CitizenHoffman
@citizenhoffman.bsky.social
I like to think about things and make noises. I do so professionally at CitizenRacecar.com
Has anyone ever thought about how weird signatures are?
"No, see, if you just write your name neatly, we have no way of knowing what your intentions are...
...but if you write it neatly and also write it *messy*, THEN we can take you seriously!"
"No, see, if you just write your name neatly, we have no way of knowing what your intentions are...
...but if you write it neatly and also write it *messy*, THEN we can take you seriously!"
January 30, 2026 at 7:32 PM
Has anyone ever thought about how weird signatures are?
"No, see, if you just write your name neatly, we have no way of knowing what your intentions are...
...but if you write it neatly and also write it *messy*, THEN we can take you seriously!"
"No, see, if you just write your name neatly, we have no way of knowing what your intentions are...
...but if you write it neatly and also write it *messy*, THEN we can take you seriously!"
Salty hot take: in his lifelong quest to “elevate” it, Wynton has done more than anyone in history to convince people that jazz is snooty and boring.
www.nytimes.com/2026/01/29/a...
www.nytimes.com/2026/01/29/a...
Wynton Marsalis, Founder of Jazz at Lincoln Center, to Step Down
www.nytimes.com
January 29, 2026 at 8:09 PM
Salty hot take: in his lifelong quest to “elevate” it, Wynton has done more than anyone in history to convince people that jazz is snooty and boring.
www.nytimes.com/2026/01/29/a...
www.nytimes.com/2026/01/29/a...
Happy 42nd Anniversary of George Michael’s heart being given away, for those who celebrate.
December 26, 2025 at 4:21 PM
Happy 42nd Anniversary of George Michael’s heart being given away, for those who celebrate.
You know @andrewhickey.500songs.com, you drop these little factoids — like Mott the Hoople started out as Jimmy Cliff’s backup band — as if we’re just supposed to keep living our lives normally after hearing them.
December 19, 2025 at 6:49 PM
You know @andrewhickey.500songs.com, you drop these little factoids — like Mott the Hoople started out as Jimmy Cliff’s backup band — as if we’re just supposed to keep living our lives normally after hearing them.
Has anyone else noticed a trend of people saying "no problem" instead of "you're welcome"? Making that their standard response? Something always bothered me about it, and I just figured out what it is:
🧵
🧵
December 16, 2025 at 3:02 PM
Has anyone else noticed a trend of people saying "no problem" instead of "you're welcome"? Making that their standard response? Something always bothered me about it, and I just figured out what it is:
🧵
🧵
Wow. Rob Reiner. What an amazing artist, and by all accounts a lovely man, as well.
Inconceivable.
Inconceivable.
December 15, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Wow. Rob Reiner. What an amazing artist, and by all accounts a lovely man, as well.
Inconceivable.
Inconceivable.
How can you help?
If you could get the f%$& out of the kitchen, that would be awesome.
If you could get the f%$& out of the kitchen, that would be awesome.
November 27, 2025 at 8:29 PM
How can you help?
If you could get the f%$& out of the kitchen, that would be awesome.
If you could get the f%$& out of the kitchen, that would be awesome.
“Do you like piña coladas?…”
November 24, 2025 at 5:44 PM
“Do you like piña coladas?…”
When you meet someone from your hometown, you always pretend to be friends.
November 21, 2025 at 9:37 PM
When you meet someone from your hometown, you always pretend to be friends.
My modest accessibility proposal: very tall people should get exit row seats without having to pay an upcharge.
November 19, 2025 at 5:43 PM
My modest accessibility proposal: very tall people should get exit row seats without having to pay an upcharge.
Dear grocery store security guard: do you really need a bullet-proof vest to stand around in the produce department of the Tenleytown Whole Foods? (1/2)
November 9, 2025 at 8:08 PM
Dear grocery store security guard: do you really need a bullet-proof vest to stand around in the produce department of the Tenleytown Whole Foods? (1/2)
Cassia is a cinnamon synonym
November 9, 2025 at 1:47 PM
Cassia is a cinnamon synonym
I must confirm that I would neither walk five hundred miles, nor would I walk five hundred more.
I must confirm that when I get knocked down, I do *not* get up again, and you are in fact going to keeo me down.
I must confirm that my name is *not* Prince and I am *not* funky
November 5, 2025 at 1:00 AM
I must confirm that I would neither walk five hundred miles, nor would I walk five hundred more.
@andrewhickey.500songs.com I happen to love Dave Brubeck, Vince Guaraldi, and Cal Tjader. Getting a an unexpected mini-doc on the three of them is a delight.
November 4, 2025 at 1:21 PM
@andrewhickey.500songs.com I happen to love Dave Brubeck, Vince Guaraldi, and Cal Tjader. Getting a an unexpected mini-doc on the three of them is a delight.
This is how I’m gonna look every time someone dislikes one of my posts
November 1, 2025 at 10:33 PM
This is how I’m gonna look every time someone dislikes one of my posts
Not a spring in my step, so much as autumn in my bottom.
October 29, 2025 at 1:34 PM
Not a spring in my step, so much as autumn in my bottom.
The Left: I will abstain from voting until an angel descends to the ballot—an immaculate paragon of virtue, perfect in every regard. Anything less would make me unclean.
The Right: I will vote for a desiccated cow flop, so long as it hates brown and queer people.
The Right: I will vote for a desiccated cow flop, so long as it hates brown and queer people.
October 26, 2025 at 12:25 AM
The Left: I will abstain from voting until an angel descends to the ballot—an immaculate paragon of virtue, perfect in every regard. Anything less would make me unclean.
The Right: I will vote for a desiccated cow flop, so long as it hates brown and queer people.
The Right: I will vote for a desiccated cow flop, so long as it hates brown and queer people.
Drop an old person you’re going to turn into in the future
October 21, 2025 at 9:11 PM
Drop an old person you’re going to turn into in the future
Babysitting is kind of amazing.
“Hello, nineteen-year-old I just met five minutes ago. You now have possession of my house and my children.”
“Hello, nineteen-year-old I just met five minutes ago. You now have possession of my house and my children.”
October 19, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Babysitting is kind of amazing.
“Hello, nineteen-year-old I just met five minutes ago. You now have possession of my house and my children.”
“Hello, nineteen-year-old I just met five minutes ago. You now have possession of my house and my children.”
In a development unprecedented in the history of transportation, The Irish Exit at Moynihan Train Hall is a genuinely good bar that I enjoy spending time in.
October 18, 2025 at 1:51 AM
In a development unprecedented in the history of transportation, The Irish Exit at Moynihan Train Hall is a genuinely good bar that I enjoy spending time in.
“‘But progress—‘ Magrat began.
‘Don’t you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.’”
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
‘Don’t you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.’”
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
October 17, 2025 at 11:26 PM
“‘But progress—‘ Magrat began.
‘Don’t you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.’”
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
‘Don’t you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.’”
— Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
Of all the dumb internet headlines, “Person Looks Older Than They Did When They Were Younger!” has to be the stupidest.
October 15, 2025 at 11:17 AM
Of all the dumb internet headlines, “Person Looks Older Than They Did When They Were Younger!” has to be the stupidest.
So now we’re stuck with an endless stream of undetectable deepfakes and no way to know what is real anymore just because you were too lazy to write your own emails? Do I have that right?
October 6, 2025 at 12:48 PM
So now we’re stuck with an endless stream of undetectable deepfakes and no way to know what is real anymore just because you were too lazy to write your own emails? Do I have that right?
Reposted by CitizenHoffman
One of the worst things to have happened in the last 15 years is the idea of “imposter syndrome”. The current state of everything shows us that most people SHOULD be feeling incompetent at what they do.
October 1, 2025 at 11:21 AM
One of the worst things to have happened in the last 15 years is the idea of “imposter syndrome”. The current state of everything shows us that most people SHOULD be feeling incompetent at what they do.
Reposted by CitizenHoffman
I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.
September 22, 2025 at 11:21 PM
I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.