Jill Twiss
@jilltwiss.bsky.social
Comedy writer. "Have I Got News For You", "Last Week Tonight", "The Amber Ruffin Show." Author of "A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo" and "The Someone New." Friend to several penguins.
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Jill Twiss
@jilltwiss.bsky.social
· Apr 4
My body is not cut out to be this furious all the time. I am built for naming dogs Doctor Reginald Pancakes and telling people about the time two bees stung me while I was on the toilet
Reposted by Jill Twiss
Guys, I wrote a book! And my friend Debbie illustrated it! I'M BUSY out February 24th!
Newest in I'M picture books series by @michaelianblack.bsky.social & me launches Feb.24th!
In I'M BUSY, Flamingo & Potato help a *very* busy girl learn to slow down & find a healthier life balance. More about our series about kids' emotions: debbieohi.com/im-picture-b...
#KidLit #LibrarySky #EduSky
In I'M BUSY, Flamingo & Potato help a *very* busy girl learn to slow down & find a healthier life balance. More about our series about kids' emotions: debbieohi.com/im-picture-b...
#KidLit #LibrarySky #EduSky
February 20, 2026 at 2:22 PM
Guys, I wrote a book! And my friend Debbie illustrated it! I'M BUSY out February 24th!
Reposted by Jill Twiss
ok its time for the feelings post:
folks the show Strip Law comes out tomorrow on Netflix
i never thought id get my own thing to show everyone what i think is funny. i spent the last 2.5ish years (along with tons of other creatives to be lauded later) putting my entire being into this show...
folks the show Strip Law comes out tomorrow on Netflix
i never thought id get my own thing to show everyone what i think is funny. i spent the last 2.5ish years (along with tons of other creatives to be lauded later) putting my entire being into this show...
February 19, 2026 at 5:21 PM
ok its time for the feelings post:
folks the show Strip Law comes out tomorrow on Netflix
i never thought id get my own thing to show everyone what i think is funny. i spent the last 2.5ish years (along with tons of other creatives to be lauded later) putting my entire being into this show...
folks the show Strip Law comes out tomorrow on Netflix
i never thought id get my own thing to show everyone what i think is funny. i spent the last 2.5ish years (along with tons of other creatives to be lauded later) putting my entire being into this show...
All the Olympians are like "I just want to make my five-year-old self proud." Please. Your five-year-old self would be proud if you ate forty Nutter Butters for dinner and stayed up till 9:30.
February 17, 2026 at 1:38 AM
All the Olympians are like "I just want to make my five-year-old self proud." Please. Your five-year-old self would be proud if you ate forty Nutter Butters for dinner and stayed up till 9:30.
I agree, but also sometimes I think you're telling someone reading it that they're not alone.
The secret to engaging in social media debate is knowing you will never win anyone over. The best you can hope for is to have people who already agree with tell you you're awesome. You might great a dopamine thrill from the righteousness of your anger! Fine benefits, all. But you will never win.
February 16, 2026 at 11:22 PM
I agree, but also sometimes I think you're telling someone reading it that they're not alone.
I know all of this is made up, but “Finding children the administration wasn’t looking for” is just stealing random kids
Tom Homan is given free rein to just say stuff on Fox & Friends: "President Trump has already found 145,000 children. In Minnesota alone, only 33,000 missing children we found that the last administration wasn't even looking for."
February 15, 2026 at 2:13 PM
I know all of this is made up, but “Finding children the administration wasn’t looking for” is just stealing random kids
Reposted by Jill Twiss
POINTS to Aaron!
Tune in TONIGHT for more of Independent journalist Aaron Parnas & Comedian Scott Thompson in an all new episode of #HIGNFY at 9pm on CNN and streaming next day on the CNN app.
Tune in TONIGHT for more of Independent journalist Aaron Parnas & Comedian Scott Thompson in an all new episode of #HIGNFY at 9pm on CNN and streaming next day on the CNN app.
February 15, 2026 at 12:30 AM
POINTS to Aaron!
Tune in TONIGHT for more of Independent journalist Aaron Parnas & Comedian Scott Thompson in an all new episode of #HIGNFY at 9pm on CNN and streaming next day on the CNN app.
