The Salmon Mousse
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thesalmonmousse.bsky.social
The Salmon Mousse
@thesalmonmousse.bsky.social
Only God and judges can judge me.
Pinned
My life in three panels.
My mother has discovered how to take photos using her phone.
December 2, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Headline for when the organisation is inevitably shut down: ‘OBR Where Art Thou?’, or maybe just ‘NOBR’.
December 1, 2025 at 7:45 PM
It is a funny old world. This year alone, the American president has accepted gold golf clubs, an emerald necklace and a Boeing 747. And yet Rachel Reeves is expected to resign because she apparently underestimated how badly the economy is doing.
December 1, 2025 at 6:32 PM
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Good lord.
ℑ𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔊𝔯𝔦𝔪 𝔇𝔞𝔯𝔨𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔉𝔞𝔯 𝔉𝔲𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔢, 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔦𝔰 𝔒𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔐𝔬𝔦
December 1, 2025 at 2:51 PM
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Welcome home for Christmas, Daniel.

(prints of my work available now - link in bio)
December 1, 2025 at 2:53 PM
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An antidote for those who think fascism is about to overrun Britain.

Is our language capable of supporting Hitlerian styles, or would we just laugh?

youtu.be/3MWpHQQ-wQg?...
A Bit of Fry & Laurie Concerning Language
YouTube video by Fun English Lessons
youtu.be
November 30, 2025 at 4:49 PM
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It's AAAAAAAAAAAADVENT!

We can do this. Three weeks away from the shortest day of the year, then it gets better, Almighty God give us grace that we may cast away the works of darkness and put upon us the ARMOUR OF LIGHT, et cetera BOSH! 💥
November 30, 2025 at 8:02 AM
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'this'll make you laugh'
November 30, 2025 at 8:54 AM
I, Gary Barlow, am about to launch a range of Sauvingon Blanc. But what to call it?
November 30, 2025 at 12:19 AM
Somewhere, in a dank attic, Michael Bublé is being shaken roughly awake.
November 29, 2025 at 11:36 AM
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Have hit that point where the whisky isn’t drowning the hate.
November 29, 2025 at 2:00 AM
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Yesterday I opened a window to free a spider and two crane flies flew in, so I've booked into a Travelodge until this blows over.
November 29, 2025 at 9:09 AM
Don’t buy an Anthrax hoodie in the Black Friday sale. That’s what Sober Me said two hours ago. Did I buy an Anthrax hoodie in the Black Friday sale? Yes.
November 28, 2025 at 9:50 PM
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if someone had recently given a speech as eloquent and intellectually complex yet clear-minded as the Thatcher speech Stephen mentioned, it would have led to Harry Cole hitting his big red head like an angry chimp and writing in the Sun that Big Words Bad Why Hate Britain Like This? Boo!
November 28, 2025 at 3:14 PM
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How does Batman's mum call him for dinner?

She doesn't because she was brutally murdered in front of her son.
November 28, 2025 at 9:50 AM
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I hate those cheap bastards on A Place In The Sun who put in a shitty offer on the basis that they'll want to do work on the house. If it was me, it would be, "Please feel free to pay for it out of your own pocket, you cheap bastards. I'm not paying for work on your house, you cheap bastards.
November 27, 2025 at 4:59 PM
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xylophone sound
November 27, 2025 at 5:57 PM
Yesterday I got hamburger under my wedding ring.

There’s a Country and Western song in there somewhere.
November 27, 2025 at 12:12 PM
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My wife is happy with our sex life
November 26, 2025 at 10:13 PM
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November 26th. I used to regard today as the deadline for finishing moribund relationships before Christmas. Beyond the 26th, you're looking at a tiny window between January 10th and 20th before the Valentine's Day deadline strikes, and then you're into the spring.
November 26, 2025 at 8:30 AM
@victordevine.bsky.social

Remind you of anyone?
“My name is Macaulay Macaulay Culkin Culkin."

Macaulay Culkin is a man of his word. After running a fan-voted poll in 2018 for his new middle name, the Home Alone star honored the winning vote and legally changed his name.
Macaulay Culkin Legally Changed His Name After 2018 Poll
bit.ly
November 25, 2025 at 5:55 PM
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if elon just hired an Inverse Jester (guy hired to listen to his jokes and pretend they're funny) we could solve every problem except how to keep the inverse jester from killing himself
November 24, 2025 at 4:42 PM
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At my funeral I want the priest to read out a long bit about how much I loved darts. I don’t love darts but my family and friends will be like “wow we never really knew him”.
November 24, 2025 at 5:18 PM
This gets on my tit-end. What happened to a new series each year? I mean, it’s getting to the stage where there’s no point watching a new show because it’ll take about 20 years to finish. Pull your fingers out, you bastards!
November 23, 2025 at 10:01 PM
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Let’s be honest: nothing Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin have done in the last 56 years justifies the tremendous cost of bringing them back from the moon. NASA should’ve spared the long-suffering taxpayer and left them up there
November 23, 2025 at 3:39 AM