Reposted
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
November 28, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Reposted
Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot https://theonion.com/coast-guard-backtracks-on-plan-to-reclassify-swastikas-as-mascot/
November 24, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot https://theonion.com/coast-guard-backtracks-on-plan-to-reclassify-swastikas-as-mascot/
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Just saw this today. This is a transparent attempt to KILL DUE PROCESS by lying about the job of immigration judge and stacking the deck through hiring only bloodthirsty lawyers who want to deport people.
This comes after they pushed out over 100 judges deemed too likely to grant relief.
This comes after they pushed out over 100 judges deemed too likely to grant relief.
DOJ is now recruiting for immigration judges by calling them “deportation judges.”
That’s seems really bad.
That’s seems really bad.
November 21, 2025 at 1:25 PM
Just saw this today. This is a transparent attempt to KILL DUE PROCESS by lying about the job of immigration judge and stacking the deck through hiring only bloodthirsty lawyers who want to deport people.
This comes after they pushed out over 100 judges deemed too likely to grant relief.
This comes after they pushed out over 100 judges deemed too likely to grant relief.
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This week, I withdrew from a speaking engagement at a public university because they sent me a list of prohibited “words & concepts.” I will not humor this censorship. It does a disservice to the stories I’m discussing & the audience, who deserve unfettered access to information & conversation.
November 20, 2025 at 10:20 PM
This week, I withdrew from a speaking engagement at a public university because they sent me a list of prohibited “words & concepts.” I will not humor this censorship. It does a disservice to the stories I’m discussing & the audience, who deserve unfettered access to information & conversation.
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Can’t believe the whole country has to suffer through the return of Dickensian childhood diseases because the worst, most ignorant attention-demanders decided other people’s expertise makes them feel bad
November 20, 2025 at 4:19 AM
Can’t believe the whole country has to suffer through the return of Dickensian childhood diseases because the worst, most ignorant attention-demanders decided other people’s expertise makes them feel bad
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DOT is on an unprecedented deregulatory blitz. The Trump admin calls this cutting red tape. Left unmentioned is just how many of the targeted rules sought to prevent deaths/injuries.
"The regulations are written in blood," one former official told me. www.propublica.org/article/trum...
"The regulations are written in blood," one former official told me. www.propublica.org/article/trum...
How Trump’s Transportation Department Is Loosening Safety Rules Meant to Protect the Public
ProPublica has identified dozens of instances in which the Trump administration’s DOT has moved to cut, soften or delay safety regulations for cars, trucks, planes, trains and even oil pipelines. Expe...
www.propublica.org
November 20, 2025 at 12:37 PM
DOT is on an unprecedented deregulatory blitz. The Trump admin calls this cutting red tape. Left unmentioned is just how many of the targeted rules sought to prevent deaths/injuries.
"The regulations are written in blood," one former official told me. www.propublica.org/article/trum...
"The regulations are written in blood," one former official told me. www.propublica.org/article/trum...
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heating pads that are people sized and shaped for the even distribution of heat and pressure
November 19, 2025 at 7:52 PM
heating pads that are people sized and shaped for the even distribution of heat and pressure
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This is pretty amazing. This guy just won a solid victory in Bucks County, PA, one of the most important swing counties in the country, by *explicitly and deliberately* making his race *all about* nationalizing ICE raids. Confirms the point about this now being a winning issue for Dems.
November 19, 2025 at 5:02 PM
This is pretty amazing. This guy just won a solid victory in Bucks County, PA, one of the most important swing counties in the country, by *explicitly and deliberately* making his race *all about* nationalizing ICE raids. Confirms the point about this now being a winning issue for Dems.
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NEW:
In 2024, Tierra Walker was sick and getting sicker. She was also pregnant.
She knew abortion was illegal in Texas, but thought there was an exception for women like her, whose health was at risk. Doctors told her there was no emergency.
Then she died.
www.propublica.org/article/texa...
In 2024, Tierra Walker was sick and getting sicker. She was also pregnant.
She knew abortion was illegal in Texas, but thought there was an exception for women like her, whose health was at risk. Doctors told her there was no emergency.
Then she died.
www.propublica.org/article/texa...
“Ticking Time Bomb”: A Pregnant Mother Kept Getting Sicker. She Died After She Couldn’t Get an Abortion in Texas.
