Luke Jarret
@lukejarret.bsky.social
do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life if the thing you love is night shifts
recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaafmy6fpa4zq
recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaafmy6fpa4zq
Pinned
Luke Jarret
@lukejarret.bsky.social
· Nov 19
[hosting a party]
wife: ed’s very sensitive about not working right now don’t bring it up
[later]
ed: can I use your blender & make margaritas?
me: nah that blender doesn’t even wor--
*catches ed’s eye*
me: uh-- operate ..anymore.
*ed, the surgeon, starts to weep gently*
wife: ed’s very sensitive about not working right now don’t bring it up
[later]
ed: can I use your blender & make margaritas?
me: nah that blender doesn’t even wor--
*catches ed’s eye*
me: uh-- operate ..anymore.
*ed, the surgeon, starts to weep gently*
Reposted by Luke Jarret
Reposted by Luke Jarret
[willem dafoe unprompted] now, this cookie monster. [toothy smile] what a creature, what a lust. it consumes him. [crosses legs] he’s really a tragic figure.
January 13, 2025 at 1:15 AM
[willem dafoe unprompted] now, this cookie monster. [toothy smile] what a creature, what a lust. it consumes him. [crosses legs] he’s really a tragic figure.
Reposted by Luke Jarret
narwhal: *impales a fish* yes.
narwhal: *now has to eat the fish that’s still impaled* wait.
narwhal: *now has to eat the fish that’s still impaled* wait.
December 20, 2024 at 3:52 PM
narwhal: *impales a fish* yes.
narwhal: *now has to eat the fish that’s still impaled* wait.
narwhal: *now has to eat the fish that’s still impaled* wait.
patient: i thought you said you were a doctor
me [mixing pills indiscriminately]: i said i’m practicing medicine
me [mixing pills indiscriminately]: i said i’m practicing medicine
December 20, 2024 at 5:35 PM
patient: i thought you said you were a doctor
me [mixing pills indiscriminately]: i said i’m practicing medicine
me [mixing pills indiscriminately]: i said i’m practicing medicine
i’m on cloud 9. first 8 got hacked so i’m pretty upset
December 20, 2024 at 5:42 AM
i’m on cloud 9. first 8 got hacked so i’m pretty upset
me [coughing blood into white handkerchief]: i feel the seaside air may invigorate my spirit
boss: you don’t need to ask for time off this way
boss: you don’t need to ask for time off this way
December 20, 2024 at 5:38 AM
me [coughing blood into white handkerchief]: i feel the seaside air may invigorate my spirit
boss: you don’t need to ask for time off this way
boss: you don’t need to ask for time off this way
Reposted by Luke Jarret
Reposted by Luke Jarret
The water pistol that squirts jelly did not belong on the Island of Misfit Toys. Just stop filling him with jelly, you idiots.
December 18, 2024 at 6:41 PM
The water pistol that squirts jelly did not belong on the Island of Misfit Toys. Just stop filling him with jelly, you idiots.
Reposted by Luke Jarret
My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
December 20, 2024 at 2:22 AM
My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Reposted by Luke Jarret
I love when the subtitles tell you what kind of mood the music is evoking.
December 20, 2024 at 1:38 AM
I love when the subtitles tell you what kind of mood the music is evoking.
friend: i said slumber party
me [dropping pile of scrap wood]: that makes more sense
me [dropping pile of scrap wood]: that makes more sense
December 20, 2024 at 5:24 AM
friend: i said slumber party
me [dropping pile of scrap wood]: that makes more sense
me [dropping pile of scrap wood]: that makes more sense
me: how’d the date go
friend: i got ghosted
me: wow that’s crazy how did the pottery turn out
friend: i got ghosted
me: wow that’s crazy how did the pottery turn out
December 14, 2024 at 3:35 AM
me: how’d the date go
friend: i got ghosted
me: wow that’s crazy how did the pottery turn out
friend: i got ghosted
me: wow that’s crazy how did the pottery turn out
Reposted by Luke Jarret
watched a documentary on pbs called penguin post office like 12 years ago and this line has casually strolled in and out of my mind ever since
December 13, 2024 at 9:35 PM
watched a documentary on pbs called penguin post office like 12 years ago and this line has casually strolled in and out of my mind ever since
Reposted by Luke Jarret
Happy 99th birthday to Dick Van Dyke, inventor of the DVD player.
