Jonathan Pilsner
@jonathanpilsner.bsky.social
Hockey, the law, and other random bits that fall from my concussion-addled brainpan. Former public defender, current state law appellate geek.
Ope, fuck this, I'm going back to bed.
November 22, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Ope, fuck this, I'm going back to bed.
They use to call this, quite literally, "Glock ass." But in this case, I guess is "Glock ballz."
The officer was "heading for duty" Wednesday night when his "weapon discharged and he accidentally shot himself in the testicles" in the station's parking lot, records show.
Off-duty Chicago cop accidentally shoots himself in groin outside police station in Gresham
chicago.suntimes.com
November 21, 2025 at 3:26 AM
They use to call this, quite literally, "Glock ass." But in this case, I guess is "Glock ballz."
The writing is garbage, but the contempt is pure uncut hatred and I'll take that.
oh my god you have to read this until the end www.telos.news/p/part-1-how...
Part 1: How I Found Out
Olivia had just returned from a reporting trip—at least that’s what she told me it was—and her Herschel backpack, the one with the flap that never quite closed properly, was tossed beside our bed, its...
www.telos.news
November 18, 2025 at 1:32 AM
The writing is garbage, but the contempt is pure uncut hatred and I'll take that.
After decades of refusing to extend any modicum of empathy to others, people are upset and surprised that no empathy is extended to them.
There's so many of these btw, NoVa right wingers realizing that their neighbors genuinely hate them
November 6, 2025 at 3:01 PM
After decades of refusing to extend any modicum of empathy to others, people are upset and surprised that no empathy is extended to them.
This order establishes, as a matter of law, that Drake lost. An epic Streisand lawsuit if there ever was one.
NEW: Drake loses his defamation case against Kendrick Lamar over the “Not Like Us” lyrics.
More coming @courthousenews.bsky.social
More coming @courthousenews.bsky.social
October 9, 2025 at 8:32 PM
This order establishes, as a matter of law, that Drake lost. An epic Streisand lawsuit if there ever was one.
The only opinion on the General Assembly's new website that is relevant. If this man says it's bad, it's bad and must be reverted back to mid-2000s form. RETVRN.
After a summer-long evaluation, I regret to report that ilga.gov sucks now.
Things that would be useful:
1) Audio/video archive
2) Hyperlinked ILCS crossreferences
3) Committee/tracked bill notifications
Things that aren't useful:
1) Clicking multiple times for things instead of a single click.
Things that would be useful:
1) Audio/video archive
2) Hyperlinked ILCS crossreferences
3) Committee/tracked bill notifications
Things that aren't useful:
1) Clicking multiple times for things instead of a single click.
August 19, 2025 at 2:56 PM
The only opinion on the General Assembly's new website that is relevant. If this man says it's bad, it's bad and must be reverted back to mid-2000s form. RETVRN.
Kills a man -- for the second time -- and does it with a smile.
August 12, 2025 at 9:52 PM
Kills a man -- for the second time -- and does it with a smile.
This is the house you'd get if you made an AI bot scrape all of Zillow, then ask it to produce the perfect Zillow listing.
Right angles! Weird textures! Everything in shades of white or washed grey! Disproportionate bathroom placed in a closet! Amazing.
Right angles! Weird textures! Everything in shades of white or washed grey! Disproportionate bathroom placed in a closet! Amazing.
New weird house just dropped m.facebook.com/marketplace/...
July 9, 2025 at 9:07 PM
This is the house you'd get if you made an AI bot scrape all of Zillow, then ask it to produce the perfect Zillow listing.
Right angles! Weird textures! Everything in shades of white or washed grey! Disproportionate bathroom placed in a closet! Amazing.
Right angles! Weird textures! Everything in shades of white or washed grey! Disproportionate bathroom placed in a closet! Amazing.
About a decade ago, I embraced just being the suit guy that I always wanted to be and dove headlong into style and fashion. And you know what? People treat you a lot differently when you present yourself well. Especially if you are still comfortable in your own (clothed) skin.
An extremely underrated aspect of Mamdani being good at politics is that he is a Guy In A Suit (and usually a tie).
Shooting our videos is a little bit different now.
July 8, 2025 at 1:17 PM
About a decade ago, I embraced just being the suit guy that I always wanted to be and dove headlong into style and fashion. And you know what? People treat you a lot differently when you present yourself well. Especially if you are still comfortable in your own (clothed) skin.
