I am Ian. I battle robots.
@ianbattlesrobot.bsky.social
Just a middle-aged guy, shouting into the void. Struggling with life, the universe and everything. Badly.
I used to be Robotbattler on Twitter.
Resident of #Wülferhampton. Team #NAFO
I'm here to post nonsense and chew gum.
Don't DM me if I don't know you
I used to be Robotbattler on Twitter.
Resident of #Wülferhampton. Team #NAFO
I'm here to post nonsense and chew gum.
Don't DM me if I don't know you
Pinned
Look upon my works, ye mighty, and don't forget to Like and Subscribe!
If you're happy and you know it...
Then you need to wake up and start paying attention
Then you need to wake up and start paying attention
February 8, 2026 at 6:44 PM
If you're happy and you know it...
Then you need to wake up and start paying attention
Then you need to wake up and start paying attention
Without naming your job, tell me something you say over and over again at work.
"We have service users who could do better"
"We have service users who could do better"
Without naming your job, tell me something you say over and over again at work.
"This was written with Copilot; wasn't it? It's shit."
"This was written with Copilot; wasn't it? It's shit."
Without naming your job, tell me something you say over and over again at work.
"Don't open that fucking portal! How many times?"
"Don't open that fucking portal! How many times?"
February 8, 2026 at 6:40 PM
Without naming your job, tell me something you say over and over again at work.
"We have service users who could do better"
"We have service users who could do better"
Look, just because whenever I receive one of these follows, I DM them a photo of a cheeseburger before blocking them, that doesn't make me a bad person.
I'm just having a laugh.
It's the other stuff that makes me a bad person.
I'm just having a laugh.
It's the other stuff that makes me a bad person.
February 7, 2026 at 10:07 PM
Look, just because whenever I receive one of these follows, I DM them a photo of a cheeseburger before blocking them, that doesn't make me a bad person.
I'm just having a laugh.
It's the other stuff that makes me a bad person.
I'm just having a laugh.
It's the other stuff that makes me a bad person.
If he can't have it, no one can have it.
That includes the country.
He's going to burn everything down to the ground
That includes the country.
He's going to burn everything down to the ground
Trump’s advisors told him he was going to be booed mercilessly, so he isn’t going this year and he’s canceling the F-22 flyover too.
February 7, 2026 at 3:01 PM
If he can't have it, no one can have it.
That includes the country.
He's going to burn everything down to the ground
That includes the country.
He's going to burn everything down to the ground
Hostage Situation Alert!!
MAGA-aligned military commanders are pressuring enlisted service members to go to the Melania movie and bring their families. Troops at 8 different bases have complained. www.businessinsider.com/us-military-...
February 7, 2026 at 12:29 PM
Hostage Situation Alert!!
Nigel Slater is what happens when the Guardian Saturday Supplement makes a wish and becomes a real boy.
February 7, 2026 at 11:04 AM
Nigel Slater is what happens when the Guardian Saturday Supplement makes a wish and becomes a real boy.
Repost with a photo of yours that would make a good album cover
(This was taken at Shine On back in 2019)
(This was taken at Shine On back in 2019)
February 7, 2026 at 8:34 AM
Repost with a photo of yours that would make a good album cover
(This was taken at Shine On back in 2019)
(This was taken at Shine On back in 2019)
Has anyone seen those commemorative coins for The Queen that the Australians have minted?
The ones where she looks like you just spilt her pint?
The ones where she looks like you just spilt her pint?
February 7, 2026 at 8:22 AM
Has anyone seen those commemorative coins for The Queen that the Australians have minted?
The ones where she looks like you just spilt her pint?
The ones where she looks like you just spilt her pint?
Reposted by I am Ian. I battle robots.
