Murdox
@murdox.bsky.social
Genuine human person
My Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2bohbdbqodkdvxc5zddguyf7/feed/aaafdo7gqbsje
My Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2bohbdbqodkdvxc5zddguyf7/feed/aaafdo7gqbsje
Pinned
Murdox
@murdox.bsky.social
· Nov 27
Belly full of Cheez Its.
This is my most successful post. I clearly don’t understand how this website works.
Wife: *walks into kitchen at 5am*
Me: *stuffing frozen turkey with explosives*
Me: *stuffing frozen turkey with explosives*
November 28, 2024 at 2:13 PM
Wife: *walks into kitchen at 5am*
Me: *stuffing frozen turkey with explosives*
Me: *stuffing frozen turkey with explosives*
Reposted by Murdox
posting "Listen up, shitewhistles. Here's how you cook a Thanksgiving turkey without all the fuckery. Affix thy seatbelts and prepare for amazeballs." after cooking a thanksgiving turkey for the first time in my life that frankly was not very good
November 27, 2024 at 3:43 PM
posting "Listen up, shitewhistles. Here's how you cook a Thanksgiving turkey without all the fuckery. Affix thy seatbelts and prepare for amazeballs." after cooking a thanksgiving turkey for the first time in my life that frankly was not very good
Reposted by Murdox
Four out of five dentists: *agree*
Fifth dentist: You should brush your teeth with a lollipop
Fifth dentist: You should brush your teeth with a lollipop
November 28, 2024 at 5:52 AM
Four out of five dentists: *agree*
Fifth dentist: You should brush your teeth with a lollipop
Fifth dentist: You should brush your teeth with a lollipop
Reposted by Murdox
pouring the blue gatorade in the toilet bowl so my guests know I cleaned
November 28, 2024 at 1:37 AM
pouring the blue gatorade in the toilet bowl so my guests know I cleaned
Me: I don’t know why I’m so anxious all the time.
Also Me: Flight takes off in 4 hours and I still haven’t packed.
Also Me: Flight takes off in 4 hours and I still haven’t packed.
November 27, 2024 at 2:39 PM
Me: I don’t know why I’m so anxious all the time.
Also Me: Flight takes off in 4 hours and I still haven’t packed.
Also Me: Flight takes off in 4 hours and I still haven’t packed.
This is my most successful post. I clearly don’t understand how this website works.
Belly full of Cheez Its.
November 27, 2024 at 2:37 PM
This is my most successful post. I clearly don’t understand how this website works.
Incoming president builds his own monument
November 27, 2024 at 12:23 AM
Incoming president builds his own monument
Reposted by Murdox
I kept hearing my cat chewing last night under the bed and finally I checked it out and he had been eating an entire box of Cheez It’s
November 26, 2024 at 3:16 PM
I kept hearing my cat chewing last night under the bed and finally I checked it out and he had been eating an entire box of Cheez It’s
Reposted by Murdox
[being murdered]
murderer: *murdering*
me: fyi this is illegal
murderer: (stops murdering) hang on WHAT
murderer: *murdering*
me: fyi this is illegal
murderer: (stops murdering) hang on WHAT
November 26, 2024 at 10:50 PM
[being murdered]
murderer: *murdering*
me: fyi this is illegal
murderer: (stops murdering) hang on WHAT
murderer: *murdering*
me: fyi this is illegal
murderer: (stops murdering) hang on WHAT
Random person (trying to get my attention): *waves* Hey!
Me (wearing headphones with nothing playing): *points to ears, shrugs, and keeps walking*
Me (wearing headphones with nothing playing): *points to ears, shrugs, and keeps walking*
November 26, 2024 at 9:56 PM
Random person (trying to get my attention): *waves* Hey!
Me (wearing headphones with nothing playing): *points to ears, shrugs, and keeps walking*
Me (wearing headphones with nothing playing): *points to ears, shrugs, and keeps walking*
I eat the silica gel packs first so they don’t get in the way of my snacking.
November 26, 2024 at 4:02 PM
I eat the silica gel packs first so they don’t get in the way of my snacking.
Since I’m a small account, my followers get more personal attention.
Hungry? I’ll make you a nice sandwich.
Need to borrow a dollar? Here, take a fiver!