Tune in TONIGHT for more of Independent journalist Aaron Parnas & Comedian Scott Thompson in an all new episode of #HIGNFY at 9pm on CNN and streaming next day on the CNN app.
2/3 of Winter Olympic sports sound like something i made up after four glasses of wine
February 15, 2026 at 1:44 AM
2/3 of Winter Olympic sports sound like something i made up after four glasses of wine
LEAVE THE SAD FALLING MEN ALONE PLEASE
Ilia Malinin was heavily favored on Friday to win the Olympic gold medal in men’s figure skating. But the Team USA star fell twice and completed only three of his planned seven quad jumps to place eighth overall. www.nytimes.com/interactive/...
February 14, 2026 at 4:16 PM
LEAVE THE SAD FALLING MEN ALONE PLEASE
i'm sorry we're just letting a guy go around being named Danny Spud?
over on x the everything app some Chicago high school kid named Danny Spud tried to disrupt his school's anti-ICE protest by yelling about how much he loves ICE and then filmed himself getting walloped by a fellow student lmao
the quote tweet making fun of him has 3x the likes
the quote tweet making fun of him has 3x the likes
February 14, 2026 at 3:23 AM
i'm sorry we're just letting a guy go around being named Danny Spud?
Chock & Bates is the perfect name for a personal injury law firm with a catchy jingle
February 12, 2026 at 3:17 AM
Chock & Bates is the perfect name for a personal injury law firm with a catchy jingle
I do feel obligated to bring up this article I wrote in which Pam Bondi stole a dog www.thedailybeast.com/what-the-f-i...
What the F*** Is the Trump Admin’s Problem With Dogs?
Donald Trump is one of very few U.S. presidents not to have a dog in the White House. Now, he is stacking his Cabinet with others who have their own controversies with man’s best friend.
www.thedailybeast.com
February 12, 2026 at 2:19 AM
I do feel obligated to bring up this article I wrote in which Pam Bondi stole a dog www.thedailybeast.com/what-the-f-i...
i can tell in my heart if the ice dancers are in love
February 10, 2026 at 3:18 AM
i can tell in my heart if the ice dancers are in love
is it the decade 2000-2010?
HBO Max’s highly anticipated Harry Potter series, coming to the streamer in 2027, will be “the streaming event of the decade,” JB Perrette, CEO and president of global streaming & games at Warner Bros. Discovery said in London on Monday. At least that!
‘Harry Potter’ HBO Max Series Will Be the “Streaming Event of the Decade” – At Least, WBD Top Exec Says
HBO Max’s highly anticipated Harry Potter series, coming to the streamer in 2027, will be “the streaming event of the decade,” JB Perrette, CEO and president of global streaming & games at Warner Bros. Discovery said in London on Monday. At least that!
bit.ly
February 9, 2026 at 7:16 PM
is it the decade 2000-2010?
hope to get married onstage at the National Spelling Bee
That was a real wedding during Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl Halftime Show. His reps confirmed the happy couple are irl in love. And yet, conservatives still said the show was an affront to American values.
That Was a Real Wedding During Bad Bunny’s Halftime Show
That was a real wedding during Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl Halftime Show. His reps confirmed the happy couple are irl in love. And yet, conservatives still said the show was an affront to American values.
www.vulture.com
February 9, 2026 at 3:08 AM
hope to get married onstage at the National Spelling Bee
I have chosen to watch a replay of Men's Figure Skating but I shall post as though it is the Super Bowl (HALFTIME SHOW IS A ZAMBONI!)
February 9, 2026 at 12:12 AM
I have chosen to watch a replay of Men's Figure Skating but I shall post as though it is the Super Bowl (HALFTIME SHOW IS A ZAMBONI!)
I went to the Meet the Breeds event for the Westminster Dog Show and a woman told me her dog was chosen as a “Select Bitch”. So anyway, that’s what I’m gonna by now
February 8, 2026 at 7:15 PM
I went to the Meet the Breeds event for the Westminster Dog Show and a woman told me her dog was chosen as a “Select Bitch”. So anyway, that’s what I’m gonna by now
DON'T TALK TO ME TILL I'VE HAD MY FERMENTS
RFK Jr on what he'll eat during the Super Bowl: "I am on a carnivore diet so I just eat meat and ferments, and I'm very happy with that. So I'm probably going to have yogurt."
