Mike Pielocik
@mikepie.bsky.social
tv writer (@hignfyus.bsky.social, Late Show, Tonight Show, Desus & Mero, Nightly Show, Smart Pipe, Sex House, ONN).
Pinned
Mike Pielocik
@mikepie.bsky.social
· Sep 2
i just flew in from the canned pasta section of the grocery store and boyardees arms tired
Hey man listen to yourself
January 23, 2026 at 12:34 AM
Hey man listen to yourself
Reposted by Mike Pielocik
ICE kidnapped a 5-year-old and sent him alone to a facility in Texas. Hell isn't hot enough.
January 21, 2026 at 11:14 PM
ICE kidnapped a 5-year-old and sent him alone to a facility in Texas. Hell isn't hot enough.
colleagues: wow Mike is working hard, deep in the zone, wonder what he's thinking.
me (internally) (to the tune of Moon River): 🎵 BONE TEMPLLLLEEEEEEEEEE... WIDER THAN A MILE..... 🎵
me (internally) (to the tune of Moon River): 🎵 BONE TEMPLLLLEEEEEEEEEE... WIDER THAN A MILE..... 🎵
January 15, 2026 at 7:13 PM
colleagues: wow Mike is working hard, deep in the zone, wonder what he's thinking.
me (internally) (to the tune of Moon River): 🎵 BONE TEMPLLLLEEEEEEEEEE... WIDER THAN A MILE..... 🎵
me (internally) (to the tune of Moon River): 🎵 BONE TEMPLLLLEEEEEEEEEE... WIDER THAN A MILE..... 🎵
can't wait to be beaten to death by Officer Never Gonna Give You Up Never Gonna Let You Down
I am introducing the Quick Recognition (QR) Act, which requires ICE and CBP officers to wear uniforms featuring QR codes. When scanned, the code would generate a digital ID displaying the officer’s name, badge number, and law enforcement agency.
ICE should be unmasked both physically and digitally.
ICE should be unmasked both physically and digitally.
January 14, 2026 at 5:37 PM
can't wait to be beaten to death by Officer Never Gonna Give You Up Never Gonna Let You Down
POV: you’re about to get the worst haircut of your life
Update — Here is what the new apparent CBS News segment "Whiskey Fridays with Tony Dokoupil" may look like:
January 13, 2026 at 11:53 PM
POV: you’re about to get the worst haircut of your life
Reposted by Mike Pielocik
On Wednesday, Renee Macklin Good was fatally shot by a federal ICE agent. Becca Good, her wife, shared the following statement with MPR News.
Renee Macklin Good’s wife says she ‘nurtured kindness’
On Wednesday, Renee Macklin Good was fatally shot by a federal ICE agent. Becca Good, her wife, shared the following statement with MPR News.
www.mprnews.org
January 9, 2026 at 4:07 PM
On Wednesday, Renee Macklin Good was fatally shot by a federal ICE agent. Becca Good, her wife, shared the following statement with MPR News.
They shouldn't make Cookie Monster do all these healthy eating segments on Sesame Street. It's against his nature and you can see in his eyes that he doesn't like it.
This place needs some Innocuous Discourse pronto. Quote this with a take that’s not political or aggressive
January 6, 2026 at 4:41 PM
They shouldn't make Cookie Monster do all these healthy eating segments on Sesame Street. It's against his nature and you can see in his eyes that he doesn't like it.
Well I have begun the year by spilling an entire tray of hot coffees on myself while letting out a comically high pitched “oh no!!!”
January 1, 2026 at 6:50 PM
Well I have begun the year by spilling an entire tray of hot coffees on myself while letting out a comically high pitched “oh no!!!”
Defense lawyer from The Staircase ahead of me in a Starbucks line at the Charlotte airport
Right folks. Feeling rather down at the moment so bringing back an oldie
Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
December 29, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Defense lawyer from The Staircase ahead of me in a Starbucks line at the Charlotte airport
In the novel Hamnet they don't say who the main guy is, they just call him "The Husband" or "The Glover's Son" or "The Latin Tutor." But using context clues I've figured out that he is Johnny Blaze aka Ghost Rider
December 22, 2025 at 1:55 AM
In the novel Hamnet they don't say who the main guy is, they just call him "The Husband" or "The Glover's Son" or "The Latin Tutor." But using context clues I've figured out that he is Johnny Blaze aka Ghost Rider
Have I Got Renews For You!