Having trouble reaching that spot in the shower? Let me give you a hand.
Hungry? I’ll make you a nice sandwich.
Need to borrow a dollar? Here, take a fiver!
Having trouble reaching that spot in the shower? Let me give you a hand.
November 26, 2024 at 2:32 PM
Since I’m a small account, my followers get more personal attention.
Hungry? I’ll make you a nice sandwich.
Need to borrow a dollar? Here, take a fiver!
Having trouble reaching that spot in the shower? Let me give you a hand.
Hungry? I’ll make you a nice sandwich.
Need to borrow a dollar? Here, take a fiver!
Having trouble reaching that spot in the shower? Let me give you a hand.
It’s wild how there’s more misinformation now than ever before. Back before the internet, someone would just say something, and everyone believed them.
Saw the Loch Ness monster? Holy shit, incredible!
Smoking cigs boosts your sperm count? Light me up!
Saw the Loch Ness monster? Holy shit, incredible!
Smoking cigs boosts your sperm count? Light me up!
November 26, 2024 at 2:19 PM
It’s wild how there’s more misinformation now than ever before. Back before the internet, someone would just say something, and everyone believed them.
Saw the Loch Ness monster? Holy shit, incredible!
Smoking cigs boosts your sperm count? Light me up!
Saw the Loch Ness monster? Holy shit, incredible!
Smoking cigs boosts your sperm count? Light me up!
Don’t forget to leave corn out for the holiday turkey the night before Thanksgiving, or it won’t leave any giblets under your tree.
November 26, 2024 at 1:09 PM
Don’t forget to leave corn out for the holiday turkey the night before Thanksgiving, or it won’t leave any giblets under your tree.
An edible Christmas tree with edible ornaments. Just eat the whole thing by New Year’s Eve or it dissolves into a poisonous gas.
November 25, 2024 at 11:38 PM
An edible Christmas tree with edible ornaments. Just eat the whole thing by New Year’s Eve or it dissolves into a poisonous gas.
Reposted by Murdox
*gets last year’s turkey out of the attic*
November 25, 2024 at 7:41 PM
*gets last year’s turkey out of the attic*
I keep hearing about juice but I never got one
November 25, 2024 at 6:58 PM
I keep hearing about juice but I never got one
Reposted by Murdox
Number 18: Swallet, the Wallet you Swallow to keep your money safe
November 25, 2024 at 6:06 PM
Number 18: Swallet, the Wallet you Swallow to keep your money safe
Reposted by Murdox
Your secret is safe with me as long as it’s boring
November 25, 2024 at 4:55 PM
Your secret is safe with me as long as it’s boring
Me: I want you to want me
Her: I do want you
Me: I need you to need me
Her: Where is this coming from?
Me: I'd love you to love me
Her: I love you very much. Wha—
Me: I'm beggin' you to beg me
Her: What the actual fuck!?
Her: I do want you
Me: I need you to need me
Her: Where is this coming from?
Me: I'd love you to love me
Her: I love you very much. Wha—
Me: I'm beggin' you to beg me
Her: What the actual fuck!?
November 25, 2024 at 12:33 PM
Me: I want you to want me
Her: I do want you
Me: I need you to need me
Her: Where is this coming from?
Me: I'd love you to love me
Her: I love you very much. Wha—
Me: I'm beggin' you to beg me
Her: What the actual fuck!?
Her: I do want you
Me: I need you to need me
Her: Where is this coming from?
Me: I'd love you to love me
Her: I love you very much. Wha—
Me: I'm beggin' you to beg me
Her: What the actual fuck!?
Holiday shopping crowds make me catatonic. I would rather be torn apart by a pack of meth-addicted badgers than step foot in a store between now and Xmas.
November 25, 2024 at 12:01 PM
Holiday shopping crowds make me catatonic. I would rather be torn apart by a pack of meth-addicted badgers than step foot in a store between now and Xmas.
Reposted by Murdox
me staring at myself in the little window for the entire zoom meeting
August 15, 2023 at 2:18 PM
me staring at myself in the little window for the entire zoom meeting
Reposted by Murdox
Standing perfectly still so I don't accidentally spend money
August 17, 2023 at 9:07 PM
Standing perfectly still so I don't accidentally spend money