December 13, 2024 at 2:33 PM
Happy 99th birthday to Dick Van Dyke, inventor of the DVD player.
[first rodeo]
me: i can’t wait until I have more experience with this
me: i can’t wait until I have more experience with this
December 14, 2024 at 3:20 AM
[first rodeo]
me: i can’t wait until I have more experience with this
me: i can’t wait until I have more experience with this
cop: we’ve had reports of you impersonating an officer
me: wₑ’ᵥₑ ₕₐd ᵣₑₚₒᵣₜₛ ₒf yₒᵤ ᵢₘₚₑᵣₛₒₙₐₜᵢₙg ₐₙ ₒffᵢcₑᵣ
cop [welling up]: quit it
me: wₑ’ᵥₑ ₕₐd ᵣₑₚₒᵣₜₛ ₒf yₒᵤ ᵢₘₚₑᵣₛₒₙₐₜᵢₙg ₐₙ ₒffᵢcₑᵣ
cop [welling up]: quit it
December 14, 2024 at 3:19 AM
cop: we’ve had reports of you impersonating an officer
me: wₑ’ᵥₑ ₕₐd ᵣₑₚₒᵣₜₛ ₒf yₒᵤ ᵢₘₚₑᵣₛₒₙₐₜᵢₙg ₐₙ ₒffᵢcₑᵣ
cop [welling up]: quit it
me: wₑ’ᵥₑ ₕₐd ᵣₑₚₒᵣₜₛ ₒf yₒᵤ ᵢₘₚₑᵣₛₒₙₐₜᵢₙg ₐₙ ₒffᵢcₑᵣ
cop [welling up]: quit it
me: i would like to buy these craft supplies please
michael: no these are mine
michael: no these are mine
December 14, 2024 at 3:18 AM
me: i would like to buy these craft supplies please
michael: no these are mine
michael: no these are mine
Reposted by Luke Jarret
[ominously] now the jingle hop has begun
December 11, 2024 at 3:33 PM
[ominously] now the jingle hop has begun
Reposted by Luke Jarret
Being held for questioning sounds so nice
December 12, 2024 at 11:46 PM
Being held for questioning sounds so nice
Reposted by Luke Jarret
oh, the bill? do worry about paying. we got you uncovered. your money's so good here. it's off the house
December 12, 2024 at 11:45 PM
oh, the bill? do worry about paying. we got you uncovered. your money's so good here. it's off the house
Reposted by Luke Jarret
911: what’s your emergency
Me: I DO NOT HAVE ANY CRUNCHY SNACKS
911: sir you are going to die
Me: I DO NOT HAVE ANY CRUNCHY SNACKS
911: sir you are going to die
September 20, 2024 at 8:51 PM
911: what’s your emergency
Me: I DO NOT HAVE ANY CRUNCHY SNACKS
911: sir you are going to die
Me: I DO NOT HAVE ANY CRUNCHY SNACKS
911: sir you are going to die
Reposted by Luke Jarret
Review of the Solar System
⭐☆☆☆☆
"Only one star"
⭐☆☆☆☆
"Only one star"
December 8, 2024 at 12:38 PM
Review of the Solar System
⭐☆☆☆☆
"Only one star"
⭐☆☆☆☆
"Only one star"
Reposted by Luke Jarret
Teacher: where's your homework?
Me: I, uhhh, forgot to do it
My dog [under my desk holding a gun]: good good
Me: I, uhhh, forgot to do it
My dog [under my desk holding a gun]: good good
December 8, 2024 at 2:43 AM
Teacher: where's your homework?
Me: I, uhhh, forgot to do it
My dog [under my desk holding a gun]: good good
Me: I, uhhh, forgot to do it
My dog [under my desk holding a gun]: good good
Reposted by Luke Jarret
me: the wetness on the outside of the soda can is actually tears because the drink is dying
them: I think that’s just condensation
me: i’m not talking down to you i’m trying to inform
them: I think that’s just condensation
me: i’m not talking down to you i’m trying to inform
November 19, 2024 at 5:59 PM
me: the wetness on the outside of the soda can is actually tears because the drink is dying
them: I think that’s just condensation
me: i’m not talking down to you i’m trying to inform
them: I think that’s just condensation
me: i’m not talking down to you i’m trying to inform