keith platinum
@ghostkrogh.bsky.social
i tried to fit the whole canterbury tales in here.
famous author of the chicken tweet.
famous author of the chicken tweet.
Reposted by keith platinum
When I was eight or nine I took a girl on a date to behind the corn field where I got her to watch me kick apart an old armchair
July 3, 2023 at 5:23 PM
When I was eight or nine I took a girl on a date to behind the corn field where I got her to watch me kick apart an old armchair
Reposted by keith platinum
Innkeeper telling me rumors: He kicked the bucket. Popped his clogs. Slipped his moorings in the night, you see
Me, taking notes: Suspect is uncoordinated, shoeless, a seafarer,
Me, taking notes: Suspect is uncoordinated, shoeless, a seafarer,
August 6, 2025 at 9:19 PM
Innkeeper telling me rumors: He kicked the bucket. Popped his clogs. Slipped his moorings in the night, you see
Me, taking notes: Suspect is uncoordinated, shoeless, a seafarer,
Me, taking notes: Suspect is uncoordinated, shoeless, a seafarer,
Reposted by keith platinum
A Gotham City villain that isn’t out for revenge or chaos—he just owns a fertilizer company and wants Batman for his guano.
July 19, 2025 at 4:19 AM
A Gotham City villain that isn’t out for revenge or chaos—he just owns a fertilizer company and wants Batman for his guano.
Reposted by keith platinum
popeye is taking a can of something out of his pocket. not sure what it is yet
July 16, 2025 at 6:38 AM
popeye is taking a can of something out of his pocket. not sure what it is yet
Reposted by keith platinum
Do not mistake my rewinding for kindness.
July 15, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Do not mistake my rewinding for kindness.
Reposted by keith platinum
There should be a corner at Home Depot where a guy with a table saw will slice you off custom lengths of hot dog from an infinite hot dog coming out of the wall
July 5, 2025 at 12:15 AM
There should be a corner at Home Depot where a guy with a table saw will slice you off custom lengths of hot dog from an infinite hot dog coming out of the wall
Reposted by keith platinum
*five minutes after getting out of my time machine and meeting Jesus Christ* no, LCD Soundsystem is the artist; Daft Punk Is Playing at My House is the title. I know it's confusing.
June 30, 2025 at 11:04 PM
*five minutes after getting out of my time machine and meeting Jesus Christ* no, LCD Soundsystem is the artist; Daft Punk Is Playing at My House is the title. I know it's confusing.
Reposted by keith platinum
i ran over gary sinise in my GMC yukon and dragged his body for almost six miles
Right folks. Feeling rather down at the moment so bringing back an oldie
Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
June 14, 2025 at 12:02 AM
i ran over gary sinise in my GMC yukon and dragged his body for almost six miles
Reposted by keith platinum
The balls are the failure of the penis. They bring it shame.
June 23, 2023 at 10:41 PM
The balls are the failure of the penis. They bring it shame.
Reposted by keith platinum
its genuinely incredible that the government has been taken over by vandals, thieves, and bald-faced liars and the media is more or less reporting on them like they're normal heads of state
May 29, 2025 at 6:29 PM
its genuinely incredible that the government has been taken over by vandals, thieves, and bald-faced liars and the media is more or less reporting on them like they're normal heads of state
Reposted by keith platinum
Cozy Crew sign off. Where my blanket heads at? Look Hard, and Carry A Soft Pillow. Tuck In Crew for life
March 9, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Cozy Crew sign off. Where my blanket heads at? Look Hard, and Carry A Soft Pillow. Tuck In Crew for life
her: have a favorite cartoon?
me: i’m fond of popeye
my beefy uncle tim: the spinach he ate was tainted from the lead in those cans, that’s what made him strong.
me: i’m fond of popeye
my beefy uncle tim: the spinach he ate was tainted from the lead in those cans, that’s what made him strong.
May 18, 2025 at 7:21 AM
her: have a favorite cartoon?
me: i’m fond of popeye
my beefy uncle tim: the spinach he ate was tainted from the lead in those cans, that’s what made him strong.
me: i’m fond of popeye
my beefy uncle tim: the spinach he ate was tainted from the lead in those cans, that’s what made him strong.
