Heather Havrilesky
@heatherhav.bsky.social
Author of Ask Polly + Ask Molly on Substack + four books, most recently Foreverland.
Emotional abuse is very hard to recognize when you’re in it. From the outside, it’s so obvious. This is why you have to talk to your friends and not keep the darkness in your relationship a secret.
www.ask-polly.com/p/my-open-ma...
www.ask-polly.com/p/my-open-ma...
'My Open Marriage Is Killing Me!'
Two words: Get out.
www.ask-polly.com
January 28, 2026 at 5:16 PM
Emotional abuse is very hard to recognize when you’re in it. From the outside, it’s so obvious. This is why you have to talk to your friends and not keep the darkness in your relationship a secret.
www.ask-polly.com/p/my-open-ma...
www.ask-polly.com/p/my-open-ma...
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
Let us all have the courage displayed by the residents of Minneapolis.
January 25, 2026 at 1:11 AM
Let us all have the courage displayed by the residents of Minneapolis.
Abolish ICE. Impeach Trump.
January 25, 2026 at 12:27 PM
Abolish ICE. Impeach Trump.
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
if I were a Democratic strategist, columnist, or politician, I would simply not be outflanked by Bill Kristol and this guy
January 25, 2026 at 5:45 AM
if I were a Democratic strategist, columnist, or politician, I would simply not be outflanked by Bill Kristol and this guy
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
How many January 6 insurrectionists were armed? Is the position now that Capitol police could have shot them all? Just trying to keep up
January 24, 2026 at 11:49 PM
How many January 6 insurrectionists were armed? Is the position now that Capitol police could have shot them all? Just trying to keep up
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
10 years of this shit
January 20, 2026 at 10:44 PM
10 years of this shit
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
I’ve heard from multiple friends today about daycares being raided and parents being ripped out of cars (in one case with a child left behind in the backseat). Grim times here.
The situation in Minneapolis is insane: seemingly many large convoys of heavily armed masked men, blocking off streets at random, grabbing people nearly at random, racing around the city with no discernible plan or aim. Under attack by our own government the day after it killed someone
January 8, 2026 at 11:12 PM
I’ve heard from multiple friends today about daycares being raided and parents being ripped out of cars (in one case with a child left behind in the backseat). Grim times here.
There are too many overpaid undertaxed motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
December 21, 2025 at 11:47 AM
There are too many overpaid undertaxed motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
Around half of San Francisco is without power right now and something like 1/3rd of intersections I drove through had waymos stopped in the middle of them making a dangerous situation even worse.
Do not let Waymo into your city.
Do not let Waymo into your city.
December 21, 2025 at 4:05 AM
Around half of San Francisco is without power right now and something like 1/3rd of intersections I drove through had waymos stopped in the middle of them making a dangerous situation even worse.
Do not let Waymo into your city.
Do not let Waymo into your city.
How can you be loved enough by beasts who, when you aren’t performing innocence or emptiness, see you as a pest?
askmolly.substack.com/p/oaks
askmolly.substack.com/p/oaks
Oaks
No one can love you enough.
askmolly.substack.com
November 28, 2025 at 3:04 PM
How can you be loved enough by beasts who, when you aren’t performing innocence or emptiness, see you as a pest?
askmolly.substack.com/p/oaks
askmolly.substack.com/p/oaks
Stand up for your huge, romantic heart at all costs, even when it causes you pain, because becoming numb is so much worse.
www.ask-polly.com/p/am-i-too-r...
www.ask-polly.com/p/am-i-too-r...
‘Am I Too Romantic About True Love?’
Don't change your entire belief system just because you're afraid of seeming naïve.
www.ask-polly.com
October 30, 2025 at 4:23 PM
Stand up for your huge, romantic heart at all costs, even when it causes you pain, because becoming numb is so much worse.
www.ask-polly.com/p/am-i-too-r...
www.ask-polly.com/p/am-i-too-r...
Jimmy Kimmel once called me to thank me after I wrote a good review of his show. It was unnerving and maybe savvy but mostly just came off as friendly and kind.
I think he’s fucking great and I’m boycotting ABC, Disney, and all of their ugly children and cousins. Grow a spine, motherfuckers.
I think he’s fucking great and I’m boycotting ABC, Disney, and all of their ugly children and cousins. Grow a spine, motherfuckers.
September 18, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Jimmy Kimmel once called me to thank me after I wrote a good review of his show. It was unnerving and maybe savvy but mostly just came off as friendly and kind.
I think he’s fucking great and I’m boycotting ABC, Disney, and all of their ugly children and cousins. Grow a spine, motherfuckers.
I think he’s fucking great and I’m boycotting ABC, Disney, and all of their ugly children and cousins. Grow a spine, motherfuckers.
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
Sharing for anyone who needs this reminder to embrace your passions.