The CTA: what if our customers were ants and we built a giant magnifying glass to bake them with?
Can’t wait
June 22, 2025 at 4:53 PM
The CTA: what if our customers were ants and we built a giant magnifying glass to bake them with?
Setting aside the policy argument for one second, this has SERIOUS constitutional problems. Which is ironic! Because the Chicago City Council once passed an ordinance that the ILSC and SCOTUS struck down as unconstitutional! Look up City of Chicago v. Morales, and ponder the wheel of history.
NEW — In a 27-22 vote, the Chicago City Council passes the controversial "snap curfew" ordinance, which will give the police superintendent the sole authority to enact a curfew — anytime, anywhere — with a 30-minute notice.
thetriibe.com/2025/06/live...
thetriibe.com/2025/06/live...
Live: Chicago City Council passes 'snap curfew' ordinance • The TRiiBE
Today, the Chicago City Council is scheduled to vote on an ordinance that would give the Chicago Police superintendent sole authority to enact a “snap curfew."
thetriibe.com
June 18, 2025 at 9:24 PM
Setting aside the policy argument for one second, this has SERIOUS constitutional problems. Which is ironic! Because the Chicago City Council once passed an ordinance that the ILSC and SCOTUS struck down as unconstitutional! Look up City of Chicago v. Morales, and ponder the wheel of history.
People joke about this being a new Gilded Age.
In reality, it's probably going to go down as the Grifted Age.
In reality, it's probably going to go down as the Grifted Age.
we are about to enter the golden age of scams, people are going to lose millions
Senate passes landmark crypto regulation bill on a bipartisan vote, sending it to the House
68-30 vote to pass the GENIUS Act.
www.nbcnews.com/politics/con...
68-30 vote to pass the GENIUS Act.
www.nbcnews.com/politics/con...
June 17, 2025 at 10:11 PM
People joke about this being a new Gilded Age.
In reality, it's probably going to go down as the Grifted Age.
In reality, it's probably going to go down as the Grifted Age.
The first time I read something by Rosenfield, I immediately recognized it as a case of the "dumb person who sounds smart" syndrome that plagues the pundit class like syphilis in a royal court. Guess it was a terminal condition.
I shit from a great height on this characterization
May 29, 2025 at 3:48 PM
The first time I read something by Rosenfield, I immediately recognized it as a case of the "dumb person who sounds smart" syndrome that plagues the pundit class like syphilis in a royal court. Guess it was a terminal condition.
I didn't cry when my 6-year relationship ended, but you can bet your ass I wept like a child when the Tottenham Hotspur Football Club won a major European trophy.
May 21, 2025 at 9:22 PM
I didn't cry when my 6-year relationship ended, but you can bet your ass I wept like a child when the Tottenham Hotspur Football Club won a major European trophy.
Just further proof that this man had one good idea once (and it was just because he was a horny, lonely undergrad) and has never had an intelligent thought again.
People feel more lonely, in part because so many of our relationships are mediated by social media.
Instead of atoning for the harms of his platforms, Mark Zuckerberg has a new tech solution: he’s going to give us all a bunch of Meta-powered AI friends. It’s an even more dystopian future.
Instead of atoning for the harms of his platforms, Mark Zuckerberg has a new tech solution: he’s going to give us all a bunch of Meta-powered AI friends. It’s an even more dystopian future.
Mark Zuckerberg wants to you be lonely and miserable
That’s the only way he’ll profit from selling you AI friends
www.disconnect.blog
May 9, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Just further proof that this man had one good idea once (and it was just because he was a horny, lonely undergrad) and has never had an intelligent thought again.
I mean, let's just come out and point out how we'll use the law in unconstitutional ways during the debate, this won't come back later on the council at all.
wow: alder brendan reilly suggests that anti-trump protests will break out this summer and says police need the curfew ordinance to crack down on it.
proponents have repeatedly maintained it wouldn't be used for speech protected by the first amendment.
proponents have repeatedly maintained it wouldn't be used for speech protected by the first amendment.
April 30, 2025 at 6:41 PM
I mean, let's just come out and point out how we'll use the law in unconstitutional ways during the debate, this won't come back later on the council at all.