Walker is one of several women ProPublica found with underlying health conditions who died when they couldn’t access abortions.
www.propublica.org
November 19, 2025 at 11:08 AM
NEW:
In 2024, Tierra Walker was sick and getting sicker. She was also pregnant.
She knew abortion was illegal in Texas, but thought there was an exception for women like her, whose health was at risk. Doctors told her there was no emergency.
Then she died.
www.propublica.org/article/texa...
In 2024, Tierra Walker was sick and getting sicker. She was also pregnant.
She knew abortion was illegal in Texas, but thought there was an exception for women like her, whose health was at risk. Doctors told her there was no emergency.
Then she died.
www.propublica.org/article/texa...
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Repeatedly! When I was researching for my article on Trump and the Supreme Court's latest threat to the Clean Water Act, I learned the Cuyahoga River caught on fire not once, not twice, but over a dozen times
ballsandstrikes.org/law-politics...
ballsandstrikes.org/law-politics...
November 19, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Repeatedly! When I was researching for my article on Trump and the Supreme Court's latest threat to the Clean Water Act, I learned the Cuyahoga River caught on fire not once, not twice, but over a dozen times
ballsandstrikes.org/law-politics...
ballsandstrikes.org/law-politics...
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This Trans Awareness Week, we’re proud to share Transcestors & Trailblazers: 30 Lives, 30 Legacies — our limited-edition zine honoring the lives and legacies that paved the way for generations of trans brilliance.
Read the zine here: translash.org/zines/transc... ✨
Read the zine here: translash.org/zines/transc... ✨
November 14, 2025 at 3:48 PM
This Trans Awareness Week, we’re proud to share Transcestors & Trailblazers: 30 Lives, 30 Legacies — our limited-edition zine honoring the lives and legacies that paved the way for generations of trans brilliance.
Read the zine here: translash.org/zines/transc... ✨
Read the zine here: translash.org/zines/transc... ✨
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mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one
NEW: When Andrew Tate landed in the US, Customs & Border Protection seized his electronic devices. But @propublica.org found that a White House official told DHS to return the devices, emphasizing that the request came from the White House.
By @robert-faturechi.bsky.social & Avi Asher-Schapiro
By @robert-faturechi.bsky.social & Avi Asher-Schapiro
The White House Intervened on Behalf of Accused Sex Trafficker Andrew Tate During a Federal Investigation
Federal authorities were chided for seizing electronic devices from Tate and his brother, and told to return them, records and interviews show. Experts said the intervention was highly inappropriate.
www.propublica.org
November 18, 2025 at 1:10 PM
mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one
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I'm seeing people wonder why ICE is going after Charlotte.
ICE has been at war with Charlotte's sheriff ever since he won in 2018.
We'd covered this at Bolts back in the day; this quote is from that sheriff:
ICE has been at war with Charlotte's sheriff ever since he won in 2018.
We'd covered this at Bolts back in the day; this quote is from that sheriff:
“When the 8 African American sheriffs took over the largest counties in North Carolina, it became a threat to the good ol’ boy system,” says the sheriff of Charlotte. These new sheriffs broke ties with ICE.
But GOP lawmakers cracked down this week, overbidding the governor’s veto to adopt this law:
But GOP lawmakers cracked down this week, overbidding the governor’s veto to adopt this law:
North Carolina GOP Is Cracking Down on the Black Sheriffs Who Stood Up to ICE
Boosted by new supermajorities, Republicans are closing in on legislation to mandate more collaboration with ICE and preempt local policies hard-won by immigrants’ rights advocates.
boltsmag.org
November 15, 2025 at 10:43 PM
I'm seeing people wonder why ICE is going after Charlotte.
ICE has been at war with Charlotte's sheriff ever since he won in 2018.
We'd covered this at Bolts back in the day; this quote is from that sheriff:
ICE has been at war with Charlotte's sheriff ever since he won in 2018.
We'd covered this at Bolts back in the day; this quote is from that sheriff:
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8 years of "What is a woman?" and now it turns out that the comeback was "define a child"
November 14, 2025 at 1:00 PM
8 years of "What is a woman?" and now it turns out that the comeback was "define a child"
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Post a bird to support @sbworkersunited.org and warn your followers not to buy Starbucks for the duration of the ULP strike.
