Every year people in the US try to deep-fry their Thanksgiving turkeys and end up burning their houses down. It’s very important that you cook your turkey safely like most Americans: with flamethrowers or grenades.

Improvise, overcome, adapt

so many people on this site are absolutely baffled by the thought that showing up in someone's mentions to insult them might not go well for them? did you not learn that lesson in like... grade school? were you raised in a barn?

don’t invite me to the function unless this is the vibe

my bitch ass dog sat in my mums (help)

I was going to make egg-in-a-hole but forgot I'm out of eggs so now breakfast is just void toast

KNEEL BEFORE TOPSEY. Postcard from my collection, 1907.