Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
@blondecalamity.bsky.social
Just here for the free cake and women’s rights.
Pinned
Now I just have to recycle my old tweets from 15 years back, when I was funny.
My plan for marrying a rich man then becoming a Real Housewife is taking longer than anticipated.
October 21, 2025 at 1:17 AM
My plan for marrying a rich man then becoming a Real Housewife is taking longer than anticipated.
My tattoo artist DMd me to ask why an old acquaintance of mine was sliding into her DMs to talk to her/ask her out.
*sigh*
Dude is just out there embarrassing me, and I don’t even know him like that!
*sigh*
Dude is just out there embarrassing me, and I don’t even know him like that!
October 4, 2025 at 8:42 PM
My tattoo artist DMd me to ask why an old acquaintance of mine was sliding into her DMs to talk to her/ask her out.
*sigh*
Dude is just out there embarrassing me, and I don’t even know him like that!
*sigh*
Dude is just out there embarrassing me, and I don’t even know him like that!
Men getting dragged around by their little to medium dogs give me the ick.
October 4, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Men getting dragged around by their little to medium dogs give me the ick.
All I want is someone to finance my life of luxury travel and shopping. Is that too much to ask?
September 10, 2025 at 2:43 PM
All I want is someone to finance my life of luxury travel and shopping. Is that too much to ask?
Who can afford to be funny, in this economy?!?
August 13, 2025 at 12:57 PM
Who can afford to be funny, in this economy?!?
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
Maybe the t-rex was so mean because they could never hug the others.
August 8, 2025 at 3:47 PM
Maybe the t-rex was so mean because they could never hug the others.
I want to get a charcuterie and discuss Bravo takes with Seth Rogan.
August 13, 2025 at 12:49 PM
I want to get a charcuterie and discuss Bravo takes with Seth Rogan.
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
If I was a liar I’d simply invest in flame retardant pants so no one would know.
July 31, 2025 at 8:02 PM
If I was a liar I’d simply invest in flame retardant pants so no one would know.
A good portion of my life is spent on realtor, perusing luxury homes that I have absolutely no business looking at.
July 26, 2025 at 3:34 PM
A good portion of my life is spent on realtor, perusing luxury homes that I have absolutely no business looking at.
Heard on the news that schools are rife with misogyny. The fact that we felt much safer in the boys on the 90’s than girls do today is disturbing.
Men, please teach boys to be good men, because the men they’re currently listening to are monsters.
Men, please teach boys to be good men, because the men they’re currently listening to are monsters.
July 20, 2025 at 1:10 PM
Heard on the news that schools are rife with misogyny. The fact that we felt much safer in the boys on the 90’s than girls do today is disturbing.
Men, please teach boys to be good men, because the men they’re currently listening to are monsters.
Men, please teach boys to be good men, because the men they’re currently listening to are monsters.
Is 2:30pm considered too early to change into pyjamas?
I vote no.
I vote no.
July 18, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Is 2:30pm considered too early to change into pyjamas?
I vote no.
I vote no.
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
Do Egyptians suffering from existential despair get ankhst?
June 29, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Do Egyptians suffering from existential despair get ankhst?
A farrier is just a fancy term for a horse pedicurist
June 29, 2025 at 3:43 AM
A farrier is just a fancy term for a horse pedicurist
The hypocrisy of Eric Clapton admiring and being influenced by all Black artists, all while being a racist POS.
Old news, I know, but I’m still mad about it.
Old news, I know, but I’m still mad about it.
June 28, 2025 at 9:36 PM
The hypocrisy of Eric Clapton admiring and being influenced by all Black artists, all while being a racist POS.
Old news, I know, but I’m still mad about it.
Old news, I know, but I’m still mad about it.
I was putting on my makeup at the mirror, and I heard a little girl outside yelling “BLOODY MARY…” she said it TWICE before I was able to hurdle the furniture and slam the patio door.
Talk about close calls!
Talk about close calls!
June 20, 2025 at 2:57 PM
I was putting on my makeup at the mirror, and I heard a little girl outside yelling “BLOODY MARY…” she said it TWICE before I was able to hurdle the furniture and slam the patio door.
Talk about close calls!
Talk about close calls!
So far this morning, I’ve seen a monarch butterfly, skipped rocks, saw a squirrel trying to befriend a man while he worked out at the beach and a raven out front of my house! It’s not even 11:00am!!
June 20, 2025 at 2:53 PM
So far this morning, I’ve seen a monarch butterfly, skipped rocks, saw a squirrel trying to befriend a man while he worked out at the beach and a raven out front of my house! It’s not even 11:00am!!
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
The Violent Femmes “Kiss Off” is my favorite song about counting to ten.
June 5, 2025 at 1:55 AM
The Violent Femmes “Kiss Off” is my favorite song about counting to ten.
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
i deleted the Discover tab, you can too
May 27, 2025 at 3:40 PM
i deleted the Discover tab, you can too
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
I hope you find what you're looking for.
I also hope you someday own an enchanted dagger that shines a light in the darkness, smites your enemies just as much as they deserve, and knows all the best burrito spots in town.
I also hope you someday own an enchanted dagger that shines a light in the darkness, smites your enemies just as much as they deserve, and knows all the best burrito spots in town.
May 20, 2025 at 2:07 AM
I hope you find what you're looking for.
I also hope you someday own an enchanted dagger that shines a light in the darkness, smites your enemies just as much as they deserve, and knows all the best burrito spots in town.
I also hope you someday own an enchanted dagger that shines a light in the darkness, smites your enemies just as much as they deserve, and knows all the best burrito spots in town.
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
When offered a potion, you drink first and ask questions later. This might be your Disney origin story.
May 20, 2025 at 2:01 AM
When offered a potion, you drink first and ask questions later. This might be your Disney origin story.
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
Thank you for looking out, Canada 💛 truly love our northern neighbors.
April 28, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Thank you for looking out, Canada 💛 truly love our northern neighbors.
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
If you don't have a profile pic of some kind, you are sus. Literally use any picture at all. It is better than nothing.
April 29, 2025 at 2:02 AM
If you don't have a profile pic of some kind, you are sus. Literally use any picture at all. It is better than nothing.
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
When a woman asks, what are you thinking? That's a trick question. Shut up and ask her how she got so beautiful.
April 28, 2025 at 2:06 PM
When a woman asks, what are you thinking? That's a trick question. Shut up and ask her how she got so beautiful.
Reposted by Blonde Calamity (she/her) 🇨🇦
What's your favorite song about sucking on chili dogs? Mine is "Jack and Diane."
April 28, 2025 at 9:38 PM
What's your favorite song about sucking on chili dogs? Mine is "Jack and Diane."