Jessica 🪩
@jkoke89.bsky.social
Cat mother, romance reader, aspiring novelist, and recovering local journalist. I manage social media for a living. 😭
You know you have awesome friends when they gift you a @theonion.com subscription. Long live print!
December 31, 2025 at 8:43 PM
You know you have awesome friends when they gift you a @theonion.com subscription. Long live print!
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
Open up this picture fully.
Then look at the surface of Mars.
Then look up to the top right.
Spot Mars' moon Phobos high in the sky.
Then notice the bright spot beside Phobos.
That's Earth.
Then look at the surface of Mars.
Then look up to the top right.
Spot Mars' moon Phobos high in the sky.
Then notice the bright spot beside Phobos.
That's Earth.
December 30, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Open up this picture fully.
Then look at the surface of Mars.
Then look up to the top right.
Spot Mars' moon Phobos high in the sky.
Then notice the bright spot beside Phobos.
That's Earth.
Then look at the surface of Mars.
Then look up to the top right.
Spot Mars' moon Phobos high in the sky.
Then notice the bright spot beside Phobos.
That's Earth.
how do the vikings always manage to draft shitbag WR and RBs
December 30, 2025 at 7:57 PM
how do the vikings always manage to draft shitbag WR and RBs
oh the lions are not having fun today huh
December 25, 2025 at 10:21 PM
oh the lions are not having fun today huh
The urge to become a Lego adult is so strong after Christmas... and then I look at the price tag of Legos and cry.
December 25, 2025 at 9:45 PM
The urge to become a Lego adult is so strong after Christmas... and then I look at the price tag of Legos and cry.
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
the first lol
the first lol
born is the king
of roflmao
the first lol
born is the king
of roflmao
December 25, 2025 at 5:03 AM
the first lol
the first lol
born is the king
of roflmao
the first lol
born is the king
of roflmao
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
I always hated people using the term PDF File as a euphemism for pedophile but Trump being 100% confirmed as a pedophile because of the sloppy retractions in a PDF file is making me lose my mind
December 23, 2025 at 10:43 PM
I always hated people using the term PDF File as a euphemism for pedophile but Trump being 100% confirmed as a pedophile because of the sloppy retractions in a PDF file is making me lose my mind
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
one lesser awful thing about the Epstein files is that genuine crimes against a huge number of children are being morphed into fuel for the influencer industrial complex who don't care about truth or accuracy and just want grist for the content mills
December 23, 2025 at 8:43 PM
one lesser awful thing about the Epstein files is that genuine crimes against a huge number of children are being morphed into fuel for the influencer industrial complex who don't care about truth or accuracy and just want grist for the content mills
how fucking embarrassing
December 18, 2025 at 2:22 AM
how fucking embarrassing
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
very weird feeling watching a seemingly coked out president yell at you for 20 minutes straight
December 18, 2025 at 2:20 AM
very weird feeling watching a seemingly coked out president yell at you for 20 minutes straight
Jesus, did he really just call a presidential address to brag?
December 18, 2025 at 2:07 AM
Jesus, did he really just call a presidential address to brag?
My blood pressure is already through the roof.
December 18, 2025 at 2:03 AM
My blood pressure is already through the roof.
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
This entire weekend
December 15, 2025 at 3:58 AM
This entire weekend
...because I knew JJ McCarthy would be having a SPECTACULAR game that's why!!!!!
Why did I even bother putting my Vikings shirt on...
December 15, 2025 at 3:57 AM
...because I knew JJ McCarthy would be having a SPECTACULAR game that's why!!!!!
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
The run that Rob Reiner went on between 1984 and 1992 is one of the most amazing hot streaks any director has ever had. Legendary stuff
December 15, 2025 at 3:31 AM
The run that Rob Reiner went on between 1984 and 1992 is one of the most amazing hot streaks any director has ever had. Legendary stuff
Jettas finally getting a TD only for a flag on the play? Terrible.
