Jill Twiss
@jilltwiss.bsky.social
Comedy writer. "Have I Got News For You", "Last Week Tonight", "The Amber Ruffin Show." Author of "A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo" and "The Someone New." Friend to several penguins.
Pinned
Jill Twiss
@jilltwiss.bsky.social
· Apr 4
My body is not cut out to be this furious all the time. I am built for naming dogs Doctor Reginald Pancakes and telling people about the time two bees stung me while I was on the toilet
perfect ice dancer names though
February 12, 2026 at 3:32 AM
perfect ice dancer names though
🎵 Breaks or sprains or amputates
We'll be there, call Chock and Bates🎵
We'll be there, call Chock and Bates🎵
February 12, 2026 at 3:26 AM
🎵 Breaks or sprains or amputates
We'll be there, call Chock and Bates🎵
We'll be there, call Chock and Bates🎵
Chock & Bates is the perfect name for a personal injury law firm with a catchy jingle
February 12, 2026 at 3:17 AM
Chock & Bates is the perfect name for a personal injury law firm with a catchy jingle
Also i feel like Kristi Noem gets a lot of shit (rightfully) for killing one dog, but somehow Dr Oz gets zero shit for killing hundreds of them
February 12, 2026 at 3:06 AM
Also i feel like Kristi Noem gets a lot of shit (rightfully) for killing one dog, but somehow Dr Oz gets zero shit for killing hundreds of them
I do feel obligated to bring up this article I wrote in which Pam Bondi stole a dog www.thedailybeast.com/what-the-f-i...
What the F*** Is the Trump Admin’s Problem With Dogs?
Donald Trump is one of very few U.S. presidents not to have a dog in the White House. Now, he is stacking his Cabinet with others who have their own controversies with man’s best friend.
www.thedailybeast.com
February 12, 2026 at 2:19 AM
I do feel obligated to bring up this article I wrote in which Pam Bondi stole a dog www.thedailybeast.com/what-the-f-i...
I thought W. Heights was the character’s name for a minute and let me tell you, I was thrilled
February 10, 2026 at 2:40 PM
I thought W. Heights was the character’s name for a minute and let me tell you, I was thrilled
the twizzles never lie
February 10, 2026 at 3:41 AM
the twizzles never lie
i can tell in my heart if the ice dancers are in love
February 10, 2026 at 3:18 AM
i can tell in my heart if the ice dancers are in love
is it the decade 2000-2010?
HBO Max’s highly anticipated Harry Potter series, coming to the streamer in 2027, will be “the streaming event of the decade,” JB Perrette, CEO and president of global streaming & games at Warner Bros. Discovery said in London on Monday. At least that!
‘Harry Potter’ HBO Max Series Will Be the “Streaming Event of the Decade” – At Least, WBD Top Exec Says
HBO Max’s highly anticipated Harry Potter series, coming to the streamer in 2027, will be “the streaming event of the decade,” JB Perrette, CEO and president of global streaming & games at Warner Bros. Discovery said in London on Monday. At least that!
bit.ly
February 9, 2026 at 7:16 PM
is it the decade 2000-2010?
hope to get married onstage at the National Spelling Bee
That was a real wedding during Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl Halftime Show. His reps confirmed the happy couple are irl in love. And yet, conservatives still said the show was an affront to American values.
That Was a Real Wedding During Bad Bunny’s Halftime Show
That was a real wedding during Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl Halftime Show. His reps confirmed the happy couple are irl in love. And yet, conservatives still said the show was an affront to American values.
www.vulture.com
February 9, 2026 at 3:08 AM
hope to get married onstage at the National Spelling Bee
People are furious! "Zamboni is definitely a foreign name," they scream.
February 9, 2026 at 12:24 AM
People are furious! "Zamboni is definitely a foreign name," they scream.
I have chosen to watch a replay of Men's Figure Skating but I shall post as though it is the Super Bowl (HALFTIME SHOW IS A ZAMBONI!)
February 9, 2026 at 12:12 AM
I have chosen to watch a replay of Men's Figure Skating but I shall post as though it is the Super Bowl (HALFTIME SHOW IS A ZAMBONI!)
I am reading your book right now AND YOUR ART IS SO GOOD
February 8, 2026 at 10:51 PM
I am reading your book right now AND YOUR ART IS SO GOOD
extremely funny that the next commercial is for diapers
February 8, 2026 at 9:40 PM
extremely funny that the next commercial is for diapers
what a great place to meet family!
February 8, 2026 at 9:26 PM
what a great place to meet family!
i don't think we talk enough about how bad the entire administration must SMELL
February 8, 2026 at 8:46 PM
i don't think we talk enough about how bad the entire administration must SMELL
gonna GO by. Sorry, i got so excited to share this Select Bitch with you
February 8, 2026 at 7:19 PM
gonna GO by. Sorry, i got so excited to share this Select Bitch with you
I went to the Meet the Breeds event for the Westminster Dog Show and a woman told me her dog was chosen as a “Select Bitch”. So anyway, that’s what I’m gonna by now
February 8, 2026 at 7:15 PM
I went to the Meet the Breeds event for the Westminster Dog Show and a woman told me her dog was chosen as a “Select Bitch”. So anyway, that’s what I’m gonna by now
DON'T TALK TO ME TILL I'VE HAD MY FERMENTS
RFK Jr on what he'll eat during the Super Bowl: "I am on a carnivore diet so I just eat meat and ferments, and I'm very happy with that. So I'm probably going to have yogurt."
February 8, 2026 at 6:36 PM
DON'T TALK TO ME TILL I'VE HAD MY FERMENTS