Witchy Woman
@dreamthievin.bsky.social
Twitter refugee. Also on Mastodon.
Likes: books, cats, rocks
Dislikes: MAGA
Likes: books, cats, rocks
Dislikes: MAGA
Reposted by Witchy Woman
My perfect vacation is being shrunk down to the size of an egg and having a protective hen sit on me while I read books
April 20, 2025 at 1:34 PM
My perfect vacation is being shrunk down to the size of an egg and having a protective hen sit on me while I read books
Reposted by Witchy Woman
A cool thing about getting older is you hear from your skeleton a lot more
September 21, 2023 at 2:31 AM
A cool thing about getting older is you hear from your skeleton a lot more
Reposted by Witchy Woman
Putting on a helmet to watch the news
January 31, 2025 at 9:53 PM
Putting on a helmet to watch the news
Reposted by Witchy Woman
Me: so in conclusion I'd say I'm most like a cat
Interviewer: you mean you're quick and always land on your feet?
Me: *headbutting the vending machine to show affection*
Interviewer: you mean you're quick and always land on your feet?
Me: *headbutting the vending machine to show affection*
December 3, 2024 at 9:51 PM
Me: so in conclusion I'd say I'm most like a cat
Interviewer: you mean you're quick and always land on your feet?
Me: *headbutting the vending machine to show affection*
Interviewer: you mean you're quick and always land on your feet?
Me: *headbutting the vending machine to show affection*
Reposted by Witchy Woman
Box of corn starch: Use to make thick
{2 hours later}
Proctologist: what the hell?
{2 hours later}
Proctologist: what the hell?
November 24, 2023 at 5:50 PM
Box of corn starch: Use to make thick
{2 hours later}
Proctologist: what the hell?
{2 hours later}
Proctologist: what the hell?
Reposted by Witchy Woman
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
November 26, 2023 at 11:46 PM
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
Reposted by Witchy Woman
Fireman: Ma'am, how did the fire start?
Me: I doubled my cookie recipe.
Fireman:...
Me: So I started by setting the oven to 750°...duh.
Me: I doubled my cookie recipe.
Fireman:...
Me: So I started by setting the oven to 750°...duh.
December 18, 2023 at 4:43 PM
Fireman: Ma'am, how did the fire start?
Me: I doubled my cookie recipe.
Fireman:...
Me: So I started by setting the oven to 750°...duh.
Me: I doubled my cookie recipe.
Fireman:...
Me: So I started by setting the oven to 750°...duh.
Reposted by Witchy Woman
A good boyfriend calls every day, brings candy, massages your feet, smells like cheese, melts like cheese, tastes like cheese, is cheese
January 12, 2025 at 5:42 AM
A good boyfriend calls every day, brings candy, massages your feet, smells like cheese, melts like cheese, tastes like cheese, is cheese
Reposted by Witchy Woman
Him: I wanna see you do something freaky tonight 😝
Me: *eats a Popeye's biscuit without drinking any water*
Me: *eats a Popeye's biscuit without drinking any water*
March 12, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Him: I wanna see you do something freaky tonight 😝
Me: *eats a Popeye's biscuit without drinking any water*
Me: *eats a Popeye's biscuit without drinking any water*
Reposted by Witchy Woman
Wizard of Oz (1939): A hapless teen suffering from head trauma is led down the wrong path to cosplay, heroin, organ harvesting and ultimately, homicide.
May 30, 2025 at 1:32 PM
Wizard of Oz (1939): A hapless teen suffering from head trauma is led down the wrong path to cosplay, heroin, organ harvesting and ultimately, homicide.
Reposted by Witchy Woman
quick question: wtf
May 29, 2025 at 11:55 PM
quick question: wtf
Reposted by Witchy Woman
*applying lipgloss* ok i’m ready for the cat hair
May 29, 2025 at 9:05 PM
*applying lipgloss* ok i’m ready for the cat hair
Reposted by Witchy Woman
You got me sweatier than a convenience store roller hot dog.
March 25, 2025 at 1:11 AM
You got me sweatier than a convenience store roller hot dog.
Reposted by Witchy Woman
You can't lose your teeth from doing drugs, that's just a meth
November 21, 2024 at 3:32 AM
You can't lose your teeth from doing drugs, that's just a meth
Him: I wanna see you do something freaky tonight 😝
Me: *eats a Popeye's biscuit without drinking any water*
Me: *eats a Popeye's biscuit without drinking any water*
March 12, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Him: I wanna see you do something freaky tonight 😝
Me: *eats a Popeye's biscuit without drinking any water*
Me: *eats a Popeye's biscuit without drinking any water*
Reposted by Witchy Woman
who is this rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting.
March 3, 2025 at 2:38 PM
who is this rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting.
Get Lay'd on the first date.
Tostito'd at the zoo.
Pringle'd at a bar mitzvah.
Sour cream and onion'd in your mama's kitchen.
Tostito'd at the zoo.
Pringle'd at a bar mitzvah.
Sour cream and onion'd in your mama's kitchen.
March 4, 2025 at 4:05 AM
Get Lay'd on the first date.
Tostito'd at the zoo.
Pringle'd at a bar mitzvah.
Sour cream and onion'd in your mama's kitchen.
Tostito'd at the zoo.
Pringle'd at a bar mitzvah.
Sour cream and onion'd in your mama's kitchen.
Reposted by Witchy Woman
I have daydreams of riding a Zamboni down an icy highway so don’t look to me for adult advice.
February 24, 2025 at 9:53 PM
I have daydreams of riding a Zamboni down an icy highway so don’t look to me for adult advice.
Reposted by Witchy Woman
I have never been swimming because it’s never been more than 30 minutes since I last ate
March 4, 2025 at 3:51 AM
I have never been swimming because it’s never been more than 30 minutes since I last ate
Reposted by Witchy Woman
🎶 i get knocked DOWN (lies down on stage at karaoke night while the rest of the song plays)
February 25, 2025 at 6:21 PM
🎶 i get knocked DOWN (lies down on stage at karaoke night while the rest of the song plays)
Reposted by Witchy Woman
What'll I do when I'm retired? I'm not even finished being tired for the first time
January 22, 2025 at 6:58 AM
What'll I do when I'm retired? I'm not even finished being tired for the first time
Reposted by Witchy Woman
somebody just said idiosyncrasy to me and i panicked and said that's my favourite album by the police
February 26, 2025 at 6:35 PM
somebody just said idiosyncrasy to me and i panicked and said that's my favourite album by the police
Reposted by Witchy Woman
Bad news, Pepperidge Farms just got diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
February 26, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Bad news, Pepperidge Farms just got diagnosed with Alzheimer's.