk healthcare paid for his cancer treatment in the U.S. because he couldn't travel there for it.
Nothing like studying the Defamation barbook to calm my nerves because someone decided a statement of opinion ("if you think I'm involved in [horrible type of crime], you've lost touch with reality") is both a "diagnosis" worthy of complaint to prof. orgs & defamatory. And yes, she IS using ChatGPT.
December 9, 2025 at 8:32 PM
Nothing like studying the Defamation barbook to calm my nerves because someone decided a statement of opinion ("if you think I'm involved in [horrible type of crime], you've lost touch with reality") is both a "diagnosis" worthy of complaint to prof. orgs & defamatory. And yes, she IS using ChatGPT.
In the most shocking turn of events possible, PCA has filed a withdrawal of their improper claim against the estate. Doesn't negate their MULTIPLE violations of federal & state law along the way, and I'm not withdrawing any of the agency complaints I've filed, but at least I don't have to litigate.
In a truly mind boggling display of professional incompetence and discourtesy, the folks at Phillips & Cohen Associates of Wilmington, Delaware have launched themselves with rocketlike precision to the tippity tip tap top of my shit list. How did they do that? Strap in, I have a story to tell.
December 8, 2025 at 11:18 PM
In the most shocking turn of events possible, PCA has filed a withdrawal of their improper claim against the estate. Doesn't negate their MULTIPLE violations of federal & state law along the way, and I'm not withdrawing any of the agency complaints I've filed, but at least I don't have to litigate.
Reposted by Jennifer K.
Revisiting because arg and I am gonna spend two days off the internet til I get this done and published
Welp it’s gotten real real if you can please help. If you can’t it’s really hard out here so share
gofund.me/a5ee0064
gofund.me/a5ee0064
December 7, 2025 at 4:02 AM
Revisiting because arg and I am gonna spend two days off the internet til I get this done and published
Specifically, and the #uglydogs will agree with me here, I am nearly certain that @blairbraverman.bsky.social's Colbert wrote this recipe.
(back story, for those unfamiliar with Colbert the sled dog's Iditarod shenanigans: www.instagram.com/p/C-THP9VJi9p/)
(back story, for those unfamiliar with Colbert the sled dog's Iditarod shenanigans: www.instagram.com/p/C-THP9VJi9p/)
December 6, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Specifically, and the #uglydogs will agree with me here, I am nearly certain that @blairbraverman.bsky.social's Colbert wrote this recipe.
(back story, for those unfamiliar with Colbert the sled dog's Iditarod shenanigans: www.instagram.com/p/C-THP9VJi9p/)
(back story, for those unfamiliar with Colbert the sled dog's Iditarod shenanigans: www.instagram.com/p/C-THP9VJi9p/)
Reposted by Jennifer K.
herbie the elf shouldn't have quit at the toy factory, he should have made them fire him, filed an unemployment claim and let them contest it if they want to explain to BOLI that elf supervisors deny breaks contingent on performance
December 5, 2025 at 3:30 PM
herbie the elf shouldn't have quit at the toy factory, he should have made them fire him, filed an unemployment claim and let them contest it if they want to explain to BOLI that elf supervisors deny breaks contingent on performance
In a truly mind boggling display of professional incompetence and discourtesy, the folks at Phillips & Cohen Associates of Wilmington, Delaware have launched themselves with rocketlike precision to the tippity tip tap top of my shit list. How did they do that? Strap in, I have a story to tell.
December 5, 2025 at 5:26 AM
In a truly mind boggling display of professional incompetence and discourtesy, the folks at Phillips & Cohen Associates of Wilmington, Delaware have launched themselves with rocketlike precision to the tippity tip tap top of my shit list. How did they do that? Strap in, I have a story to tell.
Through a friend who dated Mike Bellotti's son & is still friends with him, and whose aunt is a VERY famous NYC "restaurateur" 4, 2 different ways
1. Friend/Luke B/Mike B/Phil Knight
2. Friend/Aunt/Anna Wintour (a documented close friend of Aunt)/any number of famous wealthy people in her Rolodex
1. Friend/Luke B/Mike B/Phil Knight
2. Friend/Aunt/Anna Wintour (a documented close friend of Aunt)/any number of famous wealthy people in her Rolodex
I do think this is a fairly decent numerical measure of privilege across all other factors and demographics.
