MetryMike
@nolachef504.bsky.social
Laugh till ya die. Then laugh some more.
The cat doesn’t like the charcuterie jazz playlist.
June 24, 2025 at 7:17 PM
The cat doesn’t like the charcuterie jazz playlist.
There’s too many hours between breakfast and lunch.
June 21, 2025 at 1:30 PM
There’s too many hours between breakfast and lunch.
If I ever say, “Well you know what they say” I’m about to quote They Might Be Giants again.
June 20, 2025 at 1:41 AM
If I ever say, “Well you know what they say” I’m about to quote They Might Be Giants again.
Brb gunna go get 12k steps real fast.
June 17, 2025 at 3:35 PM
Brb gunna go get 12k steps real fast.
Reposted by MetryMike
Driving alone in your car and blaring Nirvana is therapy. 💙
June 13, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Driving alone in your car and blaring Nirvana is therapy. 💙
Reposted by MetryMike
ME: Nothing could tear us apart!
HER: Let's watch my favorite show, "The Big Bang Theory."
ME: Listen, we should see other people.
HER: Let's watch my favorite show, "The Big Bang Theory."
ME: Listen, we should see other people.
June 11, 2025 at 1:58 PM
ME: Nothing could tear us apart!
HER: Let's watch my favorite show, "The Big Bang Theory."
ME: Listen, we should see other people.
HER: Let's watch my favorite show, "The Big Bang Theory."
ME: Listen, we should see other people.
Someone on the street just said to me, “You look nice”
I replied, “I’m not”
I replied, “I’m not”
June 4, 2025 at 5:23 PM
Someone on the street just said to me, “You look nice”
I replied, “I’m not”
I replied, “I’m not”
I was secretly hoping for a dermatologist with better looking skin than mine.
May 20, 2025 at 11:01 PM
I was secretly hoping for a dermatologist with better looking skin than mine.
People used to think I was crazy.
They still do but they used to too.
They still do but they used to too.
May 20, 2025 at 11:00 PM
People used to think I was crazy.
They still do but they used to too.
They still do but they used to too.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, maybe you aren’t funny.
May 20, 2025 at 8:15 PM
If you can’t laugh at yourself, maybe you aren’t funny.
Dear uber drivers that don’t say a damned word for the entire ride,
Thanks!
Thanks!
May 7, 2025 at 11:35 PM
Dear uber drivers that don’t say a damned word for the entire ride,
Thanks!
Thanks!
Reposted by MetryMike
TIME TRAVELER: can you tell me what month it is
ME: may
TIME TRAVELER: *heavy sigh* may you tell me what month it is
ME: may
TIME TRAVELER: *heavy sigh* may you tell me what month it is
May 3, 2025 at 3:29 PM
TIME TRAVELER: can you tell me what month it is
ME: may
TIME TRAVELER: *heavy sigh* may you tell me what month it is
ME: may
TIME TRAVELER: *heavy sigh* may you tell me what month it is
Reposted by MetryMike
Me to my husband: “If you wanna break all the springs on this bed baby, I’m all for it!”
*continues to jump on the bed together holding hands*
*continues to jump on the bed together holding hands*
March 15, 2025 at 12:28 AM
Me to my husband: “If you wanna break all the springs on this bed baby, I’m all for it!”
*continues to jump on the bed together holding hands*
*continues to jump on the bed together holding hands*
Reposted by MetryMike
Thanks for the invite to your wine and cheese social, but I prefer to stay home where there's more wine and less social.
March 12, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Thanks for the invite to your wine and cheese social, but I prefer to stay home where there's more wine and less social.
An intervention and rehab are a fine way to end a midlife crisis.
February 28, 2025 at 3:00 AM
An intervention and rehab are a fine way to end a midlife crisis.
40 hours a week is way too many hours a week.
February 27, 2025 at 7:34 PM
40 hours a week is way too many hours a week.
Reposted by MetryMike
Whatever you do. Wherever you are. Always remember, nothing matters.
February 24, 2025 at 4:36 PM
Whatever you do. Wherever you are. Always remember, nothing matters.
Reposted by MetryMike
OK. That's not how I thought they did it
February 5, 2025 at 2:23 PM
OK. That's not how I thought they did it
Reposted by MetryMike
What doesn't kill you, make you darkly sarcastic.
November 18, 2023 at 8:32 PM
What doesn't kill you, make you darkly sarcastic.
Tried to hold in a sneeze and an eye ball fell out of my head.
Good bye, ole lefty.
Good bye, ole lefty.
January 31, 2025 at 4:53 AM
Tried to hold in a sneeze and an eye ball fell out of my head.
Good bye, ole lefty.
Good bye, ole lefty.
I’m sure you’re all just following me for my secret mashed potato recipe.
January 29, 2025 at 11:00 PM
I’m sure you’re all just following me for my secret mashed potato recipe.
Reposted by MetryMike
Check out our video on why introverts hate phone calls! Subscribe for more relatable content 😊
Why Introverts HATE Phone Calls | 5 Quick Tips to Help Manage Them
YouTube video by All About Introverts
youtu.be
January 27, 2025 at 7:33 PM
Check out our video on why introverts hate phone calls! Subscribe for more relatable content 😊
Reposted by MetryMike
“Maybe I’ll come” - I’m not coming
“I’ll let you know” - I’m not coming
“I’m not sure yet” - I’m very sure that I’m not coming
“I’ll try and come” - I won’t try anything
“I’ll think about it” - I won’t think about anything, I’m not coming
“I’ll let you know” - I’m not coming
“I’m not sure yet” - I’m very sure that I’m not coming
“I’ll try and come” - I won’t try anything
“I’ll think about it” - I won’t think about anything, I’m not coming
January 10, 2025 at 3:06 PM
“Maybe I’ll come” - I’m not coming
“I’ll let you know” - I’m not coming
“I’m not sure yet” - I’m very sure that I’m not coming
“I’ll try and come” - I won’t try anything
“I’ll think about it” - I won’t think about anything, I’m not coming
“I’ll let you know” - I’m not coming
“I’m not sure yet” - I’m very sure that I’m not coming
“I’ll try and come” - I won’t try anything
“I’ll think about it” - I won’t think about anything, I’m not coming
Reposted by MetryMike
“why did you give that homeless guy money? He’s just gonna spend it on drugs”
If he can buy drugs for $2 my fuckin hats off to him Terry
If he can buy drugs for $2 my fuckin hats off to him Terry
January 26, 2025 at 7:14 AM
“why did you give that homeless guy money? He’s just gonna spend it on drugs”
If he can buy drugs for $2 my fuckin hats off to him Terry
If he can buy drugs for $2 my fuckin hats off to him Terry