Ian King
@twoht.bsky.social
Podcaster, (association) football writer, copywriter, $ubstacker. Writer for Football League World, also seen on Fotmob, When Saturday Comes. Come on in, the takes are *toasty*. London-born, Sussex based. He/him.
https://unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
https://unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
Recording the first podcast of the new year tonight, lads, so if you've got any questions for @samwhyte.bsky.social and/or I - AND THERE'S QUITE A BIT TO TALK ABOUT - leave them here and we'll be so wrong that you'll laugh yourself hoarse.
January 5, 2026 at 7:01 PM
Recording the first podcast of the new year tonight, lads, so if you've got any questions for @samwhyte.bsky.social and/or I - AND THERE'S QUITE A BIT TO TALK ABOUT - leave them here and we'll be so wrong that you'll laugh yourself hoarse.
On Maresca, Amorim, Nancy, head coaches, managers, and the difference between the last of those two.
open.substack.com/pub/unexpect...
open.substack.com/pub/unexpect...
Chelsea, Manchester United & Celtic kick off what promises to be a year of Too Much News in style
We're only five days into 2026, but already two of the Premier League's big-hitters and a Glasgow Giant have dispensed with their managers. Slow down please, everybody.
open.substack.com
January 5, 2026 at 6:33 PM
On Maresca, Amorim, Nancy, head coaches, managers, and the difference between the last of those two.
open.substack.com/pub/unexpect...
open.substack.com/pub/unexpect...
My niece supports Chelsea and I have to concede the slyness of her joke in getting me this book for Christmas.
January 5, 2026 at 4:45 PM
My niece supports Chelsea and I have to concede the slyness of her joke in getting me this book for Christmas.
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THIS
BREAKING: Celtic has sacked Wilfried Nancy after about a month in charge.
January 5, 2026 at 3:46 PM
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THIS
If anything, I'm mostly disappointed at the fact that the phrase "Noclueben Scamorim" could be leaving the lexicon of the Premier League.
January 5, 2026 at 12:25 PM
If anything, I'm mostly disappointed at the fact that the phrase "Noclueben Scamorim" could be leaving the lexicon of the Premier League.
GLORY GLORY
Ruben Amorim has been sacked by Manchester United.
The Portuguese’s final game of his 14-month spell in charge was the 1-1 draw against Leeds United on Sunday that leaves them sixth in the Premier League after 20 matches.
Full story from @david-ornstein.bsky.social here ⬇️
🔗 nyti.ms/4jn0Zri
The Portuguese’s final game of his 14-month spell in charge was the 1-1 draw against Leeds United on Sunday that leaves them sixth in the Premier League after 20 matches.
Full story from @david-ornstein.bsky.social here ⬇️
🔗 nyti.ms/4jn0Zri
January 5, 2026 at 10:06 AM
GLORY GLORY
Saturday turned out to be a freeze-out across the non-league game, but I didn't have anything like a wasted Saturday.
But we do need to talk about what feels like a lack of process when it comes to matches being postponed.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...
But we do need to talk about what feels like a lack of process when it comes to matches being postponed.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...
The Weekend Match: We need to talk about the late postponement of matches
We all knew it was going to be bad on the first weekend of the new year, but the circumstances of some match postponements was, frankly, farcical.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
January 4, 2026 at 6:03 PM
Saturday turned out to be a freeze-out across the non-league game, but I didn't have anything like a wasted Saturday.
But we do need to talk about what feels like a lack of process when it comes to matches being postponed.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...
But we do need to talk about what feels like a lack of process when it comes to matches being postponed.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...
I can handle Spurs not winning. Hell, I've had plenty of practice at that.
What I struggle with is them being so fucking boring.
What I struggle with is them being so fucking boring.
January 4, 2026 at 5:02 PM
I can handle Spurs not winning. Hell, I've had plenty of practice at that.
What I struggle with is them being so fucking boring.
What I struggle with is them being so fucking boring.
No match this weekend, friends. Everywhere I could realistically get to was frozen off. I will, however, be writing up something, just not quite sure what, yet.
*looks at scores*
Might be West Ham.
*looks at scores*
Might be West Ham.
January 3, 2026 at 3:12 PM
No match this weekend, friends. Everywhere I could realistically get to was frozen off. I will, however, be writing up something, just not quite sure what, yet.
*looks at scores*
Might be West Ham.
*looks at scores*
Might be West Ham.
*takes down the bunting*
*puts the party food back in the fridge*
*shoves the 47 doves in a cardboard box and puts it in the shed*
"The FIFA Peace Prize is DISCREDITED, children. There'll be no winner this year."
*puts the party food back in the fridge*
*shoves the 47 doves in a cardboard box and puts it in the shed*
"The FIFA Peace Prize is DISCREDITED, children. There'll be no winner this year."
It’s a dark night when you look at the news and are forced to admit that you no longer believe in the power of the FIFA peace prize
January 3, 2026 at 8:26 AM
*takes down the bunting*
*puts the party food back in the fridge*
*shoves the 47 doves in a cardboard box and puts it in the shed*
"The FIFA Peace Prize is DISCREDITED, children. There'll be no winner this year."
*puts the party food back in the fridge*
*shoves the 47 doves in a cardboard box and puts it in the shed*
"The FIFA Peace Prize is DISCREDITED, children. There'll be no winner this year."