I too like to violate the dress code by being too sexy with my flashy shirts and ties.
April 30, 1996: Sen. Bob Molaro rose to complain that Sen. William Mahar, who had been granted an exemption from the Senate's dress code due to injury, was distracting members on the Democratic side of the aisle with his flashy shirts and ties.
April 30, 2025 at 12:05 PM
I too like to violate the dress code by being too sexy with my flashy shirts and ties.
Iraq War redux. The Times learned nothing, absolutely nothing. Abject failure of the venerated "Fourth Estate."
Pretty clear admission that the NYT killed a story about the implausibility of the lab leak because editors believed bad-faith Trump Admin sources over actual scientists.
donaldgmcneiljr1954.medium.com/how-i-learne...
donaldgmcneiljr1954.medium.com/how-i-learne...
April 28, 2025 at 1:18 PM
Iraq War redux. The Times learned nothing, absolutely nothing. Abject failure of the venerated "Fourth Estate."
Courtroom sketch artists remain undefeated.
Jury finds NY Times not liable in Sarah Palin defamation case reut.rs/44AGYrN
April 22, 2025 at 8:15 PM
Courtroom sketch artists remain undefeated.
Footnotes in legal briefs are mostly useless unless and only if you're using it to throw some tight sarcastic shade at opposing counsel. Otherwise, put it in the brief.
Big win for Trump admin in Signalgate lawsuit. Judge Boasberg strikes American Oversight filing for "excessive footnotes."
April 22, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Footnotes in legal briefs are mostly useless unless and only if you're using it to throw some tight sarcastic shade at opposing counsel. Otherwise, put it in the brief.
The key to understanding this is realizing that asking people to have something they never had in the first place is futile. They never possessed any morality other than self interest! Don't confuse the former for the latter when circumstances suggest it.
i am begging people to stop referring to powerful people and institutions as "spineless" or suggesting they require "courage." At *best* they are just doing the math and doing what's best for them, but many of them are more than happy to be collaborators
April 22, 2025 at 1:17 PM
The key to understanding this is realizing that asking people to have something they never had in the first place is futile. They never possessed any morality other than self interest! Don't confuse the former for the latter when circumstances suggest it.
These stupid shits have so little respect for the American public that they think we can only understand and comprehend one fucking issue at a time.
NEW: A deportation case exposes a rift among Democrats over how to take on Trump
One camp sees a pivotal moment to lean in and fight a lawless move.
Another camp sees a trap and wants to pivot to hitting Trump on his growing economic vulnerability.
www.nbcnews.com/politics/imm...
One camp sees a pivotal moment to lean in and fight a lawless move.
Another camp sees a trap and wants to pivot to hitting Trump on his growing economic vulnerability.
www.nbcnews.com/politics/imm...
Abrego Garcia's deportation case exposes a rift among Democrats over how to take on Trump
As some Democrats vocally push for the release of the man the administration says was mistakenly deported, others have sought to steer clear and focus on high prices and economic issues.
www.nbcnews.com
April 18, 2025 at 1:56 PM
These stupid shits have so little respect for the American public that they think we can only understand and comprehend one fucking issue at a time.
I once had a law professor say that if you eliminated street gangs (by solving the social problems underlying them), you'd only cut the murder rate in half because...domestic violence. Having practiced for 10+ years, he wasn't wrong.
You don't need a complicated ai tool to predict those likely to murder. Just some joined up thinking. It's men with a history of domestic violence. They'd be the top group.
April 9, 2025 at 1:44 PM
I once had a law professor say that if you eliminated street gangs (by solving the social problems underlying them), you'd only cut the murder rate in half because...domestic violence. Having practiced for 10+ years, he wasn't wrong.
Canada's retaliation for the tariffs begins to take shape.
A goose made a nest in the Wrigley Field bleachers, forcing a section of seats to close to fans. buff.ly/sOdYBxA
April 5, 2025 at 11:36 PM
Canada's retaliation for the tariffs begins to take shape.
"Downfall," only for treatlers.
Here's Trump's de minimis order, imposing duties on previously exempt imports valued under $800 from China (including Hong Kong). Gives the shipper a choice between paying $25 per package or 30% of total value beginning May 2. The $25 limit rises to $50 on June 1:
April 3, 2025 at 12:14 AM
"Downfall," only for treatlers.