Granda Marty
@martybanana.bsky.social
Leftie snowflake
Shouting into the abyss
Mildly amusing
Shouting into the abyss
Mildly amusing
Pinned
Granda Marty
@martybanana.bsky.social
· Nov 7
Some people say they need an app on their phone to remind them why they walked into the kitchen. I need an app on my phone to remind me why I just unlocked my phone.
Fun fact:
In the card game, Top Trumps: Evil People Edition, a serial killer always...
...
...
...
...
trumps a paedophile.
In the card game, Top Trumps: Evil People Edition, a serial killer always...
...
...
...
...
trumps a paedophile.
November 18, 2025 at 12:51 PM
Fun fact:
In the card game, Top Trumps: Evil People Edition, a serial killer always...
...
...
...
...
trumps a paedophile.
In the card game, Top Trumps: Evil People Edition, a serial killer always...
...
...
...
...
trumps a paedophile.
I never say "RAT test", and I never say "PIN number", and I never say "ATMOS system". Anyway, I'm looking for an automatic teller machine atm.
November 14, 2025 at 11:47 AM
I never say "RAT test", and I never say "PIN number", and I never say "ATMOS system". Anyway, I'm looking for an automatic teller machine atm.
I feel seen.
Mark Watson, but at Christmas, but with a murder-mystery podcast
@watsoncomedian.bsky.social
· Oct 27
For years I’ve been blurting out I’LL JUST GET MY STUFF OUT THE BOOT the second I open a taxi door, and it always feels madly over-cautious. Last week I didn’t say it for some reason and the guy *very* nearly did drive off with my suitcase by accident.
October 27, 2025 at 10:13 PM
I feel seen.
Reposted by Granda Marty
okay okay OKAY here are all 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
1. Slip out the back, Jack
2. Make a new plan, Stan
3. Hop on the bus, Gus
4. Drop off the key, Lee
5. Shit in the bed, Fred
1. Slip out the back, Jack
2. Make a new plan, Stan
3. Hop on the bus, Gus
4. Drop off the key, Lee
5. Shit in the bed, Fred
September 27, 2023 at 6:00 PM
okay okay OKAY here are all 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
1. Slip out the back, Jack
2. Make a new plan, Stan
3. Hop on the bus, Gus
4. Drop off the key, Lee
5. Shit in the bed, Fred
1. Slip out the back, Jack
2. Make a new plan, Stan
3. Hop on the bus, Gus
4. Drop off the key, Lee
5. Shit in the bed, Fred
Today I saw a car number plate that said CRYB4BY and I don't know if it says
Crybaby, or
Cry Before Bye, or
Cry Before Buy, or
Cry Before Baby, or
who knows what else.
I NEED ANSWERS.
Crybaby, or
Cry Before Bye, or
Cry Before Buy, or
Cry Before Baby, or
who knows what else.
I NEED ANSWERS.
October 14, 2025 at 12:25 PM
Today I saw a car number plate that said CRYB4BY and I don't know if it says
Crybaby, or
Cry Before Bye, or
Cry Before Buy, or
Cry Before Baby, or
who knows what else.
I NEED ANSWERS.
Crybaby, or
Cry Before Bye, or
Cry Before Buy, or
Cry Before Baby, or
who knows what else.
I NEED ANSWERS.
You just know they are not going to tell us for at least a few days.
They will spew some crap about how he planned it to happen at such a time and in such a way that it would bring about world peace, so all the wars are over now and we have to give him the Nobel peace prize and a standing ovation.
They will spew some crap about how he planned it to happen at such a time and in such a way that it would bring about world peace, so all the wars are over now and we have to give him the Nobel peace prize and a standing ovation.
I think when it happens we should call it “congestive heart success”
August 31, 2025 at 1:26 PM
You just know they are not going to tell us for at least a few days.
They will spew some crap about how he planned it to happen at such a time and in such a way that it would bring about world peace, so all the wars are over now and we have to give him the Nobel peace prize and a standing ovation.
They will spew some crap about how he planned it to happen at such a time and in such a way that it would bring about world peace, so all the wars are over now and we have to give him the Nobel peace prize and a standing ovation.
