itotheizzo.bsky.social
@itotheizzo.bsky.social
I just wish everyone thought I was half as funny as I do. I’m just glad I got a space for the stupid thoughts to go again…
ISU CYCLONES / 49ERS / TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR /SPORTING KC
ISU CYCLONES / 49ERS / TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR /SPORTING KC
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Your secrets are safe with me because I really, really don’t care.
April 3, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Your secrets are safe with me because I really, really don’t care.
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GM 🖤
Don't let anything stop you today
Don't let anything stop you today
March 12, 2025 at 10:45 AM
GM 🖤
Don't let anything stop you today
Don't let anything stop you today
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ME: [texting wife] How did you get on at the doctor.
HER: Type 2 diabetes
ME: 2 diabetes
HER: Don't be there when I get home.
HER: Type 2 diabetes
ME: 2 diabetes
HER: Don't be there when I get home.
March 11, 2025 at 10:31 PM
ME: [texting wife] How did you get on at the doctor.
HER: Type 2 diabetes
ME: 2 diabetes
HER: Don't be there when I get home.
HER: Type 2 diabetes
ME: 2 diabetes
HER: Don't be there when I get home.
Reposted by itotheizzo.bsky.social
Reposted by itotheizzo.bsky.social
interviewer: how are your listening skills?
me: absolutely
me: absolutely
January 15, 2025 at 8:19 PM
interviewer: how are your listening skills?
me: absolutely
me: absolutely
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“Well fellas, whichever one of you is faster will have a great story to tell.”
March 4, 2025 at 1:39 PM
“Well fellas, whichever one of you is faster will have a great story to tell.”
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For the record, I didn’t fuck around and I am nevertheless being made to find out.
March 3, 2025 at 11:08 PM
For the record, I didn’t fuck around and I am nevertheless being made to find out.
Reposted by itotheizzo.bsky.social
who is this rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting.
March 3, 2025 at 2:38 PM
who is this rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting.
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No, these are my formal Crocs. We're at a wedding, Sharon.
March 1, 2025 at 10:10 PM
No, these are my formal Crocs. We're at a wedding, Sharon.
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If Walz were VP, he could have taken Zelenskyy ice fishing. They could have had a few beers and maybe a friendly argument about whether Kyiv or Minneapolis is colder in winter.
March 1, 2025 at 5:46 PM
If Walz were VP, he could have taken Zelenskyy ice fishing. They could have had a few beers and maybe a friendly argument about whether Kyiv or Minneapolis is colder in winter.
Reposted by itotheizzo.bsky.social
One time I was on a date and when she told me she was an army chef I said 'so you're in the mealitary' lol and then she put me in a headlock and threw me out the window.
February 28, 2025 at 9:33 PM
One time I was on a date and when she told me she was an army chef I said 'so you're in the mealitary' lol and then she put me in a headlock and threw me out the window.
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i wonder if trebeck’s wife was ever like “i’ll take ‘the d’ for $400, alex” or were they humorless
February 25, 2025 at 10:58 PM
i wonder if trebeck’s wife was ever like “i’ll take ‘the d’ for $400, alex” or were they humorless
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Telling my dentist I acci-DENTALLY hit her Mercedes while parking
February 25, 2025 at 3:17 PM
Telling my dentist I acci-DENTALLY hit her Mercedes while parking
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Do you think Dracula ever forgets his coffin is shut and sits up and hits his head?
December 18, 2024 at 2:27 AM
Do you think Dracula ever forgets his coffin is shut and sits up and hits his head?
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Most Looney Tunes characters are effectively indestructible but I don’t think that’s true for Pepe Le Pew. I bet if you ran him over with a car he’d just die.
February 18, 2025 at 9:35 AM
Most Looney Tunes characters are effectively indestructible but I don’t think that’s true for Pepe Le Pew. I bet if you ran him over with a car he’d just die.
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When you just want to take a nap 🐻
🎥 bears._.vibes
🎥 bears._.vibes
February 10, 2025 at 4:27 PM
When you just want to take a nap 🐻
🎥 bears._.vibes
🎥 bears._.vibes
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JOB INTERVIEW
Me: I’m detail oriented.
Also me: (I’ve lived in the same house for 7 years and have no idea when it’s trash day)
Me: I’m detail oriented.
Also me: (I’ve lived in the same house for 7 years and have no idea when it’s trash day)
February 9, 2025 at 7:53 PM
JOB INTERVIEW
Me: I’m detail oriented.
Also me: (I’ve lived in the same house for 7 years and have no idea when it’s trash day)
Me: I’m detail oriented.
Also me: (I’ve lived in the same house for 7 years and have no idea when it’s trash day)
Reposted by itotheizzo.bsky.social
DATING TIP: PLAY HARD TO GET. CLIMB THE TREE IN THEIR FRONT YARD. GET STUCK & ASK THEM TO PLEASE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
February 7, 2025 at 2:43 PM
DATING TIP: PLAY HARD TO GET. CLIMB THE TREE IN THEIR FRONT YARD. GET STUCK & ASK THEM TO PLEASE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
Reposted by itotheizzo.bsky.social
Reposted by itotheizzo.bsky.social
Costco, which has come out saying it supports DEI, will make no changes to its existing programs, AND pays workers a minimum of $30/hour, is up 15% YTD.
Target, which announced it is ending all DEI programs and has a minimum wage of $15-$24/hour, is down over 4%.
Keep voting with your wallet.
Target, which announced it is ending all DEI programs and has a minimum wage of $15-$24/hour, is down over 4%.
Keep voting with your wallet.
February 8, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Costco, which has come out saying it supports DEI, will make no changes to its existing programs, AND pays workers a minimum of $30/hour, is up 15% YTD.
Target, which announced it is ending all DEI programs and has a minimum wage of $15-$24/hour, is down over 4%.
Keep voting with your wallet.
Target, which announced it is ending all DEI programs and has a minimum wage of $15-$24/hour, is down over 4%.
Keep voting with your wallet.
Reposted by itotheizzo.bsky.social
Reposted by itotheizzo.bsky.social
volcanoes are the earth’s buttholes
February 3, 2025 at 5:25 AM
volcanoes are the earth’s buttholes
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there comes a point in every parent's life when they consider the possibility that they might need to lower their expectations
February 3, 2025 at 4:24 PM
there comes a point in every parent's life when they consider the possibility that they might need to lower their expectations
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Tim: This is Tim from accounting
Me: Hi Tim from accounting
Tim: Just say Tim
Me. Tim
Tim: How are you today?
Me: Tim
Me: Hi Tim from accounting
Tim: Just say Tim
Me. Tim
Tim: How are you today?
Me: Tim
February 1, 2025 at 7:29 AM
Tim: This is Tim from accounting
Me: Hi Tim from accounting
Tim: Just say Tim
Me. Tim
Tim: How are you today?
Me: Tim
Me: Hi Tim from accounting
Tim: Just say Tim
Me. Tim
Tim: How are you today?
Me: Tim