Jill Twiss
@jilltwiss.bsky.social
Comedy writer. "Have I Got News For You", "Last Week Tonight", "The Amber Ruffin Show." Author of "A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo" and "The Someone New." Friend to several penguins.
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Jill Twiss
@jilltwiss.bsky.social
· Apr 4
My body is not cut out to be this furious all the time. I am built for naming dogs Doctor Reginald Pancakes and telling people about the time two bees stung me while I was on the toilet
how i learned my grandparents are canadian
Almost a year now since I received this absolutely classic burn from the Canadian government.
November 22, 2025 at 1:15 AM
how i learned my grandparents are canadian
i don't fully understand this, but what i'm taking from it is WE SHOULD HAVE HOCKEY DOGS. (nice ones though. maybe a corgi named Toepick)
From @theathletic.com: An attack dog from the Minsk police force got a little too snappy with players from the Kontinental Hockey League, biting two of them during a ceremonial puck drop.
KHL players bitten by attack dog during ceremonial puck drop
An attack dog from the local Minsk police force got a little too chompy with players from CSKA Moscow and Dinamo Minsk on Thursday.
nyti.ms
November 21, 2025 at 5:07 PM
i don't fully understand this, but what i'm taking from it is WE SHOULD HAVE HOCKEY DOGS. (nice ones though. maybe a corgi named Toepick)
YESSSSSS! Stephanie is so ridiculously talented and this is thrilling
I’m not one to horn-toot but I am so happy to have received my first Emmy nomination for this show and for these characters I love playing so dang much... and so very grateful to be sharing a category with my incredible friends.
I was convinced this would never happen.
I treasure this nomination.
I was convinced this would never happen.
I treasure this nomination.
November 21, 2025 at 12:35 AM
YESSSSSS! Stephanie is so ridiculously talented and this is thrilling
All my haters will be my taters at the Thanksgiving table of success
November 20, 2025 at 8:33 PM
All my haters will be my taters at the Thanksgiving table of success
If this cheese sells a pilot before i do, i swear to god
United Talent Agency has signed literal type of cheese Parmigiano Reggiano to its roster with the goal of finding product-placement opportunities for the brand in film and TV
www.vulture.com/article/parm...?
www.vulture.com/article/parm...?
Beloved Cheese Parmigiano Reggiano Signs With UTA
The blonde Italian bombshell is about to be all over film and TV.
www.vulture.com
November 20, 2025 at 3:24 AM
If this cheese sells a pilot before i do, i swear to god
Now we find out the grand jury...never saw the final indictment to vote on? Sometimes when things get worse, they somehow get even funnier
I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to tell the jury to “vote assuming we actually have a whole bunch more secret evidence”
November 19, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Now we find out the grand jury...never saw the final indictment to vote on? Sometimes when things get worse, they somehow get even funnier
Reposted by Jill Twiss
sending blankets infected with Impostor Syndrome to the DOJ
NEWS: During a hearing in federal court in VA, prosecutors confirmed that the operative indictment in the case against James Comey was never shown to or voted on by the entire grand jury before it was presented in open court.
Defense counsel argued that’s a complete bar to further prosecution
Defense counsel argued that’s a complete bar to further prosecution
November 19, 2025 at 5:53 PM
sending blankets infected with Impostor Syndrome to the DOJ
i did some of the best work of my career when i watched 47 episodes of Gilmore Girls whilst eating a rotisserie chicken
Mike Johnson says House Republicans “did some of the best work of their careers” when they stayed home for the duration of the government shutdown.
November 18, 2025 at 9:59 PM
i did some of the best work of my career when i watched 47 episodes of Gilmore Girls whilst eating a rotisserie chicken
oh god this is gonna end with Larry Summers contacting Olivia Nuzzi isn't it
November 18, 2025 at 5:26 AM
oh god this is gonna end with Larry Summers contacting Olivia Nuzzi isn't it
when people say "she has a type" THE TYPE ISN'T USUALLY THIS SPECIFIC
oh my god you have to read this until the end www.telos.news/p/part-1-how...
Part 1: How I Found Out
Olivia had just returned from a reporting trip—at least that’s what she told me it was—and her Herschel backpack, the one with the flap that never quite closed properly, was tossed beside our bed, its...
www.telos.news
November 18, 2025 at 2:24 AM
when people say "she has a type" THE TYPE ISN'T USUALLY THIS SPECIFIC
I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to tell the jury to “vote assuming we actually have a whole bunch more secret evidence”
November 17, 2025 at 8:32 PM
I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to tell the jury to “vote assuming we actually have a whole bunch more secret evidence”
Reposted by Jill Twiss
lol last night was a rerun
“NBC's Seth Meyers is suffering from an incurable case of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS). He was viewed last night in an uncontrollable rage…”
November 16, 2025 at 6:19 AM
lol last night was a rerun
It's starting to appear like the Pope just made a list of famous people he wants to hang out with and now we're all watching his bucket list
November 16, 2025 at 1:11 AM
It's starting to appear like the Pope just made a list of famous people he wants to hang out with and now we're all watching his bucket list
hello today i am getting a Covid vaccine and watching The Muppet Christmas Carol and it will be perfect
November 15, 2025 at 7:35 PM
hello today i am getting a Covid vaccine and watching The Muppet Christmas Carol and it will be perfect
Reposted by Jill Twiss
How much do I love #HIGNFYUS SO MUCH!
