andreas.exe
@andreasdotexe.bsky.social
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Cardinal: (in conclave) We vowed not to have an American Pope until they suffered a political decline. Let's check the news to see if it's time
CNN: The Quiznos Rat has been appointed head of the FDA
CNN: The Quiznos Rat has been appointed head of the FDA
May 10, 2025 at 5:20 PM
Cardinal: (in conclave) We vowed not to have an American Pope until they suffered a political decline. Let's check the news to see if it's time
CNN: The Quiznos Rat has been appointed head of the FDA
CNN: The Quiznos Rat has been appointed head of the FDA
Reposted by andreas.exe
heyyy, sorry to bother you! your operating system just got in touch with me and said it was having trouble getting hold of you. it said it has an important system update it needs to install, but you aren't responding to its notifications. it sounded pretty worried honestly
June 10, 2025 at 4:16 PM
heyyy, sorry to bother you! your operating system just got in touch with me and said it was having trouble getting hold of you. it said it has an important system update it needs to install, but you aren't responding to its notifications. it sounded pretty worried honestly
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Did it hurt? When you saw yourself in the front facing camera
June 11, 2025 at 4:12 AM
Did it hurt? When you saw yourself in the front facing camera
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In hindsight, letting the witch who lives in a gingerbread house babysit for us was a terrible idea
May 9, 2025 at 3:31 AM
In hindsight, letting the witch who lives in a gingerbread house babysit for us was a terrible idea
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Many people don't realize novelty phones have access to The Great Beyond. For instance, our banana phone receives regular calls from Harambe complaining about Tarzan movies.
May 11, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Many people don't realize novelty phones have access to The Great Beyond. For instance, our banana phone receives regular calls from Harambe complaining about Tarzan movies.
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If a bear attacks you, the best thing to do is play dead. Unless it's Dave, the Necrophiliac Bear
October 14, 2024 at 8:49 PM
If a bear attacks you, the best thing to do is play dead. Unless it's Dave, the Necrophiliac Bear
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took a shower with my robot gf and had to put her in rice ):
May 22, 2025 at 10:10 PM
took a shower with my robot gf and had to put her in rice ):
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CBS on the cardinals: "One thing we know they're not doing is checking Instagram because their devices have all been confiscated. I believe the kids call it rawdogging."
May 7, 2025 at 5:31 PM
CBS on the cardinals: "One thing we know they're not doing is checking Instagram because their devices have all been confiscated. I believe the kids call it rawdogging."
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In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the little things. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled
May 2, 2025 at 2:32 PM
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the little things. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled
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Walking into the darkness, Death takes my hand. “Is this the beginning or the end?” I ask. Death tickles me. I wasn't expecting that
April 24, 2025 at 3:49 AM
Walking into the darkness, Death takes my hand. “Is this the beginning or the end?” I ask. Death tickles me. I wasn't expecting that
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Reposted by andreas.exe
If some dead guy emerged from a cave, I would beat him with a shovel
April 20, 2025 at 4:53 PM
If some dead guy emerged from a cave, I would beat him with a shovel
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This is what happens to the economy without wokeness. Until my pronouns are respected, I will destroy another 3% of the American GDP. #darkwoke
April 3, 2025 at 9:26 PM
This is what happens to the economy without wokeness. Until my pronouns are respected, I will destroy another 3% of the American GDP. #darkwoke
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This administration is a fucking joke
I’d love to know how T-Rexes jacked off with those tiny arms but the government won’t respond to my Freedom of Information requests
April 4, 2025 at 3:51 AM
This administration is a fucking joke
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doge fired all the scientists working on figuring this out
I’d love to know how T-Rexes jacked off with those tiny arms but the government won’t respond to my Freedom of Information requests
April 4, 2025 at 3:52 AM
doge fired all the scientists working on figuring this out
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Vice President texting the group, "chat are we cooked"
March 24, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Vice President texting the group, "chat are we cooked"
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“We deadass compromised national security frfr on god skibidi ohio”
March 24, 2025 at 6:10 PM
“We deadass compromised national security frfr on god skibidi ohio”
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Your call is important to us. Unless this is Bob again calling to say 'I CAN believe it’s not butter.' We’re sick of your shit, Bob
January 28, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Your call is important to us. Unless this is Bob again calling to say 'I CAN believe it’s not butter.' We’re sick of your shit, Bob
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New Spamton shirt idea
January 25, 2025 at 12:44 AM
New Spamton shirt idea
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[yelling over club music] The Immaculate Conception isn't about Mary being a virgin; it's about Mary being conceived free of Original Sin
January 25, 2025 at 5:21 AM
[yelling over club music] The Immaculate Conception isn't about Mary being a virgin; it's about Mary being conceived free of Original Sin
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i’m 8 feet, 4 inches tall. one drawback is that unlike the rest of you, i can’t just travel to other cities or countries by going to the post office and mailing myself. i’m simply too big to mail. also, my height attracts so much attention that i can’t get away with littering, and i love littering
January 23, 2025 at 9:57 PM
i’m 8 feet, 4 inches tall. one drawback is that unlike the rest of you, i can’t just travel to other cities or countries by going to the post office and mailing myself. i’m simply too big to mail. also, my height attracts so much attention that i can’t get away with littering, and i love littering
Reposted by andreas.exe
i was just joking about this. i don't recall the exact point in my life at which i understood the relationship between bread and toast, but i imagine i was probably two or three years old
how old were you when you first realized that toast is just toasted bread? i was 37
January 22, 2025 at 2:37 PM
i was just joking about this. i don't recall the exact point in my life at which i understood the relationship between bread and toast, but i imagine i was probably two or three years old
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This is your Captain speaking. Passengers with a view previously obscured by the wings may have noticed a sudden improvement
January 20, 2025 at 9:39 AM
This is your Captain speaking. Passengers with a view previously obscured by the wings may have noticed a sudden improvement