Reposted by keith platinum
Oracle said she wanted to shake my hand while she “has the chance”. She is sick and talks like this for fun.
May 18, 2025 at 4:02 AM
Oracle said she wanted to shake my hand while she “has the chance”. She is sick and talks like this for fun.
Reposted by keith platinum
I am a:
⚪️ man
⚪️ woman
🔘cat
looking for:
⚪️ A relationship
⚪️ A friendship
🔘 little a salami
⚪️ man
⚪️ woman
🔘cat
looking for:
⚪️ A relationship
⚪️ A friendship
🔘 little a salami
May 9, 2025 at 4:15 AM
I am a:
⚪️ man
⚪️ woman
🔘cat
looking for:
⚪️ A relationship
⚪️ A friendship
🔘 little a salami
⚪️ man
⚪️ woman
🔘cat
looking for:
⚪️ A relationship
⚪️ A friendship
🔘 little a salami
Reposted by keith platinum
Just to be clear: I did that because I love dancing, not because you were shooting at my feet.
April 29, 2025 at 4:55 AM
Just to be clear: I did that because I love dancing, not because you were shooting at my feet.
Reposted by keith platinum
[addressing everyone at my pet possum's funeral] you guys aren't gonna believe this
May 6, 2025 at 5:13 PM
[addressing everyone at my pet possum's funeral] you guys aren't gonna believe this
me (pushing my grocery cart into the corral): there it is, good deed for the day
off duty cop: is that the guy who fucks grocery carts?
off duty cop: is that the guy who fucks grocery carts?
May 4, 2025 at 7:14 AM
me (pushing my grocery cart into the corral): there it is, good deed for the day
off duty cop: is that the guy who fucks grocery carts?
off duty cop: is that the guy who fucks grocery carts?
Reposted by keith platinum
When bae catches you making "trucker's salsa" out of two onions, a few packets of What-a-Burger ketchup, and some automatic transmission fluid.
May 4, 2025 at 4:30 AM
When bae catches you making "trucker's salsa" out of two onions, a few packets of What-a-Burger ketchup, and some automatic transmission fluid.
Reposted by keith platinum
When bae catches you astral projecting into an old VHS tape because you think you can "beat Freddie Kruger if he's not in high def this time."
May 4, 2025 at 4:32 AM
When bae catches you astral projecting into an old VHS tape because you think you can "beat Freddie Kruger if he's not in high def this time."
guy (cracking his knuckles): i hear ya like penguins, think they’re cute
me (shaking my head vigorously): buddy you got it all wrong, I think they are kinda cute
me (shaking my head vigorously): buddy you got it all wrong, I think they are kinda cute
April 27, 2025 at 5:27 AM
guy (cracking his knuckles): i hear ya like penguins, think they’re cute
me (shaking my head vigorously): buddy you got it all wrong, I think they are kinda cute
me (shaking my head vigorously): buddy you got it all wrong, I think they are kinda cute
hey - i might get back to posting. i heard it’s great.
April 16, 2025 at 2:38 AM
hey - i might get back to posting. i heard it’s great.
Reposted by keith platinum
When death finally earns me, he will send paddington bear to collect
May 25, 2024 at 9:14 PM
When death finally earns me, he will send paddington bear to collect
Reposted by keith platinum
This year, Spotify stopped paying out royalties for tracks under 1000 streams. To small artists like me and my friends, buying an album now has INFINITELY more impact than streaming on Spotify
I'm not on twitter anymore, but this tweet from 2 years ago is sadly more accurate than ever
December 6, 2024 at 6:14 PM
This year, Spotify stopped paying out royalties for tracks under 1000 streams. To small artists like me and my friends, buying an album now has INFINITELY more impact than streaming on Spotify
Reposted by keith platinum
That's about the health bar I expected from Big Bird as a Souls boss.
Found this random screencap of Big Bird looking like he's about to address the allegations.
December 2, 2024 at 12:55 AM
That's about the health bar I expected from Big Bird as a Souls boss.