Sanjeev Kohli
@govindajeggy.bsky.social
Navid in Still Game, Synthesiser Patel in Look Around You, Ramesh in @FagsMagsandBags and dynamite in a boob tube. Work enquires: MacCormick@Curtisbrown.co.uk
I've been made operations director of logistics for Wella in France & Germany. It's a result that will send Shockwaves through Europe
February 20, 2026 at 2:38 PM
I've been made operations director of logistics for Wella in France & Germany. It's a result that will send Shockwaves through Europe
Remember art students - when handing in your finished folio, use the more formal term 'foliomyelitis'
February 20, 2026 at 12:02 PM
Remember art students - when handing in your finished folio, use the more formal term 'foliomyelitis'
I'm the sort of person who calls a spade a spade. I also call a spanner a lasagna, which is ultimately what got me fired from B&Q
February 19, 2026 at 1:19 PM
I'm the sort of person who calls a spade a spade. I also call a spanner a lasagna, which is ultimately what got me fired from B&Q
Just spent the afternoon trying to mend a tiny rip in the space-time continuum. That's three hours I won't get back
February 19, 2026 at 9:29 AM
Just spent the afternoon trying to mend a tiny rip in the space-time continuum. That's three hours I won't get back
“Smothered” is a lovely word on a menu. “Smothered in barbecue sauce”.
Not so much on an autopsy report
Not so much on an autopsy report
February 18, 2026 at 8:44 PM
“Smothered” is a lovely word on a menu. “Smothered in barbecue sauce”.
Not so much on an autopsy report
Not so much on an autopsy report
A lot of websites ask me to prove I'm not a robot. Problem is, I'm not entirely sure that I'm not a robot.
February 18, 2026 at 5:59 PM
A lot of websites ask me to prove I'm not a robot. Problem is, I'm not entirely sure that I'm not a robot.
Reposted by Sanjeev Kohli
I bought some consommé. Reduced to clear.
February 18, 2026 at 2:30 PM
I bought some consommé. Reduced to clear.
Waitrose are doing a sale on their gravies & their jus. Some GREAT reductions.
February 18, 2026 at 2:28 PM
Waitrose are doing a sale on their gravies & their jus. Some GREAT reductions.
Don’t play Battleships on a Ouija Board. I just inadvertently blew up the A5, A6 and B6. Apologies to anyone who was driving there at the time
February 18, 2026 at 12:41 PM
Don’t play Battleships on a Ouija Board. I just inadvertently blew up the A5, A6 and B6. Apologies to anyone who was driving there at the time
I once went to a recruiting fair for diplomats. The basic thrust seemed to be "you can park where the fuck you like"
February 18, 2026 at 9:38 AM
I once went to a recruiting fair for diplomats. The basic thrust seemed to be "you can park where the fuck you like"
Days like this remind me of that classic Commodores song 'Difficult Like Tuesday Evening'
February 17, 2026 at 6:11 PM
Days like this remind me of that classic Commodores song 'Difficult Like Tuesday Evening'
Reform! I have an idea! Why not make up a story about some Muslim trying to upstage Pancake Day with Chapati Day or something?
February 17, 2026 at 4:11 PM
Reform! I have an idea! Why not make up a story about some Muslim trying to upstage Pancake Day with Chapati Day or something?
If you hear a "polf pilf" sound, it's just me moonwalking in my flip flops
February 17, 2026 at 4:07 PM
If you hear a "polf pilf" sound, it's just me moonwalking in my flip flops
Gary Coleman of Diff'rent Strokes fame randomly became a huge fan of English cricket, & used to watch test matches on cable. He wasn't overly enamoured with the opinions of Bob Willis though
February 17, 2026 at 10:46 AM
Gary Coleman of Diff'rent Strokes fame randomly became a huge fan of English cricket, & used to watch test matches on cable. He wasn't overly enamoured with the opinions of Bob Willis though
Chubby Checker got his name from his days as a nightclub bouncer, when his specific job was to bar men who appeared overly sexually excited
February 16, 2026 at 7:39 PM
Chubby Checker got his name from his days as a nightclub bouncer, when his specific job was to bar men who appeared overly sexually excited
“You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge”
Ice Cube, shortly before failing his London cabbie exam for the third time
Ice Cube, shortly before failing his London cabbie exam for the third time
February 16, 2026 at 1:48 PM
“You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge”
Ice Cube, shortly before failing his London cabbie exam for the third time
Ice Cube, shortly before failing his London cabbie exam for the third time
Donald Duck got his name from a warning Walt Disney heard being shouted during a caber toss at a Highland Games he attended
February 16, 2026 at 11:56 AM
Donald Duck got his name from a warning Walt Disney heard being shouted during a caber toss at a Highland Games he attended
Red Bull gives you Wings. And Lucozade gives you The Plastic Ono Band.
February 14, 2026 at 10:20 AM
Red Bull gives you Wings. And Lucozade gives you The Plastic Ono Band.
They say we can learn a lot from animals. Well a giraffe was my driving instructor & I failed seven times
February 13, 2026 at 1:54 PM
They say we can learn a lot from animals. Well a giraffe was my driving instructor & I failed seven times
"I Could Have Danced All Night" is probably the first song ever written specifically about amphetamines
February 13, 2026 at 11:10 AM
"I Could Have Danced All Night" is probably the first song ever written specifically about amphetamines
They're going to have to make the words "binjuice" & "beanjuice" sound more different. That was a VERY unfortunate dinner
February 12, 2026 at 10:18 PM
They're going to have to make the words "binjuice" & "beanjuice" sound more different. That was a VERY unfortunate dinner
Dr Dre has passed all his exams & is now called Professor Professore
February 12, 2026 at 4:36 PM
Dr Dre has passed all his exams & is now called Professor Professore
You can only really have a midwife if you marry an odd number of women
February 12, 2026 at 2:42 PM
You can only really have a midwife if you marry an odd number of women
I've just done a perfectly square painting. I'm calling it "Portrait of a Landscape"
February 12, 2026 at 12:23 PM
I've just done a perfectly square painting. I'm calling it "Portrait of a Landscape"
Tonight on ITV2: “Holmes Under The Hammer”
To celebrate Prison Week, Benedict Cumberbatch & Trevor Brooking share a prison cell. Brooking gets top bunk.
To celebrate Prison Week, Benedict Cumberbatch & Trevor Brooking share a prison cell. Brooking gets top bunk.
February 11, 2026 at 6:23 PM
Tonight on ITV2: “Holmes Under The Hammer”
To celebrate Prison Week, Benedict Cumberbatch & Trevor Brooking share a prison cell. Brooking gets top bunk.
To celebrate Prison Week, Benedict Cumberbatch & Trevor Brooking share a prison cell. Brooking gets top bunk.