I hate that one Micheal Buble Christmas cover, Ms. Claus shouldn’t have to hear about Santa’s fuck buddy

Merry Christmas.

Trickle-down economics is a cruel hoax designed to enrich the wealthy and corporations while draining money for the middle class and the poor.

Pass it on to a conservative family member near you.

Just remembered that at last night’s Christmas Eve church service the organist asked us to follow him on Spotify and Bandcamp.

(Then he played the shit out of a giant pipe organ, it was sick)

Watched 70 episodes of Skibidi Toilet tonight. I'm taking a few days offline now

It’s really funny that the streaming services realized that we like to binge tv series so they were like “what if every tv show was 7 episodes every 3 years? I’ll bet you would love that”

I’m always a hairs’ breadth away from starting a They Might Be Giants cover band

I made some frankly preposterously good looking spaghetti for the kids. Fresh parm, homemade meatballs, fresh chopped basil. Restaurant looking stuff.

My 6 year old: Dad can I say heck?
Me: sure buddy:
My 6 year old: This spaghetti looks good as fuck.

If any Disney execs are reading this, call me. I've got an idea for another Star Wars spin off. It's called Paul Darth, Maul Cop.

I think I am gonna have to mute the term "unprecendented times." the only unprecendented part of our current moment is the climate crisis. everything else is very very precedented!! every time I see someone say "unprecedented times," I want to run into a brick wall as fast as I can.

Me: So it's your turn. You lost your Silence concentration due to damage. Do you want to re-cast it?

Son: NO. It's a giant demon. Silence was useless. Healing Word.

Me: As a legendary action, the demon shouts, "What sweet air, with the Silence ended!" and casts Feeblemind on you.

Son: FUCK YOU.

Watching Star Wars and rooting for the empire because it represents law and order

Somebody Should Do Something About All The Problems
theonion.com/somebody-sho...