Hiding in the Attic
@realjonriley.bsky.social
Pinned
I bet Julia Roberts hates this picture of herself from Mona Lisa smile. Because there are a’s all over her. It’s distracting.
“Is Portland a crime ridden hellscape? According to liars, the answer is yes.”
Should the New York Times be sold to Pennysaver and its editors sent to work in Amazon warehouses? It depends on who you ask.
October 12, 2025 at 3:34 AM
“Is Portland a crime ridden hellscape? According to liars, the answer is yes.”
My wife is mad at me because she walked in on me masturbating, which is completely unreasonable. Masturbation is totally normal. And also you shouldn’t just barge in on someone without knocking when they are in the kitchen.
September 2, 2025 at 8:33 PM
My wife is mad at me because she walked in on me masturbating, which is completely unreasonable. Masturbation is totally normal. And also you shouldn’t just barge in on someone without knocking when they are in the kitchen.
I’m tired of people assuming family is about who you are related to by blood, instead of who you love. All families are different. And if my child’s birth parents were so great, then why was it so easy for me to kidnap her?
August 30, 2025 at 3:54 AM
I’m tired of people assuming family is about who you are related to by blood, instead of who you love. All families are different. And if my child’s birth parents were so great, then why was it so easy for me to kidnap her?
Did you know that in the palace of Versailles, where French kings and queens lived and held court, people would just pee wherever on the walls, like inside? That’s a true fact.
When I learned this, it caused a “Eureka!” moment for me that was the beginning of the end of my marriage.
When I learned this, it caused a “Eureka!” moment for me that was the beginning of the end of my marriage.
August 29, 2025 at 10:13 AM
Did you know that in the palace of Versailles, where French kings and queens lived and held court, people would just pee wherever on the walls, like inside? That’s a true fact.
When I learned this, it caused a “Eureka!” moment for me that was the beginning of the end of my marriage.
When I learned this, it caused a “Eureka!” moment for me that was the beginning of the end of my marriage.
Are you mad at me? Everyone who sees this post please comment below ⬇️ whether or not you are mad at me. If you choose not to reply, no worries, I will just continue to assume you are mad at me.
August 12, 2025 at 3:13 AM
Are you mad at me? Everyone who sees this post please comment below ⬇️ whether or not you are mad at me. If you choose not to reply, no worries, I will just continue to assume you are mad at me.
Hold on I have to go to the bathroom. Nobody do any funny posts until I get back, I don’t want to miss any good ones.
August 11, 2025 at 5:41 AM
Hold on I have to go to the bathroom. Nobody do any funny posts until I get back, I don’t want to miss any good ones.
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
Goldfish 1: knock knock
Goldfish 2: who's there
Goldfish 1: who's where
Goldfish 2: what
Goldfish 2: who's there
Goldfish 1: who's where
Goldfish 2: what
August 11, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Goldfish 1: knock knock
Goldfish 2: who's there
Goldfish 1: who's where
Goldfish 2: what
Goldfish 2: who's there
Goldfish 1: who's where
Goldfish 2: what
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
I NEVER sit with my back to a door, I ALWAYS open carry when walking my dog off leash, I ONLY wear jorts that fall below the knee, and I WILL marry your sister for just over six months. Oh and our registry has a deepfake nude poster of Jessica Alba from Sin City. If you haven't bought anything yet.
July 31, 2025 at 5:48 AM
I NEVER sit with my back to a door, I ALWAYS open carry when walking my dog off leash, I ONLY wear jorts that fall below the knee, and I WILL marry your sister for just over six months. Oh and our registry has a deepfake nude poster of Jessica Alba from Sin City. If you haven't bought anything yet.
One small upside to having one of your eyeballs ripped out by a hawk and having to wear an eyepatch for the rest of your life is you could do a really good wink at the ladies. You’d just blink and it would look like a perfect wink because your other eye would be covered by an eyepatch.
July 29, 2025 at 12:04 AM
One small upside to having one of your eyeballs ripped out by a hawk and having to wear an eyepatch for the rest of your life is you could do a really good wink at the ladies. You’d just blink and it would look like a perfect wink because your other eye would be covered by an eyepatch.
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
Do NOT raise (or lower) the roof. Keep all roofs where they are. They were put at that particular height for a perfectly good reason I’m sure.