“Joy is believing that it all adds up, that it all matters, that your dumb, small, deluded thing is the reason you’re alive.” — @heatherhav.bsky.social
“Joy is believing that it all adds up, that it all matters, that your dumb, small, deluded thing is the reason you’re alive.” — @heatherhav.bsky.social
'I'm Trying So Hard But Everything's Still Going Wrong!'
Keep following your passion wherever it leads.
open.substack.com
September 9, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Sharing for anyone who needs this reminder to embrace your passions.
“Joy is believing that it all adds up, that it all matters, that your dumb, small, deluded thing is the reason you’re alive.” — @heatherhav.bsky.social
“Joy is believing that it all adds up, that it all matters, that your dumb, small, deluded thing is the reason you’re alive.” — @heatherhav.bsky.social
No, self-help will not make you a jerk.
Observe the jerks. If they were happy, would they insist that people who aren’t like them be more like them?
If they had firm boundaries, would they call people who need help and support weak and pathetic?
www.ask-polly.com/p/no-self-he...
Observe the jerks. If they were happy, would they insist that people who aren’t like them be more like them?
If they had firm boundaries, would they call people who need help and support weak and pathetic?
www.ask-polly.com/p/no-self-he...
No, Self-Help Won't Make You a Jerk!
Never listen to anyone who thinks that self-improvement is inherently selfish. Cultivating firm boundaries and celebrating your desires will make you more loving and generous, not less.
www.ask-polly.com
August 25, 2025 at 5:39 PM
No, self-help will not make you a jerk.
Observe the jerks. If they were happy, would they insist that people who aren’t like them be more like them?
If they had firm boundaries, would they call people who need help and support weak and pathetic?
www.ask-polly.com/p/no-self-he...
Observe the jerks. If they were happy, would they insist that people who aren’t like them be more like them?
If they had firm boundaries, would they call people who need help and support weak and pathetic?
www.ask-polly.com/p/no-self-he...
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
I've heard about the same few male surrealist painters 10,000 times. But until @heatherhav.bsky.social's Substack today, I'd never seen a painting by Jane Graverol, and now I am OBSESSED
www.artnet.com/artists/jane...
www.artnet.com/artists/jane...
August 18, 2025 at 2:15 PM
I've heard about the same few male surrealist painters 10,000 times. But until @heatherhav.bsky.social's Substack today, I'd never seen a painting by Jane Graverol, and now I am OBSESSED
www.artnet.com/artists/jane...
www.artnet.com/artists/jane...
Regular features:
Don't Shape Your Art Into a Parody of Your Most Popular Work
Fuck Perfection
Lower The Bar
Raise The Bar Again
Say Anything
Art Can Be Fun Again
Experiment
Collaborate, You Rigid Fucks
Shame Is The Enemy of Art
Exercise More, Think Less
Don't Shape Your Art Into a Parody of Your Most Popular Work
Fuck Perfection
Lower The Bar
Raise The Bar Again
Say Anything
Art Can Be Fun Again
Experiment
Collaborate, You Rigid Fucks
Shame Is The Enemy of Art
Exercise More, Think Less
I might start a newsletter that's just for artists I personally want to produce more work. Would just be coaching them (and me) to get off our fucking asses.
Isaac Wood and Harriet Wheeler are honorary members of this club, sorry sorry not sorry.
Isaac Wood and Harriet Wheeler are honorary members of this club, sorry sorry not sorry.
Love the Bowerbirds so much and love Phil Moore's solo album from 2016. It's such a coherent work, perfect for a long run or long drive.
open.spotify.com/artist/3bf8M...
open.spotify.com/artist/3bf8M...
August 12, 2025 at 1:44 PM
Regular features:
Don't Shape Your Art Into a Parody of Your Most Popular Work
Fuck Perfection
Lower The Bar
Raise The Bar Again
Say Anything
Art Can Be Fun Again
Experiment
Collaborate, You Rigid Fucks
Shame Is The Enemy of Art
Exercise More, Think Less
Don't Shape Your Art Into a Parody of Your Most Popular Work
Fuck Perfection
Lower The Bar
Raise The Bar Again
Say Anything
Art Can Be Fun Again
Experiment
Collaborate, You Rigid Fucks
Shame Is The Enemy of Art
Exercise More, Think Less
I also love the Bowerbirds' little-known 2021 album. One perfect catchy lovely divine melody after another with the faintest whiff of Grateful Dead vibes, which normally I would not love but here it's magic.
open.spotify.com/album/6FF5NS...
open.spotify.com/album/6FF5NS...
becalmyounglovers
Bowerbirds · Album · 2021 · 12 songs
open.spotify.com
August 12, 2025 at 1:33 PM
I also love the Bowerbirds' little-known 2021 album. One perfect catchy lovely divine melody after another with the faintest whiff of Grateful Dead vibes, which normally I would not love but here it's magic.
open.spotify.com/album/6FF5NS...
open.spotify.com/album/6FF5NS...
