CitizenHoffman
@citizenhoffman.bsky.social
I like to think about things and make noises. I do so professionally at CitizenRacecar.com
“Do you like piña coladas?…”
November 24, 2025 at 5:44 PM
“Do you like piña coladas?…”
When you meet someone from your hometown, you always pretend to be friends.
November 21, 2025 at 9:37 PM
When you meet someone from your hometown, you always pretend to be friends.
My modest accessibility proposal: very tall people should get exit row seats without having to pay an upcharge.
November 19, 2025 at 5:43 PM
My modest accessibility proposal: very tall people should get exit row seats without having to pay an upcharge.
Dear grocery store security guard: do you really need a bullet-proof vest to stand around in the produce department of the Tenleytown Whole Foods? (1/2)
November 9, 2025 at 8:08 PM
Dear grocery store security guard: do you really need a bullet-proof vest to stand around in the produce department of the Tenleytown Whole Foods? (1/2)
Cassia is a cinnamon synonym
November 9, 2025 at 1:47 PM
Cassia is a cinnamon synonym
I must confirm that I would neither walk five hundred miles, nor would I walk five hundred more.
I must confirm that when I get knocked down, I do *not* get up again, and you are in fact going to keeo me down.
I must confirm that my name is *not* Prince and I am *not* funky
November 5, 2025 at 1:00 AM
I must confirm that I would neither walk five hundred miles, nor would I walk five hundred more.
@andrewhickey.500songs.com I happen to love Dave Brubeck, Vince Guaraldi, and Cal Tjader. Getting a an unexpected mini-doc on the three of them is a delight.
November 4, 2025 at 1:21 PM
@andrewhickey.500songs.com I happen to love Dave Brubeck, Vince Guaraldi, and Cal Tjader. Getting a an unexpected mini-doc on the three of them is a delight.
This is how I’m gonna look every time someone dislikes one of my posts
November 1, 2025 at 10:33 PM
This is how I’m gonna look every time someone dislikes one of my posts
Not a spring in my step, so much as autumn in my bottom.
October 29, 2025 at 1:34 PM
Not a spring in my step, so much as autumn in my bottom.
The Left: I will abstain from voting until an angel descends to the ballot—an immaculate paragon of virtue, perfect in every regard. Anything less would make me unclean.
The Right: I will vote for a desiccated cow flop, so long as it hates brown and queer people.
The Right: I will vote for a desiccated cow flop, so long as it hates brown and queer people.
October 26, 2025 at 12:25 AM
The Left: I will abstain from voting until an angel descends to the ballot—an immaculate paragon of virtue, perfect in every regard. Anything less would make me unclean.
The Right: I will vote for a desiccated cow flop, so long as it hates brown and queer people.
The Right: I will vote for a desiccated cow flop, so long as it hates brown and queer people.
Drop an old person you’re going to turn into in the future
October 21, 2025 at 9:11 PM
Drop an old person you’re going to turn into in the future
Babysitting is kind of amazing.
“Hello, nineteen-year-old I just met five minutes ago. You now have possession of my house and my children.”
“Hello, nineteen-year-old I just met five minutes ago. You now have possession of my house and my children.”
October 19, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Babysitting is kind of amazing.
“Hello, nineteen-year-old I just met five minutes ago. You now have possession of my house and my children.”
“Hello, nineteen-year-old I just met five minutes ago. You now have possession of my house and my children.”
In a development unprecedented in the history of transportation, The Irish Exit at Moynihan Train Hall is a genuinely good bar that I enjoy spending time in.
October 18, 2025 at 1:51 AM
In a development unprecedented in the history of transportation, The Irish Exit at Moynihan Train Hall is a genuinely good bar that I enjoy spending time in.
“‘But progress—‘ Magrat began.
‘Don’t you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.’”
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
‘Don’t you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.’”
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
October 17, 2025 at 11:26 PM
“‘But progress—‘ Magrat began.
‘Don’t you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.’”
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
‘Don’t you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.’”
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
Of all the dumb internet headlines, “Person Looks Older Than They Did When They Were Younger!” has to be the stupidest.
October 15, 2025 at 11:17 AM
Of all the dumb internet headlines, “Person Looks Older Than They Did When They Were Younger!” has to be the stupidest.
So now we’re stuck with an endless stream of undetectable deepfakes and no way to know what is real anymore just because you were too lazy to write your own emails? Do I have that right?
October 6, 2025 at 12:48 PM
So now we’re stuck with an endless stream of undetectable deepfakes and no way to know what is real anymore just because you were too lazy to write your own emails? Do I have that right?
Reposted by CitizenHoffman
One of the worst things to have happened in the last 15 years is the idea of “imposter syndrome”. The current state of everything shows us that most people SHOULD be feeling incompetent at what they do.
October 1, 2025 at 11:21 AM
One of the worst things to have happened in the last 15 years is the idea of “imposter syndrome”. The current state of everything shows us that most people SHOULD be feeling incompetent at what they do.
Reposted by CitizenHoffman
I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.
September 22, 2025 at 11:21 PM
I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.
A few weeks ago, I had never heard of Charlie Kirk. That was nice.
September 22, 2025 at 11:52 AM
A few weeks ago, I had never heard of Charlie Kirk. That was nice.
“AI is revolutionizing creativity, so anyone can instantly create professional-quality advertisements!"
The Ads:
The Ads:
September 19, 2025 at 2:53 PM
“AI is revolutionizing creativity, so anyone can instantly create professional-quality advertisements!"
The Ads:
The Ads:
Like many people in the podcast world, I had some big feelings about last week’s launch of “Inception Point AI”. I’m really pleased to be able to share them in an Op/ed in today’s @podnews.net!
podnews.net/article/lazy...
podnews.net/article/lazy...
The Battle Cry of the Lazy Luddite
A new podcast company is making AI slop, and appears to be proud about doing so. David Hoffman argues that they shouldn'
t be.
podnews.net
September 17, 2025 at 12:36 PM
Like many people in the podcast world, I had some big feelings about last week’s launch of “Inception Point AI”. I’m really pleased to be able to share them in an Op/ed in today’s @podnews.net!
podnews.net/article/lazy...
podnews.net/article/lazy...
Reposted by CitizenHoffman
The word "Luddite" is not an insult in a world where refrigerators play ads
September 9, 2025 at 9:29 PM
The word "Luddite" is not an insult in a world where refrigerators play ads
In thine own company alone mayst thou proceed forth and fornicate.
September 7, 2025 at 5:12 PM
In thine own company alone mayst thou proceed forth and fornicate.
It took me a while to write this, obviously.
A heartfelt article about why I don't use ChatGPT to write for me, and don't intend to start anytime soon:
open.substack.com/pub/themedia...
A heartfelt article about why I don't use ChatGPT to write for me, and don't intend to start anytime soon:
open.substack.com/pub/themedia...
In Praise of Slow Writing
Less artificial, more intelligent
open.substack.com
September 3, 2025 at 10:38 AM
It took me a while to write this, obviously.
A heartfelt article about why I don't use ChatGPT to write for me, and don't intend to start anytime soon:
open.substack.com/pub/themedia...
A heartfelt article about why I don't use ChatGPT to write for me, and don't intend to start anytime soon:
open.substack.com/pub/themedia...
Reposted by CitizenHoffman
We built a calculator that doesn't work, but don't worry, it's also a plagiarism machine that will tell you to kill yourself. It runs on the world's oceans and costs 10 trillion dollars.
August 29, 2025 at 6:24 PM
We built a calculator that doesn't work, but don't worry, it's also a plagiarism machine that will tell you to kill yourself. It runs on the world's oceans and costs 10 trillion dollars.