July 14, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Do NOT raise (or lower) the roof. Keep all roofs where they are. They were put at that particular height for a perfectly good reason I’m sure.
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
Challenged a guy to a fight at a bar to impress a lady I had met and fallen in love with minutes before but I stood up too fast off the bar stool and got all woozy for a second from low blood pressure and spilled my drink on my pants so it looked like I peed my pants
July 7, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Challenged a guy to a fight at a bar to impress a lady I had met and fallen in love with minutes before but I stood up too fast off the bar stool and got all woozy for a second from low blood pressure and spilled my drink on my pants so it looked like I peed my pants
…for turning you gay
July 6, 2025 at 3:02 PM
…for turning you gay
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
11/10 social media work by the Durham Bulls
June 26, 2025 at 7:04 PM
11/10 social media work by the Durham Bulls
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
Do you remember who the mayor is in Jaws 2? IT’S THE SAME MAYOR FROM JAWS 1! THEY RE-ELECTED THE GUY WHO WOULDN’T SHUT DOWN THE BEACHES IN JAWS 1!
My point is, local elections matter.
My point is, local elections matter.
June 20, 2025 at 6:54 PM
Do you remember who the mayor is in Jaws 2? IT’S THE SAME MAYOR FROM JAWS 1! THEY RE-ELECTED THE GUY WHO WOULDN’T SHUT DOWN THE BEACHES IN JAWS 1!
My point is, local elections matter.
My point is, local elections matter.
Is anybody actually turning off their cell phone when they pump gas? Like nobody does that and gas stations don’t appear to be blowing up, so can we even trust signs anymore?
June 20, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Is anybody actually turning off their cell phone when they pump gas? Like nobody does that and gas stations don’t appear to be blowing up, so can we even trust signs anymore?
Everything Trump is doing is just a distraction from everything else Trump is doing. Quit getting distracted Democrats! Stay focused on everything!
June 20, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Everything Trump is doing is just a distraction from everything else Trump is doing. Quit getting distracted Democrats! Stay focused on everything!
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
Checking in on r/lsd
June 20, 2025 at 3:51 AM
Checking in on r/lsd
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
I joined Bluesky exactly two years ago and I wrote a piece about my thoughts on the platform - how it's been coming along so far and where it seems fated to go. Thanks for reading.
June 12, 2025 at 4:42 PM
I joined Bluesky exactly two years ago and I wrote a piece about my thoughts on the platform - how it's been coming along so far and where it seems fated to go. Thanks for reading.
I can’t get a job because of affirmative action and DEI. Employers refuse to hire qualified white men who are racist jerks. This is reverse discrimination, not giving me opportunities just because of the color of my skin and the offensive things I say.
June 9, 2025 at 8:56 PM
I can’t get a job because of affirmative action and DEI. Employers refuse to hire qualified white men who are racist jerks. This is reverse discrimination, not giving me opportunities just because of the color of my skin and the offensive things I say.
I think it’s time humans admit toes are weird. Fingers make sense, they are functional. Toes are like if an AI was supposed to make a hand with fingers but failed. Toes are just weird. Why is there not more attention on this issue?
June 7, 2025 at 11:35 PM
I think it’s time humans admit toes are weird. Fingers make sense, they are functional. Toes are like if an AI was supposed to make a hand with fingers but failed. Toes are just weird. Why is there not more attention on this issue?
“I thought Trump would only deport weird loners with no family. Like they were an only child and then their parents died and they are infertile and also repulsive so they don’t have a spouse and are all alone so no one is be sad when they get deported. But he’s deporting people with family members?”
May 31, 2025 at 6:11 PM
“I thought Trump would only deport weird loners with no family. Like they were an only child and then their parents died and they are infertile and also repulsive so they don’t have a spouse and are all alone so no one is be sad when they get deported. But he’s deporting people with family members?”
I bet Julia Roberts hates this picture of herself from Mona Lisa smile. Because there are a’s all over her. It’s distracting.
May 31, 2025 at 2:06 AM
I bet Julia Roberts hates this picture of herself from Mona Lisa smile. Because there are a’s all over her. It’s distracting.
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
Reposted by Hiding in the Attic
Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison
Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison
GREENBELT, MD—Decrying the deportation as “wholly lawless,” U.S. District Judge Paula Xinis ruled Monday that the Trump administration had three days to return her to the United States from a Salvador...
theonion.com
April 16, 2025 at 6:59 PM
Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison