jonny toothpick
@jonnytoothpick.bsky.social
I am the alter ego of someone not very funny. I am also not very funny. Anti-evil. (All opinions are my own or subconsciously pirated from 60s television.)
i’m finally ready for the commitment of marriage. that will be welcome news to my wife
November 16, 2025 at 10:11 PM
i’m finally ready for the commitment of marriage. that will be welcome news to my wife
i am heading to a nearby lake where at the recommendation of my closest friends i will jump in
November 16, 2025 at 8:21 PM
i am heading to a nearby lake where at the recommendation of my closest friends i will jump in
Reposted by jonny toothpick
Schrödinger should never have been allowed to have a cat
November 16, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Schrödinger should never have been allowed to have a cat
i’m going to start cross-posting all my stuff here to my amazon app to see what arrives
November 16, 2025 at 5:11 PM
i’m going to start cross-posting all my stuff here to my amazon app to see what arrives
sunday is the day when i heavily sedate the family and pets and just chill
November 16, 2025 at 2:33 PM
sunday is the day when i heavily sedate the family and pets and just chill
Reposted by jonny toothpick
The itsy bitsy spider’s name is Sisyphus. Not many people know this.
November 13, 2025 at 11:36 AM
The itsy bitsy spider’s name is Sisyphus. Not many people know this.
Reposted by jonny toothpick
What's your latest new thing that keeps you jazzed? Mine has been repeatedly playing side 2 of Autobahn by Kraftwerk, over and over.
two men in red shirts and ties are standing next to each other playing a keyboard .
Alt: two men in red shirts and ties are standing next to each other playing a keyboard .
media.tenor.com
November 16, 2025 at 3:26 AM
What's your latest new thing that keeps you jazzed? Mine has been repeatedly playing side 2 of Autobahn by Kraftwerk, over and over.
Reposted by jonny toothpick
- Am I the only one who...
- No, you're not the only one. Shut the fuck up.
- No, you're not the only one. Shut the fuck up.
November 7, 2025 at 5:27 AM
- Am I the only one who...
- No, you're not the only one. Shut the fuck up.
- No, you're not the only one. Shut the fuck up.
Reposted by jonny toothpick
pony: is this your card?
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no
November 16, 2025 at 2:13 AM
pony: is this your card?
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no
the thing in the wall has managed to crawl into the ceiling and right over the bed tonight. stressful
November 16, 2025 at 8:37 AM
the thing in the wall has managed to crawl into the ceiling and right over the bed tonight. stressful
Post your favorite Star Trek character. Wrong answers only.
November 16, 2025 at 3:44 AM
Post your favorite Star Trek character. Wrong answers only.
disaster can strike at any time. who knew a flush beats a pair of twos
November 16, 2025 at 12:18 AM
disaster can strike at any time. who knew a flush beats a pair of twos
if I had a million dollars for every time a billionaire got an unearned break i’d be one of them
November 15, 2025 at 11:07 PM
if I had a million dollars for every time a billionaire got an unearned break i’d be one of them
[insert fictional self-referential skeet here to pretend i’m not a bot and appeal to human’s tendency to believe whatever they read]
November 15, 2025 at 9:00 PM
[insert fictional self-referential skeet here to pretend i’m not a bot and appeal to human’s tendency to believe whatever they read]
perfect weather to hide in the back of my closet and search for the hidden doorway to another dimension
November 15, 2025 at 6:57 PM
perfect weather to hide in the back of my closet and search for the hidden doorway to another dimension
it’s raining. the new gutters are holding. (this post is not about rain or gutters or anything else)
November 15, 2025 at 4:39 PM
it’s raining. the new gutters are holding. (this post is not about rain or gutters or anything else)
woke up this morning and got myself a beer
November 15, 2025 at 2:28 PM
woke up this morning and got myself a beer
can’t hold eyes open. must type one more….
November 15, 2025 at 11:09 AM
can’t hold eyes open. must type one more….
standing in a restaurant and i forget whether i am waiting for a table or waiting tables. i guess someone will nudge me or something
November 14, 2025 at 9:56 PM
standing in a restaurant and i forget whether i am waiting for a table or waiting tables. i guess someone will nudge me or something
my irritated skin is just a symptom of my irritated soul
November 14, 2025 at 7:37 PM
my irritated skin is just a symptom of my irritated soul
there is no reason. that’s it. i’m just saying reason is no longer a thing
November 14, 2025 at 4:55 PM
there is no reason. that’s it. i’m just saying reason is no longer a thing
it’s the end of the week as we know it
November 14, 2025 at 2:36 PM
it’s the end of the week as we know it
Reposted by jonny toothpick
Happy partially muscled skeleton screaming by the perimeter fence day to all who celebrate. A solemn 30 second screaming before vanishing will take place at 11am.
November 14, 2025 at 9:47 AM
Happy partially muscled skeleton screaming by the perimeter fence day to all who celebrate. A solemn 30 second screaming before vanishing will take place at 11am.
Reposted by jonny toothpick
Are you there, Margaret? It's me, god. WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?
November 14, 2025 at 4:34 AM
Are you there, Margaret? It's me, god. WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?
i’m pretty sure monkeys live in my attic. never seen them but you can just tell
November 14, 2025 at 3:08 AM
i’m pretty sure monkeys live in my attic. never seen them but you can just tell