July 28, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Reposted by Granda Marty
Happy as a clam? A clam? You mean those tiny things with no brain that just chill on the bottom of the ocean all day in their own little private shells and have absolutely no concept of what’s going on in the nevermind I get it now
July 8, 2025 at 12:45 PM
Happy as a clam? A clam? You mean those tiny things with no brain that just chill on the bottom of the ocean all day in their own little private shells and have absolutely no concept of what’s going on in the nevermind I get it now
It's not shame, they can't risk looking at each other. In the sight of any living creature they turn to stone. It's a fact of their biology.
Don't you people watch Doctor Who?
#WeepingAngels
Don't you people watch Doctor Who?
#WeepingAngels
Mural of Statue of Liberty in shame unveiled in France the day before 4th of July
July 4, 2025 at 10:45 PM
It's not shame, they can't risk looking at each other. In the sight of any living creature they turn to stone. It's a fact of their biology.
Don't you people watch Doctor Who?
#WeepingAngels
Don't you people watch Doctor Who?
#WeepingAngels
President Donald Tr...
I can't even finish it.
I can't even finish it.
Quote this with your most spine-chilling three-word phrase in the English language. I bet you can't beat "replacement bus service" or "family fun day".
June 11, 2025 at 11:59 AM
President Donald Tr...
I can't even finish it.
I can't even finish it.
Reposted by Granda Marty
Reposted by Granda Marty
All of those armored men are wildly overcompensating for the fact that if they walked into a wall with a hard-on, their noses would touch first
June 9, 2025 at 4:09 AM
All of those armored men are wildly overcompensating for the fact that if they walked into a wall with a hard-on, their noses would touch first
Someone should make an enthralling sci-fi TV show and/or movie spin-off, with intriguing characters and/or a brilliant ensemble cast, and with intricate plot lines and/or excellent writing, and with stunning visual FX and/or action sequences.
You know what I'm trying to say
and/or imply.
#andor
You know what I'm trying to say
and/or imply.
#andor
May 26, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Someone should make an enthralling sci-fi TV show and/or movie spin-off, with intriguing characters and/or a brilliant ensemble cast, and with intricate plot lines and/or excellent writing, and with stunning visual FX and/or action sequences.
You know what I'm trying to say
and/or imply.
#andor
You know what I'm trying to say
and/or imply.
#andor
Poop daily.
If you’re over 30, quote this with some life advice 🤌🏼
May 10, 2025 at 3:32 AM
Poop daily.
AM I EVER GONNA
SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN...
SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN...
May 4, 2025 at 4:24 AM
AM I EVER GONNA
SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN...
SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN...
Reposted by Granda Marty
May 4, 2025 at 2:13 AM
May 4, 2025 at 2:13 AM
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE-IE-IE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE-IE-IE
May 4, 2025 at 1:52 AM
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE-IE-IE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE-IE-IE
May 2, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Over fifty years after Watergate, we are still adding the suffix "-gate" to almost any word to denote a scandal.
If there is ever another scandal at the Watergate Hotel we are going to call it Watergategate.
If there is ever another scandal at the Watergate Hotel we are going to call it Watergategate.
April 24, 2025 at 2:58 PM
Over fifty years after Watergate, we are still adding the suffix "-gate" to almost any word to denote a scandal.
If there is ever another scandal at the Watergate Hotel we are going to call it Watergategate.
If there is ever another scandal at the Watergate Hotel we are going to call it Watergategate.
Remember when today had a hyphen?
April 14, 2025 at 11:07 PM
Remember when today had a hyphen?
This morning I saw a small leaf stuck to my car and I thought, "That leaf looks like poo. I'll just flick it off."
Dear reader, it was poo.
Dear reader, it was poo.
April 9, 2025 at 10:28 AM
This morning I saw a small leaf stuck to my car and I thought, "That leaf looks like poo. I'll just flick it off."
Dear reader, it was poo.
Dear reader, it was poo.
Nniüq - a small end table.
Type your surname backwards. Add an umlaut. And you'll make a piece of IKEA furniture, just like Eltsä - a settee
April 3, 2025 at 3:06 AM
Nniüq - a small end table.