David Murphy
@david-murphy.bsky.social
Autistic, diabetic, sarcastic, puntastic, liberal democratic, trying to be more Christocentric, running out of words ending in ic
Also @davidmurphy on twitter and DavidMurphyBFS on Threads
Also @davidmurphy on twitter and DavidMurphyBFS on Threads
No, autocorrect, when I type hyperglycaemic, I don't mean hyperglycaemia. The A and C keys aren't close together, so the chances of me accidentally hitting a C instead of an A are remote. And it's a bad idea to annoy me when I'm hyperglycaemic.
December 4, 2025 at 9:53 AM
No, autocorrect, when I type hyperglycaemic, I don't mean hyperglycaemia. The A and C keys aren't close together, so the chances of me accidentally hitting a C instead of an A are remote. And it's a bad idea to annoy me when I'm hyperglycaemic.
Since my finger pricker (apparently that's the official term) broke, I have been pricking my fingers by driving lancets into them with my bare hands. Not any more. New prickers have arrived.
December 3, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Since my finger pricker (apparently that's the official term) broke, I have been pricking my fingers by driving lancets into them with my bare hands. Not any more. New prickers have arrived.
I am unreasonably proud of this joke which almost no-one will get.
Ian Paisley Senior or Ian Paisley Junior? One of those is a much worse bunting.
Also, if you're going for a Paisleyite theme, surely the correct decorations would be a Major Ronald Bunting?
(You might need to Google Major R Bunting. I'll see myself out)
Also, if you're going for a Paisleyite theme, surely the correct decorations would be a Major Ronald Bunting?
(You might need to Google Major R Bunting. I'll see myself out)
December 2, 2025 at 10:00 AM
I am unreasonably proud of this joke which almost no-one will get.
Reposted by David Murphy
...an excuse to trot out the Finest* Joke Of All Time
Q: What runs up and down Coronation Street laughing?
A: Hyena Sharples
(*I will not be entering into correspondence at this time)
Q: What runs up and down Coronation Street laughing?
A: Hyena Sharples
(*I will not be entering into correspondence at this time)
December 1, 2025 at 1:34 PM
...an excuse to trot out the Finest* Joke Of All Time
Q: What runs up and down Coronation Street laughing?
A: Hyena Sharples
(*I will not be entering into correspondence at this time)
Q: What runs up and down Coronation Street laughing?
A: Hyena Sharples
(*I will not be entering into correspondence at this time)
This morning Radio Ulster reported that the extraordinary general assembly of the Presbyterian Church may not happen this month after all because the hall has commercial bookings. At least 1 other PCI building has over 1000 seats. May I humbly suggest exploring that?
December 1, 2025 at 1:34 PM
This morning Radio Ulster reported that the extraordinary general assembly of the Presbyterian Church may not happen this month after all because the hall has commercial bookings. At least 1 other PCI building has over 1000 seats. May I humbly suggest exploring that?
Everything I have ever read about Franklin D Roosevelt implied that the public knew nothing about his paralysis and journalists had a conspiracy of silence. But today I found a CBS broadcast from the day he died and the reporter mentioned leg braces and a wheelchair in a way that implied people knew
November 25, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Everything I have ever read about Franklin D Roosevelt implied that the public knew nothing about his paralysis and journalists had a conspiracy of silence. But today I found a CBS broadcast from the day he died and the reporter mentioned leg braces and a wheelchair in a way that implied people knew
Cryptic crossword clue:
Bishop and 2 cardinals take documents after morning brew for former leader (3, 6)
Bishop and 2 cardinals take documents after morning brew for former leader (3, 6)
November 24, 2025 at 2:13 PM
Cryptic crossword clue:
Bishop and 2 cardinals take documents after morning brew for former leader (3, 6)
Bishop and 2 cardinals take documents after morning brew for former leader (3, 6)
Not convinced I want Twitter to show people which country I'm in. Remember "please rob me dot com"?
November 24, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Not convinced I want Twitter to show people which country I'm in. Remember "please rob me dot com"?
Reposted by David Murphy
me: SOMEBODY STOP ME!
them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'
them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'
November 22, 2025 at 11:34 PM
me: SOMEBODY STOP ME!
them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'
them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'
The 1960s American sitcom "My Mother the Car" is to be updated and remade for a Northern Irish audience. They're calling it "Yer Ma's Yer Ka".
November 22, 2025 at 9:24 PM
The 1960s American sitcom "My Mother the Car" is to be updated and remade for a Northern Irish audience. They're calling it "Yer Ma's Yer Ka".
Reposted by David Murphy
Last night as I was on my way home from another long day at work, an entitled, arrogant penis in a huge Bentley behind me repeatedly blasted his horn (not a euphemism) and flashed his lights because I stopped at a roundabout. If that’s the type of person having money makes you, I’m glad I’m skint.
November 20, 2025 at 7:32 AM
Last night as I was on my way home from another long day at work, an entitled, arrogant penis in a huge Bentley behind me repeatedly blasted his horn (not a euphemism) and flashed his lights because I stopped at a roundabout. If that’s the type of person having money makes you, I’m glad I’m skint.
The bad news is that I need 2 new tyres. The good news is that people are far nicer than I think they are. Several people stopped to ask if I was OK while I was waiting for the truck to take my car to the tyre shop.
Also, my family are amazing. They came with a hot water bottle and a decaff coffee.
Also, my family are amazing. They came with a hot water bottle and a decaff coffee.