Well done Infantino, you utter fucking berk
CNN: CNN just getting report that the smoke appears to be rising from the vicinity of Fort Tiona, which is where the Venezuelan ministry of defense is headquartered, which would seem to indicate that somebody is targeting the defenses of Venezuela.
January 3, 2026 at 8:07 AM
Well done Infantino, you utter fucking berk
Your weekend match on UD this weekend will be... well, read on.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
Words & Pictures to Follow: A very late decision indeed
There are ominous things already happening to the football schedule, and that means this week's selection is almost certainly going to be a late one.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
January 2, 2026 at 7:40 PM
Your weekend match on UD this weekend will be... well, read on.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
I've got a rotary phone (which isn't plugged into anything), so they know how to use one of those. Not that they'll ever need to. They're doing joined up handwriting at school. They can tell the goddam time. They know roman numerals up to 10, 50, 100 and 1000. They were testing me, the other day.
It's 2026.
Things many American school kids probably don't know how to do:
* Dial a rotary telephone
* Tell time from an analog clock
* Read or write cursive
* Decipher Roman numerals
* Navigate with a paper map or use a compass
* Balance a checkbook
(Please add more below)
Things many American school kids probably don't know how to do:
* Dial a rotary telephone
* Tell time from an analog clock
* Read or write cursive
* Decipher Roman numerals
* Navigate with a paper map or use a compass
* Balance a checkbook
(Please add more below)
January 2, 2026 at 6:26 PM
I've got a rotary phone (which isn't plugged into anything), so they know how to use one of those. Not that they'll ever need to. They're doing joined up handwriting at school. They can tell the goddam time. They know roman numerals up to 10, 50, 100 and 1000. They were testing me, the other day.
Turns out I made the right decision to watch an episode of Air Crash Investigation and fall asleep halfway through it
FT 0-0. I really hope that is the worst football match that takes place in 2026, in any league, at any level. If there's anything worse than that, something's gone wrong.
January 2, 2026 at 8:30 AM
Turns out I made the right decision to watch an episode of Air Crash Investigation and fall asleep halfway through it
They were in danger of developing an identity
We finally won a trophy, then got rid of the manager, captain, and winning goalscorer, just to make it clear that’s not how we do things around here.
January 1, 2026 at 7:29 PM
They were in danger of developing an identity
So, Chelsea are going to break Liam Rosenior, are they?
January 1, 2026 at 7:24 PM
So, Chelsea are going to break Liam Rosenior, are they?
Not quite the phrasing I'd use, but good to see them getting recognition
January 1, 2026 at 5:51 PM
Not quite the phrasing I'd use, but good to see them getting recognition
They fucking predicted QUINCY
January 1, 2026 at 5:48 PM
They fucking predicted QUINCY
11 days on from the below QT, one of the top ten teams in the National League South is in the same position in the table that they were when I posted it.
January 1, 2026 at 5:39 PM
11 days on from the below QT, one of the top ten teams in the National League South is in the same position in the table that they were when I posted it.
*bangs fists on table*
IT'S HORSE BIRTHDAY DAY
IT'S HORSE BIRTHDAY DAY
January 1, 2026 at 4:42 PM
*bangs fists on table*
IT'S HORSE BIRTHDAY DAY
IT'S HORSE BIRTHDAY DAY
The fact that he can't spell the very word that he spends his time investigating means that this is probably legit from a copper.
I got the absolute tar kicked out of me when I was a teenager and had to give a statement to the police. The dimwit they sent round couldn't spell "tennis."
I got the absolute tar kicked out of me when I was a teenager and had to give a statement to the police. The dimwit they sent round couldn't spell "tennis."
I am a police officer who investigates online peadophiles. A big chunk of my week involves arresting lonely, divorced dads who have fallen into a horrible self destructive online hole. Definitely makes me tolerate my wife a lot more when she's being a dickhead.
January 1, 2026 at 2:56 PM
The fact that he can't spell the very word that he spends his time investigating means that this is probably legit from a copper.
I got the absolute tar kicked out of me when I was a teenager and had to give a statement to the police. The dimwit they sent round couldn't spell "tennis."
I got the absolute tar kicked out of me when I was a teenager and had to give a statement to the police. The dimwit they sent round couldn't spell "tennis."
I was doing really well on the "knowing which day of the week it is over Christmas" front this year, but it's all gone wrong today. I am absolutely convinced that it's Monday and no-one's going to change my mind over this.
January 1, 2026 at 2:24 PM
I was doing really well on the "knowing which day of the week it is over Christmas" front this year, but it's all gone wrong today. I am absolutely convinced that it's Monday and no-one's going to change my mind over this.
The Championship remains undefeated
One of the funniest football clips I've ever seen. It's 1-0 to Portsmouth, we're in injury time but Charlton, who are undefeated at Pompey in decades, have a corner.
Roll the tape...
youtu.be/Xqt2UOJRGfY?...
Roll the tape...
youtu.be/Xqt2UOJRGfY?...
"WE NEVER LOSE AT FRATTON PARK" AMAZING SCENES FROM POMPEY VS CHARLTON TONIGHT
YouTube video by DartsRising
youtu.be
January 1, 2026 at 2:21 PM
The Championship remains undefeated
Bring back Avram Grant, I reckon
January 1, 2026 at 12:26 PM
Bring back Avram Grant, I reckon