Mark Agee
@markagee.bsky.social
I write stuff and jokes, sometimes for TV shows for money. I like fried pickles.
The heritage American shit is so funny. My family’s been here since the 1600s. They were Huguenots fleeing Catholic oppression who were given land by King James’ secret gay lover as a middle finger to the King of France
December 27, 2025 at 2:19 AM
The heritage American shit is so funny. My family’s been here since the 1600s. They were Huguenots fleeing Catholic oppression who were given land by King James’ secret gay lover as a middle finger to the King of France
I’m a single issue voter I’ll vote for anyone who puts airline executives to death until this shit works
December 26, 2025 at 12:19 AM
I’m a single issue voter I’ll vote for anyone who puts airline executives to death until this shit works
Feels cruel to make Cooper Flagg play on Christmas when he probably still believes in Santa
December 25, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Feels cruel to make Cooper Flagg play on Christmas when he probably still believes in Santa
We have caught and compromised for the permanent end of Santa Claus
December 25, 2025 at 2:54 PM
We have caught and compromised for the permanent end of Santa Claus
What stage of capitalism is my mom’s streaming TV fireplace being interrupted by an ad for a drug called Xolair Omalizumab
December 24, 2025 at 10:22 PM
What stage of capitalism is my mom’s streaming TV fireplace being interrupted by an ad for a drug called Xolair Omalizumab
Puxatawny Phil predicting six more weeks of pedophiles
The Justice Department said it found over a million more pages of Jeffrey Epstein documents, extending the time it will take for a full release. A law passed by Congress gave the department a deadline of last Friday to release the files. nyti.ms/49rG0QL
A Million More Epstein Documents Have Been Found, Justice Dept. Says
Democratic lawmakers, who had criticized the Justice Department’s release of the material, accused the Trump administration of violating the law mandating the release of the files.
nyti.ms
December 24, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Puxatawny Phil predicting six more weeks of pedophiles
My normie ass mom knows who Bari Weiss is now. She’s asking me about Epstein. Cursed timeline
December 24, 2025 at 2:30 AM
My normie ass mom knows who Bari Weiss is now. She’s asking me about Epstein. Cursed timeline
Report to the factory where your manager is a Big Tittied Anime chatbot who tells you to kill yourself
Peter Navarro: "In an age of AI when all the white collar jobs are going away pretty damn quick, I think maybe it's a good time for people to think about having good blue collar jobs ... give tariffs a chance, because they're working"
December 23, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Report to the factory where your manager is a Big Tittied Anime chatbot who tells you to kill yourself
I have actually seen people apologize for being white but only when sending Thai food back for being too spicy
JD Vance: "In the United States of America you don't have to apologize for being white anymore"
December 22, 2025 at 3:49 PM
I have actually seen people apologize for being white but only when sending Thai food back for being too spicy
Erika Kirk flexes in the middle of the squared circle. She stares down a guy in a luchador mask with 'Trans Ideology' written on his chest. She jumps off the turnbuckle for a hurricanrana that shakes the arena. "Now we pray in remembrance of Charlie"
December 22, 2025 at 2:47 PM
Erika Kirk flexes in the middle of the squared circle. She stares down a guy in a luchador mask with 'Trans Ideology' written on his chest. She jumps off the turnbuckle for a hurricanrana that shakes the arena. "Now we pray in remembrance of Charlie"
One of the great mysteries. Like which of my one roommates ate my leftovers, or where does mom go when she covers her face
Scarborough: "Trump is not on Epstein's list. There's nothing in there really damning about Trump or Bill Clinton. So one of the great mysteries is not what Trump's hiding, it's why if he's not in the files - which all the reporting says he's not - why is he so obsessed on blocking access to them?"
December 22, 2025 at 2:41 PM
One of the great mysteries. Like which of my one roommates ate my leftovers, or where does mom go when she covers her face
If we were gonna accept being ruled by nonces we could’ve just stayed part of England
December 20, 2025 at 6:47 PM
If we were gonna accept being ruled by nonces we could’ve just stayed part of England
Donald Trump is ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ not ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ sexual trafficking of minors. ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ case closed.
December 20, 2025 at 3:31 AM
Donald Trump is ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ not ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ sexual trafficking of minors. ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ ◼️◼️◼️ case closed.
