Kelley Jeans
@momjeansplease.bsky.social
I’m just happy to be included
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
nothing makes me want to eat beef more than the chick-fil-a cow
August 4, 2025 at 1:57 AM
nothing makes me want to eat beef more than the chick-fil-a cow
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
stop comparing AI to the calculator. when the calculator was invented people weren’t using it to create a new way to see boobies ah wait no hang on
August 4, 2025 at 3:36 AM
stop comparing AI to the calculator. when the calculator was invented people weren’t using it to create a new way to see boobies ah wait no hang on
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
my grandpa was illiterate so i have no idea if this ouija board is working or not
June 13, 2025 at 12:15 PM
my grandpa was illiterate so i have no idea if this ouija board is working or not
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
Me, emptying my new dehumidifier: "Wow bud, you took so much water out of the air, as a reward for doing a good job, I will let you eat more water air tomorrow"
June 21, 2025 at 1:39 PM
Me, emptying my new dehumidifier: "Wow bud, you took so much water out of the air, as a reward for doing a good job, I will let you eat more water air tomorrow"
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
me: shall i prepare for end of life?
doctor: you’re perfectly healthy
me: i just want to be comfortable
doctor: you’re not dying
me: more morphine please
doctor: you’re perfectly healthy
me: i just want to be comfortable
doctor: you’re not dying
me: more morphine please
June 25, 2025 at 12:26 AM
me: shall i prepare for end of life?
doctor: you’re perfectly healthy
me: i just want to be comfortable
doctor: you’re not dying
me: more morphine please
doctor: you’re perfectly healthy
me: i just want to be comfortable
doctor: you’re not dying
me: more morphine please
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
June 7, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
Astrology only applies to me when it’s flattering
January 27, 2025 at 3:06 AM
Astrology only applies to me when it’s flattering
Imposter syndrome but it’s just me trying to be a human
January 12, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Imposter syndrome but it’s just me trying to be a human
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
[first day as a paramedic ]
me: cpr isn’t working he’s just..farting a lot
supervisor: turn him over
me: cpr isn’t working he’s just..farting a lot
supervisor: turn him over
January 1, 2025 at 2:50 PM
[first day as a paramedic ]
me: cpr isn’t working he’s just..farting a lot
supervisor: turn him over
me: cpr isn’t working he’s just..farting a lot
supervisor: turn him over
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
air bud: i play basketball
snoopy: please. i fought in the damn war
snoopy: please. i fought in the damn war
December 31, 2024 at 1:27 AM
air bud: i play basketball
snoopy: please. i fought in the damn war
snoopy: please. i fought in the damn war
Does anyone have any good True Crime or Horror book recommendations? I just finished Mother Thing and I’m on the last legs of Incidents Around the House. So good!! #BookRecommendation
December 29, 2024 at 1:49 AM
Does anyone have any good True Crime or Horror book recommendations? I just finished Mother Thing and I’m on the last legs of Incidents Around the House. So good!! #BookRecommendation
I literally pee every time I sneeze and these ungrateful kids can’t even throw out a “bless you”
December 28, 2024 at 5:55 PM
I literally pee every time I sneeze and these ungrateful kids can’t even throw out a “bless you”
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
using a 3d printer to make a 3d printer and going back to the store to return a 3d printer
December 26, 2024 at 12:58 AM
using a 3d printer to make a 3d printer and going back to the store to return a 3d printer
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
i'm not really into the bar scene (eating granola bars), i'm more into the club scene (eating club sandwiches)
December 22, 2024 at 7:42 PM
i'm not really into the bar scene (eating granola bars), i'm more into the club scene (eating club sandwiches)
If you’re gonna expect me to know what I’m talking about then I’m out.
December 23, 2024 at 12:28 AM
If you’re gonna expect me to know what I’m talking about then I’m out.
Blues ky. I’m a little tipsy in a bathroom
December 21, 2024 at 5:21 AM
Blues ky. I’m a little tipsy in a bathroom
My kid came home from school yesterday and told me his class is supposed to dress up as Elvis for morning assembly. I told him I think he means elves. He disagreed. I can’t wait to hear how his day went when ‘The King’ returns home.
December 19, 2024 at 4:07 PM
My kid came home from school yesterday and told me his class is supposed to dress up as Elvis for morning assembly. I told him I think he means elves. He disagreed. I can’t wait to hear how his day went when ‘The King’ returns home.
Jingle all the way? In this economy?
December 18, 2024 at 1:29 PM
Jingle all the way? In this economy?
Today is getting nothing more than my ‘meh good enough’
December 18, 2024 at 12:07 AM
Today is getting nothing more than my ‘meh good enough’
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
I like when the football coaches whisper behind their clipboards about who they think looks fat
December 16, 2024 at 3:27 AM
I like when the football coaches whisper behind their clipboards about who they think looks fat
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
Every dad gift ideas list is like: Scotch rocks, socks that are also a knife, bacon wallet, hammer subscription
December 16, 2024 at 12:07 AM
Every dad gift ideas list is like: Scotch rocks, socks that are also a knife, bacon wallet, hammer subscription
Reposted by Kelley Jeans
tired af - never had to live this long before
September 1, 2024 at 2:13 PM
tired af - never had to live this long before
Started at the bottom and somehow now even lower than than that
December 10, 2024 at 1:56 AM
Started at the bottom and somehow now even lower than than that