I might start a newsletter that's just for artists I personally want to produce more work. Would just be coaching them (and me) to get off our fucking asses.
Isaac Wood and Harriet Wheeler are honorary members of this club, sorry sorry not sorry.
Isaac Wood and Harriet Wheeler are honorary members of this club, sorry sorry not sorry.
Love the Bowerbirds so much and love Phil Moore's solo album from 2016. It's such a coherent work, perfect for a long run or long drive.
open.spotify.com/artist/3bf8M...
open.spotify.com/artist/3bf8M...
Tuskha
Artist · 100 monthly listeners.
open.spotify.com
August 12, 2025 at 1:30 PM
I might start a newsletter that's just for artists I personally want to produce more work. Would just be coaching them (and me) to get off our fucking asses.
Isaac Wood and Harriet Wheeler are honorary members of this club, sorry sorry not sorry.
Isaac Wood and Harriet Wheeler are honorary members of this club, sorry sorry not sorry.
Love the Bowerbirds so much and love Phil Moore's solo album from 2016. It's such a coherent work, perfect for a long run or long drive.
open.spotify.com/artist/3bf8M...
open.spotify.com/artist/3bf8M...
Tuskha
Artist · 100 monthly listeners.
open.spotify.com
August 12, 2025 at 1:23 PM
Love the Bowerbirds so much and love Phil Moore's solo album from 2016. It's such a coherent work, perfect for a long run or long drive.
open.spotify.com/artist/3bf8M...
open.spotify.com/artist/3bf8M...
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
There is no further comment I can make to emphasise the monstrosities happening here
Mass starvation spreading across Gaza, aid agencies warn, as pressure on Israel grows – Middle East crisis live
Mass starvation spreading across Gaza, aid agencies warn, as pressure on Israel grows – Middle East crisis live
More than 100 aid agencies, including Doctors Without Borders, Save the Children and Oxfam, say ‘our colleagues and those we serve are wasting away’
Palestine Red Crescent says the situation in Gaza is “only getting worse”, with spokesperson Nebal Farsakh calling it an “unprecedented humanitarian catastrophe”.
Farsakh said in a video posted to X on Tuesday that there has been no food, clean water or medicine entering the Gaza Strip for more than four months.
This has resulted in a catastrophe where people are literally starving to death.
More people are being admitted to hospitals with malnutrition especially among children, pregnant women and the elderly. Continue reading...
www.theguardian.com
July 23, 2025 at 8:50 AM
There is no further comment I can make to emphasise the monstrosities happening here
The more curious you become about other people's emotional experiences, the more love enters your life.
www.ask-polly.com/p/retire-you...
www.ask-polly.com/p/retire-you...
Retire Your Inner Lawyer
Relationships don't thrive in a courtroom.
www.ask-polly.com
July 21, 2025 at 7:22 PM
The more curious you become about other people's emotional experiences, the more love enters your life.
www.ask-polly.com/p/retire-you...
www.ask-polly.com/p/retire-you...
Reposted by Heather Havrilesky
Buy @maris.bsky.social’s book at your local indie store to be as cool as meeeeeee
July 11, 2025 at 1:43 AM
Buy @maris.bsky.social’s book at your local indie store to be as cool as meeeeeee
When you refuse to set boundaries, you teach your kid to be a whiny, badgering asshole. Then you blame him for the fact that he’s an asshole, and you suffer, and you mope about what an asshole he is
www.ask-polly.com/p/my-teenage...
www.ask-polly.com/p/my-teenage...
'My Teenage Son Is a Drunk!'
Babies do whatever it takes to get your attention.
www.ask-polly.com
July 3, 2025 at 1:48 PM
When you refuse to set boundaries, you teach your kid to be a whiny, badgering asshole. Then you blame him for the fact that he’s an asshole, and you suffer, and you mope about what an asshole he is
www.ask-polly.com/p/my-teenage...
www.ask-polly.com/p/my-teenage...
"There were more people wearing vests than one typically sees upon venturing out."
Love this post about dancing by Sarah Miller, which includes a plea to help her friend Mohammed and his family.
therealsarahmiller.substack.com/p/youre-ever...
Love this post about dancing by Sarah Miller, which includes a plea to help her friend Mohammed and his family.
therealsarahmiller.substack.com/p/youre-ever...
You're Everything I Know That Makes Me Believe I'm Not Alone
A trip to Ecstatic Dance (but first a bit about Mohammed and his family)
therealsarahmiller.substack.com
July 3, 2025 at 1:36 PM
"There were more people wearing vests than one typically sees upon venturing out."
Love this post about dancing by Sarah Miller, which includes a plea to help her friend Mohammed and his family.
therealsarahmiller.substack.com/p/youre-ever...
Love this post about dancing by Sarah Miller, which includes a plea to help her friend Mohammed and his family.
therealsarahmiller.substack.com/p/youre-ever...