Community Leather Coat Drive Helps Bad Boys In Need https://theonion.com/community-leather-coat-drive-helps-bad-boys-in-need/
February 6, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Community Leather Coat Drive Helps Bad Boys In Need https://theonion.com/community-leather-coat-drive-helps-bad-boys-in-need/
Fucking savage response 🤣🤣🤣
February 6, 2026 at 5:54 PM
Fucking savage response 🤣🤣🤣
Reposted by I am Ian. I battle robots.
This week, Mr Pip has barked at
Unopened whisky
Downpipes
The clouds that lour'd upon our house
Filigree
Man buns
A shrike
Cerise toner
Daguerreotypes
Flumes
The Caelian Hill
Ferns
Quilters
One out of three Spidermans
Variegation
Cola cubes
Chilblains
and,
Kidderminster.
Unopened whisky
Downpipes
The clouds that lour'd upon our house
Filigree
Man buns
A shrike
Cerise toner
Daguerreotypes
Flumes
The Caelian Hill
Ferns
Quilters
One out of three Spidermans
Variegation
Cola cubes
Chilblains
and,
Kidderminster.
February 6, 2026 at 4:58 PM
This week, Mr Pip has barked at
Unopened whisky
Downpipes
The clouds that lour'd upon our house
Filigree
Man buns
A shrike
Cerise toner
Daguerreotypes
Flumes
The Caelian Hill
Ferns
Quilters
One out of three Spidermans
Variegation
Cola cubes
Chilblains
and,
Kidderminster.
Unopened whisky
Downpipes
The clouds that lour'd upon our house
Filigree
Man buns
A shrike
Cerise toner
Daguerreotypes
Flumes
The Caelian Hill
Ferns
Quilters
One out of three Spidermans
Variegation
Cola cubes
Chilblains
and,
Kidderminster.
Fingers crossed, for more than one reason
Wow! Perfect...
President Zelensky has been nominated for the 2026 Nobel Peace Prize by Professor Dag Øistein Endsjø, University of Oslo in Norway.
So perfect...!
President Zelensky has been nominated for the 2026 Nobel Peace Prize by Professor Dag Øistein Endsjø, University of Oslo in Norway.
So perfect...!
February 6, 2026 at 3:59 PM
Fingers crossed, for more than one reason
Reposted by I am Ian. I battle robots.
Feb 2022: “We will not invade Ukraine”
Feb 2023: “You made us invade Ukraine”
The Tankie prayer of narcissism. "We won't. You made me".
Feb 2023: “You made us invade Ukraine”
The Tankie prayer of narcissism. "We won't. You made me".
February 6, 2026 at 9:52 AM
Feb 2022: “We will not invade Ukraine”
Feb 2023: “You made us invade Ukraine”
The Tankie prayer of narcissism. "We won't. You made me".
Feb 2023: “You made us invade Ukraine”
The Tankie prayer of narcissism. "We won't. You made me".
Attempted assassination? What is that?!
"Do they give a Nobel Prize for Attempted Chemistry?"
"Do they give a Nobel Prize for Attempted Chemistry?"
‼️ Attempted assassination of Russian Lieutenant General Alexeyev reported in Moscow
Attempted assassination of Russian Lieutenant General Alexeyev reported in Moscow
In Moscow, an unknown assailant carried out an attempted assassination of Lieutenant General Vladimir Alexeyev, First Deputy Head of Russia's Main Intelligence Directorate (GRU). Alexeyev has been tak...
www.pravda.com.ua
February 6, 2026 at 9:51 AM
Attempted assassination? What is that?!
"Do they give a Nobel Prize for Attempted Chemistry?"
"Do they give a Nobel Prize for Attempted Chemistry?"
Sweardle, the 4 letter word guessing game
Just like Wordle, but with swear words
sweardle.com
February 6, 2026 at 9:44 AM
Reposted by I am Ian. I battle robots.