More news will be got by Roy Wood Jr., Amber Ruffin and Michael Ian Black -- get the Season 4 premiere date.
Have I Got News for You Renewed for Season 4 at CNN
More news will be got by Roy Wood Jr., Amber Ruffin and Michael Ian Black -- get the Season 4 premiere date.
dlvr.it
December 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Have I Got Renews For You!
Reposted by Mike Pielocik
Reposted by Mike Pielocik
THE ART IS IN THE STRUGGLE!
There is no creation without the process of creating.
There is no creation without the process of creating.
I have grown to believe that excessive wealth does something to your brain that is analogous to a serious head injury
December 15, 2025 at 2:28 PM
THE ART IS IN THE STRUGGLE!
There is no creation without the process of creating.
There is no creation without the process of creating.
“Merry Christmas from Loretta Lynn and Crisco.”
December 14, 2025 at 4:38 AM
“Merry Christmas from Loretta Lynn and Crisco.”
Reposted by Mike Pielocik
i read stuff like this and can genuinely angry at guys like jd vance who insist that this country belongs to some narrow vision of the "native born"
December 9, 2025 at 11:58 PM
i read stuff like this and can genuinely angry at guys like jd vance who insist that this country belongs to some narrow vision of the "native born"
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https://www.ft.com/content/e5da7064-3a46-4bab-9a6c-12ae03eead16
Sensing that the chance to seal a blockbuster deal was slipping away, Paramount chief David Ellison made a last-ditch personal appeal on Thursday afternoon to his Warner Bros Discovery counterpart David Zaslav.
“Daivd [sic], I appreciate you’re underwater today so I wanted to send you a quick text,” he wrote. “Know despite the noise of the last 24 hours I have nothing but respect and admiration for you and the company.
“It would be the honour of a lifetime to be your partner and to be the owner of these iconic assets. If we have the privilege to work together you will see that my father and I are the people you had dinner with.”](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:vehpgja6kkmgiqjw64baet33/bafkreicd33kq4vrtvukeyfs2nf26lmxxrz4mirdlzq5rx5m22lj5qr6tbq@jpeg)
“And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, was-“ [pete hegseth orders a second strike on tiny tim]
December 3, 2025 at 1:28 PM
“And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, was-“ [pete hegseth orders a second strike on tiny tim]
That’s the ghost of Dick Whitman’s other brother who killed himself, Vomit Gregory
HBOMax has started showing a 'remastered' 4K Mad Men and they’ve messed things up so during Roger’s oyster vomit scene you can now see the crew men with the vomit hose on the right
December 2, 2025 at 6:06 PM
That’s the ghost of Dick Whitman’s other brother who killed himself, Vomit Gregory
logging onto twitter: AI slop, great replacement theory, hardcore pornography, foreign bots stoking chaos and hatred, JD Vance
logging onto Bluesky: 42-year-old men celebrating the life of noted character actor Udo Kier
logging onto Bluesky: 42-year-old men celebrating the life of noted character actor Udo Kier
November 24, 2025 at 3:26 AM
logging onto twitter: AI slop, great replacement theory, hardcore pornography, foreign bots stoking chaos and hatred, JD Vance
logging onto Bluesky: 42-year-old men celebrating the life of noted character actor Udo Kier
logging onto Bluesky: 42-year-old men celebrating the life of noted character actor Udo Kier
Honestly if there was a section of a movie from my POV and it was intro’d by a title card that said “THE CREATURE’S TALE” I’d be like hey what the fuck
November 23, 2025 at 11:43 PM
Honestly if there was a section of a movie from my POV and it was intro’d by a title card that said “THE CREATURE’S TALE” I’d be like hey what the fuck
I was recruited by shipping magnate Herbert Greenleaf to bring his wayward son Dickie back from the seaside town of Mongibello in Italy, but while there I became consumed by Dickie’s extravagant lifestyle and charmed existence, eventually alienating Dickie and his girlfriend Marge until one day
November 23, 2025 at 3:13 AM
I was recruited by shipping magnate Herbert Greenleaf to bring his wayward son Dickie back from the seaside town of Mongibello in Italy, but while there I became consumed by Dickie’s extravagant lifestyle and charmed existence, eventually alienating Dickie and his girlfriend Marge until one day