November 19, 2025 at 10:58 PM
The bad news is that I need 2 new tyres. The good news is that people are far nicer than I think they are. Several people stopped to ask if I was OK while I was waiting for the truck to take my car to the tyre shop.
Also, my family are amazing. They came with a hot water bottle and a decaff coffee.
Also, my family are amazing. They came with a hot water bottle and a decaff coffee.
Reposted by David Murphy
I don't want AI generated art, I want AI emptied dishwasher
November 17, 2025 at 4:36 AM
I don't want AI generated art, I want AI emptied dishwasher
Reposted by David Murphy
Just back from the optometrist. All of the glasses were half-full & rose-tinted. I think I went to an optimist by mistake
November 18, 2025 at 1:42 PM
Just back from the optometrist. All of the glasses were half-full & rose-tinted. I think I went to an optimist by mistake
Reposted by David Murphy
Keir Starmer, you used to be a human rights lawyer, ffs. If that guy’s still in there somewhere, he needs to come out and stop this inhumane nonsense and stop it now.
November 17, 2025 at 8:32 PM
Keir Starmer, you used to be a human rights lawyer, ffs. If that guy’s still in there somewhere, he needs to come out and stop this inhumane nonsense and stop it now.
I didn't expect to read *that*
EXC: Kensington and Chelsea Council is investigating whether Lord Peter Mandelson committed an offence when he publicly urinated in the street last week
Kensington Council Investigating Peter Mandelson For Urinating In The Street
Exclusive: Kensington and Chelsea Council is investigating whether Lord Peter Mandelson committed an offence when he publicly urinated in the stree...
www.politicshome.com
November 17, 2025 at 10:41 PM
I didn't expect to read *that*
The theme of today is very, very mild self-sabotage, because no one else is going to sabotage me
November 17, 2025 at 10:05 AM
The theme of today is very, very mild self-sabotage, because no one else is going to sabotage me
Today in my life as some sort of sitcom character, I have left the house with a glucometer (which is better than some days recently) but, unfathomably, I have no test strips. I am relying entirely on data from my Libre, which is sometimes accurate and sometimes really inaccurate. Wish me luck.
November 17, 2025 at 9:52 AM
Today in my life as some sort of sitcom character, I have left the house with a glucometer (which is better than some days recently) but, unfathomably, I have no test strips. I am relying entirely on data from my Libre, which is sometimes accurate and sometimes really inaccurate. Wish me luck.
Reposted by David Murphy
Aside from the negative human impacts, this whole package of policy announcements is going to make the system even more complicated than it is now. The longer the policy is in place, the more reviews the Home Office will need to do - in 15 years time there will be 15 years of reviews being done
November 16, 2025 at 8:17 AM
Aside from the negative human impacts, this whole package of policy announcements is going to make the system even more complicated than it is now. The longer the policy is in place, the more reviews the Home Office will need to do - in 15 years time there will be 15 years of reviews being done
Reposted by David Murphy
It will also mean people's refugee status will be reviewed every 2 and half years. If this policy was in place now, that would mean the Home Office having at least another 67k decisions to process over the next year (the number of initial decision grants made between April 2023 and March 2024)
Shabana Mahmood has vowed to end Britain’s “golden ticket” for asylum seekers by forcing people arriving illegally to wait 20 years before they can apply for permanent settlement
Shabana Mahmood: ‘Illegal migration is tearing Britain apart’
The home secretary is planning to introduce a 20-year wait for permanent stay to end a ‘golden ticket’ for asylum seekers
www.thetimes.com
November 16, 2025 at 8:03 AM
It will also mean people's refugee status will be reviewed every 2 and half years. If this policy was in place now, that would mean the Home Office having at least another 67k decisions to process over the next year (the number of initial decision grants made between April 2023 and March 2024)
Listening to the news earlier and there was an item about the sudden closure of one of Ireland's oldest newspapers. The presenter asked "Is it a sign of the Times?" My brain immediately jumped to "No. It's a sign of the Down Recorder."
I'm a jerk, sometimes.
I'm a jerk, sometimes.
November 14, 2025 at 6:10 PM
Listening to the news earlier and there was an item about the sudden closure of one of Ireland's oldest newspapers. The presenter asked "Is it a sign of the Times?" My brain immediately jumped to "No. It's a sign of the Down Recorder."
I'm a jerk, sometimes.
I'm a jerk, sometimes.
Driving from Dublin to Belfast. Not tremendously impressed by being aggressively tailgated by the Irish Coastguard.
November 9, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Driving from Dublin to Belfast. Not tremendously impressed by being aggressively tailgated by the Irish Coastguard.
I imagine Sky buying ITV's broadcast business would be bad news for ITN.
Join me again for more utterly uninsightful thoughts.
Join me again for more utterly uninsightful thoughts.
November 8, 2025 at 10:34 AM
I imagine Sky buying ITV's broadcast business would be bad news for ITN.
Join me again for more utterly uninsightful thoughts.
Join me again for more utterly uninsightful thoughts.
So far today, I've had three coffees and I'm on my second Pepsi. Another coffee, even if it tastes nice, would be a mistake, wouldn't it?
November 5, 2025 at 4:22 PM
So far today, I've had three coffees and I'm on my second Pepsi. Another coffee, even if it tastes nice, would be a mistake, wouldn't it?
Reposted by David Murphy
November 4, 2025 at 3:13 PM