This is the Political Comedy I was waiting for
@roywoodjr.bsky.social @amberruffin.bsky.social and @michaelianblack.bsky.social deserve all the clapping and awards for this.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-fC...
This is the Political Comedy I was waiting for
@roywoodjr.bsky.social @amberruffin.bsky.social and @michaelianblack.bsky.social deserve all the clapping and awards for this.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-fC...
Curtis Sliwa Kidnap Hoax! Barbie Car Crime!|HIGNFYUS (BEST OF S3)
YouTube video by Have I Got News For You US
www.youtube.com
November 15, 2025 at 6:39 PM
How much do I love #HIGNFYUS SO MUCH!
This is the Political Comedy I was waiting for
@roywoodjr.bsky.social @amberruffin.bsky.social and @michaelianblack.bsky.social deserve all the clapping and awards for this.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-fC...
This is the Political Comedy I was waiting for
@roywoodjr.bsky.social @amberruffin.bsky.social and @michaelianblack.bsky.social deserve all the clapping and awards for this.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-fC...
How do you know it was accidental? www.nytimes.com/2025/11/14/u...
Dog Accidentally Shoots and Injures a Pennsylvania Man, Police Say
www.nytimes.com
November 15, 2025 at 1:02 AM
How do you know it was accidental? www.nytimes.com/2025/11/14/u...
this is extremely O.J. "We're Still Looking For The Real Killer" coded
Breaking News: Pam Bondi assigned a prosecutor to look into Jeffrey Epstein’s ties to prominent Democrats including Bill Clinton, at President Trump’s urging.
Trump Live Updates: Bondi Assigns Prosecutor to Look Into Epstein’s Ties to Prominent Democrats
nyti.ms
November 14, 2025 at 9:51 PM
this is extremely O.J. "We're Still Looking For The Real Killer" coded
this is going to end with so many people trying to Sext with Jesus
The app Text With Jesus uses artificial intelligence and chatbots to offer spiritual guidance to users who are looking to connect with a higher power: on.nbc10.com/7XM8xrf
People can text with Jesus on a controversial new app. How does it work?
Artificial intelligence app Text With Jesus lets users chat with biblical figures and it is raising debate over faith and technology.
on.nbc10.com
November 14, 2025 at 9:38 PM
this is going to end with so many people trying to Sext with Jesus
It is the year 2286. The Earth is uninhabitable to humans. "Grey's Anatomy" begins another season.
November 14, 2025 at 4:49 AM
It is the year 2286. The Earth is uninhabitable to humans. "Grey's Anatomy" begins another season.
i mean, she should be miserable for the rest of her days, but also let them all have unlimited toilet paper?
Apparently, Ghislaine Maxwell is living it up in prison with unlimited toilet paper. Here’s what we know about her alleged special privileges at her new federal prison camp in Texas.
Ghislaine Maxwell Is Living It Up With Unlimited Toilet Paper
What we know about the special privileges Epstein’s accomplice is reportedly receiving at her new federal prison camp in Texas.
nymag.com
November 14, 2025 at 4:14 AM
i mean, she should be miserable for the rest of her days, but also let them all have unlimited toilet paper?
Just found out my loofah did 9/11
November 13, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Just found out my loofah did 9/11
ok it is very important that my children's book outsell Neil Gorsuch's children's book. the fate of our nation may rest on it. ("PRICKLY" out in 2026!)
Neil Gorsuch went on Fox & Friends this morning to hype his new [checks notes] children's book
November 13, 2025 at 4:41 PM
ok it is very important that my children's book outsell Neil Gorsuch's children's book. the fate of our nation may rest on it. ("PRICKLY" out in 2026!)
"Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus" - 2003
Man takes city bus for a joy ride, makes several stops along the way, allowing passengers to get on and off at bus stops, no damage to the vehicle.
"He even went as far as to deny someone looking to board with an expired bus pass"
www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...
"He even went as far as to deny someone looking to board with an expired bus pass"
www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...
Man who took Hamilton bus on joy ride 'did a great job' driving, left no dings, say police | CBC News
He made several stops along the way, allowing passengers to get on and off, police say. He was then arrested.
www.cbc.ca
November 13, 2025 at 4:23 PM
"Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus" - 2003
Genuinely thought this said “The Presidential Waffle House”
November 12, 2025 at 2:42 AM
Genuinely thought this said “The Presidential Waffle House”
Hi things are bad. Here are some new dog breeds I just thought up:
Pockapoo (knows tricks but only eats nickels)
Bernadoddle (herding dog for hedgehogs specifically)
Dworgi (two inch long legs, ears that drag on the floor like the veil at a royal wedding)
Pockapoo (knows tricks but only eats nickels)
Bernadoddle (herding dog for hedgehogs specifically)
Dworgi (two inch long legs, ears that drag on the floor like the veil at a royal wedding)
November 12, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Hi things are bad. Here are some new dog breeds I just thought up:
Pockapoo (knows tricks but only eats nickels)
Bernadoddle (herding dog for hedgehogs specifically)
Dworgi (two inch long legs, ears that drag on the floor like the veil at a royal wedding)
Pockapoo (knows tricks but only eats nickels)
Bernadoddle (herding dog for hedgehogs specifically)
Dworgi (two inch long legs, ears that drag on the floor like the veil at a royal wedding)