Being awoken at 7 am in your childhood bed after a 20-hour travel day is not the best way — but in retrospect maybe the only way — to learn your sister now has a bunch of pet birds
December 18, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Being awoken at 7 am in your childhood bed after a 20-hour travel day is not the best way — but in retrospect maybe the only way — to learn your sister now has a bunch of pet birds
I woke up at 3 a.m. and am 15 hours into a 20-hour travel day because one dumb plane engine broke. I’ll vote for anyone who wants to either murder airline executives or shrink America
December 18, 2025 at 2:07 AM
I woke up at 3 a.m. and am 15 hours into a 20-hour travel day because one dumb plane engine broke. I’ll vote for anyone who wants to either murder airline executives or shrink America
It's pretty amazing the parties have decided to trade ownership of an economy everyone hates until the end of time instead of solving the root cause, which is imo the fact everyone feels extracted from at every moment of every day and can't breath without being a profit center
Sen. Dave McCormick says Vance's "number one" economic message to Pennsylvanians should be "the Biden economy was a disaster"
December 16, 2025 at 4:33 PM
It's pretty amazing the parties have decided to trade ownership of an economy everyone hates until the end of time instead of solving the root cause, which is imo the fact everyone feels extracted from at every moment of every day and can't breath without being a profit center
My guess is they try an AI Trump making videos as president for between two and six months
All I know is that unless it is on live TV we won’t be told it happened for like a week
December 15, 2025 at 11:56 PM
My guess is they try an AI Trump making videos as president for between two and six months
"Turtle Island Resistance Front." New comically-named leftist militant group of likely made up of 86% feds just dropped
BREAKING: Authorities arrested four alleged members of an extremist group suspected of planning bombing attacks for New Year's Eve in Southern California.
4 charged with plotting New Year's Eve attacks in Southern California, prosecutors say
Federal authorities have announced the arrests of four alleged members of an extremist group suspected of planning coordinated bombing attacks in Southern California.
bit.ly
December 15, 2025 at 4:19 PM
"Turtle Island Resistance Front." New comically-named leftist militant group of likely made up of 86% feds just dropped
We're gonna get captured enemy soldiers to talk by only making them anime girlfriends with small boobs
Pete Hegseth: "The future of American warfare is here, and it's spelled AI."
He says the military has launched a new platform that "puts the world's most powerful frontier AI models, starting with Google Gemini, directly into the hands of every American warrior."
He says the military has launched a new platform that "puts the world's most powerful frontier AI models, starting with Google Gemini, directly into the hands of every American warrior."
December 9, 2025 at 9:34 PM
We're gonna get captured enemy soldiers to talk by only making them anime girlfriends with small boobs
"What are you doing about flight delays causing long layovers? Sure something about diminishing them?"
"We're putting in a prison exercise yard"
"We're putting in a prison exercise yard"
Duffy on what he's doing to improve the airport experience for travelers: "Maybe I want a workout area where people might get some blood flowing doing some pull ups or step ups in the airport."
December 8, 2025 at 9:09 PM
"What are you doing about flight delays causing long layovers? Sure something about diminishing them?"
"We're putting in a prison exercise yard"
"We're putting in a prison exercise yard"
If you hurry there’s still time to make my Top Ten End-of-Year Lists
December 8, 2025 at 7:39 PM
If you hurry there’s still time to make my Top Ten End-of-Year Lists
"I watch a documentary called Landman and he is on the case. We will have all the oil and gas soon because of The Landman. When you ask our policy, I have two words: More Landman"
VARNEY: The price of natural gas is way up there. Doesn't that contribute to inflation?
CHRIS WRIGHT: That's a short term move in gas prices. There will be more drilling, production will grow, and gas prices will go back down
CHRIS WRIGHT: That's a short term move in gas prices. There will be more drilling, production will grow, and gas prices will go back down
December 5, 2025 at 4:01 PM
"I watch a documentary called Landman and he is on the case. We will have all the oil and gas soon because of The Landman. When you ask our policy, I have two words: More Landman"
The Brandonings will continue until we elect a fully embalmed president
“.. A Washington Post analysis of multiple video feeds of the meeting Tuesday showed that during nine separate instances, Trump’s eyes were closed for extended periods or he appeared to struggle to keep them open, amounting cumulatively to nearly six minutes.”
www.washingtonpost.com/politics/202...
www.washingtonpost.com/politics/202...
December 3, 2025 at 4:37 AM
The Brandonings will continue until we elect a fully embalmed president
This is my emotional support tourniquet
December 1, 2025 at 8:18 PM
This is my emotional support tourniquet
They always want to tell a story with no villain so they don't have to take a side. Elon's a cartoonish murderous pervert and they won't even point at him, and he polls worse than unflushed gas station toilets
November 30, 2025 at 4:28 PM
They always want to tell a story with no villain so they don't have to take a side. Elon's a cartoonish murderous pervert and they won't even point at him, and he polls worse than unflushed gas station toilets