February 8, 2026 at 6:36 PM
DON'T TALK TO ME TILL I'VE HAD MY FERMENTS
Ah yes, I do choose which books to read based on “who wrote the most of them this year”
I'm going to win.
February 8, 2026 at 5:45 PM
Ah yes, I do choose which books to read based on “who wrote the most of them this year”
Reposted by Jill Twiss
UK Traitors: win or lose I’m well chuffed from making some good mates
US Traitors: My name is The Botox Bitch and I will have your children killed
US Traitors: My name is The Botox Bitch and I will have your children killed
February 8, 2026 at 5:29 PM
UK Traitors: win or lose I’m well chuffed from making some good mates
US Traitors: My name is The Botox Bitch and I will have your children killed
US Traitors: My name is The Botox Bitch and I will have your children killed
Reposted by Jill Twiss
TONIGHT!! Senator Adam Schiff @schiff.senate.gov and Comedian, Actor & Producer @hasanminhaj.com join the panel on an ALL NEW episode of Have I Got News For You 9p ET on CNN and streaming next day on the CNN app.
February 7, 2026 at 11:20 PM
TONIGHT!! Senator Adam Schiff @schiff.senate.gov and Comedian, Actor & Producer @hasanminhaj.com join the panel on an ALL NEW episode of Have I Got News For You 9p ET on CNN and streaming next day on the CNN app.
I'm sorry there is a woman skating in the Olympics who has NO FEELING IN HER LEG?? Just give her a medal anyway, weirdos!
February 7, 2026 at 10:23 PM
I'm sorry there is a woman skating in the Olympics who has NO FEELING IN HER LEG?? Just give her a medal anyway, weirdos!
I'll be honest, when I helped work on this piece, i did not expect it to go where it did
TONIGHT!! Senator Adam Schiff @schiff.senate.gov and Comedian, Actor & Producer, @hasanminhaj.com join the panel on an ALL NEW episode of Have I Got News For You 9p ET on @cnn.com and streaming next day on the CNN app.
February 7, 2026 at 8:59 PM
I'll be honest, when I helped work on this piece, i did not expect it to go where it did
"Talent is a gatekeeping mechanism." I mean, yes.
no great artists have ever struggled, a famous thing about artists that we all know. everyone prior to three years ago lived lives of luxury.
![the stupid 'talent is a gatekeeping mechanism' thread that's going around, three posts reading:
tired of having these arguments so i'm gonna lay out the STARK reality of AI for some of you privileged fucks:
1. "talent" is a gatekeeping mechanism that has created a culture of professionalism that is no less of an ivory tower than academia, a moralized proxy for access to time, training, money.
2. being poor means having to make hard choices like:
[a] drawing something yourself in a way society would call "bad" (i.e. unprofessional)
[b] sacrificing resources you don't have to pay a real artist what they're worth (or learn yourself)
[c] not doing it at all, or
[d] using AI.
“just don’t use AI” is a luxury position. when people moralize choices made under scarcity, they’re pretending the menu is the same for everyone. it fucking isn’t.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:dei7f7zh74xr3hoghei6ke3d/bafkreig5uei5qn5bkwhgniorhoyesfs73ovo76xwfk2yxprmtnbde4cvp4@jpeg)
February 7, 2026 at 2:39 AM
"Talent is a gatekeeping mechanism." I mean, yes.
JonBenét Wilkes Booth. Is that anything?
February 6, 2026 at 5:07 PM
JonBenét Wilkes Booth. Is that anything?
WHERE IS THE RODENT WHO WILL TELL ME HOW MANY WEEKS OF AMERICA WE HAVE LEFT
February 2, 2026 at 9:58 PM
WHERE IS THE RODENT WHO WILL TELL ME HOW MANY WEEKS OF AMERICA WE HAVE LEFT