December 15, 2025 at 2:13 AM
Jettas finally getting a TD only for a flag on the play? Terrible.
Why did I even bother putting my Vikings shirt on...
December 15, 2025 at 1:30 AM
Why did I even bother putting my Vikings shirt on...
Officially survived my first semester of adjuncting!
December 14, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Officially survived my first semester of adjuncting!
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
I hope people understand that if Trump gets his way America will soon be part of the global axis of evil if we aren't already. You see it in the Caribbean, you see it in Ukraine, and you see it with Trump trying to buddy up to Xi. We are a malevolent force.
December 10, 2025 at 9:23 PM
I hope people understand that if Trump gets his way America will soon be part of the global axis of evil if we aren't already. You see it in the Caribbean, you see it in Ukraine, and you see it with Trump trying to buddy up to Xi. We are a malevolent force.
I need the Shirley Temple 7-Up injected straight into my veins.
December 10, 2025 at 2:19 AM
I need the Shirley Temple 7-Up injected straight into my veins.
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
Utah Bans Eye Contact During Sex
Utah Bans Eye Contact During Sex
SALT LAKE CITY—With top lawmakers championing the measure as a restoration of Christian values currently under attack in mainstream America, the Utah State Legislature passed a bill Monday that bans a...
theonion.com
December 4, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Utah Bans Eye Contact During Sex
spotify's gotta be lying, pussy palace is totally in my top 20 listens
December 3, 2025 at 7:27 PM
spotify's gotta be lying, pussy palace is totally in my top 20 listens
Hey Utah friends! If you're in a position to donate this #GivingTuesday, might I suggest the American Red Cross of Utah?
The Red Cross not only helps with blood donations, but assists local community members in need after fires and natural disasters. Donate 👇
The Red Cross not only helps with blood donations, but assists local community members in need after fires and natural disasters. Donate 👇
I'm supporting The American National Red Cross!
The American Red Cross prevents and alleviates human suffering in the face of emergencies. Learn more at www.redcross.org.
americanredcross.donordrive.com
December 2, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Hey Utah friends! If you're in a position to donate this #GivingTuesday, might I suggest the American Red Cross of Utah?
The Red Cross not only helps with blood donations, but assists local community members in need after fires and natural disasters. Donate 👇
The Red Cross not only helps with blood donations, but assists local community members in need after fires and natural disasters. Donate 👇
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
Alright, I’ve got THRALL ARCs burning a hole in my living room floor. Who’s ready for a giveaway?
🩸RT to enter
🩸USA only (I’m so sorry! Tariffs ruin everything)
🩸I’ll pull 3 winners next Monday: one from Twitter, one from Bluesky, and one from Threads
🩸RT to enter
🩸USA only (I’m so sorry! Tariffs ruin everything)
🩸I’ll pull 3 winners next Monday: one from Twitter, one from Bluesky, and one from Threads
December 2, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Alright, I’ve got THRALL ARCs burning a hole in my living room floor. Who’s ready for a giveaway?
🩸RT to enter
🩸USA only (I’m so sorry! Tariffs ruin everything)
🩸I’ll pull 3 winners next Monday: one from Twitter, one from Bluesky, and one from Threads
🩸RT to enter
🩸USA only (I’m so sorry! Tariffs ruin everything)
🩸I’ll pull 3 winners next Monday: one from Twitter, one from Bluesky, and one from Threads
Reposted by Jessica 🪩
the last Lizza post ended on a cliffhanger where Lizza teased a recording of Trump talking about the assassination attempt that would potentially "shatter our understanding of recent history." in the latest drop he reveals that he doesn't know what the recording was and also it has been destroyed.
December 1, 2025 at 9:13 PM
the last Lizza post ended on a cliffhanger where Lizza teased a recording of Trump talking about the assassination attempt that would potentially "shatter our understanding of recent history." in the latest drop he reveals that he doesn't know what the recording was and also it has been destroyed.