JEFF BEZOS IS DELIBERATELY DESTROYING THE WASHINGTON POST — AND FOR WHAT? EXTREMELY TEMPORARY GLORY, THAT'S WHAT. IT'S ALL SUCH A WASTE, AS I EXPLAIN IN TODAY'S EXTREMELY ANGRY POST LIKE FEW THOUGHT POSSIBLE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO IT. LINK IS HERE: bit.ly/4az6yA8
February 5, 2026 at 5:19 PM
JEFF BEZOS IS DELIBERATELY DESTROYING THE WASHINGTON POST — AND FOR WHAT? EXTREMELY TEMPORARY GLORY, THAT'S WHAT. IT'S ALL SUCH A WASTE, AS I EXPLAIN IN TODAY'S EXTREMELY ANGRY POST LIKE FEW THOUGHT POSSIBLE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO IT. LINK IS HERE: bit.ly/4az6yA8
Call me cynical if you must, but BLOCKED!!
February 5, 2026 at 3:15 PM
Call me cynical if you must, but BLOCKED!!
"It's the most hyperbolic statement you'll hear all day"
“It’s potentially the biggest political scandal of this century”
As MPs force Keir Starmer to publish files about Peter Mandelson's appointment as US ambassador Skys Beth Rigby provides a detailed summary of how we got here
As MPs force Keir Starmer to publish files about Peter Mandelson's appointment as US ambassador Skys Beth Rigby provides a detailed summary of how we got here
February 5, 2026 at 1:58 PM
"It's the most hyperbolic statement you'll hear all day"
hoping i can ingest enough microplastics to one day gum up a crematorium beyond repair
February 4, 2026 at 6:28 PM
Reposted by I am Ian. I battle robots.
here's today's post: "Preznit Fuckwit sure hates being asked about his dead pedo bestie" — what’s up with that?
thanks for reading, and please sign up for my daily newsletter to keep getting the good stuff —
thanks for reading, and please sign up for my daily newsletter to keep getting the good stuff —
Preznit Fuckwit sure hates being asked about his dead pedo bestie
what’s up with that?
bit.ly
February 4, 2026 at 4:25 PM
here's today's post: "Preznit Fuckwit sure hates being asked about his dead pedo bestie" — what’s up with that?
thanks for reading, and please sign up for my daily newsletter to keep getting the good stuff —
thanks for reading, and please sign up for my daily newsletter to keep getting the good stuff —
"I'm off to work, honey"
"Don't forget your emotional-support Vodka"
"Don't forget your emotional-support Vodka"
February 4, 2026 at 4:36 PM
"I'm off to work, honey"
"Don't forget your emotional-support Vodka"
"Don't forget your emotional-support Vodka"
Sweardle, the 4 letter word guessing game
Just like Wordle, but with swear words
sweardle.com
February 4, 2026 at 4:16 PM
Reposted by I am Ian. I battle robots.
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, denies it fucks underage ducks, is mentioned 5000 times in secret documents about fucking underage ducks, is best friends with other underage duck fuckers & holds a competition to find the prettiest underage ducks, it's Donald the Duck Fucker. 🐤🦆
February 4, 2026 at 9:59 AM
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, denies it fucks underage ducks, is mentioned 5000 times in secret documents about fucking underage ducks, is best friends with other underage duck fuckers & holds a competition to find the prettiest underage ducks, it's Donald the Duck Fucker. 🐤🦆
Christ on a bike!
He thinks the Doctor from Star Trek: Voyager is real, doesn't he?!
He thinks the Doctor from Star Trek: Voyager is real, doesn't he?!
Dr Oz on rural healthcare: "There's no question about it, whether you want it or not -- the best way to help some of these communities is gonna be AI-based avatars"
February 4, 2026 at 12:04 PM
Christ on a bike!
He thinks the Doctor from Star Trek: Voyager is real, doesn't he?!
He thinks the Doctor from Star Trek: Voyager is real, doesn't he?!
MFW I read that The Entire Population of #Minneapolis has been nominated for the #Nobel Peace Prize!
February 4, 2026 at 11:55 AM
MFW I read that The Entire Population of #Minneapolis has been nominated for the #Nobel Peace Prize!