Ian King
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twoht.bsky.social
Ian King
@twoht.bsky.social
5.3K followers 440 following 3.1K posts
Podcaster, (association) football writer, copywriter, $ubstacker. Writer for Football League World, also seen on Fotmob, When Saturday Comes. Come on in, the takes are *toasty*. London-born, Sussex based. He/him.

https://unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
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twoht.bsky.social
Tomorrow morning on UD.
The Weekend Match: Haywards Heath Town 6-1 Lingfield - We're Trash, You & Me They're the last team with a 100% league record in the top 35 divisions in England, but can they extend that run on international break weekend? (Yes. You can already see that from the title.) Unexpected Delirium
November 15, 2025 at 9:09 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Lads, LADS
A football
November 15, 2025 at 3:36 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Your weekend match on UD *may* be Haywards Heath Town vs Lingfield in the SCFL Premier Division, though this is very much subject to change. A full explanation tomorrow morning.
Word & Pictures to Follow: Haywards Heath Towns vs Lingfield This weekend's match could be subject to change, and for several different reasons.
November 13, 2025 at 2:28 PM
twoht.bsky.social
GOAL
A toilet urinal with a football goal and ball in it
November 8, 2025 at 4:07 PM
twoht.bsky.social
In a break from our normal programming
Sexy Skeletor tweaking Sexy He Man's nipple
November 8, 2025 at 2:14 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Here they are now, all the lads
A line of seagulls, standing on the groynes
November 8, 2025 at 1:46 PM
twoht.bsky.social
In Eastbourne hilariously early
Eastbourne Pier on a sunny day
November 8, 2025 at 1:39 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Here we go here we fuckin go
A laptop on a train tip up table showing Spurs vs Manchester United
November 8, 2025 at 12:33 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Or, as I prefer to call them, The Self-Immolation Society
The Worthing Bonfire Society, on a pebble beach in the dark, holding flame throwers and with a fire in a bin
November 5, 2025 at 8:49 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Had my photo album out this afternoon and figured you all deserve to see me, ten years old, in my cub scout uniform.
Ten year old me, a bit bug eyed, wearing my cub scout uniform
November 5, 2025 at 5:51 PM
twoht.bsky.social
In case you were wondering how my Saturday night had been going
Former Football League referee Lester Shapter' X profile, untouched since 2011
November 1, 2025 at 10:26 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Definitely no forgetting whatsoever here today
Corner flag with a poppy on it
November 1, 2025 at 3:44 PM
twoht.bsky.social
The acceptable ball for snow:
An orange Adidas Tango Espana football
October 29, 2025 at 8:12 PM
twoht.bsky.social
This morning on UD, on the subject of Sheffield Wednesday.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/theyre-all...
Sheffield Wednesday are now under the care of administrators, in an example of how fans can control the narrative of a failing football club.
October 27, 2025 at 2:27 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Morning, Station Cat
A fluffy black and white cat sitting on a railing staring intently at a hedge
October 25, 2025 at 8:55 AM
twoht.bsky.social
MR SNUFFLEBAGS HAS ENTERED THE CHAT
A St George's Cross with the four quarters divided up as follows (HULL CITY printed across the middle red stripe): Get the badge in (Stone Island) Get the bags in (of coke) Get the slags in (a silhouette of a saucy looking woman) A tiger (who I previously named Mr Snufflebags)
October 23, 2025 at 4:17 PM
twoht.bsky.social
On Google Maps, Whyteleafe's ground looks like it's got a tarmac pitch.
October 22, 2025 at 11:21 AM
twoht.bsky.social
Evri, here, sending out a customer satisfaction survey when they claimed to have attempted delivery almost a week ago while I was in the house - no card left, nothing - and since then haven't even notified me of when it will be sent.

I can only assume they're staffed by extreme masochists.
What can we do to improve your experience with Evri? Deliver parcels on time and let me know when they are going to be delivered.
October 22, 2025 at 9:57 AM
twoht.bsky.social
They grow up so quickly
Child in a kitchen wearing a gorilla mask
October 20, 2025 at 7:09 AM
twoht.bsky.social
Please welcome the latest addition to my family. His name is now confirmed as Howard.

Happy birthday Younger (not in picture), who's eight years old today x
A particularly horrible looking red plushie with people teeth and a squint
October 20, 2025 at 6:57 AM
twoht.bsky.social
The winning entry in the train drawing competition. No, I don't know either, though I do acknowledge that it's better than mine.
A child's drawing of a train from head-on, which really doesn't look very much like a train head-on. It has very bright lights and lightning bolts coming off the top of it, for some reason.
October 19, 2025 at 7:55 AM
twoht.bsky.social
I know everyone's very excited about the football this afternoon and I was only at a piddling non league match BUT
A brown bull standing in a field
October 18, 2025 at 4:22 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Absolute belter of a non league liner here this afternoon
Non league liner, looks like the perfect cross between Martin Atkinson and Catweazle
October 18, 2025 at 3:23 PM
twoht.bsky.social
Wrote this last night, and here are the pictures that had been added the book concerned.
Various child's drawings on yellow paper. Two clocks, three questions marks, a cup of tea on legs and what may be a llama in a pram.
October 16, 2025 at 6:42 AM
twoht.bsky.social
A recurring theme of my adolescence and young adulthood
Terrace behind the goal at a football stadium with a tree in the middle of it. Three men in hi vis vests on the right at the top of the terrace, the goal on the far left.
October 14, 2025 at 6:52 PM