November 14, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Post a bird to support @sbworkersunited.org and warn your followers not to buy Starbucks for the duration of the ULP strike.
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oh hey look at that
NEW: The first two years of Massachusetts' millionaire tax has raised $3 billion more than expected.
And rather than driving the rich away, IPS researchers found that the number of millionaires has *increased.*
Tax the rich. Greg Ryan in @bloomberg.com:
And rather than driving the rich away, IPS researchers found that the number of millionaires has *increased.*
Tax the rich. Greg Ryan in @bloomberg.com:
Millionaire Tax That Inspired Mamdani Fuels $5.7 Billion Haul in Massachusetts
A millionaire levy in Massachusetts that New York City mayoral frontrunner Zohran Mamdani holds up as a model for taxing the rich has generated $3 billion more in revenue than expected without forcing...
www.bloomberg.com
November 14, 2025 at 1:21 PM
oh hey look at that
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I hate that AI has made me approach cute animal videos with an air of suspicion. I resent having to harden my heart to the possibility of an unlikely friendship between a very large dog and a very small one
November 14, 2025 at 2:01 PM
I hate that AI has made me approach cute animal videos with an air of suspicion. I resent having to harden my heart to the possibility of an unlikely friendship between a very large dog and a very small one
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Of the roughly 1,600 people who have gotten pardoned by Trump in his 2nd term, only 10 had filed petitions to the Office of the Pardon Attorney, & even within that small group, some did not appear to meet the Justice Department’s standards & requirements for identifying & vetting worthy recipients.
How Trump Has Exploited Pardons and Clemency to Reward Allies and Supporters
The president’s second term has brought a flood of clemency for allies and donors — as well as felons, like him, who were convicted of financial wrongdoing.
www.propublica.org
November 12, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Of the roughly 1,600 people who have gotten pardoned by Trump in his 2nd term, only 10 had filed petitions to the Office of the Pardon Attorney, & even within that small group, some did not appear to meet the Justice Department’s standards & requirements for identifying & vetting worthy recipients.
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As of this morning, Starbucks workers across the country are officially ON STRIKE. And we're prepared for this to become the biggest and longest ULP strike in Starbucks history.
Say #NoContractNoCoffee with us: DON'T BUY STARBUCKS for the duration of our open-ended ULP strike! $SBUX
Say #NoContractNoCoffee with us: DON'T BUY STARBUCKS for the duration of our open-ended ULP strike! $SBUX
November 13, 2025 at 11:33 AM
As of this morning, Starbucks workers across the country are officially ON STRIKE. And we're prepared for this to become the biggest and longest ULP strike in Starbucks history.
Say #NoContractNoCoffee with us: DON'T BUY STARBUCKS for the duration of our open-ended ULP strike! $SBUX
Say #NoContractNoCoffee with us: DON'T BUY STARBUCKS for the duration of our open-ended ULP strike! $SBUX
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My takeaway from every new Epstein revelation is that some powerful people victimized many powerless young women, many more knew, some actively enabled it--and we're still being told that MeToo and accountability for sexual violence have gone too far
November 12, 2025 at 5:05 PM
My takeaway from every new Epstein revelation is that some powerful people victimized many powerless young women, many more knew, some actively enabled it--and we're still being told that MeToo and accountability for sexual violence have gone too far
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They’ve laid off so many people that the government is now getting its economic data from DoorDash.
November 12, 2025 at 1:09 AM
They’ve laid off so many people that the government is now getting its economic data from DoorDash.
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Absolute carnage in the family group chat as my cousin posts a Christmas riddle from her fiancé’s office that no one can figure out, only to find that someone in the office got ChatGPT to make up the riddle and it’s gibberish that doesn’t have a solution
November 12, 2025 at 11:02 AM
Absolute carnage in the family group chat as my cousin posts a Christmas riddle from her fiancé’s office that no one can figure out, only to find that someone in the office got ChatGPT to make up the riddle and it’s gibberish that doesn’t have a solution
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for some reason, i don’t believe them
November 12, 2025 at 4:02 AM
for some reason, i don’t believe them
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if you can’t see the aurora borealis tonight, here is a sewer tunnel which is a wonder in itself.
November 12, 2025 at 3:58 AM
if you can’t see the aurora borealis tonight, here is a sewer tunnel which is a wonder in itself.