Like, what’s your number, new friend?
Like, what’s your number, new friend?
Sometimes I like to play a game in my head and that game is called How Many Calls Are You Away From a Billionaire?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
December 4, 2025 at 5:46 AM
Through a friend who dated Mike Bellotti's son & is still friends with him, and whose aunt is a VERY famous NYC "restaurateur" 4, 2 different ways
1. Friend/Luke B/Mike B/Phil Knight
2. Friend/Aunt/Anna Wintour (a documented close friend of Aunt)/any number of famous wealthy people in her Rolodex
1. Friend/Luke B/Mike B/Phil Knight
2. Friend/Aunt/Anna Wintour (a documented close friend of Aunt)/any number of famous wealthy people in her Rolodex
[RFK Jr. voice] you guys wanna see a dead body?
read a little bit of the pdf and Olivia Nuzzi is the kind of writer Caroline Calloway wants to be
December 4, 2025 at 3:05 AM
[RFK Jr. voice] you guys wanna see a dead body?
Disneyland, 2024. I am chaperoning two HS freshman who I've known for an entire six hours. Thinking we have more time to wait in line, I get a pint of cold brew from a nearby stand. The line moves quickly. I cannot take coffee on the Nemo ride. Down it goes, like beer from a solo cup.
Re: chugging, I made the mistake of telling my kids I was very good at chugging beer in college, and now they make me chug water just to demonstrate all the time.
Why does it sound so much grosser to me to chug a glass of wine than a bottle of beer, even though I LIKE wine and don’t really like beer?? why???
December 3, 2025 at 7:38 AM
Disneyland, 2024. I am chaperoning two HS freshman who I've known for an entire six hours. Thinking we have more time to wait in line, I get a pint of cold brew from a nearby stand. The line moves quickly. I cannot take coffee on the Nemo ride. Down it goes, like beer from a solo cup.
Reminder re: giving Tuesday — check with your employer, they may participate in a donation matching program like benevity, which will double your impact.
December 2, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Reminder re: giving Tuesday — check with your employer, they may participate in a donation matching program like benevity, which will double your impact.
I have had 1 MRI, ordered by a neurologist when I was on day 4 of what turned into a 5-day migraine, because my mother died of a brain hemorrhage caused by a burst AVM & we needed to make sure I wasn't going to go the same way. They aren't like routine blood draws. Something is seriously wrong here.
A million Trump crypto fun bucks says there's more scans they aren't releasing. Unflattering ones.
www.bbc.com/news/article...
www.bbc.com/news/article...
Donald Trump's MRI test results released by White House doctor
The release comes as Democrats have been pushing to see the results amid concerns about Trump's age.
www.bbc.com
December 2, 2025 at 4:36 AM
I have had 1 MRI, ordered by a neurologist when I was on day 4 of what turned into a 5-day migraine, because my mother died of a brain hemorrhage caused by a burst AVM & we needed to make sure I wasn't going to go the same way. They aren't like routine blood draws. Something is seriously wrong here.
We closed our office at noon on Wednesday.
I got to this office this morning to four (4) emails:
2 auto-sends from the court
1 auto-send from docusign
1 notice of a CLE from the bar association
Really do think we should just all take the rest of the month off.
I got to this office this morning to four (4) emails:
2 auto-sends from the court
1 auto-send from docusign
1 notice of a CLE from the bar association
Really do think we should just all take the rest of the month off.
what do you MEAN I'm supposed to do work now, isn't everyone off until the new year
December 1, 2025 at 6:43 PM
We closed our office at noon on Wednesday.
I got to this office this morning to four (4) emails:
2 auto-sends from the court
1 auto-send from docusign
1 notice of a CLE from the bar association
Really do think we should just all take the rest of the month off.
I got to this office this morning to four (4) emails:
2 auto-sends from the court
1 auto-send from docusign
1 notice of a CLE from the bar association
Really do think we should just all take the rest of the month off.